hI enjoy and please show me your lovee in the comments.
I took this down earlier- I hope yous get the notification and are able to comment and vote this timeeee
What did you think of what Rose decided? With the guys-?
And I suggested hints at what may be coming last chapter- so I wonder if you guys know... Hint! Theres a hook up coming...
LOL happy readingggg
Nova's POV:
"So um, backwards?" I whisper to Sage in the back of the car and she just looks at me awkwardly.
"Huh?"
"I am just curious." I smile innocently and she shakes her head at me in amusement.
"If Cole's an ass guy he'll like it."
I gasp at her and move away. "I wasn't asking for Colton."
"Of course not." She laughs and I just feel my cheeks redden. This has been happening a lot lately, getting embarrassed, blushing. I think it's the new medication.
Speaking of which, I am supposed to call Dr Thompson today. She said it was okay for me to miss sessions, only if I checked in with people. Apparently I was still on probation.
Which just means my risk level is still considered high in their eyes.
I personally, think I am chill.
"I am not, it just looked like It felt good." I say and she scrunches her nose up.
"You are so open about sex sometimes." She says and Lacey and Rose hear us and chime in.
"I just don't think it's a taboo subject. Sorry."
"It's not." Lacey laughs.
"Debatable." Rose says and I laugh at her.
"Why are you still so awkward about sex?" I ask her and she just shrugs, continuing to drive.
In the back there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of food. Snacks.
"I don't even know, I'm not really. It just feels so private." Rosie says.
"And you, why are you weird about talking about it?" I ask and Sage sends me a look.
"I'm not, but you are asking about Avery and I feel bad still." She says quietly and my mouth forms a little O and I nod. Oops okay.
"You guys are boring." I laugh and Sage just rolls her eyes at me.
"I am not boring." Lace laughs, looking round at me. "We can talk about sex if you like Nove."
"I have nothing to say." I chuckle. "I am sexless."
They all laugh at me.
"That doesn't necessarily match the moans Ash and I heard from your room this morning." She laughs. "You forget, we got up early."
I feel myself heat at the fact someone heard me and I glare a little at the back of her head.
Why does that turn me on, that they could hear? I feel myself getting a little heated, and I shake my head.
"Wait so you are sleeping with him?" Sage asks.
"Nah he was just, um, yanoe kissing me." I say in respect of Rosie's awkwardness if I told them, yeah Cole was licking my pussy sorry.
"Where?" Lacey laughs and I kick her seat, laughing too.
"And yanoe the car." Rose says and I gape at her, why is she bringing that up?
"We were just, neither of us have had sex in a long time." I chuckle and even talking about it is making me horny. I just wanna go back to the house.
We are on our way.
"Why aren't you sleeping together?" Lacey asks, utterly confused.
"We just keep getting interrupted." I say and laugh when they chuckle at the fact I am admitting that if we had the chance Cole and I would have probably slept together again.
He had won. Hadn't he?
He said he was going to get back in my life. And I am just letting him.
This Is why I refuse to have sex with him. He had already won. I cant let him have anything else.
I think this but well, in real life, as soon as I see him today I probably will be trying to drag him away.
Damn it Nova.
"And what the hell happened in the car?" Lace asks and I groan, my hands coming up to my cheeks.
Neither of my friends answer, waiting expectantly for me to tell Lacey that I was awful close to fucking him behind Linc and Rose.
"Cole likes to try and turn me on, like around people." I say quietly. "It's a reoccurring theme, but in the car it went a little too far."
"Do you like that?" Sage asks, curiosity in her tone and I shrug.
I love girlie chats, this is why you need friends.
"If it wasn't him, probably not, but it turns him on so that's hot and I mean the sort of taboo, danger aspect of it makes it so intense. Like it feels good."
It feels really good.
I definitely need to have sex. Or just go back and relieve myself, I really needed something.
"You just like risk." Rose laughs and I shrug.
