Y/n's POV
2. A.M.
It was time.
I quietly slid out of the bed and tiptoed to the closet, making sure to be as quiet as possible so I wouldn't wake anyone, especially Delirious. I opened the door as quietly as I could and knelt down to the floor.
I moved some of the shoes off of the back floorboard and slowly pried it back, exposing a duffel bag. I grabbed the bag and slid it over my shoulder. I replaced the floorboard and shoes before closing the closet door and walking over to my nightstand.
I pulled a letter from the side pocket and placed it gently on the table. I stood straight and looked over at Jon, sleeping peacefully. I smiled to myself, although it was painful.
Being as subtle as possible, I gently reached over and kissed his cheek softly. "I love you."
I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I turned away, unable to look at him any longer. I swiftly exited the room and started walking downstairs.
"Y/n?" I cringed as I turned towards the voice in the dark. Macey. "What're you doing up?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.
Thank goodness it's dark so she can't see my tear stained cheeks or the bag strapped across my back.
"Nothing, what're you doing up?"
"I just heard something and thought I'd check it out. You always told us to make sure, you know, for safety."
I held back a shaky breath and tried to make myself sound as normal as I could, but it was hard. I was always sensitive, and knowing that they listen to what I stay, and keep it with them, it makes my heart hurt even more. "Yeah, of course. Well it's just me, you get back to bed ok?"
"Ok, goodnight, love you."
My lip trembled and tears continued to roll down my face but I managed to choke out a response.
"I love you and your sister so much."
She reached for me and quickly kissed my cheek before she turned back into her room and shut the door. I stood there for a minute, really debating my decision, but I have to do this.
I wasted no more time in the house and slipped out. Turning around, I only glance at the house, not being able to withstand more, before sprinting off. I stop after a couple of blocks, dropping onto all fours as I let a sob consume my voice.
I wanted to scream but I only managed silent, forced versions, not wanting to alert anyone. I punched the concrete, feeling my knuckles strain and my palm hurt.
Under the dim street light I saw the small bits of blood trickle down my hand but I just got up, breathing heavily and wiping my face, and continued on.
It wasn't going to be easy but I have to do this.
I walked for a couple more hours before deciding I was in a good enough place to stop. I found a hotel and payed in cash which was stashed in the duffel bag, which also contained some clothes and essential items like a toothbrush. I went straight to my room and threw the bag onto a chair, getting straight into bed, knowing I'd be gone in a few hours.
This wasn't going to be easy.
But I have to do this.
Delirious' POV
I woke up to an empty bed. I figured Y/n must've gotten up already so I headed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, waking myself up for the day.
We had to go get Mini, and cover our tracks, then we could relax for a bit before hopping right back into our usual gang business. Including dealing with the tigress.
I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen for a cup of coffee before settling on the couch. Some of the girls were up and a couple of the guys as well, but the house was quiet for the most part.
"Hey Del, have you seen Y/n around?" Leann asked, leaning over the couch.
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around, now realizing I still haven't even caught a glimpse of her since last night. "No, actually, she wasn't in the room when I got up this morning."
She looked down, seeming in thought before nodding and walking off. I didn't like the feeling that the short conversation gave me so I got up, setting my cup down and walking around to look for my girlfriend.
I asked a couple of the guys and girls, but Macey is the only one to have seen her, which was in the middle of the night. I rushed up to the room to look for any sign of her whereabouts and notice an envelope on her nightstand.
I sit on the bed and take the paper in my hands. My name is written neatly on the front in blue ink. I carefully peel it open and remove a letter.
Nervously, I unfold the paper and scan it, noticing the 'Love, Y/n' at the end. My eyes quickly snap to the beginning of the letter, beginning to read it.
