A/n the picture is after the time skip.
Warning: self-harming, self-hatred and depression.
Posted: 2nd August 2020
Oh god! I'm all sewn up,
A hardened razor-cut,
Scar masp across my body.
And you can trace the lines,
Through misery's design,
The map across my body.
Carina's POV.
I've now been at Grimmauld Place for a couple of days and Isobel has been acting really weird, well more weird than usual and now I'm more determined to see what's wrong and why she's being so distant. Honestly it's most likely because she misses Cedric but I still think there might be more ti it. It's almost dinner and I'm sitting with Isobel and Hermione in there room discussing who we think will be Prefects and Quidditch Captains, Hermione says "Well I'm convinced for Ravenclaw Cara's going to be Prefect and maybe Quidditch Captain" as Izzy nods saying "Yeah definitely, and for Gryffindor Hermione" while I say "and Isobel for the Hufflepuff Captain" then after talking for a bit Mrs Weasley calls up saying dinner is ready and I excuse myself for the toilet as Izzy and Mione go downstairs. Once in the bathroom I go to Isobel's drawer and after searching to the bottom back I find a black lighter and seven blades each covered in dried up blood suddenly I know what's been going on, she cuts! And burns! But why? Isobel can always talk to me. So, why would she do this instead? It's absurd! As I hold one of the blades I suddenly feel a flood of guilt, sadness and... longing for death. Putting the blade against my arm I drag it down, pressing deep. But not deep enough to kill. I watch as the blood trickles down my arm I feel a silhouette of pain and relief. Quickly gathering all of the blades and the lighter, I throw them into my bag and leave the bathroom, heading towards the dining room and not saying a word.
*Time Skip brought to you by Harry
thinks young Sirius was handsome*
Carina's POV.
It's been a few days since I first cut and honestly I've been doing it regularly and it makes me feel like I'm repaying everyone. For ruining their lives. For making everyone depressed and angry. For not being emotional and lovable like Isobel, or Neville, or Hermione, or Oliver, or.... even Percy. Currently it's 3:44am and I'm sitting in the bathroom cutting. Again and again. Not caring about the pain this should've caused but about the relief and tranquility it makes me feel. Looking into the mirror I think, Why can't I look like Isobel or Aphrodite? Why can't people notice me? Why did it take Ron and Harry until the end of fourth year to realise I'm a girl? Why does Hermione get to have a boyfriend? Why does Aphrodite and Ginny have all of Hogwarts in love with them? Why does everyone get their happy ending besides me? Why does Percy hate me? What if I cut my hair? Dress differently? Stop studying? Don't care so much? Will they notice me then? Maybe? Yes? No? Hopefully? Looking at my reflection I concentrate and when I open my eyes I see my hair is its natural colour, Black. My eyes, stormy grey. And my hair down and only reaching my chin. Then for the first time in weeks I smile. Finally after waiting hours I change into my clothes and walk downstairs but not before cutting a few more scars upon my arms and covering them with my jacket. When I'm sitting at the kitchen table drinking my tea, and petting and feeding Siri Jr, in walks Tonks and Professor Lupin, then looking at me for a second they stop in their tracks gapping as if they had seen a ghost or someone they know to be dead. I say trying to weaken the awkwardness in the moment "Hello" to which they nod both clearly shaken up. Then in comes Mrs and Mr Weasley who to gap at me as I awkwardly sit here exceedingly nervous about why they all seem to recognise me but as someone else. Mr Weasley stops staring first of all and instead says "Good morning Carina, did you have a nice sleep?" and I reply "Yes thank you, what about you?", Mr Weasley answers "Fantastic! I had a dream about the muggle phone and a thing called a Lava Lamp which aren't filled with lava but this strange muggle chemical". Then after talking for a bit in comes Sirius, who promptly stares before allowing a few tears to fall and walking towards the kitchen and making coffee to wake himself up like every morning. Then in comes George, Aphrodite and Ginny then Ron and Isobel, finally so do a very flustered looking Fred and Hermione, all of which gap not from seeing a ghost or a relative but from how I look. Hours later we're all taking a break from cleaning the house when Sirius asks to speak to me and we go to the Tapestry Room, and only when we are there I realise I've never been in here before. Turning to me Sirius takes a few breathes before saying as calmly as possible trying to act as if what he is about to tell me is nothing. But I know that he is about to drop a huge bomb onto me whether it changes my life completely. Or just a little, he says certainly "You're not a Malfoy".