This is the very proper epilogue, because I love you.
If you don't like this one, there's an alternate one the next chapter.
Please read my new story, All falls down. It's calling your name.
Ellie xx
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i was wearing a black dress today, with Niall's black cardigan, which still smelled of him. It's been a year today, since I last heard him laugh. It's awful really, getting old so quickly, and dying so young. He's a benevolent soul, he is.
I say is, because I know he's there. I don't feel him around me anymore, which is tragic, bitterly so. I no longer sit around the house all day, letting tears just fall down my face. No, I have a daughter to take care of. Niall's daughter, my daughter. Our baby. Maeve, because her daddy is irish.
She's ten. She's so beautiful. She looks just like him. She has dark hair, like how his was naturally. It falls in my curls, something all my kids will have to live with. Hers seem to form ringlets though. She's slim like he is. She has his eyes, which kills me.
She is him. He loves her. He taught her guitar. And she's good at that. Oh, and the twins adore her. They're all grown now. Henry got married three years ago, he's found this lovely woman, Savannah. They really are darling. Her parents immigrated from Ghana, and it's nice phoning them. They're the kindest folks. Jesus I feel old.
And Isabelle is famous, imagine that. Famous in her own terms. She's a british socialite, which is scary, but she's the good kind, she assures me. I hope.
I was sitting with Maeve in the kitchen. She was drawing a picture. We talk, as she's falling asleep, about how daddy is falling asleep with angels right that moment. We talk about how daddy goes golfing with god, because daddy always loved golf, making mommy come with him.
"Mommy what do angels look like?"
"Draw them how you think they look like."
So she did. She was a good artist. There were things she wasn't good at. She wasn't good at soccer. She was sweeter in demeanor than Isabelle ever was. She wasn't good at the monkey bars on the playground, and often came home with sores on her hands.
She wasn't good at frosting cakes, she would always tear the surface of the cake. But it was better that way. She would never remember to water the plants. I had to make sure she brushed and flossed, she hated that.
But she's perfect to me.
"Here mommy. look." She slid the paper to me. There was Niall, in his ten year old drawing glory, doing a split on a cloud, looking down at Maeve and Mommy, who were labled. Next to daddy, there were chicken nuggest with wings.
"Do chicken nuggets fly in heaven?"
"No. Those are angels."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"S'alright. Do you think daddy will like it?"
"He will."
We went out to the back yard. When Niall had died, we sprinkled a little bit of his ashes in Ireland, and some in the backyard. His parents came out and helped us plant a tree, in his honor. So at the foot of the tree, we grew some flowers, and we often left little notes. Today, I cut some flowers from the garden.
We sat infront of the tree, Maeve in my lap. I pet her hair, but she grabbed my hand and held it.
"Dad, I miss you. I think about you all the time. When I brush my teeth, and when I tie my shoes which you aren't here to help me with and tell me that I'm too old to not do it on my won, when we're doing math in school because you would always help me with that, whenever we eat peanut butter and jelly because you would always use too much peanut butter. I really miss you, but I know you're looking out for me right now, and I'll see you again someday."
We sat there for a moment playing with the grass. She tucked her picture under a rock so it wouldn't get blown away.
"Niall, I miss you so much, it's painful. You always were there for me... I still love you. Don't worry, I'm taking care of Maeve. But it's so lonely without you here, to make everything better. Harry's moved in now, and that's made things easier, but you're just... I can't put in into words."
Maeve looked up at me, and through her spider eye lashes I could see tears forming. This hurt the both of us. I pulled her closer into my arms.
"Maevey baby, he's all around us. All the time," I said, in a feeble attempt to sooth her. I pet her hair and whispered pleasant thoughts into her ears, hugging her and rubbing her back.
"and we can go get icecream later. Daddy loves icecream, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we ate some in his honor."
"Mommy why did god take him from us? Did I do something bad?'
"No, Maeve darling. God wanted a friend, and he loves daddy like we do. God wanted Daddy, because daddy is such a wonderful person. God knows that we love daddy, so God is going to be nice to us, I do think."
"How do you know?"
"To be honest, I don't. But think about it, it doesn't get much worse than this, does it? We have each other, so it's not even too terrible."
"What if you die Mommy?"
"I don't think anyone is going to try and murder me, honey. I'm relatively healthy for someone my age, so you won't ever be able to get rid of me."
"Oh."
"Let's go inside before it rains, get our boots raincoats and umbrellas, and go get some icecream with Harry, yeah?"
"Ok."
So off we went.