Chapter 28
Since news came that I was back, you can bet your ass that it meant a very critical eye was laid on me. Well, to be more accurate, there were just more eyes since nobody was ever not judging me. Damn people. I'm embarrassed to say I'm a part of the human race.
In fact, it brought more news than the first time I ran away or any time before that. That might be because they hadn't expected to find me (or rather me to just show up) home and alive. When young, I would occasionally be on the news for stupid things they blamed me for doing. Plus, I was naïve and didn't know better but to not say anything to them. That gave me attention all my life. But after I ran away, I knew it was huge news. I didn't have to watch the local channel to know. It was in the papers that I used to keep warm at night. It was all over posters, even in other towns passing through. But now, it was out of control it seemed. I soon discovered that.
The time after I was on the news was spent with much pressure. Pounding on the door, all over the news.... At least Luke was a cop and made them leave. But that didn't stop Clare from telling me I needed to do an interview. She was determined to get me on TV. She was obviously more willing to share that wish with me than with Luke, though he at least knew Clare wanted me to do an interview. I noted he no longer asked why. He was afraid of the answer. He gave her the cold shoulder for a while; until they kind of made up. I say 'kind of' because I knew Luke's heart wasn't into making up with her yet but I saw he felt he needed to. For everyone’s sake; didn't want any more drama.
Luke would ask me whether I wanted to offer up anything to those gossiping animals. I said no, as you probably already knew. Clare gained from my popularity. That was not good for me on a number of levels. He said I didn't need to do it and, though he didn't say anything, I think he took my side on the issue. But that couldn't stop Clare from giving a word or two to the public. She knew she shouldn't because the Clare that Luke knew wouldn't do that. She saw that this might make him a tiny bit more suspicious of her but she convinced herself that she can fix that later. Now, she needed to shine. She would be somewhat vague but that was because she knew Luke was watching. Though not as tamed as she was before, she knew how far she was able to go before things would break between them. She was just bending their marriage. Clare didn't want break it for Luke's sake.
Because they both had jobs, Luke started taking me to the station every day. He was just too nervous to leave me alone on my own and plus, it was safe at the station. But talk about incredibly boring. When not at the station, we would be in his car - which I still didn't think was allowed but oh well. For those day, they were a relief. We would talk more and in that time, my thoughts didn't travel to getting beat by my friends or the public.
However, once news was out there that I was home, Luke had to tell the rest of his family. He didn't tell his family about me at first because, by luck, he hadn't seen them (other than his mom and probably dad of course). But really, like before, he said there was enough drama to deal with and he didn't need his family involved in putting more pressure on him. I understood that fine, why he wouldn't tell them. But now, they knew and I was curious and anxious to see what they would think of me.
Today, I got to find out. After the news died down slightly - just slightly – Luke and I were going over to his parents house for dinner. Since his major family would be there for me to meet, we didn’t want any conflict happening between what happened. So Clare wasn’t going because we knew it wouldn’t be a welcoming environment and Luke wanted that for me. Surprisingly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it other than uneasy. But I had reason to feel that way.
I’m use to people pointing fingers at me and became accustom to just brushing their remarks off. This was different though. I didn't care about what they thought of me so much as I worried about how they would think of Luke. This was his family; how would they treat him: with respect or despair for staying with that bitch? Jan obviously was on board with me but there was a lot more than just her in the family. I just hope Luke's relationship with them will stay strong no matter their opinions on me. I didn't want to stress that. Yeah, yeah I know I shouldn't care or really want to. I was ashamed at myself for how soft I was going. But it wasn't like I could help it.
"Ready?" I heard a deep voice say, meeting my ears as well as the warm breeze that blew in from my window. I applied a little make up. I really shouldn't have bothered; nobody will miss my cuts and bruises and my black eye. Couldn't do much about that though, unfortunately. I was wearing blue jeans and a red silky tank top. It wasn't too formal but I didn't look like a slob either. Really, I didn't care how they perceived me. But I cared about how they looked at Luke.
As I was brushing my hair out in front of the mirror on my wall, hearing him, I turned and met his eyes in the door frame. He wore a nice blue and white button up. It was flannel, which I liked on him, tucked into his jeans he wore. There was a belt around his waist somehow supporting his curves and where his muscles lied. Don't ask how; it just does people! He didn't put as much effort in it as I did; hair was sloppy and he didn't shave off the little stubble growing on his chin and cheeks. When I met his tired eyes, he gave me a kind smile as he took me in - but he looked a little surprised.
"Why are you so dressed up? It's just my family."
I sighed, setting my brush down and grabbing my hair tie on instinct. "I don't know."
He smirked. "You want to impress them?"
Wrapping the band around my fingers, I collected all my hair in my hand as I started putting it up in its bun. I internally sighed. Why was he questioning me on this?! The truth was embarrassing to admit. "No, can't I just look nice for once?"
I didn't fool him. What a surprise. He stepped into my room more and came to stand in front of me. He shook his head. Honestly, besides wanting them to not be ashamed of me for Luke's sake, there is always hope. Every human can't help but have it, including me. I knew it was pointless to try to get on anybody’s good side or to try to impress them but I felt as if I still should try at least. Like there was some sort of chance of an understanding somehow between my 'insanity' and their sanity. I knew better than to get my hopes too high though.
