"Look, guys, I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better. But I seriously just want to be alone," I said.
I pressed the phone in between my cheek and pillow and curled up into a ball.
"Okay, okay," Siena surrendered.
"But if you change your mind just call us," Lucia added, raising her voice to be heard over the speakerphone.
"Okay, I'll talk to you guys later."
I hung up the phone and placed it on my bedside table, rolling over to stare out the window above my bed.
It'd only been three days, but it felt like a year. I was emotionally exhausted from faking a smile at work and at home. I hadn't told my mom or dad the details, but I did tell Siena and Lucia what happened. Of course, Ale had tried very hard to convince me to talk to Michael but I didn't care. Even Calum and Ashton reached out. But I didn't care what they had to say.
It's too late.
He had betrayed my trust and I wouldn't believe another word that came out of his mouth. I look back on the last four months and all I can think is who was I even dating? Who did I fall in love with? Because the Michael Clifford I thought I knew wouldn't have kept such a secret from me. He would've trusted me to tell me the truth from the beginning. Especially after I had shared with him such intimidate details about my own past. He never once let me in. Not really. He played me well. And I didn't even think twice.
I really didn't know anything about him. And he knew everything about me.
I let the tears silently fall onto my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping that I would just fall asleep.
A knock on my door startled me from my thoughts and I quickly wiped my face.
"I'm going to sleep," I called out.
"Tesoro," my mom said softly as she entered my room and sat on the edge of my bed.
"I know you don't want to talk about what happened, but I'm worried about you," she said as she rubbed my back.
"I'm fine, mamma," I said, but it was obvious that I had been crying.
She sighed and rolled my shoulder so that I was facing her.
"I was thinking maybe you would want to go stay with your grandparents for a while. Go see your cousins in Italy, get some fresh air and a fresh perspective."
I shrugged, staring off into the dark abyss of my closet.
"Think about it and let me know. Daddy can book your ticket," she said, pinching my cheek, "sleep well."
I rolled back over once she had closed the door and I digested what she suggested.
It would be nice to get away and not have to talk to anyone here for a while. It would give me the space I needed to move on and get over the testa di cazzo.
I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. I can make my decision tomorrow, right now, I just want to sleep. And not think.
**
I yawned and stretched my body before fumbling for my phone. When I unlocked it and opened my text messages, I immediately clicked on Michael's name to text him good morning. That's when I saw his texts from Saturday and remembered everything. I closed the app and noticed I had missed calls. And a voicemail.
It was from Calum.
I opened the voicemail and pressed the phone to my ear. To my surprise, it wasn't Calum on the phone.
"Bea, isme. Mikey..." his voice was scratchy and deep, and his words were slurred together, "I'm sosorry baby, I know I fuckeddup..."
There was a pause while he cleared his throat and sniffled, "I missyou somuch, baby. I'm sosorry I hurt you. I don'deserve you. I know...I know..."
The anguish in his voice made my eyes prick with tears.
"Mikey!" A voice in the distant called out. There was a banging on a door and the voice continued, "Michael, who are you talking to? Open the door, bro."
It sounded like Luke.
The door handle rattled and Luke's voice became clearer, "Come on, bro. You're drunk off your ass, give me the phone."
There was a silence before Mikey said with a cracked voice as he began to cry, "I jus' wan'her back. I jus' wanna talk to her."
"I know, but calling her when your drunk isn't helping, just give me the phone," Luke said softly.
There was a clatter like the phone had dropped and I could hear muffled sobs before the line went dead.
I wiped my eyes and scolded myself for wanting to comfort him. For crying because he was hurting.
No, Beatrice. You're hurting. He's the one who hurt you, remember?
I sighed and crawled out of bed to head downstairs to eat breakfast.
"Morning," my mom greeted as I took a seat at the kitchen island.
"Morning," I said softly staring at the candle that he bought me for my birthday.
God, why do I miss him so much?
"I think you're right," I spoke as I spun the candle between my hands.
"Hm, I'm sure I am. But about what exactly?" My mom asked looking over her shoulder from the plate of food she was preparing.
I chuckled lightly before responding, "I want to go stay with nonna."
She nodded and turned around to place the plate of food in front of me. She sighed as she leaned her elbows on the countertop.
"I'll have daddy book you ticket for Friday," she smiled patting my hand.
I nodded and stared at the full plate of food willing myself to be hungry enough to eat it.
I found myself thinking back to Mikey's voicemail and how much I agreed with him. I missed him too. I wanted to talk to him too. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and pretend that none of this happened.
But it did.
"I think I need to see Michael before I leave," I said to my mom, looking for advice.
"We didn't exactly end things cleanly, and I'd like to just get some closure," I added when she didn't say anything.
"I think that's a good idea. Air it all out so you can say what you want to say and move on," she smiled.
I nodded, glad that she had agreed with me and didn't think I was being crazy.
I guess this means I'll have to unblock his number. I opened my phone to do so before eating as much of my breakfast as I could. When I was finished and had cleared my dishes, I went upstairs to call him.
My heart was pounding. Why am I so anxious?
I finally pressed his number and pressed the phone to my ear. I paced my room as the phone rang and after several rings, I was beginning to think this was a bad idea. I was about to hang up when he answered.
"Hello, Bea?" Mikey asked urgently as if he was worried it wasn't really me or that I would hang up on him.
I took a deep breath, "Hi."
"Hi," he said back.
There was a long silence before I remembered why I had called him.
"Can we meet somewhere to talk?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course, just tell me when and where."
I thought about it for a minute before answering.
"I can meet you at your work, we can talk in the basement...I can be there in an hour or so," I suggested.
"That sounds great, I'll see you then."
"Okay, bye," I hung up.
I sat down on my bed feeling anxious about the meeting. I knew I wanted to go. There was so much that I wanted to say before leaving for Italy and moving forward.
I flicked my gaze to the back of my door where his sweatshirt hung.
I guess I need to give that back.
I wanted to look good for the meeting. I didn't want him to see me all disheveled and sad. I would walk in there with my head held high. I turned on my speaker and played some music to get pumped up before I proceeded to make myself look hotter than ever, thinking of that reality show by the Kardashian sister who got cheated on...Revenge Body? That's exactly what he's gonna feel when I walk in looking fucking hotter than ever: that he sure fucked up his chance at ever being with such a catch.