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Remus wasn't back and James still hadn't looked at a chart of the moon. In fact, he was purposely doing badly in astronomy for that very reason. He had meant exactly what he said to Sirius about not wanting to handle another nightmare. Only Sirius had been right too. How long had Remus been living with the nightmare? Because even if it wasn't that, it was most assuredly something dreadful. The poor lad was suffering it alone and James was being a coward.
It was just...if Remus was a werewolf what good would them knowing about it do? James couldn't think of anything and so kept putting it off. Just until after the first game. At least that was what he kept telling himself to feel better as the days ticked by and he still did nothing.
Then it was his first game. Even though he had told Sirius he wasn't nervous he was terrified. James was the best at Quidditch, a natural, good enough to play for the pros one day he was sure. But as several of the older teammates assured him, there was no cure for first-game jitters.
"Mate, you gotta eat something," Sirius sighed, shoving the plate of toast back to James who shoved it back again.
"If you two don't eat something then you'll feel sick later," Lily scolded though most of her displeasure was aimed at Dorcas, who looked rather green as she half-heartedly stirred her spoon around in the unappetizing-looking grits.
"They don't get it, Dor. They just don't get it," James lamented to his fellow teammate, the two of them often walking back together and talking after practices. Dorcas nodded with a grimace and together they were able to fight off Sirius and Lily's attempts to get them to eat. Peter even tried feeding him like a baby.
"Leave them be, they'll be alright. Better they eat nothing so they don't throw up chunks on the field," Gideon replied unhelpfully, patting both their backs before heading off. The Hogwart's champion had healed a great deal in only two short days, but James knew their head boy must be worried about his injuries getting in the way of them winning the game today.
"Well, if you aren't going to eat do you want to go down to the pitch early?" Lily offered, sounding at a loss which made her sound considerably less bossy, therefore an improvement.
"Sure. Come on, James," Dorcas replied, sounding a bit chipper at the suggestion.
He followed her, letting Sirius and Peter cheer him and assure him he'd do great. His legs were shaking in far too many directions, and for a second he thought someone had cast a jellylegs jinx on him, before begrudgingly realizing he was just that nervous. Despite that, somehow he and Dorcas managed to get down to the Quidditch pitch where Gideon was waiting with a knowing smile, their brooms waiting for them.
Sometimes he really loved that Gideon Prewitt.
"Take a few laps, realize you still remember how to fly. Then come on back and drink some water. Not eating is doable but I won't have either of you passing out on your brooms a few hours from now from dehydration," Gideon instructed kindly.
James nodded, not thinking he had the wits nor energy to protest even if he wanted to.
"Aye aye," Dorcas called, shooting off into the sky, James not far behind her.
Gideon was right to suggest laps, he really was feeling better up on the broom. Only from up in the air he noticed the added rows of seats and re-remembered that his first-ever game would be in front of students from other schools which he wasn't sure was good or not. It would depend on how he did, he supposed. He imagined doing so well that girls threw themselves on him, only he stopped fantasizing when the faceless girls kept morphing into Lily and he felt his cheeks get red as a result.
"Come on down now, you two. Nice landings, don't forget the importance of a good landing at the end of the game whether we win or not, alright? You'll be fine and if you aren't, then the older students will cover for you. That's what a team does," the Gryffindor captain; Henry Walsh, called encouragingly. The captain called Gideon over and the two proceeded to discuss strategy for the game. It sure was nice to have both of their support.
"How's your injury, Gideon?" James heard himself ask, though he felt a bit far away, a bit dizzy, and a lot nauseous.
"Good enough, it won't hinder my flying. Listen you two, in my first game, I was shaking with nerves and excitement. But all the pep-talking in the world from older students didn't help convince me I wouldn't fall on my arse and embarrass myself in front of the whole school. So go into the locker rooms and do what you need to do. Some of our mates have pre-game rituals to help. Whatever gets you to calm down, do it. I expect you both to not look like seasick acromantulas in an hour. And when you're up on your brooms if you remember nothing else remember this: it doesn't matter if you make a mistake, it matters if you recover from it," Gideon pointed out with a grin and a wink, their captain making noises of agreement beside him.
James nodded a bit, in awe at Gideon saying 'our mates,' implying they too were mates. He also appreciated the subtle reminder that this was nothing compared to almost dying from giant spiders. But even that didn't lift his spirits much as he and Dorcas retreated to the locker rooms. Dorcas paced before slipping into the girls' changing room while James just sat there in the debriefing team room, hanging his head.