"Don't worry, they will like you. Well," he paused, looking slightly worried. "Maybe not everyone. But you'll get use to them."
I pursed my lips as I started wrapping my hair up. But before I could fully do so, or say anything, Luke noticed and stepped closer. A few feet away soon became just over a foot as he raised his hand and grabbed my arm in action, stopping me. He was so close and I wanted him even more. His eyes were very bright yet strained. I could tell he wasn't getting much sleep again but could you blame him?
Pushing those thoughts of his aside, I observed what he was doing. He made me lower my arm and let my hair fall down naturally. His eyes searched my face. Then he smiled lightly at me as he reached forward on either side of me and brushed my hair forward over my shoulders.
"Keep it down today,” he said simply. The night he told me I had beautiful hair, I loved that and liked how I felt around him with it down. Yet the next day, I put it back in its bun and did so from there on because it just felt so different with it down and it made me feel vulnerable. Yeah, maybe it was a childish thought but whatever; that's how I felt. However, with him so close and admiration in his eyes, I wanted to keep it down. He now directly said to and that was a good sign. Of what, I don't know and shouldn't ask. But I smiled lightly and nodded at him. I took a deep breath.
"Why are you nervous? Tell me the truth; you are never nervous."
I hesitated but decided to go on. "I just... I don't want your family to hate you over me. You actually have something I always wanted and I don't like even thinking about you ending up like me with no family and alone." His expression shifted and told me he didn't like what I said about having nobody but I didn't stop. "Plus, I'm not looking forward to seeing your mother again,” I mumbled that last part.
Biting my lip, I saw I didn't need to go on and elaborate what I meant by his mom. He knew and could see how she affected me even though we never spoke of it or my feelings because I didn’t want to yet. But I knew he could see it and I wasn't sure how he felt about it.
He shrugged his shoulders and didn’t look worried. "Hey, just be yourself. And it's my choice to stay with Clare and you; I'm to blame for whatever dumb issue they have, not you."
I nodded after thinking it over. He was right. Clare really was to blame for the entire thing. But technically, if I was never caught and didn’t come home, his life with his family wouldn’t be strained right now. His whole life was. Though not exactly my fault, he’s done so much for me and I wanted to at least do this for him, wanted his family to like me and to not get mad at Luke. I wouldn’t admit it to myself then but later I would realize there was another reason I wanted them to like me.
I smirked a moment later. "Be myself? Do you know what you are asking?"
Luke chuckled. "Yes. I know the dangers but please, just be yourself. Maybe minus a little swearing though."
***
His parents’ house was very private. A long and winding driveway through the woods led to their house. You couldn’t even see it from the road because of the surrounding trees. They lived out in the woods clearly. But once I saw their rich green property and a beautiful fountain perched on the porch, I knew the trees were only meant for privacy.
It was a large, light blue two story house. It was beautiful with trees surrounding the property yet a few were scattered around the front lawn. There were a few windows besides the elegant front door and painted white porch. On the second story, unlike our upstairs windows, there were sliding doors with elaborate balconies that offered a grand sight of their property. If you haven't noticed so far, this was a pretty classy place. In other words, money ran in the family. Yet, at the same time, it was... comfortable. I could tell, by the magnificent sight and the feeling of welcome through the air.
"So, what do you think?" he asked, drawing my eyes back to his from where he parked his truck behind a few other vehicles. Getting out, I looked over to where he began walking towards me. He buried his fingers in his front pockets casually, a nice smile on his face, his eyes curious and kind.
"Um... does 'holy shit' sum it up?"
He gave a throaty laugh, one that made my heart flutter. Stupid heart.
He guided me up the small stone walk from the driveway and up to the front porch. As we stood side by side in front of the door, before he knocked or opened it, he sighed and looked down on me. His warm eyes engulfed mine. "Remember, just be yourself."
I scoffed. "I'll never understand you."
His smirked lips turned into a bright smile when he chuckled. Raising his hand, he knocked on the door, the sound echoing loudly through the summer air. Not a few minutes later, the door swung open and Jan was standing there, a bright smile on her face for her son and me. She wore a plain brown skirt but it balanced out with her white and brown blouse with ruffles along her collar.
I swallowed hard but tried to not make it obvious that this was really hurting me. It shouldn't; she wasn't doing a damn thing wrong. I was the fucked-up one. "Hey, sweetie, nice to see you again." Why did she have to call me sweetie? Why did I really like it when she said it to me?
"Yeah... nice to see you too," I said as her arms folded around me. I slowly managed to raise my arms and hug her back. It wasn't that great of one; rather really awkward looking but she didn't let it faze her. It still made me feel sick though, deep in me. She didn't appear to have noticed my lack of affection towards her.
She turned more from me to her stare up at her son. "Lucas, you know better than to knock," she lightly scolded but with a smile in her voice as she then hugged Luke.
He rolled his eyes with a smile as Jan led us inside. And let me tell you: holy fucking wow!
