What's up, folks?! I hope you guys are doing well because this Corona is making many people panic! Please remember to STAY INSIDE! It helps tremendously! #readtogether
Anyway...
Rena's got a date! Rena's got a date! Don't you just love it when all the ladies get together and just talk for a while? Where there's no drama or anything? They just talk about life?
Well don't hold your breath because we're back with some more drama for yo mama, fam!
Well, we are back with another chapter for Screw Me Over! It's Jessica's turn to take us down the road of her childhood. Time to get down to the needy greedy that ain't so pretty, okay?
Anyway, please see the triggers that are in the summary of this story!
Alright, y'all! That's all I have! You may continue! 💜🤫
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Have you ever just sat in a quiet space by yourself and have your inner demons take over your mind? They invade your thinking space because they see they have easy access at this point. You opened the doors for them to intrude and now you're soaking in either anger or sadness.
I regretted letting those fuckers take over my thoughts. They took over my dreams, my thoughts, my feelings, and took away my need for sleep. Those thoughts turned into terrible flashbacks of my once broken life. The reasons to why I am who I am today. They revealed themselves breaking me to my core and making me do stupid shit. Punching walls, tearing up furniture, throwing things around, but the worst thing...
The worst thing was making those stupid ass tears fall from my eyes.
This was a time for me to be happy. I had my fiancée, my friends, and my cousin which was the only little family I had left. Those demons reminded me of how these were the only people that were left in my life. There was no one else in my life. If any of these people left my side, I wouldn't know what to do.
I was still breathing so there wasn't anything to complain about, right? I should have been grateful for all of that.
Not according to my demons. Attacking the shred of happiness I had left in me with the one person that destroyed my life in the first place. Trying to bite me back in the ass one good time before they ran to leave me by myself again.
Who could have seen this shit coming besides God? Sometimes, I wonder why the hell he let these damn demons come back into my life or just let them chase after me for so long just to beat the living shit out of me. It was as if he wanted to play with my emotions like I was a fucking puppet.
Sadly, he's just one person I couldn't strangle. It's just unethical. The other person just happened to be my Mama. Damn morals.
****
"Rena, put the sub sandwich down and back the fuck away from the fridge!" I spoke pointed her out with a fresh bite of sandwich stuck in her mouth. Smiling at the current scene, I shook my head at her. Eventually, I couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh as she looked at me with widened eyes.
It was around two o'clock in the morning and my eyes caught Rena rummaging through the refrigerator about 12 hours after our little promise we made. We agreed on a certain diet, a food schedule, and a yoga session at the end of every day. We both weren't allowed to eat after 10 at night as well. Jana said that this was supposed to help with my anger and her eating habits.
She quickly dropped the sandwich and whatever was in her mouth just to raise her hands up slowly. As I walked into the kitchen, I took the cold sandwich and the chewed part of it off the counter to put it in the trash. She better be lucky she's my family because I wouldn't do that for anyone else besides Jana. That was nasty.
Sighing at this new discovery, I opened up with "Rena, you promised."
"I know. I know what you're going to tell me. It's just that...damn it, Jess. I couldn't sleep and got hungry," she said speaking about her late-night munchies and looking at me with guilt on her face. It made me feel for her a bit because that's the same reason why I left the bedroom. Couldn't sleep and needed more water.
"Is it because you have no water by your bed? Jana said that it helps to keep a bottle of water there in case you get 'hungry' overnight," I spoke as I reached in the fridge for a bottle of water. Once I tried to give it to her, she refused to take it.
"I already have one. Jess, I'm just hungry because I'm pissed off. Why am I pissed off? Because I'm nervous about this stupid date you guys planned for me. I can't help but think about all of the possible things that could happen. What if things go wrong? What if my family finds out? You know how they feel about him," she freaked out as a smile curled up on my face.
Ah, yes. Those were good times. When Aunt Chanel and Granny met Brian, they already didn't like him. When they found out he had a baby on Rena by another woman, they were so pissed and banned Rena from seeing him again.
We're all grown now. We've learned from those past mistakes. Even though I'm the queen holding grudges, Brian's not the kind of person to hold a grudge against. Yes, he makes mistakes. We all do, but he's still a sweetheart and he's really learned from what he did in the past. He's just misunderstood to me. Bouncing from one girl to the next because he feels that Rena wouldn't want him anymore. He keeps himself occupied until Rena finally gives him a chance. That's why we asked her to go on this date.
But she didn't have to go if she didn't want to. Once again, my cousin needs to....