It's just fun.
"You should get him back." Lace laughs and I face palm.
"What do you think I was trying to do whilst I was stroking Linc's leg under the table."
"I cant believe that happened." Lacey laughs loudly and Rose does laugh a little.
"Is that why you were laughing so much yesterday?" She asks.
"Yep, I was so mortified."
"I can imagine."
Lace meets my eyes in the mirror and she smiles at me, a naughty grin on her face. "But that does sound hot Nove, Cole doesn't normally- he's a pretty private guy. Like with his flings and even with Ivy, they wouldn't touch in front of us. Not really, like not any more than what he touches me. If you know what I mean."
"Wait I am curious about this Ivy." Sage says and I throw her a little glare. I don't want to know.
Why don't I want to know?
"Ivy is great, it was awful when she left."
"Why'd she leave?" Sage asks.
"She went home, like she was only here for a year."
"Oh." She says. "So they were seeing each other all that time?"
"Sage stop." I say, my tone awkward.
"What why? Aren't you curious?"
About the girl Cole literally adores. Not really.
"They weren't, it was more towards the end I think. I don't know, it was rather private. But I, I think there was a history there. Like I think they were sleeping together sort of for the same reason as to why we would go to club and he would talk her through it. She was quite afraid at first."
Did Cole just find damaged girls?
Is that all I am to him?
No. That is just a negative thought. Don't let it spin you out.
"Do you miss her?" I ask and she looks back at me.
"We all do, she would have loved you three, like our little group at the moment."
If she was here, I wonder what would have happened. If Rose and Linc got together last year.
Interesting.
And sort of panicking, I need to chill. I need to not let Cole have any power over me, if he decides to leave, or if he does anything which mean I have to stop this, I need it not to be painful.
"She sounds nice." Rose says and I just pout a little.
Ivy was nice, I could feel it in my bones and I don't even know her. But I do know Cole and I know if he loves her, there is a reason.
They keep talking about the past, and I just look down at my phone and decide to message Cole first.
Nova: Hi
It was obvious that I was feeling a lot for Cole at the moment, I wondered if it was just the accident and the sexual tension.
I felt like we needed to just fuck and then I could see if I still felt the same.
But if I did, I don't really know how to stop it from getting worse.
Distance? Tried that before, multiple times.
Cole: Hi you, are you ok?
Nova: Ofc, are you?
Cole: I am good love, sat with Avery waiting for his test results. Why are we texting?
I frown at his message. What does he mean why?
Does there need to be a reason?
We pull into home and I admittedly feel exhausted. Cole woke me up early and then with the drama and with going actually out of the house, I was spent.
My phone goes off again and I just roll my eyes at his double text.
Cole: Not that I mind, of course
Nova: I just wanted to talk to you
Cole: You suddenly being so open is stressing me out because I know I can't reply with the shit I normally do and it makes me want you even more. Which in inappropriate in such a clinical setting
I just stare at his message and smile a little.
Nova: You not pounding your feelings down my throat makes it easier for me to be open, to tell you that I wanted to talk to you, it's less scary
Cole: Can I pound something else down your throat?
Cole: God, sorry
Cole: That was a lot
I laugh out loud at his message but I cant lie and say it didn't make me feel a certain heat as I climbed out the car and walk with Lacey back into the house.
I should have helped with shopping, but I was a little distracted.
Nova: You think with your dick
Cole: I am just consumed with you
He replies this and I stare at his words and then his next message comes quickly.
Cole: Sorry.. Joking?
Nova: It's kay, I'll let you get back to Avery
Cole: And here I thought we were going to be messaging until I got back?
I watch as Sage brings in the bags and I send her a guilty smile when I didn't help, there were only four bags, two each for her and Rose but she just rolls her eyes at me.
"Hey we are back!" I call to Linc and Ash who are in the water, making the most of it before it rains I suppose.
Their hands lift up and I smile, turning back around and walking into the kitchen. The boys started to get out the water.