Walking in, you could tell they had money. But it wasn't to the point to where it was ridiculous. The hard wood floors looked shiny and new. Walking in a bit further, I observed more than just the floors and the brightly lit walls. Decorations and pictures... but conversation was instant. We walked into the kitchen first and that chatter seemed to have neared.
The kitchen was huge with granite counter tops that stretched along the walls of the kitchen. An entrance leading into what I would assume would be the living room was also clear. But at the moment, those were the only details I picked up. There were more important things to focus on. Like the smell that became evident; it invaded my nose and it made my stomach growl in want. I didn't know what we were eating for dinner but whatever was in the oven would soon be in my stomach. More than that though, I noticed there were two people standing there.
The man was tall and lean, his brown eyes sharp and observing; they fell on mine after we walked in and the conversation he was having was now on hold. He had facial hair but nothing over the top, a grey color occupying the roots of his otherwise wavy brown hair. His bushy eyebrows framed his eyes filled with experience and age. A few wrinkles existed around his mouth when he gave a crooked smile to me as well as some on his forehead too. He looked to be approaching his 60s. The man was wearing a black tee-shirt and khakis as well, complementing his good and strong shape for his age. I was guessing this was Luke's dad. I think I was pretty spot on, seeing as Jan walked up to him and wrapped an arm around him, guiding him over towards me.
"Hey, dad," Luke said, leaving my side, and giving him a big hug. It was then that I recalled what Jan said before. That her husband was home; that must mean that he was out of town or gone for a while and hadn't seen Luke in a while. Luke seemed happy enough to see him.
"Hey, Luke! Haven't seen you since the wedding," he said with an even deeper voice than Luke's. I couldn't really see the man's facial expression but in his voice, I heard sadness at mentioning the wedding. Huh. Wonder why. Maybe because the results were going down to shitter would be my guess.
His eyes found mine again after a minute. His smile faded slightly as he took me in but it was still there, casually resting on his lips. He took a few steps towards me before stopping, looking down into my eyes as if very curious.
"Your name?" the man asked, his face going blank and teasing at the same time. He hid how he felt about meeting me. Just like his son I thought immediately. After all, Luke's blank expressions drove me crazy and I wished I knew what his dad was thinking now. I first assumed he was upset at me for even coming into his son's life but I wasn't so sure.
I answered on auto-pilot. "Albany," I said blankly as well. He seemed to hide his emotions but I got a good vibe off this guy. "AKA, the crazy girl your daughter-in-law gave birth to and never told your son about until I was found."
He stuck his hand out to shake mine, nodding in approval it seemed at my wit. Shaking his hand, he continued.
"Amuse my terrible sense, girl. Eye color?"
"Light brown," I said.
"Age?"
"17," I said sharply back just as fast as he was asking. I heard Luke say something as if in warning to his father but his questions were too distracting. The man liked a challenge and I smirked.
"Hair color?"
"Black."
"Are you a virgin?" he asked not phasing.
"Dad!" I heard Luke groan just before I answered.
"Why? You interested?"
After that one, his strong façade broke and he nodded in approval over my witty answer. Jan chuckled and Luke groaned. He admired that and he smiled down to me. "I like you Albany."
I wasn't so nervous now. I have my mouth; plus Clare was more at fault. I had a feeling now that I would be more welcome here than she would be. That was the whole reason she wasn't coming but now, I could see that that would actually have been the case. But most of all, with both of his parents, I felt the warmth in the air that they were aiming at me.
"Your obviously not just any old man either," I said just as seriously. Yeah, I was liking this guy. He was different and forward, straight to the point. Plus, I knew he and I shared somewhat of the same humor with an introduction such as that. We would get along great.
After he smiled, he ruffled my hair like I was five. "You're damn right I'm not like any other old man. Nice to meet you crazy girl," he said, using what I said before. "You might be crazy, but I'm sure that not even you would be capable of hurting my son like your mother has. If your fucked-up like everyone is saying, I don't blame you. I'm here to support your cause, my dear," he said, bowing elegantly before me, making me chuckle. "So you never have fucked a guy before? Good for you, kiddo!" He patted my arm. This guy was awesome, even if I did slightly blush.
"Jesus Christ dad!" Luke groaned, looking sorry and humiliated when he glanced to me. "Albany, don't be bothered--"
Jan interrupted, scolding her husband. "Michael! Language!"
I cut Luke off. "Bothered?" I chuckled, looking back to the smirking man. "Dude, you're not bothering me. Don't listen to your dumbass son; I like the way you think."
He laughed and I glanced over to where Luke was standing beside his dad. He shook his head with a small tilt of his lips, mumbling under his breath slightly that he was going to hell just for letting the two of us meet.
"I'm name is Mike by the way," he said, smiling. "Not Michael. Mike."
I nodded, liking that. He had very strong opinions on such small things it seemed. I was a fan of that. Damn. Luke's parents are fucking amazing! I was surprised that this whole time, Jan never stopped smiling or was bothered by her husband's blunt words. But of course, that must have been a trait she loved in him.