"Psst psst!" came a very quiet whisper while James was thinking about his dad and what his role-model would say to cheer him up. The sound tore him away from the unhelpful pep talk he was sort of giving himself. "James?"
"Sirius?" he asked in surprise, though why he should be he wasn't sure. Only Remus showed any restraint in taking his cloak whenever.
"Who else?" Sirius laughed, his grinning disembodied head appearing.
"Peter didn't come?"
"Didn't ask. He was talking to Marlene in the common room," Sirius explained, rolling his eyes to show exactly what he thought of that.
"Why are you here?"
"Why do you think, you git? You look ready to shit yourself. So I brought you something to cheer you up."
James doubted anything could cheer him up but found himself laughing as Sirius produced a squirming painted maroon and gold Elvis from under his cloak.
"Tadah!" Sirius whispered with a flourish.
"He looks ridiculous. Hahaha, he's going to be cheering me on too then?"
"You know it!"
James grinned at Sirius, amazed his friend had somehow cheered him up with a kitten he wasn't even particularly that fond of, though he had to admit Elvis had grown on him. Sirius set Elvis on his lap and the quickly growing kitten pawed at his owner's pants, giving James' hand a little lick as he petted him.
"I'm surprised you let him leave the dorm," James mused, knowing how protective his friend could be about the little ball of fluff.
"Only for you. Plus, I'll keep him in my arms at all times. Don't you worry, Elvis isn't going anywhere!"
James groaned, making a joke about how that might not be the worst thing, despite both of them knowing he loved Elvis too. "Do I still look like I'm going to shite myself?"
"Sure do, but don't be too down. I reckon that's just your regular expression," Sirius said in a chipper voice, sticking his tongue out playfully.
James elbowed Sirius or tried to, his friend dancing out of the way with a laugh. "Thanks, Sirius."
"What for?" Sirius grinned.
"Cheering me up with your stupidity," James teased, feeling himself smile despite his anxiety.
"You better not be calling Elvis stupid," Sirius replied in mock anger.
"Nope, just you," James replied cheekily, smirking. Sirius boxed him on the head playfully.
"Just think, next year both of us will be in here then it will be your turn to do something stupid to cheer me up. Assuming I'm a scared little baby like you."
James stuck a finger up at Sirius to show him what he thought about that. The two of them bantered for a bit then just talked, Elvis curled up in James' lap all the while.
"Okay, James, how are you holding up? Is that a cat?" Gideon faltered, having come to check on his teammate. James bit back a grin at the champion's dumbfounded face.
"You said anything," James replied innocently, glad and amused that Sirius had covered himself in the cloak fast enough to be undetected. Gideon's face made him think that maybe anything hadn't really constituted anything.
"Only if he can be the team's mascot," Gideon said dead serious, though James noticed a playful gleam in his eye and relaxed.
"Of course. His name is Elvis and he's a devilish little thing." He felt Sirius' foot stomp on his. "I mean, the sweetest little kitten ever who adores attention."
"He's perfect," Gideon said, looking like he was trying not to outwardly show just how cute he thought Elvis was.
"I mean, he's already in our house colours." Again Sirius stomped on his foot! "He's not mine though, he's Sirius'." Again a stomp, and James finally realized what the problem was. "Only my git of a mate is overly protective so we just have to make sure Sirius gets him before the game officially starts."
"That can be arranged," Gideon replied, now grinning as he stroked Elvis' tuft of hair on the top of his head which apparently gave him his name somehow.
The curl of hair bounced slightly as Gideon straightened and cleared his throat. "I'm going to go check on Dorcas. Good job though, James."
"For what?" James asked surprised, wondering if it had something to do with the cat.
"For calming yourself down all by yourself. Shows you'll be a real star one day. Not that I'm surprised with how well you handled yourself in the forest."
James beamed as Gideon left, the game truly seeming less like an event of impending doom, and more like another challenge that someone who survived a swarm of acromantula could easily overcome.
"How come you always get all the glory?" Sirius pouted, scooping Elvis away from James protectively.
"Oh come off it, Sirius! Let me borrow him. I'll never complain about him stealing my socks again."
"He only steals them because they are so wonderfully sweaty and stinky. And for the record, I would have liked to see you actually calm down yourself by yourself," Sirius huffed with a mock cross expression on his face.
"Fine, fine, the honour is all yours, you're the best mate ever and I owe you forever," James replied flatly, "now get out before you get me in trouble. Oh, but leave Elvis."
"Fine, you're lucky we're best mates." Sirius gave a wave and disappeared completely under the cloak.
