Playlist:
Jo gak – Loveholic
Hello Goodbye- Hyorin
Might not know- Jewelry
Adult- Sondia
If you- Bigbang
xxx
The ride back home was full of cries.
Minseok tried to contain his emotions and ordered everyone to get inside the car. He must be stronger than the rest of them because he's the oldest and their leader. Yixing was still crying when Kyungsoo forced him to sit inside the car. Kyungsoo must've decided to man up and take care of his hysterical hyung first.
Minseok didn't blamed Yixing's reaction, those three connected with Yixing the most, the four of them all came from China. The explosion sound was so loud that Minseok's convinced the police would be here in any minute. They have to go now or they're going to be questioned by the police. And Minseok's not in the mood to be interrogated. His heart is broken into pieces and Minseok wondered how could he walk away from this place, leaving Luhan, Kris, and Tao.
Junmyeon insisted they should stay to search for them, but the fire was so big it devoured the warehouse within minutes. They watched helplessly as the sound of the sirens became increasingly close. Minseok shouted they should get out although his heart is so heavy with sadness.
Each of them turned their head to face the warehouse from their positions in the car. Minseok watched from the rearview mirror at the sight of the building lit with blazing flames become smaller as they get farther away. It becames a small dot and disappeared from their sight. Junmyeon is holding Jisoo in his lap as he cried into her hair. Minseok is almost jealous of Jisoo who's still unconscious because he want to run away from all this. He wanted to curl up and never wake up to this nightmare. Kyungsoo stayed quiet as he look outside the window. Yixing couldn't stop crying, his eyes became swollen red.
Few hours ago they were still laughing together, never knowing it would be their last time together. Minseok gripped the steering wheel harder, holding back his tears.
He glanced to the passenger side beside him where Luhan always sat and unconsciously one tear fell.
Kris who always helped him with all their bills and documents since they made it out of the orphanage.
And Tao, oh Tao. He was still so young. He didn't deserved this, they didn't deserved to die like this.
They were supposed to grow old and die peacefully, enjoying life.
He still remembered the first time he saw each of them.
Minseok wondered if Exo would still be same after this.
He can't even think about their younger brothers reaction.
Minseok closed his eyes for a moment, bracing himself for more heartbreaks to come.
xxx
Baekhyun waited anxiously in the porch for his brothers and Jisoo to come home. Chanyeol stood as he crossed his arms across his chest. Sehun, Jongin, and Jongdae are sitting right next to him with gloomy faces. The last message he got is from Yixing telling that they've arrived at the place where RM told them to do the deal. After that, there's no communication.
Nothing.
Not even a simple message.
And it was hours ago.
Baekhyun had a bad feeling about this.
Why didn't they call to assured Jisoo's already in their arms.
Did something went wrong?
Baekhyun clenched his hands tighter as he fixed his eyes to the road. Searching for Minseok hyung's car.
Chanyeol glanced at his watch.
It's nearly 5 am.
Where are them?
Just then, Minseok hyung's car turned from the corner of the empty street. Baekhyun immediately stand up upon seeing it.
"Hey! They're here! They're here!", shouted Baekhyun excitedly, jumping as he jumped at Sehun and Jongin, laughing happily.
Jongdae smiled at Chanyeol and he smiled back, watching as the car approached.
The door opened and Junmyeon hyung came out with Jisoo in his arms, unconscious.
"Jisoo! Is she okay?", said Sehun as he get closer.
Junmyeon hyung answered with a raspy voice as if he've been crying.
"She's okay. I'm going to put her in her room"
"Thank god! We were really worried you know?", said Jongin.
"Yah! How come you didn't gave us any call!", added Baekhyun, a bit annoyed.
The others came out from the car as Junmyeon left to go upstairs with Jisoo, not answering them.
Chanyeol brows furrowed at his strange behavior before turning to face his other members.
In fact, all of them look weird. They all have red swollen eyes as if they've been crying.
Wait. All?
"I want to hear the story from Tao. He's good at telling stories", said Jongdae, excited. He haven't realized that it's been real quiet when it should be full with smiles and laughter.
