Lu Fengmian didn't know how he made it back to his room. He didn't know how long he had sat, how long he pretended to smile as his own heart slowly tore, as the realization that this world was too different dawned upon him.
As he closed the door in his room, his body weakly slid down. Lu Fengmian's hand was trembling as he touched his face, not shocked to feel the sudden wetness. There was a mocking smile on his face even as his lips trembled, small tears falling down his face.
It hurts... He had never imagined this before. Lu Fengmian was always so sure that no matter which world, Tang Qingshan would always be his, that the soul within each body would fall in love with him and be his. But reality showed that Lu Fengmian was wrong.
Not to mention, he was weak in this world. Lu Fengmian had no status, no power, and no information about how this world was progressing. He was weak. Other than being a fox demon, Lu Fengmian could not compare.
There was a tearing in his heart that made Lu Fengmian choke up. The way Tang Qingshan had smiled so beautifully, so brightly was something that he had never seen before. He had seen Tang Qingshan smile, but none could compare to when he had seen Xu Weiyuan. It was a smile so bright and pure, filled with adoration and love, Lu Fengmian understood at once that he couldn't compare to the man Tang Qingshan held.
And it was so painful. Even as Lu Fengmian smiled as gently as ever, there was a voice in his heart aching to be let out, to cry out his grievances. But Lu Fengmian continued acting, putting the most effort in retaining his demeanor. Now, he was collapsing, the pain attacking him head on.
It was so funny because Lu Fengmian clearly already knew that Tang Qingshan had someone in his heart. He had known it the moment Tang Qingshan talked about another person he wanted to protect. Lu Fengmian had known that Tang Qingshan loved someone the moment he looked into his eyes to find only the love for a friend that was there. He had clearly known, yet his heart had refused this thought. Lu Fengmian continued to pretend being blind, even as he could tell that Tang Qingshan didn't love him.
And now, the pain was attacking him twice as hard. It was to the point where Lu Fengmian's body felt numb, every breath aching to the vein, and even his eyes wanted to just shut down. Lu Fengmian fought to control his heart that was aching in pain, his red eyes looking up as he harshly wiped his tears away.
There was a sorrowful smile on his face as he came face to face with reality. This was alright. No matter what, Lu Fengmian's role was to protect Lu Yingyue. He knew that Tang Qingshan did not retain his memories of their past together so Lu Fengmian could not be angry at him. Not to mention, he could clearly see just why Tang Qingshan had fallen for Xu Weiyuan. The man's demeanor was similar to Lu Fengmian's, only, his was genuine.
Lu Fengmian controlled his shaking breath, calming himself down. Tang Qingshan was happy, Lu Fengmian had clearly seen it. Although it hurts him, the pain engulfing him, Lu Fengmian did not want to be greedy and selfish.
The man was so happy, Lu Fengmian wasn't going to break him and Xu Weiyuan apart just so that he would be the one next to Tang Qingshan. Just this one world. In this world, Lu Fengmian would let Tang Qingshan find love with someone else.
Thinking this, a smile showed on his face, light and soft yet bittersweet. Lu Fengmian pushed himself up, his whole body trembling and shaking as he stabled himself.
His eyes were glazed red, bringing about the image of a crying beauty, a beauty in tears, invoking a sense of heartache. Lu Fengmian continued letting out the deep breaths in his heart, trying to sooth his aching heart.
Even as he restored his normal demeanor, there was a sense of sadness hidden within his eyes. Lu Fengmian looked out the window, gazing at the flying birds and the bright moon that lingered in the sky.
It hurts, how could it not? But when Tang Qingshan looked truly happy with a smile so bright, Lu Fengmian was even more scared of breaking that image. Having spent a long time with Tang Qingshan, Lu Fengmian knew that he would never be able to receive that smile even if he was given a thousand lifetimes.
And so, just in this world, Lu Fengmian was willing to back down and let someone else take his place in loving the man he loved most. Just in this one world, Lu Fengmian was willing to bow down and say that he lost.
Suddenly, from the side of his eyes, a mirage showed. It was a fox, a familiar fox, and Lu Fengmian knew who it was at once.
It was the original soul.
"Why are you here?" Lu Fengmian realized that his voice was a bit raw, shaky, a voice that sounded like it had just gone through deep pain.
The fox walked closer, his eyes looking straight into Lu Fengmian's.
"I'm sorry."
