Staring up at the ceiling of my bedroom in the chalet, it was late in the night and I was restless. My stomach was in knots, I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it.
Why did I have to go and mess things up? My life was getting better and now... Yasmin, oh God Yasmin.
I sat up not being able to lay any longer, the room felt suffocating. I staggered to the living room, my head pounding from the sudden movement.
Gripping onto the door frame, I waited until the dizziness passed. I slumped onto the nearest sofa, grabbing the remote and switching in the tv. I needed something, anything to distract me from the nagging feeling in my chest.
I had no idea what to do, the tv was not helping matters. My mind kept drifting to Yasmin.
What was she doing now?
Is she okay?
What if she hates it there?
What if she's crying?
Oh God. I got up from the sofa and headed outside. I sat on the hammock, the cool Abuja breeze washing over me. Not that it provided any relief.
The only comfort I got was from the sway of the hammock which slowly lulled me to sleep.
****************
Taps on my shoulder jolted me up and I almost fell off. Getting on my feet, I noticed the sun was already up.
How long was I asleep, no, did I really sleep outside the house?
I turned my attention to the maid in front of me.
"Yes?"
"Hajiya wants to see you now." She said and left. I sighed going back in. Freshening up, I looked at myself in the mirror.
Fuck.
My eyes were red and the pounding headache from yesterday was getting worse. The circles around my eyes were getting darker. I exited the bathroom and headed over to the main house.
"Salaam Alaykum. Good morning Hajiya" I whispered walking into the dining room.
"Wa Alaykum Salaam" she answered ignoring my greeting. I stood there, my hands behind my back as I stared at her, having her breakfast.
A maid brought my breakfast and I realised it was Atine. My heart clenched up realising by this time, she would have brought a sleepy Yasmin to the dining room.
Our eyes met and she quickly looked away not before I saw the anger in them.
Great, even the maid is angry at me.
"Sit" Hajiya voice pierced through my thoughts and I approached a chair and sat.
I wonder what Yasmin is going to eat for breakfast?
Would she get her Coco Pops?
Would they even give her breakfast?
Would they starve her? Would she have to fight for her food?
I had to control myself from throwing up on the table, closing my eyes and concentrating on my breathing.
Having a panic attack here was not going to help me. I pushed the food away as my heart beat slowed.
"Are you even listening to me?" Hajiya asked irritated.
"S...sorry." I whispered looking down at my shaking hands.
Calm down.
"Since Yasmin is not here anymore, I expect you to pack your bags and be back in your own house before the end of today. I see no use having you around here." She explained.
Her words felt like a bomb to my chest, my eyes wide as I tried to digest her words.
It was one thing to send Yasmin away but to kick me out. I had really fucked things up.
"H..hajiya please" I pleaded, I didn't want to be alone. The thought of going back to that house alone with my thoughts frightened me.
"I don't want to repeat myself Abba. By the end of today, you should be back in your house. I can see you're not hungry so you can go." Picking up her utensils, she continued eating, a clear sign of dismissal.
I nodded and stood, my feet felt heavy as I walked out of the house to the chalet. Sinking onto the mattress, I stared at the wall in front of me, feeling every emotion course through me.
Gripping my phone, I hurled it at the wall watching it fall to the floor with a crack. It didn't make me feel better. Instead it made me worse.
I grabbed my box from the closet and dumped my clothes in, my vision blurring as I continued. I stopped what I was doing and slid to the floor, burying my face in my palms as the tears flowed.
My life was crumbling before my very eyes.
*******************
By the time I was done packing everything, it was evening and the chalet looked like it had never been lived in. I had the security man take the bags to my car and I walked into the main house when I bumped into Atine.
"Where's my grandmother?" I asked.
"She's in her room. She said she doesn't want to be disturbed." She answered.
"I just want to tell her I am leaving"
She shook her head "She said she doesn't want to be disturbed at all" she insisted.
I sighed and turned back, I loaded my boxes into the trunk and got into the car. I drove out of the compound and headed home.
The word seemed so strange. Hajiya's residence had been home for the past months and now I was all but banished.
I stopped by a supermarket and got the basics, while I was waiting on the line I spied a little girl holding onto her mother's gown.
What was Yasmin doing now?
Was she colouring or working on a puzzle?
Did they even have those at the orphanage?