Chanyeol searched for the ones missing.
Kris, Luhan,.. and Tao?
"Wait, where's Tao?", asked Baekhyun confused.
"Kris and Luhan hyung too", added Sehun, staring at them intently.
Jongdae turned his head around, searching for them. Minseok bowed his head, not looking at them.
Kyungsoo didn't even answered and he left straight into the house.
Yixing hyung broke into tears at their question.
Chanyeol's bad feeling came rushing back in.
"Wait? Where are them? Where are them?", asked Jongdae.
"Luhan hyung? Kris hyung? Taooo", called Sehun, getting in the car.
"Did they have more work with those BTS bastards?", asked Baekhyun, getting really confused.
"No..they.. they didn't have any work. They're not here anymore", choked Minseok hyung.
Chanyeol realized then and there what had happened.
"What? You mean they're not in Korea anymore? How come?", asked Jongin.
Chanyeol eyes watered at the sight of Yixing who's just crying not answering even one of their questions.
"Why are you crying??? What happened?", said Jongdae.
"What I mean is.. There's an unfortunate situation.. a-and they're just not here!", said Minseok, breaking down in tears.
"Wh-what do you mean unfortunate???? What do you mean?", shouted Sehun, panicking.
"What the fuck happened? What the fuck?"
"IT MEANS THEY'RE DEAD", shouted Chanyeol, feeling angry at their continuous questions.
It was a complete silence before Baekhyun broke it.
"Minseok hyung. There's no way that's true, right? Right?"
Minseok turned his head, avoiding them as he cried.
Baekhyun turned to Yixing, shaking his arms, "Tell me it's not true! TELL ME!"
Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun to separate him from Yixing hyung.
"Calm yourself. Can't you see we're all hurting?"
Baekhyun shoved Chanyeol back and shouted, "THIS IS A PRANK, RIGHT? THERE'S NO WAY THEY'RE GONE?!"
Chanyeol punched him to shut him up. Baekhyun, realizing this is real, broke in tears as he run away leaving the five of them alone.
"How could this happen?! We were just talking a few hours ago!", said Jongdae, feeling like he was in a dream. A bad dream.
"One of those BTS members betrayed RM and set a bomb. There was not enough time.", said Minseok quietly.
Jongin cursed, "I fucking knew it. They can't be trusted at all!"
"What's done is done. We can't rewind time. Atleast Jisoo's safe", said Minseok, trying to be strong.
Chanyeol know it's no one fault.
And he's very grateful that Jisoo's here and safe in their arms again.
But it's just so hard, so hard that Kris, Luhan, and Tao is not here together with them.
Everyone stayed in a complete silence, only Sehun's sniffling could be heard.
Everyone knew how close was Sehun to Luhan.
Chanyeol didn't even know how can they managed to pass by these days without Kris, Luhan, and Tao.
They've always been together, since childhood.
They were together from when they didn't have anything to where they are now.
Chanyeol's tears can't be stopped till the next morning.
xxx
Jisoo opened her eyes at the sound of voices murmuring around her. She winced at the strong sunlight coming down from the window beside her.
"Jisoo? You're awake!", said Yixing as he caressed her hair.
"Y-yixing oppa?"
"The one and only!", answered Yixing sadly.
"Jisoo! Baby, are you okay? Do you feel sick anywhere?", asked Minseok, touching her hands softly.
Jisoo shaked her head no, as she gave her room a look.
There only Minseok and Yixing oppa in here.
The door opened and Chanyeol entered with a bowl of hot steaming porridge. He look surprised to see Jisoo already awake and hurried in.
Chanyeol sat beside her and grabbed her other hand, kissing her knuckles softly.
"We were so worried, baby. I'm glad you are okay"
Jisoo stared at each of their face intently, feeling something's a miss. They look so sad. Her memories from before came rushing back.
'BTS. Gang. Mafia.'
"Oppas.. Anything you want to tell me?"
The three of them look at each other before Minseok oppa let out a deep sigh. Yixing oppa left to tell the others she's already awaken.
