So many comments
Too much to take
Cover the pain with a smile
But god knows its fake
The haven't seen me fall apart
They haven't seen me cry
They haven't seen me scream into a pillow
And the endless sleepless nights.
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I couldn't take it anymore.
Why keep a love so strong a secret? You can't bottle up something when its fighting so hard to be set free. Its like shaking a bottle of soda, the lid flies of eventually.
"Dan. Dan we have to talk"
The man whom I was directing my speech to turned around and gave me a puzzled look
"Sure babe whatever you need."
I slumped down next to him and locked our fingers, like a padlock, just to make sure he didn't run away
Dan was good at that. Running away when things got too hard. I should know, I'd been abandoned many a time.
"Dan we have to tell them" I blurted after taking a shaky breath.
"Phil-" he began, a stern edge to his voice, but I wasn't going to let Dan cut me off this time.
"NO DAN, let me speak. I can't take this anymore! Okay? Everyday. ITS EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's all the comments are about on my videos. 'Phan'. If we tell them, it could just work! They'll stop Dan, I need them to stop."
I didn't realize that there were tears running down my face until a few trickled onto the sofa.
I waited expectantly for Dan to brush them away as usual, a soft touch on my hot cheeks, like ice to melt my troubles... but it didn't happen
"Phil. I can't. I'm not ready"
The anger I felt in my chest couldn't be controlled.
I stood up, dragging dan up with me and looked him straight in the eyes.
"Well until you are, I'm not prepared to be with you anymore."
And with that, I walked out of the door and slammed it behind me
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I don't know where I'm going
I don't recognize this scene
The air is silent
Apart from the ring of a scream
Now my body is numb
As it hits the ground
The hum of an engine
The only sound
Headlights shining
Bright lights blinding
Pain unbearable
My smile now unwearable
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*Dan's POV*
My phone rung.
I didn't answer
It was probably phil. It was always Phil. I wanted to make him happy but I wasn't ready for the whole world to know. Not yet.
Its okay for him. Bright blue eyes, jet black hair, that smile.
But me. I could just imagine the comments.
"Ugh phil what are you doing with him?"
Ring ring
Phil stop ringing.
Ring ring
What if something happened to him
Ring ring
I finally picked up the phone without even looking at the Caller ID
It had to be Phil
"Mr Howell." A voice I didn't recognize rang out of the phone, surprising me
"I am very sorry to inform you that your umm special friend has been in a very serious car accident. We're not sure when he will regain consciousness but we thought you would like to be there when he does......Mr Howell?"
I dropped my phone onto the hard floor of the kitchen, causing a crack to form on the screen.
"I'm coming to save you Phil, I'm coming"
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He was so pale
He was so still
But yet, he was oh so beautiful.
Endless tubes stemmed from Phil's arms, like fingers. The fingers trapped him in and endless vortex of unconsciousness from which he may never return.
No dan. Of course he'll wake up. He has to. You still didn't sort out that argument. You know what he's like, he's gotta have the last word!
I chuckled quietly to myself but then instantly felt bad and put a hand over my mouth. It was as if Phil was asleep; I was scared to wake him up.
Too late
I stared intently at Phils face as his shadowed eyelids fluttered in the harsh hospital light.
"Phil...phil? Oh phil I'm going to call a nurse"
I spun on my heel and pushed the door open before feeling a ghostly touch on my arm.
"N-no. I'm tired Dan. So tired just let me sleep. I just need to sleep."
I turned to look at Phil and my eyes widened in horror as he began pulling the tubes from his arms, hands, biceps
"PHIL STOP" I began to press the panic button but was stopped again by my soul mates soft touch
"Dan. If you loved me...Y..you would let me sleep" Every sharp gasp of air Phil took killed me but I couldn't let him sleep. I couldn't let him because I knew that sleep would turn into unconsciousness and unconsciousness would turn into death. He couldn't die
"NO PHIL I WONT LET YOU DIE PHIL. PLEASE DONT DIE PHIL PLEASE"
Tears flooded my cheeks, eventually spilling over and wetting my shirt.
I shouted and shouted but nobody came
"D..Dan..n" I could only just make out Phil's quiet wheezes over my sobs.
"Dan...remember, l-love...Love isn't real until it burns."
And just like that, he was gone. The fingers had pulled him into the never ending vortex of unconsciousness. He wasn't coming back
Phil was never coming back.
I heard a cream but I don't know where it came from
It was a scream that shook the whole room
A scream filled with so many emotions that it could tell its own story.
It was only when I felt a sharp pain in my throat that I realized that this horrendous noise was coming from me.
Nurses rushed in and began checking phil all over while I shouted at them
It was all their fault. They didn't save him. The didn't save my Phil
I couldn't take it, I can't take it. My legs gave in and my frail body collapsed to the floor as waves of sorrow cascaded through me, only deepening the sorrowful wails.
The pityful looks I reiceve will never be enough to fix me.
They will never bring back Phil
And I won't ever forgive them for that.
--------------------------------------------
You don't appreciate life
Until its staring you right in the flace
A flashback to every memory
A reminder of every place
But when the pain Is so severe
You just can't take it any more
Its all you can do to hold on
To experience that pain some more
And no many how loud they scream
Oh no matter how long
I will never regret my decision
No matter how much they tell me it was wrong
Until you've been ripped apart
You never really learn
How much the pain can break you
How you haven't seen true love until you feel the burn.