June 13, 2020
Dear Diary,
Today I was feeling adventurous so I texted in our group chat asking for some new song recommendations. By the way, the groupchat is currently called "1-877-LVL-CNRN." As per usual, I have no idea what that could possibly mean.
Me: guys recommend me good songs. I've already listened to all the Selena Gomez albums in one morning.
Janelle: have you heard The Pros and Cons of Breathing by Fall Out Boy? It's so good.
Ciara: oldy but a goody
Cody: nah you should listen to Blue Rabbits
Ciara:...
Janelle:...
Ciara: ...cody no
Me: what?
Janelle: cody remember what happened after you told her to read the milk fic?
Me: oh god is it anything like that awful book?
Cody: no at all, baby
Cody: it's even better
So now here I am, researching Blue Rabbits. Are they actually blue bunnies? Isn't blue bunny that delicious ice cream company?
As cure as blue rabbits are, I don't think this is what Cody was talking about.
Hey the one on the left looks like Gerard Way!
Oh I think I found something.
So it seems like the real name of the song has a swear in it an-
OH MY GOD
HOLY SH-
IS THAT...
IS THAT PATRICK???
I'll be right back, I need to go breathe for a few minutes.
Hello I'm back now. I am ready to continue looking for blue rabbits. It appears to be song not by Fallout Boy but by Patrick Stump himself.
Let's review the lyrics
"Everything in this jungle wanna eat you baby
I can't blame 'em 'cause you look so fine"
Patrick is singing from the perspective of a rabbit living in the jungle. Do rabbits live in the jungle? A rabbit sees a piece of grass and wants to eat it because it looks delicious.
"I want to give you sexual rabies
Gimme that sweet sweet monkey vagine
Though I wanna put your pelvis in traction"
Oh my... Oh my gosh what is this? I'm disgusted. Who wants to think of a rabbit doing that? What the heck is this awful song?
"Blue rabbits fucking
Blue rabbits fucking, yeah
Blue rabbits fucking"
There are not lyrics! This is terrible! What was Patrick thinking when he wrote this song?
"You know you won't see rabbit sex in 'The Lord of the Rings'"
OF COURSE YOU WON'T! WHAT DOES HE THINK THIS IS? WHY WOULD BE WRITE THIS? I'M HORRIFIED.
"This whole planet's got fuck stench
You can smell it on the other side of the sun"
I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS ANYMORE. THIS IS TRASH. THIS IS AWFUL. THIS ISN'T A SONG. I WISH I COULD UNHEAR IT. HOW CAN I ERASE MY BRAIN? FIRST THE MILK FICTION AND NOW THIS?
Wait is this song about Pete?
...are those rabbits?