"Jisoo. You must've been so confused", said Minseok, grabbing her hand.
Jisoo pull her hand away from Minseok oppa's and gave him a stern look.
"Confused? I was beyond confused! I was so shocked! Is it all true, oppa?"
"Jisoo.."
"Is it all true? About you guys being in mafias or something?"
Chanyeol stared at her blankly as he answered, "It's all true".
Jisoo couldn't say anything at first. She wetted her lips before asking, "What really happened? Will you tell me your stories?"
Before both of them answered, the rest of EXO came in.
"Jisoo, you're awake", said Junmyeon oppa happily.
"My babyyy", called Baekhyun. Jisoo noticed his voice was raspy as if he've been crying.
"Jisoo, sweetheart.. Is there anything that you want?", asked Jongin oppa.
Jongdae, Sehun, and Kyungsoo oppa smiled at her before settling down to sit.
Jisoo noticed Kris, Luhan, and Tao oppa are not here and was about to asked where they are when Minseok oppa coughed to get her attention.
'They must be sleeping', thought Jisoo.
Minseok oppa told Jisoo about how Exo started. About how they all met in an orphanage.
Jisoo cried at all their abuses when they were still children.
Jisoo smiled at how their love for each other increased as years go by.
The other added their own opinions and stories. Jisoo was fascinated with all their life stories. She listened carefully each one of it.
When all secrets have been out and no stories can't be told anymore, Minseok asked the most important question.
"Do you still love me? Love us?"
Jisoo closed her eyes at his question. She could feel all their eyes watching her carefully. She still feel uncomfortable of the thoughts that her boyfriends did illegal things. But they have a reason. A damn good reason. Jisoo is no saint, she know that they suffered a lot. They felt this is the only thing to do for them to survived together.
"Oppa.. I'm such a fool"
"Fool? Why?", asked Junmyeon, confused.
"Even when RM told me about you, the only thing that I thought is how I still you. I really love you, oppa", cried Jisoo.
"Jisoo, baby", said Jongdae, feeling touched.
"We love you too, sweetheart. Will you accept us eventhough we're like this?", asked Yixing, reaching out to kiss her hands.
"Will you promise me something?"
"What is it, baby?"
"Promise me you'll try to get out from this world. I know each of you have many business beside the illegal ones. I know you could do anything you want now. You've got enough money and a place to call home. What more do you want?"
The Exo brothers exchanged looks before finally facing her again. Minseok oppa's smiling.
"Actually.. We've already planned to do this. But last night events just make us want to be even more free. We're really exhausted with all of it"
"Really?", said Jisoo, her face lightening up at his words.
"Really.", answered Minseok, pecking her cheeks.
She swatted his face away, giggling.
"So will you stay with us?"
"I'll stay with you as long as I can", answered Jisoo.
Baekhyun whooped, jumping and laughing. The others laughed at his actions.
"Oppa, you must call Kris, Luhan, and Tao oppa here in my room! I really want to see them eventhough they're probably sleeping now", said Jisoo, not feeling complete with even one of them missing.
The laughing that was echoed all over the room suddenly stopped. It became so depressingly quiet.
Jisoo noticed how fast their faces changed into pain and sadness. Jisoo's heart beated faster, feeling nervous.
"Oppa? Where's Kris, Luhan, and Tao oppa?", asked Jisoo carefully. Now she noticed it was weird that Luhan and Tao oppa didn't rushed in to see her when she's awake. Kris oppa would always stay by her side, watching over her with his gentle eyes.
No one said anything for a while. Minseok oppa look up to stare at her with heartbroken eyes. Jisoo's breath caught and she began muttering denials. She began to understand what had happened.
"No..no.no, Luhan oppa! Tao oppa! Kris oppa!, called Jisoo hysterically, trying to get out from the bed.
Kyungsoo immediately held back Jisoo to stay in bed. She then struggled to leave but Baekhyun hugged Jisoo tightly as he began to cry.
"Let me go, oppa! Noo.. It's all my fault", cried Jisoo, struggling to let go of Baekhyun's hug.