"For what? There is no one to blame for my pain." That was what he believed, that this could only be the work of fate and destiny.
The fox looked at Lu Fengmian for a long second before finally saying.
"Actually, I didn't give you my real memories. At least, not all of it."
Lu Fengmian wrinkled his brows. It was what he was expecting but he didn't expect that the original soul would be coming forward to explain.
"You know, it's funny how fate works. I had also fallen for the General too."
The fox showed a slight smile at this, his canines showing.
Lu Fengmian's eyes widened. "What?"
"I fell in love with the General the exact same way you did. I loved a man, a human man."
The fox suddenly winced, his mirage flickering between disappearing before it finally restored its image.
"I can't tell you much for I am bound by the rules that have been created. I can only tell you this. You are walking the same route that I did. Please make careful decisions. The future is coming fast, you will suffer even more pain. And... you will face the harshest decision of your life."
As the fox said this, his body began disappearing. The slight and faint image that was created slowly began fading as Lu Fengmian stared in silence, watching as the original soul fully disappeared.
There was a tired look in Lu Fengmian's eyes. Just what kind of world was this? Was this world really meant to make him continuously suffer through pain worse than death?
If so, Lu Fengmian wanted to give up... this much pain, he would rather not go through it...
-
"That man seems to be a nice man." Xu Weiyuan's eyes looked towards Tang Qingshan as the man walked forward and hugged his waist.
(Xu Weiyuan (preserving depth), 19 years old)
Tang Qingshan smiled softly at his words. "He is, I can trust him genuinely. In fact, he's very similar to you."
To this, Xu Weiyuan's hands gently touched Tang Qingshan's face as he asked, "How so?"
"His personality is similar to your's, only that he is not as stubborn as you." Tang Qingshan leaned his head onto Xu Weiyuan's hand as the man softly chuckled.
"No, he's even better than me. He has a great personality and a beautiful face, his future will be bright." Xu Weiyuan could feel Tang Qingshan's hands getting tighter around his waist. "How have you been during this time, A-Shan?"
"I missed you. You're normally gone but I'm still not used to it. I know that your job is dangerous and that your position truly needs you, but I still can't help but miss you." As Tang Qingshan said this, there was a fleeting pain in his head as he blinked it away. His features hardened.
Xu Weiyuan noticed at once, his own face filled with worry as he asked, "Are you alright?"
Tang Qingshan smiled quickly, covering his pain as he replied, "I'm alright, don't worry." Tang Qingshan took back his arms, instead, grabbing onto Xu Weiyuan's hand as he said, "I have to go meet His Majesty tonight so I won't be able to stay with you. Mother is currently reciting her mantras so you can find Fengmian to get to know him. I'm sure you will find him as a good friend."
Xu Weiyuan merely nodded his head with a smile, "Alright, I will do so. After all, I'm sure you would want that too. I should get to know your friends." His hands tightened around Tang Qingshan's.
Tang Qingshan looked into Xu Weiyuan's eyes and smiled softly. He wished he could stay but unfortunately, Mo Chou had called him to go meet up with him for a bit.
"Walk me out first. It's been three months since you've been gone."
-
Lu Yingyue walked around in the desolate night. She didn't why, but a heavy feeling just entered her heart. She needed to find Lu Fengmian, she knew that something had happened to him. It was an instinct, something that Lu Yingyue had gotten when she bonded with him. Whenever Lu Fengmian was hurt, physically or emotionally, Lu Yingyue would know.
Lu Yingyue had made an oath, a vow that she would get rid of anything or anyone that ever hurts Lu Fengmian. He was her peace, the reason why she hadn't lost control of herself yet. He was her only family, the reason why she had become a new person. Lu Fengmian's happiness was her goal, his peace was her joy. The only reason why Lu Yingyue did not lose control and become evil was because in the past, a small boy had tugged at her heart and warmed up the frozen heart within her.
Ever since then, Lu Yingyue tried to change. While she didn't change fully, she no longer killed and killed. She had retreated from her past, forsaking her role, and lived a life in the secluded mountain along with Lu Fengmian. Having watched Lu Fengmian grow, he was a brother and basically a son to her.
So now, Lu Yingyue's brows knitted softly, her beautiful face cold and and dangerous. There was a heavy emotion in her heart, a feeling of danger. Having switched into her fox form to sneak away from the eyes of humans, she was moving at a fast rate, a white shadow running through the forest.
