Suzanna missed him. She'd rather be chewing iron nails than admit it to anyone, but she missed him with every single cell of her body.
It had been three weeks since she'd last seen him, and it was just too long. Of course, she had gone longer without seeing him. She'd spent a month actively trying to avoid him. But now he was in a different continent, he was time-zones away from her. It felt silly, but Suzy felt like she could physically feel the distance between them, like she could feel the oceans separating them.
After he'd come to see her that one day, demanding her to tell her if she'd been ignoring him, he would come there every night, sat himself down on the same barstool and waited for her to finish her shift so that they could drink and hangout for the rest of the night. And the thing is, she loved every single day of it.
Even when he would nag her about the guy she shared most of her shifts with.
"I don't like the way he looks at you." He'd say, "or how you've gotten so fond of him in such a short time."
He would literally pout and sulk on his seat, making her coo. "Jealousy isn't a pretty colour on you Styles." She'd pinch his cheek, or ruffle her hair to mock him, which would only annoy him more.
"Fine, how does he look at me?" She'd finally ask.
"Like he wants you." Her heart would pick up every time he'd say something like that, reminded her of how much she wanted him. She'd even avoid meeting his eyes, hoping he couldn't see the longing in her eyes.
"Have you seen the other customers who look at me?" She'd asked one day, "Half of them know who I used to be and that is the only reason they come to the bar. The drinks I mix are horrible. So apparently, the manager is ecstatic about me joining." She chuckled, sipping from her drink, "They even ask if I can just be a whore for one more night for them. And when I don't agree to comply, they seem so surprised. Like I had the audacity to deny their magical appendage!"
Harry loved seeing her laugh, even more at the expense of creepy men who bothered her. "I trust that you gave them hell."
"Oh, I'd have loved to do so, but violence with customers seems to be frowned upon in a place like this." She bit her lip, suppressing the conniving smirk building, "politely declining them over and over again is no fun, but necessary if I need to keep my job."
He frowned, obviously concerned about her safety after hearing everything. Suzy could see the worry casting a shadow over his eyes before he blinked and plastered a smile.
"It bothers me that you have to work among these jerks," he said, "But you're you. Spray them with your mace if they ever try to do anything."
She smiled and nodded, having no words to say.
"So are you friends now?" he asked, trying to hide the bitterness in his tone "You and that guy."
"Derek? Wouldn't go that far. I just don't hate him."
He'd smile at her answer, somehow feeling happy about it. "Stupid Derek." He'd mutter.
For the past three weeks, she would keep glancing at the place where Harry used to sit every night. It was futile for her to deny her feelings any longer. She knew that she liked him, that she wanted him as badly and he did, if not more. But the difference was that she was Suzanna; she had more demons, more skeletons in her closet than an average person. And she knew that once they come out and see the sun, he would leave her side in an eye-blink.
"You're doing it again." She jumped when Derek whispered into her ear. She had been cleaning glasses as he smirked at her, but now she was staring at her like she was murdering him in her head. "You should just call your boyfriend if you miss him so much."
"He isn't my boyfri—"
"Yeah, yeah. That's why he stares at me like he wants to beat me to a pulp and you're looking at that side every two minutes."
"I said, he is not my boyfriend." She repeated with a sneer.
"Go out with me then." His words staggered her, "there's this new place downtown and—"
"Shut up." She scowled, choosing not to speak with him anymore. She spent the rest of her shift avoiding eye contact with him.
Soon enough, she was back in her apartment, both her and Lea were sitting on the balcony with a tub of ice-cream and a bottle of cheap wine between them. Lea had been accepted to a college in Boston and she would be leaving in a few months and get herself settled there.
"We'll text each other every day and we'll call every wee—"
"Let's not do this right now." Suzy didn't care if she sounded rude, she just didn't want to have one of those conversations.
"Okay," Lea nodded, clearly hurt by her words.
She brought the bottle of wine to her lips and slowly sipped from it. Looking up at the sky, and the bring full moon glowing in all it's glory. A moon that did care that there was a girl staring at it right now, a whirlwind of thoughts going on inside her head and a shitstorm going on in her life.
"I heard the manager loves you." Lea broke the silence.
"Apparently, I bring a new set of customers along with the ones you brought." Suzy chuckled.