"I am gunna go talk to Lincoln." Rose says quietly looking out at him. "Where should I?"
"Go for a walk." I tell her. "It'll be okay."
"Okay." She says and heads outside.
We put the shopping away and I lean against the side helping to decide which movies to watch. Horror sounds good, especially with the rain and stuff. A storm is supposed to be coming.
It's been like half an hour since Rose and Linc started to walk down besides the lake and as the clouds are growing darker.
"I will fall asleep if we do movies and it's all cosy." I laugh.
"Go for a nap?" Lacey asks and I nod.
"I might have to."
"I hope it's okay, after Lincoln and Rose talk. Like-" Sage starts and Lincoln clears his throat, and we all look up shocked to see him.
"It's fine." He says roughly, Rose coming in behind him.
"Are you both okay?" I decide to say, to break the awkwardness.
"Yeah." Rose says softly and I watch as she goes to touch him and then instead wraps her arms around herself. As if it was habitual and she had to stay strong.
"It's fine." Linc says. "We are all mates still yeah?" He asks and Sage and I look at each other, it was so unsubtle, the question in our eyes that he just nods.
"We should um probably talk, like I owe you both an apology."
I stare at Lincoln in shock and he just shrugs. "I am sober now, I can think straight yanoe. Sage can we go for a chat quickly, Nove I-"
"I really want a nap." I smile at him. I didn't wanna wait around for him, in the nicest way possible I was just really tired.
"Then come here." He says, his arms opening and I just stare at him a little shocked but walk into his arms for a hug anyway.
He hugs me tightly and I feel my heart expand at his gesture. "I am really sorry for being such a dick last night, I was stressed and I was drunk. That is all I can explain it as, but I am sorry for speaking to you like that and obviously for the way I have acted towards everyone."
Okay. Linc was sincere. He owned up to it, in front of everyone and his apolgy was much appreciated.
"Just no fighting." I say and he laughs nodding and I pull away. "It's okay Linc."
His eyes look at Sage and Sage, well we all know how she feels about him. She isn't actually comfortable in his presence and that says a lot.
"You wanna head out?" He asks and she looks at me.
"Just go out on the deck, everyone will be indoors." I say to her quietly and she nods, leaving with Lincoln quietly.
We all turn to Rosie immediately and she smiles, a little sadly but the relief is evident in her eyes.
"It's fine, we are done. Like for good now. But we are friends, just friends with boundaries I guess."
"Okay." We all smile at her, happy that she is feeling better.
My phone chimes again and I roll my eyes at how Cole just messaged me again.
Cole: Seriously though, I am bored here
Nova: you are helping Avery, be nice
Cole: I just mean you are there, I am here, why?
I laugh at that and feel my stomach clench at how open he is, even when he thinks he's being less blunt, it's written in his messages so clearly
Nova: I am about to go for a nap anyway
He replies immediately.
Cole: Where?
Nova: In our bed?
Cole: 'Our bed'
Nova: Okay, well the bed we slept in last night. I am guessing we are sleeping there again tonight lmao
Cole: We wont be sleeping love
I just lock my phone, ignoring the way heated anticipation flooded me and I send a small smile to Lacey and Rose.
"I am going to go for a nap." I tell them.
"Are you sleeping in Sage's room or-"
"The one Cole and I slept in." I say and Rose nods.
"Is it alright if I take your room then, like sleep with Sage? And Linc sleeps in with Avery?" Rose asks and I nod.
"Yeah it's fine." I say but then groan.
"Only if someone helps me move our stuff." I say and Lacey laughs as Rose is preparing some salad for dinner later tonight.
"Lace you can either help me or help Nova." Rose says and Lace just groans.
"Why'd I have to help either of yous?" She then looks at the onions Rose is cutting up and scrunches her face up. "I'll help you." She says to me.
"Okay." I smile and we laugh as we walk up to the rooms.
