Phil is depressed and has been for a long time, Phil had kept this from Dan for along time by letting his bubbly personality invade his mind to distract him from the dark truth inside. But when one fatal day arrives ,Phil's underling feelings erupt from underneath and he is thrown into a world full of chaos not to mention when Dan brings back a small orphan boy. Will Phil get his Happily ever after or will he be lost in a sea of his own thoughts? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This story has themes such as self harm and suicide, if you feel upset about these themes then this book isn't for you, my writing is dark as it helps me to express myself. I do not intend to romanticise or cast these themes the wrong way, I hope you enjoy.

Dan Howell is not a happy person. He relies on any type of high to get him through each day and he's never been in love with any girl he's dated. His parents want him to marry his girlfriend of two years, but he can't bring himself to marry someone he doesn't love, and who doesn't love him. He meets a man named Phil. Phil is so great, and has a lot in common with Dan. You'd think they'd be the perfect couple after they hit it off after only a day of knowing each other and become fast friends. Too bad they're both straight. Too bad his job causes him to lie to Phil perpetually. Too bad his feelings cause him to lie to Phil constantly. Can you look anyone in the eye and tell them you love them when you're lying about who you are? How long can you live on lies before everything falls apart? //Gay slang : Extensive Drug and Alcohol usage : mentions of depression and suicide : extensive strong language : Explicit sexual content

DISCLAIMER: This story is mature because it will have some self harm in it. It will also have some swearing due to that's how Dan actually talks. This is not about Phan being real. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Now onto what it is really about: Dan Howell is becoming more and more depressed. His family, his community, not even his best friend, Phil Lester, can help him. He believes he's a lost cause, and he's a mistake. He tries to hide it best he can, but some nights, it's just too much. During this, he's lost his will to smile. He'll fake smiles for videos and pictures, but he's lost a reason to genuinely smile.

Phil Lester is nothing more than a bad boy. A hooligan. Nasty, rude, a bully, you name it, he's been labeled as it. With no friends and a bad reputation, how can anybody like him have a heart? Or is that what he wants everyone to think? Dan Howell sees the good in every one. He believes that people change people and chooses kindness. He always says please and thank you, makes sure people know they are loved, and takes care of the small children in the child development class. Everybody but one boy loves him, or that's what he thought.

I've read a bunch of phan, so why not write one? Dan Howell's life couldn't be any better at the moment. He has met the most beautiful, charming, kind girl he could ever imagine, and she loves him back. Everything is perfect... but not for Phil. Phil Lester has always been in love with Dan since the first moment he first met him, but now Phil's heart is crushed. He has some suspicions of Dan's girlfriend, but Dan just brushes it off, ignoring Phil completely. Unfortunately, Phil's bad feelings may be true... Sexual content, self harm, language, and domestic abuse warning. Also, I'm American, so if I get anything wrong, please tell me. ••• Update: This is very old (not really that old) writing! It's cringy as hell, and I apologize in advance. I have fixed a few errors, so if it seems slightly different than it was before, that's why.

Dan Howell has crippling anxiety, and as a way to cope is to suck on lollipops. And it's always pink or light blue lollipops. Dan's a very shy pastel kid, who's always has a flower crown atop his curly brown hair. Phil Lester has always watched Dan from afar, to scared he would frighten the small boy. He has many tattoos and piercings, even his hair is dyed blue. One day he walks up to the roof of the high school, and sees Dan standing on the ledge about to jump. They both don't fit into their highly religious town, and it drives them crazy. There is smut. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* Depression, Anxiety, homophobe, Mentions of suicide, and Mentions of self harm Please do not read if you are triggered by one or more of the things listed above. •I am american, so I use american terms•

Dan Howell was the typical spoiled, rich boy with butlers driving him to operas and maids making him nachos for breakfast. Phil Lester, however, was the opposite. Barely any money and deadbeat parents, he lives in a bad neighborhood in a gross apartment with cat hair covering the carpet and an odd roommate. And then Dan's parents decide he needs to love someone rather than himself, and when Phil shows up at his mansion steps, Dan's parents grow fond of him- so much that the two are exchanging rings and Phil is moving in with his new spouse. They tell Dan he should give it a few months, to be patient, and if he still doesn't like him then they'll sign the divorce papers and call it quits. Marriage isn't perfect, right? Well this one is the exact example. But they could always pretend.

(tw: s*lf-h*rm, mentions of s*lf-h*rm, d*pr*ss*d scenes. May be triggering for some. Read at your own limit, please!) Phil Lester, a boy who's falling into depression slowly. And soon, his depression may end up falling to deep. He gets hateful and rude comments on his videos that he posts to YouTube. He even gets hate on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. What did he ever do to them? What did he do to deserve any of this?? His flatmate Dan doesn't know about Phil's depression, however. All he knows (thinks, rather) is that his best friend is staying strong through all of the hateful things he gets from people. But in reality, that's not what Phil is doing at all. He's not staying strong through the hate. He's just faking the smile for Dan so he wouldn't get so worried about him. Sure, Dan might be able to crack some real smiles out of him once in a while, but not every time. He also wears long sleeves and thick bracelets to hide the scars of his pain. He acts like his normal quirky, adorable, funny, weird self when making YouTube videos, when around his friends and family, when having a meet-up with fans (or just being around them in general), when out in public, etc. Phil hadn't told anyone at all about his depression. And he probably wouldn't anytime soon, either. His fans didn't know, his friends didn't know, his family didn't know, Dan didn't know... nobody knew. But one day, would people push him over his limit? Would Dan be able to save him in time? © 2016 by bluetroyee. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

When Dan Howell goes to end his life one fateful night, he doesn't expect to meet a stranger that proposes a deal. If Dan give him thirty days, Phil will give him thirty reasons to live. If at the end of the thirty days and Dan still feels the same, then Phil will leave him alone. Warnings: mentions of suicide, smoking, overdose, alcohol, cursing, smut, depression, anxiety

After recovering from a family tragedy, Phil Lester does his best to try to continue with his life like before. It's difficult, but he manages. His mother is still a bit of a mess and he doesn't talk to his brother as much as he'd like to, but he manages. Phil's friends are aware of all that's happened and they try to comfort him, but they don't understand everything in the way that Phil wishes they could. One day, however, a new student arrives at Phil's high school on a motorcycle and wearing nothing but the color black. He's dashing, quiet, and overall, mysterious. He becomes the talk of the school, everyone wanting to know about this mysterious newcomer and where he came from. Phil's curiosity gets the best of him, so when he spots the new kid in his chemistry class, he can't help but introduce himself to who he would soon know as Dan. Dan actually ends up being an extremely cool and nice person, and Phil is excited to get along with him and form a friendship. However, there's something off about Dan. Dan, also known as Agent Ten, just lost his greatest mentor, and has been sent on what he's been told will be an extremely difficult mission to perform an assassination. His job is to meet, study, and assassinate Phillip Lester. When Dan finds his target introducing himself to Dan, Dan begins to think that this will be his easiest assassin to date...That is, until all of his assassination attempts fail. And, after getting to know his target a little better, Dan finds himself falling hopelessly in love with Phil Lester, and therefore unable to perform the assassination as instructed. However, there's something off about Phil Lester. And when they find out each other's secrets... All Hell breaks loose as Phil tries to get a grip on his sanity, and Dan, his humanity.