CHAPTER FOURTEEN!
( VULNERABILITY. )
JOAN DECIDED TO stop at the dock that hung over the river. She just prayed that none of Welton's employees were looking out their windows this late at night. She let yourself cry, taking comfort in the fact that nobody was around to see except the moon. Joan laid down on her back and stared at the dark sky. After a few moments, her peaceful solitude was broken by the sound of quick footsteps. She turned her head to see Violet's concerned face. Joan breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't want it to be Charlie, but at the same time, she wished it were him. She wished that he would've at least tried to show her he cared. Did he care? Was this all just a fun little joke to him?
"Hey," Violet said softly. She sat down on the dock beside Joan and dangled her feet over the edge. "He wanted to come, but I didn't let him," she explained. "I just thought maybe you'd want to talk to someone else right now, but if you want to talk to him I'll go get him."
"No. I don't want to, at least not now," Joan sighed. Violet sat in silence with her for a while before she wrapped her arm around Joan and resting Joan's head on her shoulder.
"I don't think he meant for it to go this way, I think he just didn't think things through. You were right when you said he was a flirt, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. What he did was just idiotic and I think if he knew how it would make you feel, he would've never even said hi to those two fools," she comforted. "Y'know, I'm not a violent person, but if you wanted me to punch him in the face I would gladly do so," she added. Joan chuckled dryly.
"I think I'd rather do it myself."
"At least let me watch," Violet smiled. She gently removed her arm from Joan's shoulders and subtly turned her head to at a point beside the river. "I think the culprit is behind that tree," Violet whispered, pointing to a large oak that stood beside the dock. Joan caught a glimpse of Charlie's brown hair glinting off the moonlight.
"If he wants to apologize he's gonna have come to me himself, I'm not gonna chase after him," she stated. "In fact, I'm going to bed."
"Just wait, I'm coming too," she said, standing up. Joan smiled at Violet and grabbed her hand.
"Thank you, I need a friend like you," Joan smiled. Unwillingly, Joan let another tear fall from her eye. "God, I gotta pull myself together," she muttered, wiping it away.
"Hey, it's okay to cry," Violet said gently. Jo looked up at her and shrugged.
"Not over boys, and not this much," she replied.
"You can cry over boys, you can cry over the stars, you can cry over books and over little animals you see on the street. I do it all the time. In my opinion, vulnerability is strength, not weakness. If you have the strength to show that you're human and emotional, you aren't weak. It's a common misconception really," Violet said earnestly.
Joan furrowed her brow, that was something she hadn't been told directly before. Sure, she'd read the beautiful plays of Shakespeare and novels of the Brönte's where feelings were portrayed as beautiful and worth showing. She'd heard Keating passionately talk about the power of emotion. Keating was the one who inspired her to show how she felt in the first place. Art had always been her only outlet, but she was slowly learning to find more. Before Keating Joan had been quite knowledgable when it came to poetry and literature, but only after she'd met him did she start to actually let herself feel the words on the page. When she started to actually be vulnerable, the person she chose to be vulnerable with was Charlie, and now she was getting hurt because of it. She told him how she felt and then he did this. Her father had never told Joan he loved her, never even told her that he liked her. Any time she cried out loud he would tell her to stop, he would tell her that it was bad for the family's image. Tradition, honor, discipline, and excellence were the words that dictated Joan's life ever since she was born.
Joan pulled Violet into a tight hug before heading towards Welton. Just before they reached the doors, Charlie appeared at Joan's side. He held her shoulder back and forced her to look at him.
"Can I please talk to you?" he pleaded. Joan looked to Violet who nodded slightly, then back to Charlie.
"Alright, fine, but if you start bullshitting me again, I'm out. And when I say I'm out I mean we're done," Joan stated. Charlie nodded and gently pulled her towards one of Welton's ancient wooden benches. Violet slipped away to go to bed while the two of them sat on the cool bench. An old lamp post flickered above them, omitting warm, dim light over the campus pathway.
"Jo, you have to know I never meant to make you upset. I just- it was stupid, I know that and I really never meant to hurt anyone, I never meant to hurt you," he said as a few tears fell from his warm brown eyes.
"Well you did, Charlie. Why should I be with you if you're gonna be running around with girls all the time? I can't do that to myself. Y'know, when I first started talking to you I thought you were such a douche, flirting with girls left and right and living without a care because your father already paid for the rest of your life through a trust fund. Then I got to know you and I realized I was all wrong about you. I thought that I'd misjudged you completely and you were actually a sweet guy. Don't make me question that," Joan snapped. Charlie stared at her for a moment, more tears streaming down his face. Joan wanted to just pull him in and hug him, but she knew she couldn't.
"Please, just let me show you that you were wrong about me. I was an idiot, I see that now. I never wanted any of this, I just want you," he said, wiping his eyes. Seeing Charlie in tears started up Joan's waterworks again.
"Okay," she whispered through tears.
"What?"
"Okay. I just have this problem where I can't open up to people because I'm terrified of getting hurt and looking weak. I finally started to trust you, and that scared me," she muttered.
"I'm sorry," he said again, pulling Joan into his chest. "Let me give you a reason to trust me again."
"Okay, Charlie."
Joan wrapped her arms around Charlie's torso and rested her head on his warm shoulder while he held her waist, his tears dampening her coat.
"By the way, Charlie, if you were gonna bring girls you should've at least brought some with brains," Joan laughed into his shoulder.
"Yeah, they were pretty dim. I've already got one with brains though, not only brains but beauty too. Can you believe that? She's the whole package," he smiled.
"Okay, tone down the charm, I'm still mad at you."
Joan let herself relax into his hold, enjoying the quiet sounds of Charlie's breathing and the softness of his jacket against her cheek. They sat there holding each-other until the rest of the boys passed them.
"Oh, thank god. I thought Charlie was a goner," Neil breathed.
"Good impulse control, Jo. If it were me Charlie would be in the grave by now," Meeks laughed, ruffling Charlie's hair.
"You guys really aren't helping," Charlie said, a little annoyed.
"Better to be teased than dead, tough guy," Joan smirked, standing up and holding out her hand for him to grab. Charlie smiled and held onto her hand, allowing Joan to lead him back inside the school.
"I forgive you, by the way," she said, letting go of his hand to walk up to her dorm, "but I'm still upset."
"I'm sorry, Jo, really."
"I know," she nodded.
"Can you come with me?" Charlie asked, stepping towards the door.
"Where? It's late," Jo said, turning towards the stairs.
"I'm not gonna be able to sleep knowing I didn't fix this. I need to see you smile for real first," Charlie said, opening the door for Joan. Joan sighed and nodded. Once they were back outside Charlie removed his scarf and tied it around her neck gently before hesitantly grabbing her hand.
AUTHOR'S NOTE.
❪ ⋆࿐໋ 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒑𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒎. ❫
That was a bit of a rollercoaster
not gonna lie. Thanks for sticking
through with me guys. I wanted to
add some more Violet moments
because sometimes boys just suck
and you need a good friend (by the
way, message me to be friends, I like
meeting people). I kinda started
shipping the reader with Violet for
a minute there but I swear this is still
a Charlie x Jo story. I don't know if
Charlie was forgiven too quickly but
personally, I wouldn't be able to stay
mad at him.