"I am sorry you heard me this morning." I say as I suddenly remember what she said.
She looks at me amused. "Don't worry, moaning turns Ash on and well that's helpful for me." She laughs and I feel my cheeks blush that Ash heard us too.
That he was turned on.
"Plus our walls our connected, I am sure you can hear us."
Oh yeah.
"I forgot." I laugh. "We did hear you last night but both of us were so tired."
"Is Cole loud?" She asks and I laugh at her curiosity. I bend down and grab his bag from Avery and his room, walking with Lacey into the new room.
"I mean, sometimes. Sometimes we are both quiet, like so wrapped up in each other and other times it's like we are on a mission to make each other be loud. Well that is what it was like before, I don't even know what's happening this time."
"You are gunna sleep with him tonight aren't you?" Lacey asks and I just laugh, I mean, I will try and keep my self in check.
"Nope."
"Oh of course." She sarcastically pokes at me as we walk back out and she helps me start putting my stuff onto my bag from Sage's room.
"Well you will hear if we do." I say and Lacey sends me a grin.
"God it's kinda hot that we will both be able to hear each other."
I nod, heat spreading through me as I look up at Lacey.
"It is, although I am a good girl. I am trying not to just jump back on Cole's dick, as hard as it is."
We look at eachother and burst into laughter at my unintended double meaning.
"We shall see." She smiles and I roll my eyes as Cole messages again.
He is needy.
But I kinda like it.
Cole: Hi?
Nova: I am moving our stuff into the room, Linc's already moved his and Rose's stuff out
Cole: So no sexy texting then?
I blink confused at his words and laugh.
Nova: I don't think we are on the same page...
Cole: lmao we never are, are you alone?
Nova: Nah Lacey's here
He doesn't reply and I just huff and stand up, thanking Lacey for helping me.
"Don't worry." She laughs and then when I take the bag from her in my room her eyes narrow down on my scars on my wrist and I pull them back awkwardly.
Damn it.
It's not she thinks, why cant I just-
"Same." Is all she says and I look at her shocked.
"Huh?"
Lacey pulls her dress up and shows me the inside of her thighs, her skin littered with scars and I gasp a little.
"I am like a year clean or something but yeah, you don't need to hide things from me. About your ex, about the reason why you were admitted. I promise you I will get it."
Oh.
Aw Lace.
A year clean from self harm.
"I- wait- the scars aren't what you think." I tell her rushed. I feel bad, she feels as if she can relate and in fact I was just sliced by some assholes after I pissed Yuen off.
"Huh?" She asks.
"It was just something that my ex did, ish, like he would- his friends would cut my arms to make it seem as if I was cutting because once he punched me and the school started to get suspicious about my black eye and so he changed his methods of punishing me. The school thought it was just me hurting myself because I, well okay this is a lot and I don't wanna trigger you, but I have epiodes where I am extremely suicidal and so it wasn't a surprise to them."
"You are suicidal?" She asks heavily confused and I just shrug.
"Not currently."
"You seem good?" Lacey asks and we sit down on the bed, deciding that this is a serious conversation.
"It's not, I um, okay I have bipolar. So I have episodes of depression where I get really really low and then with the mania, it's not necessarily a sad, I don't want to be here anymore it's just a recklessness or like last time, like last month I was admitted because I tried to blow us all up."
"What?" Lacey exclaims looking at me wide eyes.
"Yeah, look I am really unwell sometimes." I laugh a little bit, because It's so strange to just be talking about it openly.
Like to stop hiding it.
"I had psychosis or something for the first time, with mania. I don't really remember what I was seeing or hearing, I just, people and things that weren't there were trying to convince me that I needed to set fire to my house, Rose saved me, and herself."
"Fuck, that is terrifying." She says and her hand comes and holds mine. "Why didn't you tell any of us you weren't okay?"
To be honest I didn't feel as close to them at the time, and well, I wasn't necessarily aware.