It was at that moment where I openly noticed the little girl that was slightly hiding behind Jan. She had long blonde hair - from what I could see. It was obvious she didn't want to be seen by me or she was just shy. She held onto the edge of Jan's skirt, partially blocked from my view as she stared up at me from behind Jan. We turned quiet in the kitchen and that gave Jan a chance to act from what I was observing.
"Oh Albany, this is my granddaughter, Brooke." She looked down at the girl with a small smile and patted her on the shoulder, moving her out and fully into sight. She was playing with her lip with her small fingers that wasn't holding Jan's skirt. Her big blue eyes were sweet and deep yet too wide to be neutral. She looked slightly scared and I can't express the wave of hurt that came over me the second I saw her. Not just because she looked scared. Also because she was just so damn familiar and it pricked my heart.
I stared at her and she stared back. She was so much like her... Not just how she looked. In fact, she looked nothing like her. She had blond hair and blue eyes that I didn't recognized. But her skin was innocent and smooth, pale and pretty and young. There was a knowing look in her eye, observing. She said a lot with those eyes. Just like her.
I forced myself to smile. "Hi," I said quietly, wishing I was gone. Putting up with Jan's presence was enough on my shoulders as it is. This would... this would kill me to be around her. I swallowed hard.
She said nothing back at first, she just kept staring at me. Jan looked up to me. "Sorry hon, she can be shy sometimes around strangers. Hopefully, that won't last long."
"Are you alright?" I heard Luke whisper lightly in my ear as he moved closer. I turned to look at him and could feel every person's eyes on me. But mine were in Luke's and I could see in that deep shade of green that he saw my hurt. I was being too open, too easily. I can't be that open with my expressions.
I smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine." I turned back to the Mike, Jan, and little Brooke, who stayed close to her side. I looked up at Jan and dipped my eyebrows at recalling her words. "Wait, this is your granddaughter?"
She nodded. "Yes, this is the daughter of my youngest son."
I nodded and looked to Luke. "Wow, thanks for telling me the specifics in your family. How many siblings do you have?"
"Two," he said, shrugging. "You never asked."
Yeah right. He just didn't want me to freak out anymore before we came over here. More people, the bigger the chance they would hate me. I found out not a second later that maybe it was too late and someone already hated me. Brooke finally spoke to me, her voice light and squeaky. She had to be no more than six.
"Are you the crazy lady?"
Everyone was silent again. Mike sighed, leaning up against the counter. He had an annoyed look on his face at hearing what she said. Jan only pursed her lips and I could physically feel Luke's body tense, even though he was a few inches standing beside me. I didn't even have to look at him to know. I must have been the calmest one in that giant kitchen right then. I was just so use to it, and even now after news got out, it's a common thing. This was one of the few times though that Luke was actually present when getting addressed with no respect.
I bit my lip. She was a little girl, didn't know any better. Hell, adults didn't know any better. I felt softer for this particular kid though; not every kid reminds me of her. But she did. I looked around to Jan and Mike, wondering what I should say and whether it should be the truth if it may scare her. Jan cut in. "Brooke, don't be afraid of her."
I grew astonished for a minute. It didn't make any sense really. It was strange enough that these two sane adults already liked me. And they still think I'm insane, I'm sure. They just didn't blame me or want to hate me. But I didn't understand why she would say that to her grandchild. They think I'm crazy and therefore shouldn't truth me.
Looking to Mike, he grimaced. "January..." he said, a warning tone to his wife. She looked up to him, not understanding. Mike met my eyes with sympathy. I understood. They wanted to be family or act as one at least with me somewhat. But they knew they couldn't fully trust me, especially around children alone.
Jan realized too, yet turned back to Brook. "You don't need to be afraid of her. She is family now." She leaned over towards us more, whispering mainly to Mike. "We will keep an eye on her around Albany. No offense, dear," she said to me, sounding very sorry. I nodded, understanding. Hell, I was just happy they were letting me in their house.
"I understand," I said, looking down to the floor, embarrassed and not wanting to meet their eyes. Luke was right beside me and I felt him put an arm around my back and rubbed it slightly in comfort.
"But Grandma!" Brooke protested. The scared little girl grabbed Jan's skirt again and held on tightly, looking up into her eyes. "I don't want her to hurt me..." she said, tears threatening around her eyes.
I was usually calm and under control when it comes to people blaming me. But this became different. She didn't have a chance to know any better and didn't get it. Hell, nobody did but she was a child and I couldn't stand kids thinking that way of me. Adults, teenagers, that's fine. They are smart enough to make their own wrong decision. She didn't. I couldn't help my words.
"Brooke, I won't hurt you. I promise."
Her chin quivered when she looked at me. Luke's hand dropped but I realized it was because I took an unconscious step forward. I stopped though at seeing the girl start to cry. "She's going to hurt us all!" She was sobbing loudly now and all I could do was stand there in shock. She looked up to Jan again. "Grandma, I don't want her to cut me open!"
"Oh my god," I said under my breath. I looked away from her and from my side vision, saw Jan pick her up in her arms as she kept crying.