The attendant cleared her throat and I jolted back to reality. I tore my eyes away from the girl and dropped my shopping for her to checkout.
A few minutes later I was back home, pressing on the horn, the gates swung open a minute later. I drove in and parked near the fountain. I stared at the house, it looked deserted, lonely almost ugly.
Just like you
I sighed and got out of the car. I waved the security man away and got the boxes from the trunk, I rolled them to the front door and unlocked the door.
The house was surprisingly clean, not as dusty as I thought it would be. I could have called a cleaning team but I would rather do anything to keep my mind busy.
I rolled the boxes up to my room and walked downstairs to get started on cleaning the house.
By the time I was done, it was 10pm, I dragged my exhausted self up the stairs and had a shower. The warm water doing wonders on my sore muscles.
I got out and pushed the boxes into my closet. I would deal with them later. Getting dressed in sweatpants, I got my phone, staring at the cracked screen to check the time when a wave of dizziness hit me and I buckled to the floor. My stomach hurting in the most unimaginable way ever.
I held my breath till it passed before getting up, I couldn't remember the last meal I had but I had no appetite. I noticed a granola bar on the drawer, checking the expiry date. I ripped it open and took a bite, a few seconds later I was in the bathroom throwing up.
Moaning in pain as my stomach clenched trying to eject the whatever was left in my guts. I leaned against the wall, gasping. I got up, using the bars as a support. I rinsed my mouth with water almost triggering another round of vomit.
I crawled into bed expecting to fall asleep the moment my head touched the pillow but that wasn't the case.
I felt the tears roll down as thoughts of Yasmin filled my mind.
Does she have a bed to herself?
Does she have to share a threadbare mattress with two or five other kids?
This is all my fault, I shouldn't have punched Abdul. Does she even have a blanket to cover herself with? I shouldn't have gone to that party.
What if they don't let her keep her clothes and they give it out?
What if she has a nightmare and there is no one there to comfort her?
I lurched up, holding my head. The headache was bad and this time worse. I got out of bed and threw on a hoodie, slipping into a pair of slides I walked downstairs and headed out of the house.
"Sir?" The security man called out. I ignored him and walked out of the gate. I trekked down to the end of the street and took a left, my thoughts all over. I had no idea where I was going but I felt if i stopped I would run mad.
*******************
The aching in my feet finally made me stop, I looked around wondering where exactly I was. I felt my pockets for my phone but realised I had left it at home. Cursing, I walked to the road to hail a taxi.
One stopped a few minutes later and I got in.
"Where to?" He asked.
"Yedseram Street, Maitama" I replied. He grunted and drove off. I leaned my head against the headrest and closed my eyes.
The ride was a silent one, as soon as he drove onto the street, I directed him to the house and he parked.
"I don't have the money on me. Let me get it from my security man." I explained. The man eyed me grumbling before agreeing. The security man was outside as I got out.
"Do you have cash on you?" I asked. "Yes sir." He replied.
I turned to the driver "How much is the fair?"
"2500 naira" he answered. The security man gave him the money and I walked into the house.
Sighing, I kicked the shoes off and headed to the living room. I crashed on the couch, switching on the tv.
Sleep did not come that night.
****************************
Everything hurt, I had sunglasses on as I walked into Platinum Insurance. I had received a call summoning me to the office.
The secretary directed me to the conference room. I walked in to see Mr Mr Adebayo and two other men plus Abdul and Amaka.
"Good morning sir" I greeted.
"This is a panel Mr Abubakar. Remove the sunglasses." Mr Adebayo ordered.
"Sorry sir" I whispered and removed the glasses, looking straight at him. He seemed taken aback by my appearance.
"Let us begin" he said after clearing his throat.
"Did you or did you not assault Mr Bello on Wednesday 15th of this month?"
"I did" I answered.
"What was the reason for this action?" One of the other men asked.
"I was provoked by him but that is not an excuse and I apologise for my behaviour"
Mr Adebayo frowned at this and turned to Abdul.
"And what do you say to this claim?"
"Sir, I would never anger another employee intentionally." He replied. I could hear the smugness in his voice but I couldn't be bothered. I just wanted to get home.
You're not even trying to find her. Are you sure you even miss her or you are just pretending?
I furiously beat the voice down. I didn't need this at this point.