Like I was aware I wasn't okay, but I wanst aware of the actual reality of things.
"I didn't really know I guess."
"But you were hallucinating?" She asks and I nod.
"Yeah I know it sounds bad, but I just, It was my reality at the time yanoe?"
"Is that what was happening when you started kicking off in the canteen, like when Cole took you outside?"
"Yeah that was the day before I got sectioned I think."
"Goodness." She says and I nod.
"Have you had help? To get clean?" I ask and she nods.
"Yeah, therapy and stuff, antidepressants."
"You seem happy Lace." I smile and she nods smiling too.
"I am but I know it might get bad again, but at least I know I have a support system now."
"You do." I say and Lacey smiles at me, leaning her head down on my shoulder and we just sit a little bit.
"Sorry your asshole boyfriend did that to you." She whispers and I just tense a little.
"He didn't do it." I just say.
Because he didn't.
"Kinda anyway." I breath and she nods as we sit.
"What else did he do?" She asks and I tense more when I am hit in the face with a few memories.
"I don't-"
Why wont I talk about it?
"Nova talking about it wont mean I think less of you, or that you are not moving on from it. Being able to talk about it means you are healing right?" She says and I just frown.
Does that mean I am not healing?
Fuck that, I am getting so much better with it.
"What do you want to know?" I ask and she just shrugs sitting up.
"Just like what happened?"
"There's so much." I breath and lie down grumpily on the bed.
"Okay." She says and she lies down next to me.
So I decide to just tell her something that nobody really knows.
"He used to lock me in the bathroom, when I was having an manic episode, like he would trap me in there with my paints and like I would just stay there all day. And then at night he would let me out and he would take me to a party or some deal and then he would let his friends do whatever they wanted with me." I say and sigh looking up at the ceiling.
"It's not as bad at that sounds." I say. "He, I wanted to do it, at the time. I felt like a seductress, a powerful woman, bursting with energy. He would whisper that he needed to get money or drugs of off someone and I would go and seduce them. Get the money he wanted from them, sleep with them, have a good ass time."
I look at her. "But it- the money he was getting me to get, well they were giving it to him in payment of sleeping with me. Yanoe? So they were paying him to let them sleep with me, and I was thinking I was seducing them."
"Oh." She breathes and I just wrap my arms around myself.
"I wasn't in my right mind, and I was only seventeen for goodness sake." I just stare at the ceiling. "I wasn't forced, ever, I mean, some of the guy I remember it being good ass sex. But like that is so disgusting isn't it?"
"Nova you were manipulated."
"He just knew how to use my disease against me I guess." I say. "Not against me, just to his advantage."
"But why would your boyfriend want you to have sex with someone else?" She asks and I shrug.
"It was only when I was in an episode, when I got with someone else when I was okay he was livid."
"What the fuck?"
"I just, I don't know either." I laugh and roll over to face her.
"He'd keep you in the bathroom?" She whispers and I just close my eyes and nod.
"It, it was for my safety apparently. My mum told him to. But I was never even that bad then, it's so complicated. I used to feel so claustrophobic, I would try and smash all the glass and every time I did that he would just move me to a different room, something a little bigger or smaller."
"Nova, you have a mental illness, you don't deserve to be kept locked in a bathroom."
Her eyes are fiery and I just nod. "Yeah I know this."
"Do you?"
"I do." I nod. "I just sometimes forget it I think, like the first thing that I thought when I started to realise why I was in hospital and what happened was that well, this wouldn't have happened if I was still with Yuen."
Because he wouldn't have let it.
"God." She says and I nod closing my eyes.
I don't feel as if my chest is going to implode on me, or that I was spinning out. Talking about Yuen wasn't as painful as I remember, it just seemed more and more fucked up every time I thought about it. More strange.