"Albany, I'm so sorry. I'll talk to her. I'm..." She trailed off and shook her head, leaving the kitchen and into another room. It was a huge kitchen but we were on the other side where we couldn't see the opening to the rest of the house, of what I guessed was the living room.
I didn't want to think about what just happened. True, she was a little kid who heard that shit from other little kids. But it brought up memories and made me hurt. It also made me recognize that I couldn't be fooled. They were too nice and could welcome me. Yet, they could never trust me. Hell, not even Luke could trust me fully.
Cries faded and another few voices seemed to approach the kitchen. Jan must have took her in another room (lord knows there are a lot in this house). The voices though were entering this one and my eyes nearly popped out of the back of my head at who came into sight.
One was a girl I never saw before. She was shorter and a little curvy too. She was really pretty, her eyes a kind brown, his hair light brown too and straight, ending just past her shoulders. She had a rounder face but her smile was brilliant, her thick lips tilted up and coated in a shade that complemented her cheeks. From the maturity in her physical characteristics, I would say she is around Luke's age. She was wearing blue jeans with a tank top on, the design of flowers on it foreshadowed her personality a bit I guessed from the positive vibe I was getting. But only for a bit. The second she saw me, her hands flew up to her mouth and she covered her lips. But you could still clearly hear the loud gasp she gave at seeing me. Then... it became obvious that the positive part I read about her was wrong.
"Oh my god, it is you!" she said. I only barely heard her though. You see, since the two of them walked through to the kitchen and in sight, I only gave her a second of attention because my eyes instantly shot to the familiar face of an old friend.
Though I learned I needed to keep my facial expressions less obvious, I couldn't have prepared for this one though. He didn't look too surprised to see me and the only excuse was that he already had known I was Luke's stepdaughter. And he... holy shit. This was Luke's brother. It had to be.
I gasped myself and didn't even glance to the girl, who I'm assuming is his sister. I could only stare at him. I was breathing much harder now. It took so much not to say something to him or do anything - like run away for example. I only could stare. Mike felt the need to cut in.
"Uh... Albany, these are my other kids and Luke's siblings. This is Shannon and that's Francis."
I could only keep staring and I saw he grew slightly worried. I got it back together in time to nod and speak. "As you probably already know, I'm Albany. And I can already tell this is going to be... interesting," I murmured, pursing my lips. The others most likely assumed I meant that for what the woman, Shannon, said. But this will be interesting for more reasons than that.
I felt Luke leave my side and move towards his sister. He hugged his sister and said hello then to his brother. Damn, his fucking brother! This was a joke, it had to be. He looked so different.... He cleaned up, quite a bit. He had brown curly hair that rested at his neck. He apparently now was shaving, his face looking smooth. He was smiling and when he was greeting Luke, I saw his braces were gone. Even at the age of 22, he had braces because his teeth were really crooked. Now a year later, at the age of 23, they were straight and clear. He was even wearing dress pants and supported a button up shirt like Luke except his wasn't tucked in. Francis was finally wearing glasses too! Before, he refused to wear them but now, he was and they looked good on him.
"Hey, Luke, haven't seen you in a while." He glanced over to me and smiled just barely before looking back to Luke. My heart jumped. Oh boy. God must be having a riot now! "Did you see Brooke?" he asked him in hope. I noticed Francis still had the same voice.
Luke chuckled. "Yeah, she has really grown!" Stilling facing his brother and sister, his back to me. Francis held that smile and I wasn't sure what to make of it, especially as he continued to keep flashing it over to me. "She's gotten so big. I didn't get a chance to hug her hello though."
"You will later," he said, patting his shoulder. My eyes moved away from them in shock but it wasn't long until his sister was in my face.
"Oh... I didn't believe it was you at first but I guess it is! Wow, did you really do all those things? How do you punch yourself in your face? I mean... you did that and everything else on your body," she said in a rush. It was obvious she was mature enough to handle a conversation. She was certainly the age. But she was being purposefully rude to me and annoying.
"Shannon!" Mike scolded, looking at her wide-eyed. Luke looked ready to yell at her.
She sighed, looking over to her dad where he was leaning against the counter. "What, I just want to know...." she said, smirking and shrugging. She was acting so immature... but I think on purpose.
I suppressed chuckling and managed to keep a straight face. I had to answer her question after all and not cave in. To give her what she wants. And in the process, mock her. "You see, you have to do it at the perfect angle and don't hold back. Really put some power behind the punch. And if you close your eyes, it makes it much easier. You want to do it? I can teach you?" I said, playing with her.
She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You're trash," she said, not as an insult but more just observing. "But I dislike your mother more than I do you," slightly more calm at least.
I nodded in agreement. "I hate her too. She's the one that taught me how to punch myself. She's a pro." I wanted to laugh but I didn't. Hey, it was better than her just bitching me out and openly being mean. She was just speaking her clouded and narrow mind.
"Whatever," she said, looking me up and down. I scoffed at her before she went on. "Welcome to the family," she grumbled. Wow. What a happy little camper she was! It would be interesting to see how she was when she wasn't acting this immature.
Mike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. A minute later, he looked at me intently. "Even if you did punch yourself, that would take some guts. You're badass either way. I don't believe that shit one fucking bit. You were obviously beaten."