"Learn how to say no sometimes, Rena." I sighed and sat at the kitchen island while watching Rena look up at me with a confused expression.
Continuing with my words, I said "You are always doing things for others and you never stop to do anything for yourself. You feel obligated to go with whatever we think should happen in your life. Stop that shit."
"What are you-"
"You obviously don't feel comfortable dating Brian yet. I can see it. Rena, it's okay if you don't. You don't have to do these things just because we beg you to do them. Say no if you don't want to do it. You're not hurting our feelings. Also, you need to tell Carmon no whenever she asks you to watch Raina. She needs to spend time with her own daughter instead of putting her off on you. That's not your kid," I finished as Rena and I took a sip of water at the same time.
She sighed and opened her full lips to say something until...
"Jess, put these on. We need to go like right now." Jana rushed over to us as she dropped my slippers by my feet. Raising my eyebrow to her, I watched as she warned Rena to get her shoes on as well.
"What's going on? Why are we rushing to get our shoes on?" Rena asked as she went to grab her slippers.
"Right now is not the time to ask questions. We just need to get to the hospital fast," Jana said as she snatched the keys from the kitchen island and left out the door. Slipping my shoes on, my eyes landed on Rena coming out of her room and we tried to catch up to Jana.
She's never been so anxious like this so it worried me that she was like this. On the way to the hospital, I thought it would be Carmon in there because she hadn't been home lately. She never felt comfortable telling us anything that was going on with her, but I bet you that she got a sex toy stuck up her ass trying out some of that BDSM shit. She's done it before. We found out through someone else though. It seems like there are no boundaries when it comes to her.
Once we got to the hospital, Jana rushed out of the car and into the building without Rena and I. We tried to keep up with her but she was just too fast. She got to the receptionist desk before we even got into the building. Rena and I entered just to see Jana tell the receptionist that I was here and point towards me. Looking at Rena with a confused look on my face, I felt my heart beat faster a bit. What the hell was she pointing at me for? What do I have to do with all this?
My eyes fell on my frantic girlfriend as she took me by the hand and signaled Rena to follow us down the hallway to the elevator. I can't lie. This made me nervous because they wanted me here. It made me think that this had something to do with Leo and I wanted no parts of that.
Praying that Leo wasn't in here, I entered the elevator with Rena and Jana.
"Baby? Baby, look at me, okay?" Jana said as she pushed my hair back and lightly turned my head to look at her. Giving me a pleading look, she told me that something was really wrong with her darkened green eyes. What could go wrong now?
"When we go in here, promise me that you'll keep calm. Promise me that you won't do anything to harm yourself...or others. Promise me that you won't disturb the peace or something that could get your thrown in jail. Okay, baby?" she said with her hands on my arms and rubbing them. This gave me suspicion that she had done something stupid again.
The elevator doors opened to a random floor in the hospital and I spoke with "If it's that bad, I can't make any promises."
Jana held my right hand while Rena held the left and we walked up to a closed hospital room door with the numbers 911 on them. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
My birthday, a sad national holiday, and the number to call in case of emergencies. Thanks for having me on one of the worst days of the year, Mama.
Jana took in a deep breath and opened the door slowly. Once we got into the hospital, my eyes landed on something I didn't think I'd see in years. My heart sank and so did my jaw. Biting my lip so hard to keep the tears from coming out of my eyes, my eyes landed on the reason why my childhood was absolute hell. It laid in the bed with tubes and wires attached to its body like it was a science experiment. My demons have come to haunt me.
I felt my body get hot and my heart race in anger as I slowly turned to Jana saying "What the fuck am I doing here?"
A silence fell in the room as I looked around. My eyes snapped towards the door and I tried to dodge everything that was in my way, but Rena caught me just before I laid a hand on the door knob. Hitting and beating my way out of Rena's hold, I screamed before Jana stuffed some kind of cloth on my face. Unfortunately, that's when I came to the realization that I wasn't able to leave and the tears couldn't be trapped any longer.
My poor droplets of sadness bled through the cloth as Jana said "Jess, your mom is about to die. Talk to her. She has no one else."
There was no fight left in my body. Eventually, I stopped hitting on Rena and fell into Jana's arms. She gave me kisses on my forehead as I thought about this tragedy. Even someone like me wasn't ready to hear that.
My body weakened while my tears couldn't stop themselves from falling down my cheeks. My face buried itself in my girl's chest as my ugly loud crying came from my lips. My sobbing made my face hot as my mind was conflicted.