Now, Lu Yingyue could feel that he was hurting. After all, to protect Lu Fengmian, she had made a link from him to her. Lu Fengmian's heart was connected to her's. If his emotions were too strong, then she would feel it at once. Shall he ever face a dangerous situation, Lu Yingyue would be alerted if his life force is ever gradually fading.
Lu Yingyue's soft paws hit the ground, her eyes shining brightly in the dark. She was scared. She needed to get Lu Fengmian away from the Tang Manor before matters escalate. Letting him stay there was already a dangerous situation for the two. She was taking a risk because she knew that Lu Fengmian loved Tang Qingshan, but the people of Tang Manor would forever hate them. They were demons, they were the fox demons. And... there was much more.
Everything was her fault... but still, she will protect Lu Fengmian till her last breath.
-
"If you don't mind, can I ask you for a game of chess?"
As Lu Fengmian opened the door and looked at Xu Weiyuan, he bit his lips, the waves of pain still crashing harsh against his heart. But he mustered a smile and invited the man inside. He knew that Xu Weiyuan was not to blame, that no one could be blamed.
"Please come in." Lu Fengmian opened the doors as he allowed Xu Weiyuan inside.
Xu Weiyuan nodded his head, slowly walking inside, taking a look at his assistant as the man retreated.
As the two walked inside, Lu Fengmian already had a table set up. Just moments ago, he had been taking his frustrations and pain out on chess, as if trying to beat himself up.
"I already have everything set up as I was just playing a round of chess by myself. Now that you're here, I will be able to have a partner." Lu Fengmian smiled softly, even as he silently screamed inside.
Lu Fengmian was not this type of person. In the past, he would've had done everything to tear apart a person he didn't like, but now, he had softened. He was now vulnerable and weak, his emotions running high. He was now in love, love had changed him. For the better or worse, he wasn't quite sure.
Xu Weiyuan walked inside as he took a seat next to the window, the moonlight shining in.
"A-Shan told me that you have been by his side for quite a while now. I'm glad he was able to open up to you. Years before, he has always been a cold person, nonchalant of the world." As Xu Weiyuan said this, there was a look of remembrance in his eyes that Lu Fengmian noticed at once and it stung his heart.
Lu Fengmian knew at once that the relationship between Tang Qingshan and Xu Weiyuan has been brewing for a long time. That being said, it was clear that Lu Fengmian should have no part in this.
And so, he could only lightly smile in turn. Lu Fengmian looked down at the chess pieces, towards the white and black pieces that lingered on the board.
Have you ever met someone you really love, only to know that they already have someone else? And what more, that person was so fitting for them, you knew you couldn't step in?
That was what Lu Fengmian was going through. He loved Tang Qingshan so much, but knew that Xu Weiyuan also suited him and so he didn't want to step in.
Rather than being the other person in their relationship, Lu Fengmian would rather retreat and watch from the side. He could love in secret, that was alright. So long as the man he loved was happy, he was willing to wear a smile and pretend he was alright.
"I'm glad to hear that. Unlike me, you are someone that he can really be at peace with. The relationship between the two of you is something to envy."
He was jealous, but willing to retreat and watch from the side. This time, Lu Fengmian lost. He had lost before the game had even begun.
Lu Fengmian blinked, his eyes narrowing, showing a slight light within them.
This time, he was willing to bow down his head and be the one to lose...
.
.
.
"I don't want to hurt him, but if this pain will bring him back, then I have to."
"This is the same pain that my brother went through. The pain of loving someone so much and them never knowing, the pain of having lost before you could even do anything, the pain of retreating quietly and watching from the side. Qianchi was always too proud, to the fact where he had turned evil because of a fake love. In that world, let us await what decisions he will make."
"You still blame him, do you not?"
"No, but I want him to learn. He is not innocent from his own deeds, having killing his senior brothers and sisters and even his master."
"If we could all decide our fates, how many lives would have been saved and not lost? How many decisions would not be regretted, and how much pain would be forgotten?"
"But that is only for Heaven to decide, not for us. Immortals we are, but we are still below the true Immortals residing within Heaven. As such, we can only carry along our fates, like a moth flying towards a raging fire."
.
.
.
AN: When you see sentences written like this, it either means that the text is something from the past that has been said, like the original world, or it is being said by someone that is not living.
Sentences like this mean that the sentences are something that is currently happening in the present back in the original world.
Sentence that are bolded are usually something that is important or they have a big determination in what happened in the original world.