I chuckled and at the same time, I looked to where Francis was staring at me, his smile falling upon the topic. Luke returned to my side. "I'm sorry, I--"
"It's okay. Not too bad so far. There have only been two people that don't like me so far. That's pretty good." I nodded. It was true. I expected everyone would but Mike liked me and so did Jan. I turned to Francis, curious. I walked closer to him. "What about you, are you going to hate on me to?" I asked, a little to strongly.
His eyes looked to mine and they showed pain I didn't understand. He shook his head, taking me in. Francis's smile was beautiful and I hated it. Why, out of everyone, did it have to be him? I wanted to laugh at this new discovery, one that was now on the list of obvious issues to deal with.
"No," he said, as if it was a question. "I don't hate you."
I laughed but didn't go too far. I didn't want to have to explain my weird behavior with his brother any time soon. Luke didn't need to know. "Really?"
"Yes," he paused, the air tense between us all. "So I heard my daughter didn't take to you then?"
My chest twisted. It slipped my mind that he was a father. Obviously, like Jan said, she was her granddaughter from her youngest son. He was the youngest. I knew long before that he had a daughter but I never meet her or anything. It's hard to see him fit that role, even now. But he seemed to be pulling it off now.
"Yeah, she's scared of me." I cringed. "I didn't--"
"It's okay. She's quite sensitive."
I nodded. This would be a very interesting time. I met everyone and now, the results couldn't be assumed or guessed. Luke was obviously anxious now and even more, I was. Because on top of worrying over his family growing apart, Francis is his brother. What the hell man! That's crazy. I was sure by the end of tonight, he will manage to get me alone to speak or hurt me. But before any of that could happen, before we even ate, Luke offered to give me a tour of the house.
Luke and I left the kitchen as the others went about doing their own thing. Walking through the living room now, I saw a huge flat screen as well as a few leather couches. It was like how our house was redone. Except the space here was so much bigger. It wasn't a mansion; just a very nice home.
Through the living room windows, you could see the open backyard and the beautiful nature of woods and a garden. Pictures lined the walls of them all and it made me shake even more. Jan and Brooke put me on edge so much, I hated it. I wanted to be gone. But I knew I couldn't. I was just thankful Luke was giving me this tour alone with him.
When we went upstairs, I stopped at the top. There was a very long hall with doors on both sides. At the end of the hall though was a huge window in the shape of an octagon or something (shapes aren't my specialty people). It lit up the whole upstairs.
"Come on," he said and led me down the hall slowly. He pointed to each door every few steps, saying whose room use to be whose since all three of Jan and Mike's kids were now moved out.
"Francis used to live in this one," he said, pointing at the second door down the hall on the right. He went a few more down and pointed to another. "Shannon in this one, and my parents..." he continued down the hall as I followed him. He pointed to another large door, "This is their room. You want to go in any of them or no?"
I shook my head. "I don't want to be nosy." I said. The real reason was I was just too shaken up to be reminded of them right now. He looked back and down at me, eyes filled with something I hated: sympathy. "Except for your room," I said with a smirk.
"Alright," he said, chuckling, leading me back down the hall. "So every one of these other doors are either a guest bedroom, closet, or a bathroom. Most rooms have a bathroom in it though."
I nodded. "Where was your room before?" I asked. "Did you live in the basement with the rats?"
He smiled slightly and stopped in front of another door, on that was on the left and therefore facing the backyard. Both of us facing it, I looked up to him and saw a dramatic look on his face. "Albany," he said in a serious voice. "Will you be able to handle what is behind this door? The greatness inside... you can't imagine."
I widened my eyes, growing 'excited'. "Oh my god! Don't tell me... is this your..."
"My what?" He asked, playing along.
"Your secret sex chamber? I can handle the level of that greatness."
He shook his head and elbowed me. "Always got to ruin it," he smirked and opened the door. Stepping in, he shut the door behind us so we got the full effect of it. "My room."
I was expecting all of his stuff to be gone. After all, he did get married and I'm sure lived somewhere else before that. But there was a ton of stuff he had in here. He had a plain black bedspread or comforter (whatever you want to call it) on his queen sized bed. It looked so small though in such a huge room, bigger than their master bedroom at home. The head of the bed against the right wall, across from it was a door that I assumed was his bathroom. A desk sat on the wall that shared the door and mounted in the corner was a huge TV. There was a small black leather couch that matched his bed in the corner on the other side of his bed. Right next to it was the small sliding door that, from what I saw earlier, most likely led out onto a little balcony. His dresser was in the other corner, across from the couch. A small bedside also table sat between the bed and the couch and had a couple drawers. The walls were painted a light green that surprisingly went well with the bright hardwood floors.
He had a ton of shit on his walls. Pictures and posters, mainly. He had a few pictures of girls too but that was to be expected and it wasn't over the top so I could respect that. Mainly the posters consisted of bands he listened to - all country - and other things he liked. Walking in and closer though, I got a better look at the pictures. Most were with his family, smiling and laughing at different events. Ones with his niece, Brooke, and with Francis. I quickly went on to the others though. I noticed they were all older ones too, ones that couldn't have been taken anytime soon since he no longer lived here. Walking around the edges of his room slowly, I stopped at a family picture taken at the beach. I kept moving though to others. Like one was with him and a few other boys. They were at that lake he took me to.