Dear Jonathan,
By the time you read this, I'll be long gone. No, I wasn't kidnapped or forced away. This was my choice. I know it probably doesn't make sense right now, and it probably never will, but you have to trust me when I say I have my reasons. I need time. A lot of time. I let myself get too involved. The gang life isn't for me anymore. I just can't go on losing people like it's a regular occurrence. Savannah. Emily. Bryce. Cleo. Mini. I can't stick around to see you or the twins or any of the others get added to that list. You all mean too much to lose. So I'm letting you go instead. I need you to understand. I need you to get the others to understand. I need you to get my girls to understand. The twins, they're still young. They still have so much to learn. Take care of them for me, okay? I know they'll be safe with you. I trust you. I know you guys will be fine without me. You're all more than capable. I know I'm not giving you any solid reason as to why I left. But trust me. I won't blame you if you're angry. If the tables were turned, I'd probably be fuming. I know you're gonna wanna come looking for me. Don't. You won't find me. Like I said, I'm long gone. I don't know when I'll see you again, or even if I ever will. Just know, I'm fine. I can take care of myself and I don't want you moving around because I'm gone. Just, move forward. Take the twins with you. Maybe I was just a bump in the road, a memory from the past now. Maybe not. I'm so sorry. I know this is completely unexpected and upsetting, but it's necessary. For me. For us. Don't blame yourself. Don't let the others blame themselves, or each other, or you. It's none of your faults. This ones on me. It was my choice and I decided to stick by it. Please, tell Evan I leave the rest of the pack to him. And I leave my twins to you. They'll probably hate me. But that's ok, as long as they're safe and sound. I love you Jon. I love you so much. But I have to go back to a time when I was on my own. When I had my own trust issues. I probably shouldn't have gotten so attached. That's why these deaths are so hard on me now, huh? After all, a gang is no place for feelings. But I don't regret it. Every second we've spent together, I don't regret any of it. Because I love you. So, so much. Maybe you'll find someone else and realize I was just another chapter in your story, maybe we'll cross paths again someday. But for now, this is goodbye. Get Mini back safe, okAy? It's my fault he's in that position. Take care of yourself, take care of my girls. Stay safe.
Love, Y/n
She left.
After everything.
I clenched my teeth, wishing I knew what I could've done to make her stay.
'She doesn't want this life anymore?'
Another thought quickly took over my mind.
'The twins.'
I got up and rushed out the door, still clutching the letter in my hand. I only made it a few steps before two redheads stopped me. "Delirious! Y/n. W-Where's Y/n? We can't find her anywhere!"
They were panicked and out of breath, like they'd been running around. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I didn't know how to tell them or even where to begin.
Kacey noticed the letter in my hands and snatched it, holding it to her face, her sister over her shoulder, and read it themselves. I could see the tears well in their eyes as they looked at me.
"Where is she?" Kacey says, a sort of frustration in her tone.
"Kace I-"
"No. Don't you 'Kace' me. Where. Is. She." She says, her voice was angry but her face was sad. I glanced at Macey and she was staring at the floor, her lip trembling and the tears falling freely down her face.
"Del..." Kacey tried again, but her emotions betrayed her tough exterior and she broke down. "J-Just, tell me where she is..." she cried.
I ushered her and her sister into Y/n's room and sat them on the bed. I knelt down in front of them and turned them to face me.
"Look, I know you're angry and upset, but we're gonna get through this. If she wants time, we'll give her time, yeah? She'll be back. I know she will. But for now, you guys are my responsibility."
They nodded, wiping their faces, trying to suppress their tears.
"Why'd she go Del? Why'd she leave us?"
I held them close and sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry girls, I guess she just doesn't want to live like this anymore."
I can't deny the anger in me either.
Why did she leave?
Was her hurt and pain from the deaths so terrible that she had to leave everyone?
That she had to leave the twins?
That she had to leave me?
So of course I was angry. And upset. But, I was mostly hurt.
The twins and I sat for a while, me continuing to comfort them as they cried and wondered what they did to make her leave, or what they could've done to make her stay. I just hugged them and whispered reassurances in their ears until they fell asleep.
I covered them up and started to head towards the door to tell everyone else. There's nothing I could do about it now.
She was gone.
And I had no idea if I was ever going to see her again.