Lea smiled, "I definitely do not miss working there. Half my clients would just sit there and stare at my tits till my shift ended just to take me with them."
"Ugh. I know what you're saying. It was easy to ward them off when Harry was around." and there it was again...
The dull ache in her chest that kept nagging her had returned in full force and had started to gnaw at her again.
"I miss him." Lea admitted. "I miss Cece. The place feels empty."
Suzy sighed; it was going to be emptier. Harry would get busier and Lea would leave for Boston and she will be on her own again.
As much as she liked to be the lone wolf and be the strong independent woman, the phase in her life when she had no one was the worst she had to go through and she was definitely not looking forward to going through it again.
"Have you heard from him?" Lea's question brought her out of her reverie.
"He called last night, said he had a week off and would be visiting his mom." He'd said 'mum' in that adorable accent he had, but she chose to keep that to herself.
Just then Suzanna felt her phone ring. As if their thoughts had summoned him, his name flashed in the caller ID and she couldn't help the sudden skip in her beat.
Lea smiled at her, mouthing a 'goodnight' before walking inside leaving her alone and anxious.
"Hey." She breathed, eager to hear him on the other end.
"Hey yourself." His voice sounded groggy, he only sounded so on two occasions; just having woken up or when he's tired.
She'd looked at the time and did a mental calculation in her head. It was about 8am there, so must have just woken up.
"You home?" She asked, the butterflies in her insides going absolutely bonkers.
"Not really. Had to put it off for a few days." There was some shuffling on the other end.
"Too busy meeting girls?" she teased, her words left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth, but she pushed it inside.
He chuckled, "part of the job." She wished he didn't say that, now she was somehow filled with doubts and insecurities she knew was uncalled for. "Got my eyes on just one though."
"Oh, do you?" she bit her lip, trying to supress the smile.
He doesn't really like you, just the idea of you.
She tried to convince herself. She was sure that he couldn't want her that way. Maybe he wanted her physically, she was an attractive woman and she would be a fool to deny that. But the thought that someone would want to actually be with her, want her for all her quirks and twisted thoughts seemed absolutely ridiculous to her.
"She's a bit of a pain in my ass though."
Both of them chuckled, "You are a pain in my ass." She knew her retort was childish, but didn't care.
"I... I wanted to tell you something." He sounded nervous, and that was enough to make her nervous.
"Everything okay?"
"That night, when you asked me to kiss you," her heart was already racing at the mention, "I just want you to know that I didn't do it not because I didn't want to. I wonder if I should've kissed you that night. I regret not doing it sometimes. Most of the times though, I know I did the right thing." he was rambling. And by now Suzy knew far too well how lost Harry could get once he'd start to ramble, but she chose not to interrupt him because she wanted to hear what he had to say and he was being awfully cute.
"Honestly, I am flattered that you came to me. I feel ecstatic knowing that you wanted me to kiss you then, even if it was on a whim and you probably didn't mean it. I would do it now though, if... if you asked me again. I don't think I could control myself twice. 'M not a man with that much self-control." He was breathing heavily on the other end and so was she.
Laboured breaths could be heard from both ends as both of them just sat in silence. Not knowing what to say.
"Why are you saying this now?" her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard her nonetheless.
"I just wanted you to know that I didn't... I'm not... I still like you." There it was again, "And I just don't want you to doubt that for a second. So even if there is the slightest chance that you might like me too, you know where I stand."
"Harry, I don't—"
It was when she heard the sound of cars passing by and honking very distinctly that worry started to loom in her.
"Are you the guy stupid enough to call me when you're driving?" she scolded.
"Actually-"
"I am going to hang up now."
"What? And lose the chance to insult me?" he chuckled, "I'm not driving, I'm parked."
"It's around 8 in the morning there."
"Is it?"
Suzy frowned, "What is going on?"
"Nothing." His reply was quick and dismissive, "I gotta go now love, will talk to you later."
Before she could speak another word, she was interrupted with a series of beeps. Putting the phone down with a frustrated huff, she went back to staring at the empty street.
Their conversation left her reeling. She couldn't want him... if even she did, she couldn't have him...
She'd done things in her life that she herself could never forgive herself for. She had demons from her past life and she wasn't going to load all that baggage on him.
