I nibble at my Speckpfannkuchen*. "Otto, I have been thinking," Papi says, "You ought to have a job. I have a friend, at the convenience store, I know he'd like a helping hand. If you're up to it, I could stop by," "Thank you so much, Herr Schmidt," Otto says. Mami is feeding Anna Margaretha in the next room. Papi found some old clothes of Heinrich's for Otto. It makes me miss my elder brother even more.
I dodge the people in the township on my bicycle. In the bonnet is a stash of newspapers, which I am hoping to drop off at the convenience store. I throw a bundle towards a bakery, not watching where I'm going in the meantime. I fly off my bike and onto-wait-into someone's arms. "Are you okay, Frauline**?" A boy asks me, kissing my knuckles. It's the same boy I bumped into at the market yesterday. He looks about sixteen, two years my elder.
"Yes," I say, flustered, "Thank you," I feel my cheeks reddening and quickly pick up the newspapers from the gutter. Luckily only a few have been soiled, not the whole lot. "Your knees are scraped," he says. I look down. Blood trickles down my leg. I hop on my bicycle before I can embarrass myself any further.
"Can I at least have your name?" he questions as I am about to press my foot on the pedal. I grin. "Maria Josepha," I say, "My name's Maria Josepha," I speed off without realising I don't know his.
I drop a newspaper in the doorway of the convenience store. "Maria Josepha!" I look up. "Otto! I wasn't expecting-" "Yeah, your Papi got in contact with his friend, and now here I am," he frowns, "Who were you talking to outside?" I sense a hint of annoyance in his voice, "Oh, just..." "You don't know his name?" He reminds me of how Heinrich would act. "No," I say awkwardly.
We stare into each other's eyes for a moment and I feel uncomfortable. "I better get back to work," he mutters and I nod and cycle off. What was that about?
The crisp snow blankets my path like linen draped over a washing line. The cold air numbs my fingers - I can barely feel them as I cycle to Kaethe's. Her house is multiple storied - something I envy - with gardens of lush grass and flowers of all colours of the rainbow. Roses line the windowsills and the manor is draped in ivy. I park my bicycle in her lawn and climb in through her window, using a nearby tree as a ladder, being careful not to trample the evergreen leaves.
"Maria Josepha! I thought you were delivering the paper!" I laugh. "Come on, let's go!" "Where?" "To the fair, of course!" "But-" "Come on!" I shout and grab her arm. We slide out of the window and run to the train station. Smoke billows out of the top and people frantically search for a seat as the conductor calls out that it would leave in just a few short moments.
We find the last two seats on the train. My heart is still pounding. I rest my head on the fogged window, looking out as the terrain flashes past like an old film replaying my memories in my head. Children yell, running at our feet, their Mamis frantically pulling at their clothes to take a seat.
When we depart at the Heerbrugg station, I grasp onto Kaethe's hand. Lights flash in front of our eyes. The smell of popcorn makes my stomach growl. I shake the coins in my pocket. I gesture to a Ferris wheel and the look in her eye sends us dashing to get a ticket. I fasten my belt and try not look down. "Your pale," Kaethe exclaims. I swat her cheek. "It's going to be okay, Maria Josepha, just focus on the mountains," I gaze towards the snow-topped mountains and take a deep breath. Adrenaline flows through my body and I squeeze my best friend's hand. The sunsets on the horizon.
Laughter fills my ears. Music echoes with the breeze sweeping my hair into a mop of cotton candy-like auburn hair. For once, I focus on the surroundings around us and forget about Heinrich and Papi, Mami and Anna Margaretha, and Otto. The lights on the horizon dazzle like the stars soon to fill the night sky. I give an opportunity to scream. "Maria Josepha!" Kaethe gasps, laughing but joins me.
As soon as we step off the ride we run to the popcorn stand. I fumble in my pocket and frown, expecting to hear a jingle. "Just... a second, Herr," I say to the man selling the cups. "I'll pay, Frauline," A voice says and I hear Kaethe trying to hide a giggle. It's the boy who I bumped into earlier in the day. "Oh, no, I couldn't-" "Two cups of popcorn for the ladies here please, Herr Becker," He hands over a few notes and I struggle to hide a blush spreading across my pale, freckled cheeks.
I take the time to study his face. He has slick blond hair and hazel eyes that stare into mine and make my heart race. A dusting of freckles lines his nose. I swear I can hear my heartbeat. "Frauline? Your popcorn?" I apologise profusely and take them from Herr Becker. The boy doesn't tear his gaze from mine. "My name's Karl. Karl Schneider. If you were wondering," My heart stops beating altogether. He flicks me a quick grin before walking off, my heart-melting.
"What-" Kaethe starts, smirking. "Wipe that smirk off your face, Kat," she giggles. "I thought you were courting Otto?" I glare at her. "No! He's just a friend of mine, that's all," I exclaim. "Well, it's obvious, Maria Josepha, you like him and he likes you," That's impossible. Someone from a family as wealthy as Otto's, he can't like me! Besides, he's my father's friends son, and he lives with us. That would be much too awkward for my liking!
The Ferris wheel lights flick off in the corner of my eye. It must be at least eight pm by now. "We better catch the train back to Au," I say, and she nods. We sit in silence, in deep thought, in the desolate carriage. I sketch my finger along the window, tracing the mountains outside, their peaks casting a giant shadow over the whole of Sankt Gallen, the moonlight and stars the only pale glow lighting the outside world. I've almost missed our stop.
The next morning I sit next to Otto. His brows are furrowed, a pair of glasses leaning awkwardly on the tip of his nose, his hair messy as he flicks through the pages of the middle of a book. "Maria Josepha," Papi says and turns to me. He rests baby Anna Margaretha, who gurgles, a thin line of dribble trickling onto her dress, on his lap as Mami puts down her knitting. "I have some important news to share that involves you," he takes a deep breath, "You have known for a while now that Mami isn't your real Mami, don't you?" I nod.
Mami is my real Mueter***'s sister. A few years after Mueter's death when I was just born, her sister came into my Father's life and acted like my Mami. We are close like Mami and Tochter***. "Well, we've received a telegram from a Lucienne who claims she is your Mami who wants to meet with you," I gasp. Whatever I was expecting to say, it wasn't this. I would be less surprised to find out I have a long lost sibling! "But-" "I am going to telegram her back. Apparently she lives in Marseille, in France," "France!" "Once I am certain that she is certain, you and Otto will travel by train to meet her." All of this is still taking time to process in my head. What news!
"It would be a long journey, yes, but you ought to meet your birth Mueter," I kiss his cheek, feeling the rough stubble on his chin, "Thank you, Papi!" I feel myself about to cry. I wipe my eyes, for I don't want to be seen crying. That would be too embarrassing.
As I go to sleep that night, I think about my birth Mueter. What is she like? Is she pretty like Mami? Is she kind? Does she have a husband? Does she have children of her own - my very own half-siblings? My hand is getting sore to write, and the candle is almost out. I am old-fashioned, I know, but I prefer the aesthetic glow to write by. I fall asleep shivering, wrapped in a thin blanket, with many questions needing answers.
*speckpfannkuchen=bacon pancakes
**frauline=young woman (wow, this is one of the only words i remember, i need to practise my swiss german haha)
***mueter=mother (ok, i knew this one)
****tochter=daughter