"Excuse me sir" Amaka piped up. I turned to her, our eyes met and she looked away turning fully to Mr Adebayo. I could see Abdul glaring at her.
"Abdul kept on taunting Abubakar with the rumours going around. Going as far as including the little girl in his taunts. I feel like any reasonable person would have snapped. I told him to stop twice but he refused and it is common knowledge of Abdul's dislike towards Abubakar." She finished.
The men before us nodded and seemed to discuss on it.
"You three should step outside as we come to a decision on this."
We walked out and I leaned against the wall, Abdul was still glaring at Amaka as she came over to me.
"Abubakar, what happened to you? Are you okay?" She asked worry evident in her voice and eyes.
It felt so good to have someone ask how I was feeling. I smiled slightly.
"Yeah. I'm okay." I replied.
"But you don't look okay. You look sick like really sick" she argued pointing to the dark circles around my eyes. The last time I had looked at my reflection, they had taken a purple tint. Just a little makeup and I could pass for a zombie.
"Just exhausted. The last couple of days have been rough" I explained looking down.
"Hang in there" she said patting my shoulder.
We were called back in a few minutes later. At this point I didn't care if I lost the job. I had lost everything already. I might as well finish with a bang.
"After deliberating, we have come to the agreement that your defence of provocation stands but assaulting your co worker is against the ethics of this organisation as such you are suspended for 7 working days starting from tomorrow. As for Mr Bello, leaving your post to taunt your co worker on baseless rumours shows that you not only lack discipline but you have a lot of time on your hands as such you are suspended for 14 working days and when you resume, you will be assigned to another department to keep you occupied." Mr Adebayo declared.
I sent Amaka a smile of gratitude knowing her words had helped me a lot.
"Thank you" I said to them all as they stood and left. A stupefied Abdul ran after them to probably argue his case. Amaka and I walked to the elevator in silence.
"I'll see you in 7 days" she said smiling as I got into the elevator. I forced a smile back at her.
"Yeah" I whispered, she turned to leave when she paused and glanced at me.
"You can beat this Abubakar. I know you can" with that she left.
Sorry to disappoint.
The elevator door closed and I watched the floors count down till it reached the ground floor. I exited the elevator and the building to my car. I got in and drove home. I frowned seeing a black Audi parked in one of the spots.
Getting out of my car, I walked towards the car and the door opened to reveal Baba Mohammad.
I didn't have the energy to deal with him and the sun wasn't helping matters.
"I recieved the message you left with my assistant" he said.
I kept quiet, looking at the ground.
"I also heard about the fight in the off..."
"Why are you here?" I cut in.
"I thought you were changing, the reports I was getting were promising and then what happened? You went back to your old habits" he stated.
"You know what they say, old habits die hard." I retorted feeling my body shake, not with anger but with exhaustion. He needed to leave.
"Yes but your change was linked with that girl, so what exactly hap..."
"Nothing alright. J..j" a wave of dizziness hit me and my vision went blank for a second.
Baba Mohammad was quick to help me sit on the ground.
"Lie down and close your eyes" he instructed. I did as he said and felt the dizziness slowly disappearing. I sat up and took the water he offered me.
"You should go to a hospital Abubakar, you look ill." He advised. I nodded just wanting to leave.
"Why don't I take you..."
"I'll go by myself." I cut him off again. "You can leave"
He sighed and got back into the car, I watched as the car reversed and drove out of the compound.
I struggled onto my feet and staggered into the house. I watched TV well tried to, my mind was on Yasmin.
I had to find her. I would go insane if I didn't. I knew exactly who to call.
I dialled Khalifa's number.
Please pick up. Please pick up
"Hello" he said, his voice sounding gruff and unfriendly.
"K..Khalifa. I need your help. Please" I whispered.
I was met with silence.
"Please Khalifa. I am going crazy over here. I don't know what to do. Please" I pleaded.
"I'll be there in 30 minutes"
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Okay, now I feel bad for Abba. Who am I kidding? 😂😂😂. He deserves it.
God, Hajiya is one tough cookie😂😂
Do you guys think Khalifa is going to go easy on him?
Let me know what you guys think in the comments.
Btw!!! You guys made my day with the comments. Keep them coming. I'll be glad to answer all your questions.
Please share and vote.
Remember to stay safe ❤