"Don't I know it," James replied grinning. He was very, very lucky to have the friends he did.
Once all of the Gryffindor Quidditch team arrived it became apparent their mascot was beloved. Elvis was a hit with the whole team who all thought James was the best for bringing him. Even Dorcas who often called James 'arrogant' seemed impressed. Then, when James was shooting out onto the pitch, he realized it wasn't just Peter and Sirius sitting to support him, and the happiness he felt at having the friends he did increase even more. Huddled in three blankets, looking like death, but firmly sitting there, propped between Peter and Sirius in case he collapsed or something, was Remus.
As James shot into the sky to the thousands of fans cheering his name, well cheering for Gryffindor, but same difference, he knew he absolutely had to figure out Remus' secret once the game was over. There might be nothing he could do about it and it would most certainly be a nightmare. But Sirius was right, James really didn't want Remus to have to suffer alone anymore.
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"And MacMillian swoops through the air with the quaffle and with Vass and Ollamh, those trolls, right on top of her. Oh, but there's a bludger nicely slugged by Gryffindor's newest beater Dorcas Meadows and her aim is true. Ouch, that's gonna hurt! Meanwhile, Baker is zipping through the sky looking a bit crazed in his pursuit of the snitch followed closely by Turner, and golly look at them go. And now..."
Remus tried to focus, feeling dreadful. Madam Pomfrey was going to kill him, there was no doubt about it. At the very least she'd install locks or a guard or something so he didn't sneak out again. Even with the draught he took, which made him sluggish and ebbed some of the pain, his whole body knew what a moron he was being, and it took every chance to reinforce that he was.
The wounded werewolf shifted slightly, trying to relieve the throbbing pressure on his left ankle only for a jolt of pain to be sent up through his spine. His whole head felt like iron, and he was careful to speak only in a faint whisper. That way it wasn't clear his throat was currently damaged from another night of screaming and then howling.
But he had needed to come!
Remus knew how much this game meant for James, and it made the throbbing and scorching pain worth it because he had somehow made it here and was being a good friend.
A good friend despite his secrets and lying to his roommates about where he had been after the first task. It was a good lie he came up with. He must be getting better about lying to them because not even Sirius questioned it later or even brought it up again. Remus was sure the nosy boy would have if he even suspected there was more to the lie, but they all must really have believed he was merely showing a student around.
What had actually happened was Remus had accidentally run into Ryan. The Slytherin had looked so eager to hang out with him that the Gryffindor didn't have the heart to say no, especially when he noticed the limp the boy had. After they talked for a while on the astronomy tower he had asked Ryan about the limp, but the boy assured him he had just tripped down some stairs. Remus was all too familiar with that tone and knew his friend was lying to him. But the werewolf hadn't pressed the matter since he could tell Ryan was ashamed. Remus had also taken the opportunity to talk to Ryan about Regulus.
It had taken a great deal of convincing for Ryan to believe the younger Black was actually a decent sort, and even more convincing for him to agree to approach the younger boy. Remus wasn't sure how much good it would do but it made him feel better. Besides, Regulus really was decent. So if Ryan could get him to hang out with the little band of more open-minded Slytherins it would certainly be a victory. Overall it had been a nice time, though Remus had known it couldn't last too long because he knew Peter had seen them. Luckily, knowing that had given him plenty of time to prepare his defence. Ryan had hugged him goodbye and Remus had retreated to the dorm to write down on the parchment they used to keep in touch, to make sure that the Slytherin had returned safely.
The two of them wrote back and forth a lot. As hard as Remus tried not to bring up 'their' dead parents killed by Voldemort, which he felt extremely guilty for continuing the lie about, Ryan really wanted to talk to Remus about it. Which made sense because Ryan assumed Remus was the only one who could understand, but it still made his insides squirm with guilt every time.
However, he let Ryan talk and talk and talk about it, finding he could relate in many ways even if for different reasons. For starters, Remus' mum was actually dead which certainly helped him understand the grief, and second, being someone whose parents were killed by Voldemort seemed a great deal akin to being a werewolf in how ostracised the Slytherin was. Ryan was ignored, teased, and harassed, and though he wouldn't outright admit it, terribly bullied.
"Remus, you should lie down. James definitely saw you, and he wouldn't want you killing yourself to stroke his ego," Sirius pointed out while Peter let out a shout of excitement about something that had happened on the pitch.
"Mm...I'm...ok..." he mumbled, feeling a bit fuzzy. But it was helpful to focus purposely on that fuzziness instead of the pain.
