Some things can come at the most sudden times. Things happen that you can control but there are also thing you can't control. Marriage, pregnancy, death. Finn Hudson died recently. We have had his funeral but now the Seniors graduates are coming back for a memorial that Mr. Shue has organised. Not everyone could come back but I am happy that those who could came back did. His death has really hit me. It feels like my heart isn't healing but instead is breaking even more each day. People ask me if I am okay, if I need someone to talk to. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted him back. He was like an older brother to me. We were all in the choir room. I sat next to Puck. We were holding onto each other. We both took Finn's death hard. Mr. Shue wrote his name on the whiteboard and I could feel tears slowly roll down my face.
(Mr. Shue) "I'm really glad so many of you could make it back for this."
(Mike) "We wouldn't miss it for anything, Mr. Shue."
(Mr. Shue) "The funeral was for everyone, but I wanted to do something just for us. To memorialize him he only way we know how... by singing. All week long. Anyone who wants to can come up and sing. Maybe a song he sung, maybe something that reminds you of him..."
(Puck) "Singing isn't going to bring him back."
I rest my head on Puck's shoulder. I could feel the tears roll down my face. Using my other hand that wasn't holding onto Puck's I wiped a few tears away.
(Mr. Shue) "No, it's not. Nothing is. Not ever. But... for two minutes or so, we can all maybe remember the best parts of him. So, think of what you want to sing, if you want to sing, and we'll start tomorrow."
(Mercedes) "Oh, I-I can't wait until tomorrow, Mr. Shue."
Mercedes gets up from out of her seat and walks to the front of the room.
(Mercedes) "I've been bawling for three weeks. If I don't get this all out now, I don't think I'll ever stop crying."
(Mr. Shue) "Sure, Mercedes. Start us off."
(Mercedes) "Um... I, uh, remember Finn telling me that he sang this song to his baby's sonogram. Well, he thought it was his baby."
I laughed a bit looking up at Puck and he smiled looking at me.
(Mercedes) "He was the first cool kid to be nice to any of us, and he was... our leader in here. We love you, Finn."
The band begins to play and Mercedes starts to sing.
Mercedes:
"Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
Don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong"
New Directions (Mercedes):
"I'll stand by you, (I'll stand by you)
Won't let nobody hurt you (Nobody hurt you)
I'll stand by you"
Mercedes and New Directions:
"Take me in, into your darkest hour"
New Directions (Mercedes):
"And I'll never desert you (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'll stand by you, (Yeah)
I'll stand by you
(Won't let nobody hurt you) Won't let nobody hurt you
(No, no, no, no) I'll stand by you"
Mercedes and New Directions (Mercedes):
"Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you (I'll ever desert you)"
New Directions (Mercedes):
"I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you (I'll stand by you)
Won't let nobody hurt you (No, no, no)
I'll stand by you (I'll stand by you)"
I couldn't help crying after that performance. This is going to be a really emotional week.
><
I was walking down the halls. People have been singing songs and I have been crying. I couldn't wear my Cheerios uniform. I haven't been to practice all week. I have just been so sad. I turn down a hallway and see Puck. He was slouching and walking in zig zags.
(Mia) "Puck?"
He turns around and looks at me.
(Puck) "Hey Beautiful..."
He's drunk. He walks up to me and ends up falling into my arms. I end up having to hold him up while he hung his arms around my neck and just hung there.
(Puck) "You smell nice..."
(Mia) "Wish I could say the same. You stink. Come on."
I push him off me slightly and put one of his arms around my shoulders and I put my arm around him and help him walk. I walk him to the locker rooms. I walk in and see Coach Beiste.
(Coach Beiste) "Mia what are you doing here? What's wrong with him?"
(Mia) "Drunk."
I place Puck on the bench and I try to walk away but end up get being pulled onto his lap by him. I just sit on his lap with his arm around me feeling slightly uncomfortable.
(Coach Beiste) "I get needing something to get through the first few days, but it's been a month."
(Mia) "You don't have to be scared to have feelings."
I then get pushed off his lap by him forcefully. I end up on the ground.
(Puck) "That's crap!"
Coach Beiste helps me up off the floor and I get up and fix the skirt I was wearing.
(Puck) "Of course I do!"
Puck was yelling at me. Pointing at me.
(Mia) "Why Puck? We're all having them!"
(Coach Beiste) "Don't yell at her! She is trying to help!"
(Puck) "Not like mine! No one understands!"
(Mia) "Understands what? Tell me!"
(Puck) "That if I start crying, I don't think I'll ever stop!"
Puck stands up and kicks a locker. Still angry he pushes over a towel rack. I understand how he feels. I feel the same way.
(Coach Beiste) "Finn would've kicked over one of my chairs."
(Puck) "Yeah. That was his specialty."
I then turn to look at Coach.
