I felt another tear fall, I just couldn't stop myself could I. I had something good, so of course I had to go and do the one thing that would ruin it all. We were going so good, so why did I have to go and cheat on the woman I love with some random guy from the gala. I could blame it on the alcohol but I knew what I was doing, my mind was screaming at me to stop but I couldn't it was too late. It didn't mean anything to me and I really don't know why I did it, I loved Becky I really did. But now it's over, because of me.
I sit up, the only light now was coming from the streetlights outside. It's Thursday, normally I'd be excited to get back to the ring but now I want nothing less. I don't want to see the hurt I have caused, I don't want to see Becky suffering. I can't sleep, our fight keep's replaying in my head. I could hear the hurt behind every word and when her sobs overtook her I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and promise it would be okay. We spent a lot of our time like that but I didn't mind, Becky was scared I would hurt her in the end and I promised I wouldn't but I did which makes it hurt even more.
["It was just one stupid kiss I swear!" I was now pleading with my girlfriend, desperate that she would understand and forgive me. "That wasn't what it looked like! You were all over each other! How do you expect me to believe you Rollins?" The use of my last name stung, but I know I deserved it. "I'm sorry! Please, I don't want to lose you!" We both have tear stained cheeks and I can feel a part of my heart getting torn away from me. "Then why would you do that! We were supposed to be getting married in a week!"
She looked me dead in the eye and I just knew. "Please don't do this, we can work this out please!" she shook her head. "I thought you loved me, I really thought I'd found my forever in you!" She looked away from me and I was just trying to hold myself together. "I love you too Becky~" "No, no you don't because you wouldn't have done the one thing that would hurt me the most! Now please just go..." She had tears streaming down her face as she pointed to the door. "Please just go..." I walked towards the door but before leaving I looked back at her and never in my life have a felt like such an awful human being. ]
*
I feel sick, I just feel sick. I should be in Alt Empordà getting married to who I thought was the love of my life today but instead I'm on my sofa crying, alone. I can't understand why he'd do it, I thought what we had was good, I thought we loved each other but I guess it was a one way relationship. I let him in, I trusted him after everything I'd been through before in past relationships and he hurt me. I always thought Seth was too good to be true, I guess I was right.
That stupid gala, I didn't even want to go but Seth was so enthusiastic to go. He said it would be a nice night to end a shit year, guess my night couldn't have gone worse. The award show was boring but it always is, things seemed good then. Seth had his hand resting on my thigh for the whole ceremony which I found sweet, after the ceremony we met up with Charlotte and Roman, we all were talking and just generally having a nice evening. The champagne was flowing and everybody was enjoying themselves including me and then things turned sour. Seth needed the bathroom so he kissed me on the cheek and left, I didn't think anything of it at the time but I probably should've.
It seemed to have been ages since he'd left and clearly I wasn't the only one who thought that. "Maybe you should go and see if he's alright, don't worry I'll watch your champagne glass." Before I could even respond, I felt the glass being taken from my hand by Charlotte. Now with no reason to stay, I found myself walking to the bathroom. My intoxicated mind was clearly not prepared for what I was about to say. I swung the bathroom door open and I saw them, Seth pressed against the sinks with some random kissing him. He had his hands in Seth's shirt and Seth had his hands in the guy's hair pulling him closer.
As soon as Seth saw me he pushed the guy off, I felt my mouth go dry as Seth readjusted his suit. "Becky it wasn't what it looked like." Cliché, of course it was what it looked like. My fiancé snogging some random man, for what? I couldn't speak, my eyes just traced Seth's messy attire and swollen lips. I could feel tears building in my eyes as the realisation of what happened hit me, I didn't know what to do but all I knew is that I needed to get away. I turned and rushed back through the bathroom door, I clearly caught a lot of attention as the room fell mostly silent as I ran through crying my eyes out, with Seth not far behind me.
I ran outside and felt the cold air cover my body, my skin felt like it was on fire. Why would Seth throw away everything we'd build together for some stupid kiss if he needed a kiss he could've come to me. I am his fiancé after all, I thought we were going to work out I really did, how could I have been so stupid believing that I would my happy ending. I must look like such an idiot, because I certainly feel like I am. I just don't understand why? Why he would throw away what we have, or at least what I thought we had.
