Indigo's eyes fluttered open, slightly after noon, the sun normally caused her to awaken earlier no matter how late she'd fell asleep the previous night, but due to the blackout curtains and colored LED lights she had no idea what time it was. Attempting to gather her bearings she looked around, not recognizing the room she slept in. Her heart sank, not knowing what happened or where she was. She was nearly convinced she'd been kidnapped until she gazed down at the oversized black t-shirt she identified as belonging to Corpse, along with a pair of white boxers.
What the hell did I do?
Her mind ran in circles trying organize last night's events in chronological order, she remembered being on the phone in the rain, laying with Luna on the couch, playing the game with Aries and Thomas, but that was all. Most things that occured after the convention were a blur, so she assumed the worst. Patting the sheets, eventually her hand hit something hard, her phone. She was even more concerned to discover numerous missed notifications from Luna and Aries.
*12 new messages from AngelicLuna4*
AngelicLuna4: Are you okay?
AngelicLuna4: Wtf where did you go?
AngelicLuna4: Indigo
AngelicLuna4:Indigo
AngelicLuna4:????
AngelicLuna4: omg answer
Indibunny666: yeah im okay I think I'm so sorry I just woke up
AngelicLuna4: Ohhh my god im gonna kill you, you scared me so bad :( but wym you think? wya?
Indibunny666: I think I'm in Corpse's room uhhh I'm wearing his clothes??
AngelicLuna4: WHY?
Indibunny666: idk did nobody see me leave? I don't really remember leaving. I can only remember being in the car with him but even that is blurry. I'll probably start to remember later I need more time to wake myself up :/
AngelicLuna4: You are way more calm about this situation than I think you should be. Yikes!
Indibunny666: Yeah probably
AngelicLuna4: Isn't he there with you? Ask what happened, why did Duck let you leave?
Indibunny666: No idk where he went but I'm pretty sure everyone was asleep when I walked out
Indibunny666: Wait no Aries was awake. He asked where I was going and i told him id brb. Fuck :///// Tell him im srry
AngelicLuna4: wtf >:( you want me to come get you?
Indibunny666: Maybe but I wanna try to go find him first. brb but fr this time dnt worry ;)
Indigo set her phone down on the nightstand beside her before pulling her hair up into a quick bun with a stray hair tie on her wrist. Soon after Corpse quietly opened his bedroom door, walking in to see a visibly stressed out Indigo.
"Finally you're awake".
"Why am I here, Corpse?"
"You know, you're a really sloppy drunk". He smirked behind his mask, handing her a cold bottle of water. She apprehensively grabbed it, but decided against drinking it before finding out further details of what happened last night.
"Answer me".
"I picked you up from your friend's, you were drunk, and soaked".
"What the fuck do you mean soaked?"
"Rain, it wasn't an innuendo, dirty girl".
"Whatever, why did I leave? They wouldn't let me leave with you, and more importantly why am I wearing your clothes?"
"I told you, it rained, you came here and showered..." He answered, walking over to his closet, beginning to shuffle through hung clothes. Eventually pulling out a pair of black sweatpants he tossed them on the bed beside her."Put these on".
"No, I want my clothes".
"Have you ever considered not being difficult?"
"Have you ever considered not being a condescending asshole? I'm going to have Luna pick me up". She announced, reluctantly standing up, slipping on the pair of pants. He didn't respond, instead she was given an amused laugh, proceeding to sort through his outfits. Ultimately deciding on a plain black hoodie, ripping it off the hanger, and pulling it over his head. It was seemingly two sizes too big on his slender frame, and far out of place considering the weather was well over 70 degrees.
"It isn't funny, how can you always somehow find me being annoyed hilarious?"
"Just glad you're back to being yourself, Bun".
"Was I ever not myself?"
"When you drink you get nicer, but don't worry, I prefer you just the way you are".
"Nicer how? You know, I didn't forget everything, I do remember arguing with you in the car, that wasn't nice".
"You must've blocked out what came after... you coming to lay in bed with me, asking me to kiss you again. Hmmm it was real precious, but I wonder if that's how you really feel. Do you think about kissing me? Do you wish I would just get it over with and touch you already, so that you can stop pretending you hate me?"