(Mia) "Is it okay if I..."
All Coach Beiste does is nod her head and walk out of the locker room.
(Mia) "I understand how you feel you know. I am scared to cry. But I can't help it. I cry way to much. At everything. It sucks. Showing how vulnerable I am."
I sit down on one of the benches and pat the spot next to me. Puck turns to look at me and I smile softly at him.
(Mia) "Come. Sit down."
I comes over and sits next to me. I hear his start to cry and I feel horrible. I wrap my arms around him and hug him. He holds onto my and I let him cry in my shoulder.
(Puck) "I can't take it..."
He then pulls away and looks down.
(Puck) "What chance do I have of not being an idiot and hurting people without him around to remind me who I really am?"
I put my hand on his knee and try to look him in the eyes but he keeps turning away.
(Mia) "You can do that without him. I have seen you and I know you can do that. You just have to yourself how he saw you. And the way I see you."
(Puck) "It's not good enough for me! It's not like when he was alive."
(Mia) "You got to make it good enough, because he is gone now and there is nothing we can do anymore. Nothing is going to be the same."
I was crying with him now. I give Puck a hug and we hold onto each other.
(Puck) "He was like my brother. And now he is gone."
(Mia) "He was like an older brother to me too. We just have to try and keep his voice in our heads because that is all we have left."
I then feel him pull away. I watch as he just stares at me and then lean in. He kisses me and at first I was frozen in shock but then pull away.
(Puck) "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that..."
He looks down at the floor and I look at him. I then stand up still looking at him. I extend my hand out to him.
(Mia) "Come on."
He looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
(Mia) "Come on. We have glee and I want to sing something."
He takes my hand and stands up. I hug him tight and then we walk out of the locker room. I held onto him and put my head on his shoulder as we walked to the choir room. Once we got there everyone else was already there. Puck went and sat down at the back and I stood up at the front of the room. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breathes in and then out and then I opened my eyes.
(Mia) "Finn was like an older brother to me. He looked after me and cared about me and helped me through times of trouble. Earlier in the school year he said he liked me but felt guilty because he still loved Rachel. Which showed me how good of a person he really is. And thinking about him right now is making this so much harder and making me think of how much I miss."
I felt myself start to tear up a lot.
(Mia) "He was our Quarterback. He will always be our Quarterback."
I looked up and smiled.
(Mia) "We love you Finn."
I looked back down at the others.
Mia:
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the brokenhearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be"
Mia with New Directions:
"Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be"
I feel tears rush down my face and I can't stop. I have lost someone who has helped me so much.
Mia with New Directions:
"Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be"
><
We all sat in the choir room once again. Puck was about to sing. He looked at me and I gave him a soft smile.
Puck:
"Well, we bursted out of class
Had to get away from those fools
We learned more from a 3-minute record, baby
Than we ever learned in school
Tonight I hear the neighborhood drummer sound
I can feel my heart begin to pound
You say you're tired and you just want to close your eyes
And follow your dreams down
Well, we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Like soldiers on the winter's night
With a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Well, now young faces grow sad and old
And hearts of fire grow cold
We swore blood brothers against the wind
And I'm ready to grow young again
And I hear your sister's voice calling us home
Across the open yards
Well even we can cut someplace of our own
With these drums and these guitars
'Cause we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Blood brothers on a summer's night
With a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender
No retreat, baby, no surrender"
I get up out of my seat and run up to him giving him a hug. Soon everyone else follows and hugs him.
(Puck) "I love you guys."
(Santana) "Where is it, Puckerman?"
I turn and see Santana at the doorway.
(Puck) "It's just a tree. I told Beiste I'd put it back."
(Santana) "No, not the tree. Finn's jacket. I went for a lie-down in the nurse's office, hung it up on the coat rack by her door, and when I woke up from my grief siesta, it was gone. I know you took it. We all know you took it."
(Mia) "Santana, he has been with me all day."
(Puck) "I didn't take a jacket. "
(Artie) "If we were rounding up the usual suspects, that would pretty much just be you."
(Mia) "As I said, he has been with me all day."
(Puck) "I didn't take Finn's jacket!"
(Mr. Shue) "Enough! Please! No fighting this week."
The bell rang and everyone walked off except Santana, Mr. Shue and Puck so I made sure to stay just in case.
(Santana) "No me gusta."
(Mr. Shue) "Santana?"
Mr. Shue pushes Santana away gently. The Kurt walks up to Puck and I.
(Kurt) "Seriously, Puck, you can keep it tonight, but I need it back tomorrow. All right? It's Santana's now."
Kurt walks away and Puck looks back at him with a look of betrayal on his face. He didn't take it. I put my hand on his arm and he looks at me. He then looks at Mr. Shue and walks up to him.
(Puck) "I swear I didn't swipe the jacket, Mr. Shue."