I think that is because of Cole. The more I spend time with others, the more I see Ash and Lace, the more I see how Lincoln didn't yanoe, murder Avery, I just am getting more and more accustomed to normal relationships. It makes me see it more clearly.
"Lace?" I ask and she nods reopening her eyes.
Our heart to heart was sweet, both of us lying on the bed, slowly falling into a nap our faces close.
"Mm?"
"Do you love Ash?" I ask and her eyes open more.
She nods. "I do."
"Why?"
"Huh?" She laughs and I just shrug.
"Like why do you love him?"
"We were friends first, and I admit my feelings may have started because he never batted an eyelid to my scars or my lows, he just- accepts them. And in turn I accepted him. And we just, we laugh and we love like every thing about each other."
"Everything?" I ask and she grumbles.
"Well I hate that he enjoys blow jobs so much, because my gag reflex is not up to par. But I love him anyway." She jokes and I laugh at that.
"Okay." I say and she looks up at me confused.
"Why's that?"
"Just, I was wondering what it feels like I guess. I did love him and I know Yuen loved me, no matter what anyone says to me, but obviously it was not what it was supposed to be, it was toxic and painful and It was not okay. But I wouldn't know the difference." I say and Lacey just frowns at me.
"You will do." She says and I shake my head.
I won't.
"Please reply to Cole, your phone is annoying me." She says sleepily and I laugh grabbing my phone from between us. He had messaged again.
Cole: Wuut?
Nova: Having a heart to heart with Lace
Cole: In our bed?
Nova: How'd you know?
Cole: Wildest thoughts, yanoe
I laugh a little at that.
Nova: Tell me about them?
Cole: Nah I am sitting with Aves, I cant suddenly get a hard on..
I bite my lip at that, my eyes jumping up to Lacey and she cocks her head at me.
Nova: The thought of me turning you on in public has increasingly been on my mind
Cole: oh so you want me to feel this way?
Nova: What way baby?
Cole: November.
I giggle a little and throw my phone away from me and Lacey grabs it.
"Wait!" I say and I laugh louder when she scrunches her face up at the messages.
"You two are a nightmare."
I smile and nod, moving so I could get under the covers and she does the same.
"I guess you don't mind that I nap as well?" She asks and I shake my head and take my phone back.
Nova: We are napping, stop making it dirty
Cole: When I've seen your two's tongues stroke each other's it immediately makes it dirty in my mind. Then again, sex is a thing that is foreign to me now, I might as well be a virgin all over again
"Cole says he feels like a virgin." I mumble and she laughs sleepily reopening her eyes.
"Because yous haven't-"
I nod.
Nova: Where are you?
Cole: Still waiting with Avery, he's next to be called in though.
Cole: Why?
I smirk and I look up at Lace. "What should I send Cole to make him hot and bothered?"
She laughs and pulls my phone down to see the messages.
"I forgot we made out." She smirks at the reminder and I think back at how turned on Cole was after that.
"He was so hard when I went back and sat on his lap."
"Don't, Ash was so turned on. Like we snuck off and had a quickie."
"That's where you went!" I laugh and she nods.
"It was hot though, how horny they got." She says and I may have, accidentally pressed my legs against hers.
It was hot.
I look at my phone and grin and she laughs a little breathlessly.
I remember being turned on too, not necessarily because Lacey and I had this great chemistry, but it was because it felt like a performance, just for them two, like we both knew that the hotter we hot, the hotter they got too.
It felt powerful.
I was also slipping into mania then, but even now laid next to her I was breathing a little harder, my legs not at all moving away when hers open slightly.
We stare at each other and then I guess we both know what the other is thinking because she nudges a little closer to me.
"Lace..." I whisper and her eyes flash from my lips to my phone and then our eyes connect.
"Shall we drive them insane?" She whispers.
Oh goodness.
Yes please.
HIIIII!!!!
Did you enjoy this chapter?
Also next chapter might just be a load of freaking smut but oh well, it's fun to write and I feel like yous have been expecting this!