"I don't hate you, but i'm done playing around, I won't keep going back and forth with you I have other things to do while I'm here. If you wanted to see me, you should've said that when I asked, but instead you chose to be distant. You are the reason that I dislike you at all, you were so important to me. I used to imagine what it would be like to meet you, what I would say, I had so much I wanted to experience with you, and you fucking ruined it. I have never hated you, but I despise the way you let your arrogance ruin you, I know you can be sweet, and caring, but you try and hide it. Honestly, you hide it so well it seems more like you're the one that hates me, I know you aren't a heartless asshole, otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I won't let you keep acting how you want, not towards me. So, I'm sorry Corpse, but my head is pounding right now, and I really am tired of your bullshit, so I'm going to wait outside for my ride, I'll have Duck return your clothes".
Though his face was nearly entirely hidden, if she looked hard enough she could almost see the warm amber hues in his eyes, and if she dared to hold the eye contact for just a little longer she could see the way his face seemed to cringe at her words as if she'd actually hurt him. This time Indigo didn't wait around or look for a response, she turned to the door frame and began to make her exit, surprisingly relieved at his silence, but before she could make it halfway through the living room a familiar cold hand grabbed her wrist.
"I'm taking you home".
"You aren't".
"And why aren't I?"
"I just told you why, I'm not joking".
Corpse stared at her with a puzzled look on his face, as if she were speaking a foreign language. He didn't know how to respond to her request, but he was certain he didn't agree with it. His hand slid down her wrist, lacing his fingers within hers.
"Don't care, come on".
***
June
"What's your favorite animal".
"What are you, five? That's such a lame ass question, Corpse". Indigo laughed through the phone, rolling over on her stiff, dorm mattress, feeling like a child for being so giggly over a call.
"Well, I want to know"
"Okay, whatever... hmmm, probably a cat, one of the big ones".
"Now who's a five year old, what is 'one of the big ones', dummy".
"A lion or some shit, I don't know. Listen, it's my turn, shut up".
"Ok hurry up".
"Why won't you tell me anything about you?"
"You know plenty about me".
"I don't, I'm okay with not seeing your face or whatever, but i don't even know your name, and I'm getting kinda tired of calling you a dead body. We've known each other for a while, and I just want to know something. My mind goes crazy thinking about you, trying to imagine who you are, how you are". Indigo exclaimed, hoping to learn anything about the mysterious man she'd grown fond of. For a few seconds the line went silent, so quiet she had to make sure he hadn't ended the call.
"Tell me more about how the thought of me drives you crazy".
"I'm serious! I wouldn't judge you if that's what you're worried about... you're one of the few people I'm actually friends with".
"Oh me too, I'm completely serious".
"Playing this isn't fun when you refuse to answer my questions, but I answer all yours. I swear at this point I might as well hand over my social security number".
"Okay, tell me how you think I'd look, and I can tell you if you're right or not".
"Definitely tall, you sound at least six-five, probably black hair, cute, nice smile. I think you're very popular, have lots of friends, but you pretend not to too make me feel better".
"Very sweet of you, Bunny, but not quite".
"What part did I get wrong?"
"All of it".
"Correct me then".
"Not tall, brown hair, okay smile, and no, I actually don't talk to anyone locally, just online mutuals".
"I'm feeling closer to you already". Indigo joked, smiling at her mental visualization of him. Her personal questions were purely out of curiosity, she didn't care how he looked, she just desired feeling connected, like she was actually a part of his life. If Corpse were to disappear into the world, never returning to the internet their friendship would be nothing more than meaningless messages, and an extensive call history. She wanted to be his friend in a way of knowing when he walked in the room just by the faint scent of his cologne in a gentle breeze, or In the way that she knew what to get him for his birthday without even asking, or atleast just knowing his birth date at all.
"You'll meet me one day, don't worry about it".
"Or so you say".
"I promise".
"The thought of it is scary".
"Why?"
"I always think that people won't like me, I can talk to you all day on the phone or text, but I know that if we ever really do meet I'll be afraid. I likely won't be what you expected, I look better in pictures and it's just a lot that goes on in my head, worry-wise. I think I'm rambling, so yeah, I'll shut up now".
"I don't care, you're still you".
"Yeah, but isn't there different versions of everyone?"
"I'll like them all, like I said, none of that matters".
***
"Why am I here, Corpse?" Indigo asked from the passenger seat, glaring at him, awaiting an answer, but he ignored her, focusing on the road in front of him, as if the car was still moving.