"Look familiar?" He said, observing.
I chuckled. "Just a little."
There was another with him kissing an older woman's cheek, his grandma probably. On the other side, what looked to be his grandpa was kissing her other cheek. I crossed my arms, taking deep breaths and tried to stop shaking. "Are these you grandparents?" I asked, liking this picture.
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that's them."
"Are they coming today?" I asked.
He shook his head and his smile fell. "No," he said shortly. "They are both dead."
I nodded, understanding that and wishing I hadn't said anything because now, his mood slightly dropped. I wanted to ask more about what happened but if anyone, I know how it feels to get pestered over shit you don't want to talk about.
I continued looking and stopped at another one. He was in one with this girl, making a funny face with her into the camera. There were a few in a row with her in it before a man was introduced. He and Luke and that woman smiled sweetly into the camera. Then there were ones with just him and that guy.
I felt him come to stand besides me. "Who are these people?"
"Hm? Oh, those are my friends."
"Is she your old girlfriend?" I asked, wondering. They looked very familiar. But it was also interesting because he didn't have many personal pictures with girls in them besides what appeared to be family. "Because I haven't noticed any girls in any pictures of yours."
He cracked up laughing. "No, she's not." He pointed to the man in the picture; talk about hot! "That's my best friend and she is his girlfriend, or was at the time. Just recently, he proposed to her." Looking away from the picture and up at him, he was smiling at the memory.
I smiled lightly then looked back to the pictures. "They look kind of young. Well, she does anyway."
He snorted. "Will, in these pictures, she is no more than 19. And there is a bit of an age gape but not a huge deal."
I paused, thinking over what I was about to ask. I'm not one that thinks over things for long though. I wanted to know. "Do you think they will make it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Marriage today has become a joke. More than half divorce. Now that they are going to get married, do you think they will last?"
He looked down to me from where he stood beside me. His smile there, I saw him sigh. "Absolutely. I have never seen two people so in love as they are. It's incredible. They have been through a lot yet they stay strong and love all the way. He knows he is the luckiest man in the world."
I watched him as he looked back up to the pictures and he pursed his lips, something taking over his thoughts. His eyes grew sad for a moment and I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Is that how you felt when marrying Clare? Like the luckiest man in the world?"
"Of course. I felt so... perfect with her."
"But even then... did you have the love that your friends did? Was it that strong?"
He hesitated and ran a hand through his hair. He chuckled lightly, uncomfortable. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because I want you to admit the truth that it wasn't."
He searched my eyes for a moment, trying to read what I said through my expression. Any sign of a chuckle or smile was gone for now. "I... I thought it was very strong. We were so in love. It bothers me that everyone wants me to just get up and leave her but I can't. She made me so happy. Sure, we never really played much but we laughed and loved enough. I thought so and all the while, even when Clare and I were at our best, I never had the intensity that those two have. It's hard, just looking at them together because its so... powerful. I never shared such a connection with Clare. But I loved her with all I had and can't just let her go."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. I only looked in his eyes and nodded, understanding. He had a normal love, a decent relationship like most. But nothing more I guess if his friends go so much deeper. I was pleased he was telling me the truth and liked knowing it was me he was confessing to.
"Do you think Clare and you will make it?"
"I don't know. But I'm going to try my best to see that we do."
I nodded again, continuing to look at all the other pictures. It was hard getting his words out of my head, but hey, I guess that was better than dwelling over his family. I doubted something like that would ever happen to me. I mean, it's hard enough to find love today.
Once finished looking at his walls, I plopped down on his bed. It was so comfortable. I laid on my back, staring at his ceiling. I felt him sit on the bed beside me. "Are they coming over to meet me too?"
"Who, my friends?"
"Yeah. If you guys are so close, shouldn't they know about me? And what about all your other family? Like cousins and aunts and all that chaos."
He chuckled. "Well, most of my other family lives out of town and elsewhere. Who you have met is most of everyone. I mean, I have other family here but I didn't want too many people all at once when meeting. And as for those two, well with them just getting engaged, they are really busy at this point. Getting ready to get married and all...." he said, nodding. I could tell though he must not have seen them in a long time. He spoke as if he missed them, no doubt that guy, his best friend, most of all.
I sighed, sitting up on his bed. And... there was nothing but silence. It was actually nice for a bit. Just relaxing and quiet as I looked around his room more. Until his eyes found mine and he broke the silence. "What do you think?" he asked quietly. I knew what he meant from his tone. It was an important question, one I didn't want to answer. So I pretended he meant something else.
"Your room is amazing. I--"
"I mean my family," he said, face neutral and therefore, I wasn't sure what he was looking for in me. I hate that, when I can't read people and mainly him. It's frustrating but nothing I could really do about it.
"I like them for the most part. Of course, that could change," I teased. "We didn't have dinner yet."