"NO! It's no one fault! Stop this Jisoo!", said Junmyeon sternly.
"Baby.. calm down please", said Sehun sadly, seeing how Jisoo can't stop crying and hitting Baekhyun for holding her back.
Jisoo's thoughts wandered to the last time she saw them. Their handsome and smiling faces.
Did they know how much she love them?
God, can she wake up from these nightmares that never seem to end?
Once again, Jisoo fell into the darkness.
xxx
Jisoo wondered if this is what death felt like.
She thought that she'd had enough heartbreaks in her life.
Her father. Her mother.
And now Kris, Luhan, Tao oppa.
A few days had passed since that incident and Jisoo just can't believe it.
How can someone be gone that quickly?
It seems just like yesterday when she gave them her necklaces. She still remembered how Luhan big eyes crinkled, signifying how happy he was.
She still remembered Kris oppa intense eyes, looking all over at the sight of her bare body.
She still remembered how soft Tao oppa's kisses were, so different from his harsh and brash words.
Her heart clenches painfully at that memories, memories she hoped that would be buried inside.
But no matter what, they still climbed up and showed her how beautiful they are.
Her tears had long been gone, she did not have the energy to cry anymore.
She know that her other oppas suffered more so she tried to swallow all this bitterness.
She need to be there for her other boyfriends.
They all are suffering.
Jisoo wondered if it was worth it to love this much and lose it so quickly, leaving her in a mess.
But she remembered how sweet it was being loved by them.
It is worth it, despite having to endure all this pain.
The news reported that the big warehouse was burned down, nothing left. The police found it difficult to identify the bodies and even the number of it was uncertain.
Minseok and Chanyeol oppa had tried to go back to search for their remains but polices were everywhere and they can't get into the site.
All of them are so frustrated, they can't even have a proper funeral for Luhan, Kris, and Tao.
So all of them tried to do things to forget this nightmare. Jisoo didn't have the energy to go to Uni and stayed at home to rest. Her besties keep calling and Jisoo just texted back to tell them she's okay.
She's not okay.
She know that before she know Exo, she live life just fine.
But how can she continue to do that after knowing their touches and love?
She showered her other boyfriends with love to soothe their sadness. Jisoo know that if she was this miserable, how about them?
They had known Luhan, Tao, and Kris oppa since they were children.
She cuddled Minseok oppa in some nights when he can't sleep, still remembering that night.
She tried to cheer Jongin and Sehun up with her silly dancing, hoping they would laugh.
She gently squeezed Yixing oppa's hand every time he looked at the photos of Luhan, Tao, and Kris to make sure he remember she's with him.
She accompanied Kyungsoo everytime he cooked in the kitchen, hugging his back tightly at each chance she got.
She stayed with Baekhyun and Jongdae oppa as they compete with each others in games. Jisoo know they are trying to be normal, living like before.
She would kiss Chanyeol oppa's tears away when he's alone inside his room. Jisoo know Chanyeol oppa like to cry alone so his other brothers wouldn't see him.
And she would sit at Junmyeon oppa's lap everytime he came to her room. She knew he's looking for warmth and he love it when she climbed all over his lap.
The only times she dared to let her tears out are when she's in the shower.
They don't need to know she's still bawling her heart out everynight at her bathroom. Jisoo can't bear to add her sadness on top of theirs.
But she know they noticed how red her eyes are in the morning.
No one say anything about it. Perhaps they know Jisoo likes to pretend to be strong for them.
Perhaps they all hoped it was just an illusion.
Perhaps it's all just her feelings.
Jisoo couldn't even differentiate between reality and dreams now.
Because in both of it, she's still crying and holding onto them.
She stared at Luhan, Tao, and Kris pictures everytime she's alone.
She tried to ease this feeling of longing but she can't, she's tied to these memories eventhough they're not even in the same place now.
'It hurts. It hurts to love you', thought Jisoo, caressing their smiling faces in the pictures.
'I can't empty my mind of you and it's so, so sad'
Jisoo closed her eyes.
She won't forget.
And she won't stop this love.