"Hello? I'm about to walk home". She continued, tugging at the door handle to no prevail, it was locked.
"Just come with me".
"I'd appreciate if you stopped dragging me along on trips I don't want to be a part of".
"Just c'mon, I know you want coffee".
She began to argue, but eventually gave in, knowing he ultimately always somehow got his way. She looked around the stuffy parking lot, noticing how many people were there, despite it being well past breakfast. She wondered if Corpse visited the restaurant often, if he'd sat alone, or brought others... maybe other girls. For some reason her stomach churned at the thought of it, she wasn't jealous or possessive, but the idea of him taking someone else to breakfast, talking sweetly, like she was important, like he cared made her furious.
He pulled the passenger side door open, extending a hand to her, but she brushed past it as she exited the car. Though once they neared the coffee shop, he once again forced his hand around hers. She scrunched her nose up at his attempt at affection, but remained silent. Is this another half-hearted apology? She sighed, wondering how he'd try reeling her back in this time. She said she was finished with him, and she meant it; tired of the push and pull that came with being in his life, she was never supposed to be in it in the first place. She wanted to be done, but if he talked she'd always be willing to listen even when it isn't in her best interest.
The dining area buzzed with happy conversations from happy people, cheery, love-sick couples, and families with full tables. Busy restaurants always felt strange to Indigo, like she wasn't meant to be there, tainting the optimistic atmosphere with her gloomy thoughts. She didn't hate people, or dislike that they were having a good time, she just felt awkward, assuming she looked out of place. Indigo chewed at her thumb as they were lead to a table, fortunately placed against a corner in the back of the building. Sitting across from him, she looked past him, staring at nothing but her own thoughts.
"Breathe". Corpse said, gently removing her hand from her mouth, setting her arm down onto the black wooden table. It wasn't hard to tell when she was feeling anxious, she had numerous visible tells, for someone unusually perceptive such as himself it didn't take long to correct her nervous behaviors.
"I'm breathing".
"Why are you so nervous?"
"I'm not".
"If you weren't you'd likely be yelling at me right now".
"I don't yell".
"Are you sure? I think I make you scream pretty often".
"Not funny". She rolled her eyes, though cracked a small involuntary smile.
"Look at your menu, Bun, you gotta eat something".
"Not hungry, I thought we were just getting coffee".
"I am, but you need to eat, you haven't eaten since yesterday".
"And when was the last time you ate?"
"Not the point".
"Oh but it is, I'm not eating unless you are".
Though Indigo's stomach felt as if it was eating through itself, bubbling with hunger pains, she didn't want to eat, still feeling nauseous from yesterday's events. Not only was the alcohol aftermath making the thought of food unappetizing, her pride was enough to satiate her hunger until she returned to Luna's, she didn't want to take anything from him.
"You know, this must be so easy for you, you get to hide your face from the world, pretend like you aren't you". She continued, glaring at his masked face, he scoffed in response, almost sounding shocked.
"You don't know what you're talking about". He responded, pulling the black medical mask from his face, tossing it onto the table between them. Indigo's mouth fell slightly agape, surprised at his careless decision, as if he hadn't previously refused to take it off though they were in private.
She couldn't help but stare, despite him only revealing the bottom half of his face, it was important. She considered moving his chocolate brown curls out of his face, gently sweeping them aside to finally see him entirely, but decided against letting her curiosity get the best of her. This was enough, she wanted so badly to know him, and was willing to take whatever he was willing to give, this was a big step. However, she felt as if every time he took a step in the right direction, everytime he was even slightly vulnerable, they'd take a million steps back, furthering her dislike even more.
"Is this what you want?" He asked with the same smirk she'd only heard up until now. The corner of his full rosy lips tugged at his pale cheeks, revealing slight dimples.
"Y-yes".
"Y-y-y-yes? Stuttering are we?" He mocked at Indigo's nervous, blushing expression. Leaning in he gently grasped her face with one hand, she jumped at the cool metal rings against her cheek. She gazed at him, despite his shaggy hair draping down to the tip of his nose she felt as if his glare was burning through her.
"Fuck you". She barely managed the 'you' before his hand swiftly moved down to her neck, wrapping his fingers around her throat. The silverware clattered aside as the table jumped from his sudden movement.
"Fuck me, Indigo. I'd love to see you try".