*
I can't get the image out of my head from when she found me, she had such a crestfallen look on her face which made my heart ache. I watched the realisation strike her, I watched her eyes fill with tears when she realised what I'd just done. I don't know, I really don't know what to do anymore. I have lost the love of my life over a stupid kiss, I wish I knew why I did it, because it would make my life so much easier but I don't. I saw the guy check me out and on impulse I just kissed him, he pushed me against the counter and I pulled on his hair. I wish I'd just thought about it before I did it, I wish I'd just fucking stayed by Becky's side or actually I wish I never convinced her to go to the gala in the first place. What a fucking awful idea.
I look out into the night and wonder how Becky's doing, if I've even crossed her mind since that day. I wish I could just pick up my phone and ring her, like we used to before this. We used to call until the other fell asleep, it was always my favourite part of the time off but now I can't and that's my fault. I reach for my phone anyway and I dial her number. "Hello! I'm not at the phone right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!" *beep* "Becky, it's me. I'm really sorry...please. It hasn't even been that long since you left but it feels that way. I know I made a mistake and there's no excuse for what I did but please Becky, please can you just try to forgive me. I love you too much...I really don't want to lose you, you can scream at me or doing anything you want, but please can you find it in your heart to forgive me because I love you..." I pressed the hang up button and placed my phone back into my pocket. I know she probably won't even listen to it, which is what hurts me even more.
*
The rain on the window is soothing, I wonder how the weather is like in Spain probably warm and nice but here it's just cold and dark. Normally I enjoy the time I spend at home but now I want nothing more than to be in the ring and training, the times I'm in the ring all I can think about is the moves and not Seth fucking kissing some random bloke. I see a notification pop up on my phone "You have a new voicemail, please dial 111." I sighed, pressed onto the call button and dialling 111. "One new message, received at 12:03AM from Sethie." Just hearing who it was from was almost enough to hand up, but I did want to hear what he had to say. "...but please can you find it in your heart to forgive me because I love you..." *beep* I could feel my heart hammering against my chest as I dropped my phone to the sofa, I don't know...I want to forgive him, I want to be getting married to him but I also don't want to get hurt again.
There was a sound of a car pulling up outside, not strange even for this time of night. But a loud knock at the door was what startled me, scared I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around my body before going to get the door. I opened it and saw him, Seth holding a bouquet of red roses with a sorry look on his face. I must look awful as his features look pitiful. "Please may I come in?" I could hardly say no, so I stepped aside letting him in. I felt his attention fall onto my hand and I shivered. "You took off your engagement ring?" I just shrugged, what did he expect me to do. "Becky, babe...I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. I was drunk and he was there, I don't know why I did it because I love you. I really do, I love you more than any words will ever describe. Please, I'm begging you here."
He walked up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, I thought I would want to pull away but I didn't I just found myself moving closer. I missed his warmth, I missed his gentle touches, I missed all of him and I didn't quite realise until now. "Becky please say something...if you want me to go, then I'll go." He pulled away from me and I just managed to muster the word "Stay." He looked up at me from where he was standing by the door, I bit my lip and he mimicked my movement. He took a step closer and I stayed where I was, I wanted to take a step closer but I couldn't. "Becky, please talk to me." Another step and another step until we were inches apart.
*
I couldn't read the expression on her face, but I certainly wasn't expecting for her to even want me to stay. I didn't realise she'd raised her hand until I felt a hard slap against my cheek. I looked up at her and I placed my hand to my now red skin. Suddenly I couldn't hold myself back any longer, I pressed a rough kiss to Becky's lips and lifted her up so that she was sitting on the counter. She responded by wrapping her legs around my waist to pull me closer, "How about me and you go make a stupid mistake?" I spoke breathlessly but I took Becky pulling me closer than I ever imagined as a yes. I lifted her off the counter and she kept her legs firmly around my waist, she looked at me and softly kissed the red skin on my cheek. I laid her back down on the bed and she hungrily ripped my clothes off, I think she's forgiven me.
*
*
*
"Am I forgiven?" I looked down at my sweaty girlfriend, who was sprawled beautifully against my chest. "Yeah, yeah I guess so..." I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she smiled, content I'd finally got my girlfriend back and I'm never going to make a stupid mistake again.