(Mr. Shue) "I understand wanting the jacket, Puck. And I am not saying that you took it."
(Puck) "I didn't."
(Mr. Shue) "But if you did, all I'm gonna a say is that all of us want some piece of Finn to keep close to us."
(Mia) "Kind of sounds like you are saying he took it..."
I then take Puck's hand and lead him out of the room.
><
I along side all the current glee club members were setting down red drumsticks at Finn's memorial. I just placed one set down and then Kitty did. She stood back up next to me.
(Kitty) "This is kind of cheesy."
(Rachel) "No, it's beautiful."
I look up and see Rachel with Kurt and my eyes start top water.
(Rachel) "I just had to see it."
I walked out of the group and up to her and gave her a massive hug. I could feel her hold onto me. We let go of each other and all went to the choir room. We all sat down except Rachel. She stood up the front. Everyone was here. Alumni, current, Mr. Shue and I knew that in spirit that Finn is here with us as well. I sat next to Puck and he smiled slightly and me and I smiled softly at him
(Rachel) "Nobody treat me with kid gloves, okay?"
Her voice started to tremble. She was finding it hard to contain her emotions.
(Rachel) "I don't know what to say, either. I loved Finn, and..."
You could see her start to tear up which made me tear up.
(Rachel) "He loved me, and he loved all of you guys. I know he did."
I started to play with my hands in my lap and try not to cry. I then feel Puck grab my hand and hold on. I look at him and smile then rest my head on his shoulder and he wraps an arm around my waist.
(Rachel) "I like to sing in the car and, um... and before Finn, I used to sing alone... and this was the first song that I... sang with him when we would... drive around together, so... this is for him."
The band started to play and Rachel sang beautifully.
Rachel:
"When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong"
Tears started to pour down my face but I couldn't help but lean into Puck and cry in his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he wraps his arms around my neck. I couldn't stop crying.
Rachel:
"I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
And I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
Oh, the storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love"
At the end we all just sat there crying. I was crying in Puck's arms and I could feel him rub my back trying to comfort me. I know this would look bad in someone else's eyes and think that I am cheating on Sebastian but this is a time of grief and I really need Puck right now. He was one of the closest friends I have had in this room.
><
Puck was replanting the tree he stole. The tree that was planted for Finn. Coach Beiste and I persuaded him to put it back. I sat down on the ground watching him. I was back in my Cheerios uniform. I was starting to feel better. Once he replanted the tree he took three bottles out of a cooler bag. The looked like beer bottles. He walked over to Coach Beiste and held one out to her.
(Coach Beiste) "What...?"
(Puck) "It's root beer."
(Coach Beiste) "Oh."
She took the bottle from him and opened it while Puck opened one and passed it to me.
(Mia) "Thanks"
We all took a drink and Puck sat down next to me.
(Puck) "So, what do you think? 50 years from now, when this tree 30 feet tall and the kids come to make out under it, will they know who it was planted for?"
I laughed a bit at Puck's question.
(Coach Beiste) "Probably not."
(Puck) "You know what's tripping me out is this line between the two years."
He put his finger on the line between the years '1994-2013' that were on a plaque that was placed into the ground.
(Puck) "It's his whole life. Everything that happened is in that line."
I put a hand on his knee and he looked at me.
(Coach Beiste) "What are you gonna do with your line now, Puckerman?"
Puck stood up and I looked up at him.
(Puck) "I'm gonna make a man of myself. Figured if I don't have Finn, I need an army to help me."
(Mia) "The army?"
(Coach Beiste) "Are you serious?"
(Puck) "Air Force, actually. Thought maybe I could be a top gun."
(Coach Beiste) "I think they were actually Naval aviators in that movie."
(Puck) "You know, if Finn was around, I'd just keep letting him point me in the right direction."
Coach Beiste then stood up and I did as well.
(Puck) "Now... it's up to me to figure it all out."
Coach Beiste put her arm around Puck and Puck put his arm around her shoulders. I stood back a bit not wanting to ruin their moment.
(Coach Beiste) "I'm proud of you. You know? Just don't get shot, okay?"
(Puck) "Thanks, Coach."
They hug and then Puck then walked up to me and engulfed me in a hug. I hugged him back tight.
(Mia) "Please don't get shot or killed or anything. I can't loose the death of another friend."
Puck pulled back and put his hands on my shoulders.
(Puck) "You are never going to loose me okay?"
(Mia) "Don't mess up that handsome face of yours okay?"
He pulled me in for one last hug and kisses the top of my head. He then walks away and on the way to his motorbike he points to Coach.
(Puck) "Keep watering that tree."
(Coach Beiste) "You got it. Have a good line."
He hopes on his bike and I take a deep breath in and smile as I watch him drive away. This week has been the hardest. But I have gotten through it with the help of friends.