Besides, he couldn't possibly want her. He was Harry Styles for god's sake. It was probably some fascination he had with her, just a superficial attraction.
She knew she should be pushing him away; that she should be putting distance between them and avoid him just like she did before. But she also knew that she wouldn't be able to keep that up, last time was an example enough. She wanted to be with Harry, even if it meant just as friends.
"Suzy!" She heard Lea holler at her from the inside.
"What is it?" she yelled back.
"Someone's here for you!"
Crossing her fingers, hoping it wasn't one of her former clients, she walked inside. For the past few weeks, she'd had far too many men begging her to be with them for the last time and she had prepared a mental rant in her head but all words dissipated inside her head when she saw who it was.
There he stood, with a lopsided grin on her face that millions of girls would kill to see but it was all for her. His eyes were half open and he blinked lazily at her, those dazzling green eyes ran over her, taking her in and rendering her breathless and stupefied for a moment before she could register what was happening.
"Hey."
Suzanna was never an athletic person. Running was the last thing you would ever see her doing. But when she saw him, after three weeks of missing him with all her being, she couldn't stay put.
She couldn't think anymore, with a face-splitting grin on her face, she sprinted towards him. The moment his eyes met hers, he let the bags fall with a similar grin on her face.
"Anna..." he'd barely uttered the word before she tackled him in a hug. He toppled behind a bit, but took a few steps back to steady himself before hugging her back.
His musky scent enveloped her like his arms did and she felt warm. The warmth that started from the bottom of her stomach surged to every cell of her body and she couldn't help the laughter escape her.
She felt like a massive weight had been lifted from her chest and now she was free, free to breathe again. As he wrapped his arms around her and she was engulfed in everything Harry, she knew that there was no other place that could give her the content and happiness that his arms did.
"Had I known I'll be getting such a grand welcome; I might have come over sooner."
They both chuckle, and he even got a light smack on his chest after she finally let go.
His hands cupped her face, eyes scanning every feature as if he were drinking her in.
"You were calling me minutes ago!"
"Was parked across the street." He smiled, "Thought I'd call you before showing up."
They heard Lea make up a weird excuse on why she had to go somewhere before she scurried inside her room, no doubt trying to leave the two of them alone. Suzy didn't know if she was happy or upset about it.
"You gonna ask me to sit or am I gonna be standing here the entire night?"
Harry feigned offense, putting his hands on his hips and frowning at her as if she were a little girl.
"You've been coming here uninvited for months, I don't need to ask you to do anything." She retorted, sauntering over to the living room knowing he followed closely.
"Ouch. I see you're on a roll tonight." He flopped himself on the couch, comfortably arms splayed on the back as he groaned, the hours in the plane obviously causing him to feel sore.
"You were supposed to visit your family." She stated.
"I was, mum's gonna be livid." He chuckled, leaning his head back as he closed his eyes and relaxed. Suzy could clearly see the bags underneath his eyes and the dark circles on them. With the jet lag and the flight, he must be feeling exhausted, but he still sat there, beside her.
"Why didn't you?" she asked, not sure what she wanted to hear.
He sat straight, looking straight at her as his teeth were digging into his bottom lip. "You know why I flew home, Anna. You know."
"I don't..."
He gave her a defeated look and she felt her cheeks warm.
"There's clearly-"
"Don't."
"- Something that I feel towards you, but if you'll only allow a friendship, I'll take it. I'll gladly take it and be a happy chap. But if there's ever a chance—"
"There's not," she quickly cut him off, shaking her head vehemently. She was realising why Harry was talking about her begging him to kiss him that night now. "No, just, Harry—"
"Friends," he exhaled, nodding. His eyes were so nervous, they were making her more nervous bouncing between hers like he was watching a tennis match. "Friends is just fine." He smiled with tight lips, hands playing with the rings on his fingers. He looked down at his fingers before looking up again, meeting her eyes with a gentle smile, "Friends is perfect. Harry likes friends."
She smiled back, fingers itching to push his hair away from his tired, beautiful face.
"How was London for Harry?" she asked, eager to change the topic.
"London was perfect. The guy was too busy to enjoy it though." He shrugged, "He didn't know it was possible to get tired of taking photos."