One part of me wanted to say fuck it and walk off. The other wanted to stay and be with Mama because she wasn't there for me. To show her what she should have done for me when I needed her the most. This is the only parent I have left in my life.
Shaking my head against Jana cinnamon-smelling chest, my ears heard a faint and weak "Jessie" come from Mama's lips. Looking up from my girlfriend's chest, my eyes landed on her weak and fragile body. I didn't know whether to slap her or hold her.
"Go talk to her, love. We'll be right behind you," Jana said as she had me sit in the chair that sat right beside Mama's bed.
Trying to hold my composure, I wiped my wet face and sat in the chair by her bed. Hyperventilating, I watched Mama's brown eyes turn to me slowly and her skin drop like a heavy grocery bag. A blonde pixie cut wig covered her natural dark brown hair and dark red lipstick was smeared across her lips.
I didn't know whether to be pissed at the fact that she was still roaming the streets at 36 years old or to feel bad because Leo's boys did something to her. "Still rough around the edges like you used to be, huh?" her raspy voice sounded.
Staring a hole into her weakened flesh, my heart heated with anger and my stomach pulsated at the sound of her voice. I sniffled while shaking my head as I felt more tears coming out. Fucking hate this shit.
"You wouldn't know. You weren't there to raise me," I spoke with some cracking in my voice. Trying to stay strong, I gulped harder and bit my lip again to stop those damn sad droplets from falling from my eyes again.
"Jessie, you-"
"Don't call me that. You have no right anymore. It's been 13 years since you ran off. Remember when the principal tried to call you because I got in trouble? You probably don't because you were off getting high," I sighed as the drops slid down my face slowly. Pausing to see if she had anything to say, she closed her eyes and just laid there. I knew she could still hear me.
"Oh wait. There was also one time you came to get me in the middle of the night just to sell me off to Leo's father. So, I guess you could say that was your time to spend with me before you left again. No goodbye. No 'I love you'. No anything. Just a 'Have fun with her. She's a feisty one' to Leo's father which, by the way, he had way too much fun taking advantage of me. That's just in case you wanted to know," I snapped as I sat back in the chair.
"Jess, what did you expect me to do-"
"FUCKING TAKE CARE OF ME! You were my Mama! The one parent I actually had in my life! You were supposed to love me, feed me, hold me, be there for me! Instead, you put your responsibility off on a gang member for a thousand dollars and a bus ticket to the next city over. You knew what they were going to do to me and you still left me there alone. You really don't know how much I want to hit you right now," I said as my fists balled up and I stood to my feet. My fist almost slammed into her face before Rena grabbed it and had me sit down.
Breathing out heavily as tears continued streaming down my eyes slowly, I sat on the edge of the chair and planted my face into my hands sobbing "What did I do to deserve this, Mama? ¿Por qué me odias, Mama?!"
"Jessie, I wanted to come back for you but it was too late. I would have been taken away if I went back for you. When your girlfriend called me and told me you were still alive, I had to see you just to tell you how sorry I am. You were always my strong niñita and the reason why I left you with him was because he told me he would protect you," she spoke with her raspy voice again, but I knew it wasn't true. She never cared about me after her comment to Leo's father. That's one comment I would never forget.
Soon, a tall Caucasian man with seafoam green eyes walked in with his white coat on and dark blue attire. He sighed while looking at his clipboard and said "You must be Jessica. I'm Dr. Cain and I've been here helping your mother for the past few...years. Unfortunately, we've done all we could to help her. She's now at a point where she can't recover from her excessive drug usage. Her body just can't seem to fight them off."
My eyebrows furrowed as I looked back and forth between Mama and the doctor. Thinking about what he was about to tell me, he went ahead and continued with "There are two options. You could not pull the plug but it would cost you way more since she'd constantly be connected to the machine every day until her body just decides to give out completely. Or..."
Thinking of the other option he was about to say, my eyes looked over towards Mama as her eyes were shut and the monitor revealed that her breathing was getting shorter. My eyes looked back at Jana and Rena. Jana booked it out of the room as Rena looked at me with widened eyes.
Closing my eyes in regret and gulping hard, I already knew what to do...and it wasn't just because she was practically dead at this point.
Standing up to kiss her on the forehead, I said "I love you, Mama" signaling to the doctor that it was time to pull the plug.
Revenge didn't feel so sweet in that moment, but it surely did come at the right times. I had the life of Mama in the palm of my hands and just ended it.