There was silence between us for a moment. "I don't want you feel... uncomfortable around them. What happened with Brooke," he sighed. "I mean, she will come around and see that everything she heard is a lie. Sh--"
"But it's not a lie," I said, shaking my head. "You are having a hard time remembering that, aren't you? Because I am insane, I have done all those terrible things. Apparently, I even beat myself up."
He dipped his head in slight shame at me repeating his sister's words. "Look, I understand that you might not be safe around her since you aren't yourself sometimes. We shouldn't fully trust you. It's just getting hard not to see you being able to have freedom."
I shook my head. "There will always be the proof," I said. "And Clare. You say you love her so much and want to do everything to stay with her. You can succeed in that. Just stop opening your eyes to the truth and to me." I said, smirking.
He didn't say anything to that right away. Instead, I watched his eyes sweep over me and an understanding look came over him. He seemed to think about it first but acted and moved closer to me. Facing each other as we sat on the edge of the bed, he made me face him a little more. He was so close... oh god, his scent was amazing. I breathed as evenly as I could.
"Albany," he said softly and caressed me with his eyes. I felt his hand gently rest on my arm. Looking down, I realized that I had my arms crossed the whole time and I was shaking again. I bit my lip, not wanting to look back up at him. He knew what my issue was really, with Jan and now Brooke. I just hope he would forget it. "You're shaking," he said.
"So what?"
He grasped both my arms and made them unwind. They seemed to be shaking faster not bound tightly against me. He held my hands in his warm and smooth palms. It felt so nice... warm. I moaned as softly as I could and he didn't hear me, thank god.
"I admitted something to you a minute ago. Admit to me why you are really shaking."
Jesus fucking Christ. Really? Why did he need me to say it? To clarify that I'm a weak and hopeless bitch? It was still hard talking to him on some things and this fell under that category. "Why do you want to know? Why do you think I'm shaking?"
"Because I want to hear you confess it. Tell me it's because you are not use to having a motherly figure around."
"What would I accomplish telling you that?"
"You would see that you can tell me anything, any problem you have. Just because I'm a cop doesn't make me not human. From this to when you were beat up, you can tell me. I want to help you."
"Fine. But note, it was done unfairly and I didn't approach you on the subject. You beat it out of me." He smiled, his hands still burning in mine. I groaned. "You're right."
He looked relieved and nodded. "Do you want me to tell her to back off a little or--"
I shook my head violently. "Hell fucking no, I don't want you to tell her that! Jesus, it's not her issue, it's mine. I'm just not use to it and don't know how to deal with being in an environment like that."
"Because Clare never offered you such love, right?"
I nodded but scoffed. "I really hate...." I sighed, trailing off not wanting to say it. Yet, he managed it. Somehow, he knew what I was thinking. I looked down.
"You really hate feeling vulnerable and weak. Especially around people. You don't know how to act properly but even if you did, you grew up being tough; you wouldn't want to act properly even if you could. You would be too ashamed."
"Yes," I whispered softly, looking into his eyes of fields. Fields containing endless jade and emeralds. He was so beautiful. Luke deserved better than her. He deserved more love, the kind he spoke of but never possessed. Love that was so powerful. Such an amazing man. It was quite a sight for a fucked up chick like me. He was hurting and deserved that pain to stop. Hurting in too many ways.
He stared back at me, my breath increasing. His hands in mine, so warm. Just sitting next to him, I felt safe. It was strange because nothing ever felt safe before. I depended on myself for safety and it was a fraction of what I felt now. He was so close... oh god I just wanted to kiss him and to hold him in my arms as he would hold me.
I bet I looked like a fucking idiot, staring at him like a god. He was calm and his heart was, I'm sure, steady. At the same time though, he was staring back in my eyes. Observing, learning, caring and caressing. He really cared for me. One of his hands slipped out of mine and he gently brushed my hair back. He ran his fingers through it once more before dropping his hand. A smile slowly crawled to his face after all this time. He looked a little on edge but it didn't faze him. Trust me, if he had any feelings like I do for him, he wouldn't be accepting of them. He would be ignoring me and guilty. And he was neither. But... why was he staring at me? Why did I get caught in his eyes again?
"Don't worry over anything. Let my mom show her affection but other than that, you have nothing to worry over. Because out of every stubborn and annoying teenager out there, I'm glad it was you that got to be my stepdaughter."
I chuckled but at the same time, my chest twisted. He stood up a minute later and that connection broke. I breathed softly, getting back to reality. I stood with him and he looked to his digital clock by his bed before back to me.
"Almost time to eat," he said.
"Thank god man! I'm starving," I said as I followed him towards his door. Moving down the hall, I headed to the bathroom and said I would meet him downstairs in a minute. And I went the bathroom. You sick pervs aren't getting any more details than that. So, I'll jump to washing my hands. Once done, I opened the door to go find Luke or the others. However, the last person I wanted to see was standing right in front of me.
"Shit," I groaned, looking up to him from where he was facing me in the bathroom door frame. Francis smiled before grabbing my arms and pushing me back into the bathroom and with him following. He shut the door behind us and I was completely alone with him. This wasn't good.