"I'm sure he loves the attention." She rolled her eyes.
"Hardly, he hates it..." his lips were falling the more they spoke. He furrowed his eyebrows, twisting the ring around his finger. "He'd love for it to be about the music, shocking, since he's a musician and all. But no, marketing is more important."
"Hm..." she was intrigued by his honestly, knowing that he wasn't lying. "If he'd rather talk about other things, why doesn't he speak up?"
"He knows business, and he knows that certain people that are paid quite well to do their jobs wouldn't be happy with him," he was picking on a loose thread on the couch, pulling on it before throwing it away. "It's easier to grin and bear it. People deal with far worse things than rumours of promiscuity."
"He shouldn't keep his mouth shut for the sake of others, though."
His smile was small, his cheeks just a bit rosier than before.
"He's not all innocent, though. Not everything is gossip, so he probably should keep his mouth shut."
"There's the truth," she giggled as he grinned even bigger, a smug look on his face. "Harry is a naughty boy, he shouldn't complain that he gets asked about the abundance of women in his life."
"Oi, he's not that busy," he whimpered, looking slightly offended. "He's allowed some fun without being chastised."
"You seem awfully invested for talking about this guy."
"Good guy, that one is," he smirked, nodding his head, "Quite the guy. Rugged, gentlemanly, a real gem. Whole package."
"He sounds very humble too."
We both laughed as he shrugged.
"'Nuff about him. I'm my own person, you know."
She chuckled, "Oh yeah?"
He nodded, "Got my own problems."
"Got your own army of rumours and raunchy ladies fantasizing about you?"
Harry's chuckle that followed sounded pained more than humoured, "That... that's not even shocking, isn't that weird? I get those kinds of things all of the time." He spoke, eyes wide, "I don't mind the pictures, but I could do without the vulgar comments. So strange."
"Oh, I'm sure you love it."
His lips fell, and she couldn't help but regret what she'd said, no matter how casual. She hoped that he'd be the guy she read about in the magazines, so she'd find it easier to dislike – or even better, feel nothing – towards.
Unfortunately, it seemed like Harry Styles was the endearing, charismatic, quirky boy she'd spent some time in a dark alley with, and it confused her more than ever.
"To be honest, I really don't. I just... bloody weird, it really is."
"I shouldn't be feeling bad for you," she admitted with a shrug. "Sure, it sucks that you have a hard time out there with people blatantly disrespecting you. You have no idea how much I know what you're talking about. I could be the president of being inappropriately sexualised and disrespected." She chuckled, "But guess what? You have millions upon millions of people who adore you, and you're not a bad guy. From what I've seen, you're far from that, so I'm sure they'd love you even more if they knew you."
"Yeah, yeah..."
He was flushed, trying not to smile as she sat up. It took every bit of his willpower not to just say fuck it and press his lips to hers.
"You just don't make sense, you're the complete opposite of what you should be... so I guess I just assume that I hear has to be true, you know? I know that's not really fair..."
He let her words linger, unsure if he hated how honest she was being, or loved it. He sided with the latter.
"No, I mean..." he paused, thinking of what to say, "You're absolutely right, it's not fair. I'm not going to say that's okay, because it really... it really sucks that people label me as this guy that I don't think I really am."
"Life's fucked up, huh?" she smirked before standing up. "Come on,"
He accepted the warm, familiar tingle of her hands on his; pulling him along by the arm until they'd made it to the balcony. He crossed his arms as Anna stood a safe distance away from him, staring up at the starry sky with a look of admiration in her eyes.
"Never gonna get tired of the view." He muttered; eyes fixed solely on her.
She laughed lightly; and he saw the pink hue on her cheeks immediately. He couldn't help but smile, digging his front teeth into his bottom lip to try and ease it. She was so thoughtful, lost in her head, dragging her fingertips all over the railings.
She had such an expressive face when she wasn't hiding behind her tough façade. When she'd let her guard down, she always had him on his toes, needing to solve the equation before she quickly erased it.
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hey there! I really hope you liked this chapter. If you're reading this, I humbly request you to vote and comment. Those are the only things that drive me to write and keep me from loosing my inspiration.
And this guy of course.
See you guys on Tuesday!
Until next time.
Nivedita. XX