While Corpse always managed to make himself seem intimidating, Indigo was never afraid of him, even with his tightened grip around her windpipe. She had formed some strange trusting bond with him, she knew he'd never intentionally hurt her, physically at least.
She gasped, not necessarily for air, but more so out of shock, she was in disbelief at his audacity. His boldness gained a few dirty looks from conservative families, a couple concerned stares. The sane portion of her mind told her to rebbuttle with some snarky comment, but the other half of her was blinded by the butterflies gnawing at her stomach.
"Tell me, is this what you want? You want me to hurt you? It seems like this is the only way I can get you to shut that smart little mouth of yours".
"No- no, I hate you, Corpse". She attempted to speak, but her suppressed voice was barely a whimper.
"That's fine, but you'll never leave me... I'd kill you, Bunny", He glared at her, Intoxicated by the submissive look in her face, in love with the way she looked pathetically needy. He wanted so badly to ruin her, hurt her even, but only enough to watch her break for him. "Promise me you'll stay, tell me you promise".
"I can't". Her eyes began to water at the lack of air, and pain mixed with frustration.
"You have to. I don't like hurting you, but you don't listen otherwise... I won't be an ass forever, so just stay. I'm your best friend...you aren't leaving, you know I won't let you, so promise". He demanded, tightening his grip.
"I promise".
His hand released her reddened neck, she took in a deep shaky breath, causing a couple involuntary coughs. Looking around she noticed only a few occupants were paying attention to their dispute.
"You're fucking terrible". She mumbled quietly, glaring at him, though still ignited with anxiety,
"I know... let me start over".
"Why Corpse? What the fuck are we even doing, and why now, why in public? You constantly ask me what I want, but what do you want? You treat me like shit, but love my attention".
"I want you".
"What the fuck does that even mean? Oh, did you want to choke the shit out of me, and then expect me to fall into your arms? I don't feel shit for you". Her hands shook with anger, while she wanted to yell, she refused to disrupt the peace of the restaurant more than she already had.
"You're upset".
"Of course I am, you dumb fuck".
"Admit you want me too".
"Corpse, you are so fucking exhausting. I wanted you so fucking bad, you're right, you were my bestfriend, you were so important to me I'd do anything for you. I don't know how it was for you before we met, but you weren't just something to pass time, I don't make friends easily. It never mattered to me that we only knew each other through phone calls or text messages, that didn't mean shit. I was just glad to have someone to talk to that didn't seem judgmental or uninterested. I give you chances time and time again to be better, to treat me how you used to and everytime you ruin it. I've said this multiple times and I'm still here getting fucking coffee with the same asshole that can't seem to pull himself together enough to be consistent".
"Sorry".
"Sorry doesn't fix anything, you're too late".
Tears brimmed at her eyes, but she denied her sadness, refusing to let tears fall. Indigo had no idea where to go, considering she'd been driven there by someone she'd rather not be around. She got up from the table, and made her way over to the nearest restroom, shutting the door behind her. Luckily, it was a one person bathroom, so there would be no bystanders hearing her frustration. She ran her hands over her face wiping away the hot streaming tears.
I hate him.
She glared at herself in the mirror, remembering she was clothed in his belongings, she couldn't escape him. She felt empty, watching yesterdays smeared mascara roll down her cheeks. She wasn't having fun anymore, not just because of Corpse, because of everything, she didn't belong in California. She didn't know who to trust, or why she'd even came in the first place knowing she can't stand being social for too long before breaking down.
I want to go home.
She couldn't help wondering what Ashlyn was doing, if she was having a good time with her family. She wished she was with Ashlyn, or even her family would be better than feeling this way in a place where no one really knew her.
"Indigo, Im sorry". The bathroom door swung open, Corpse pushed through, without a knock or announcement of his entrance. She began to push him away, but he pulled her into a tight embrace, reminding her of the first day they'd met. She remembered how he let her walk away, how he didn't really care.
"You aren't, I hate you". She cried, her words muffled into his hoodie.
"I hate me too".
She gave him a final push, this time using her full force, shoving his chest caused him to release her from his hold. As much as he wanted to trap her in his arms forever, he wouldn't hold her against her will. "Im sorry... please Indigo". He continued, but to no avail she walked out, leaving Corpse behind.
This time she didn't slow, didn't look back or think twice, she walked out of the bathroom, out of the restaurant with no sense of a destination. She didn't care where she was going she just wanted to be anywhere, but here.