"Suit yourself, you stubborn oaf," Sirius sighed irritably, but gently tugged one of the blankets that fell off Remus' back on him and scooched closer to him to keep him sitting up. Remus slumped a little but managed to stay seated and forced himself to focus on the game.
He couldn't see much. But James was doing very well, he knew that from Sirius' violent whooping. However, Slytherin was also winning by a bit, which he knew from Sirius' dark cursing under his breath and loud jeers anytime a Slytherin flew too close to the 'best house ever.'
Peter followed suit in the jeers and cheers meaning that Remus' head, from the sheer volume of the game, actually felt like it was splitting. Madam Pomfrey would find his body in two pieces and tsk at him for letting his head split, or better yet his head hurt so much it would just pop off and he'd be like Nearly Headed Nick, able only to continuously warn younger generations the importance of listening to the matron. He hadn't realized he started giggling through the pain until Sirius gave him a little shake, his face swimming in Remus' vision before finally becoming clear.
"Really, Remus, you look dreadful and..." there was a slight pause in which Sirius pulled a very James move and put his hand to Remus' forehead. "And you're burning up!" he added, sounding very concerned now.
"Focs...on...game...nd Jms..." Remus explained, proud he didn't slur his words and was able to sound coherent. Because he was fine and wanted to stay until the end. He tried to point at the blur that was James, but his blasted friend wouldn't stay still and he knew he looked a bit funny, his hand floundering around in an attempt to highlight his point before Peter grabbed it, gently pushing it back down.
"We should get a teacher, Sirius. I think the Matron might kill us, assuming we were accomplices in this," Peter groaned anxiously.
"Right you are, Peter...oh!"
Remus squinted his eyes, wondering if hopefully the 'oh' was because someone caught the blasted snitch and they could all go home. Instead, he heard another voice, well two other voices and he couldn't stop the groan that escaped him. Anyone but him!
"Might I suggest, Mr. Lupin, that you allow me to escort you to Madam Pomfrey?" came an older gentleman's voice.
"Please go with him, Remus. You must be in a lot of pain...you look dreadful," came Lily's soft pleading which made the werewolf stop, quite literally, digging his heels into the ground in stubbornness. She knew exactly why he was like this and somehow managed to only sound concerned, it still awed him. It still truly flabbergasted him! He nodded in reply, the effort sending him toppling forwards, though Peter and Sirius caught him.
"Good grief. Have you got him, professor? He can be a right bludger to handle sometimes," Sirius cautioned.
"Oh, I assure you I'll be fine," Professor Corbyn replied mildly, with his usual good-natured tone to his voice. That also made Remus relax. He didn't want to be yelled at on his way to the hospital wing as well as when he arrived there, he didn't think he could survive it. "Alright, Mr. Lupin, I'm going to hoist you out of the seat now so don't be surprised, alright?"
"Thanks, Lily," Peter sighed, sounding tired.
"Well, someone had to do the right thing and you fools certainly weren't," Lily sniffed.
"He wanted to support James. How was I supposed to tell him no?" Sirius mumbled.
"Easy. Just look at him!" Lily snapped.
"Now, now, children, focus on the game and stop squabbling," Professor Corbyn interrupted. Then, true to his word, he grabbed Remus under the armpits and pulled him up and over the seat in a smooth motion. Remus struggled to find his footing as he was set down but somehow managed to follow his professor out to the sincere promises from his friends that they'd come to visit him and that he was a damn good mate for even trying to come. Peter was particularly adamant that he would never have come if he felt as bad as it was clear Remus did.
"Yo...r good with...kids..." Remus mumbled, trying not to feel too nervous as they slowly, and very carefully, made their way down the stands and out onto the deserted grounds. Remus tried and failed not to remember the last time he was alone with a DADA professor in a compromising position. He may not like Professor Corbyn, well more so not like his uncanny ability to show up at the most humiliating times, but the young werewolf at least had enough trust in him to know he wouldn't kill him, right?
"Well, I do think that's an important part of being a teacher."
"Your own?" Remus asked regarding the comment their professor had made about his own children way back when he had first met him.
Professor Corbyn chuckled. "Ah, you caught me. I'm afraid I don't actually have any. I simply find if you say you do, parents are more likely to listen to what you say regarding children in general. Now please focus on walking, Mr. Lupin, I don't want you falling," he instructed, sounding serious...and concerned as well, Remus realized with a stab of guilt. It sure would be nice if one day he could stop causing so much trouble for everyone.