NOTE: I KNOW THAT TONY'S AI IS NOW FRIDAY, BUT I LIKE JARVIS MORE SO, OH WELL. THE AVENGERS IS THE ORIGINAL TEAM, EXCEPT THAT SPIDERMAN IS AN HONORARY MEMBER, AND SO IS T'CHALLA AND SHURI BECAUSE I KNOW A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO ABSOLUTELY LOVES SHURI AND PETER'S FRIENDSHIP. CIVIL WAR HAPPENED, BUT THEY TALKED IT OUT AND BECAME FRIENDS AGAIN. WANDA IS OFF SOMEWHERE, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE HER. THANOS DIED DURING A MISCARRIAGE, SO INFINITY WAR NEVER HAPPENED. FAR FROM HOME HAPPENED, AND THE AVENGERS WERE HANGING AROUND IN ASGARD FOR A WHILE SO THEY COULDN'T HELP. THE FIRST POST CREDIT SCENE DIDN'T HAPPEN, AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.
The fight was going so well. Fighting an amateur magician who name himself 'Wacky Moley', Dick couldn't decide if it was a bad rip-off of 'Wack-a-mole', or 'Guacamole', but either way, he was getting his ass kicked.
Then all of a sudden, he uttered a really complicated curse and a huge ball of light flew at the four brothers, and engulfed them.
There was no way out. The ball of light encircled them and seemed to be spinning very quickly, enough to make them all dizzy enough to pass out.
***
NEW YORK CITY, AVENGERS TOWER
Dick was falling. His eyes immediately shot open, and he maneuvered his body to land like a cat, which is to say, on his feet. He surveyed his surroundings. He was in a long hallway with stark white walls. (A/N Pun Intended)
Jumping up into a vent, he turned on his wrist computer and started hacking a system called 'JARVIS'.
He started crawling through the vents while his hack was being processed to discover more on where Wacky Moley sent him, and where his brothers were. He must've tripped a motion sensor because alarms suddenly started to blare.
He hid in the vents, still hacking, because he learned from a long time ago that people never look up. Sure enough, he could hear footsteps below him and some urgent yelling.
Once he finished hacking JARVIS, which was laughably easy, he started researching. It was obvious that he was in another dimension.
Discovering that he was in a place called the 'Avengers Tower, in a city called New York, ' and that the Avengers were this Earth's Justice League, Dick decided to...troll them.
He entered a command in JARVIS's programming.
***
SOKOVIA, HYDRA RESEARCH BASE
Jason woke up in what he could easily identify as a vent. He checked his surroundings for people, before sliding open the grate and slipping through to get a better view, moving in a way that allowed him to always stay in the shadows.
He was in a room with a one-way glass. He slinked further into the shadows with the realization that someone might have seen him and triggered the intruder alert. No matter, though, if Bats we're good at something, it was stealth.
He surveyed his surroundings. Shelves filled with vials of different shapes and sizes covered every inch of the wall, with an experimental bed in the middle. It looked like the headquarters of a mad scientist.
He distinctly heard approaching footsteps, climbing back up the vent, closing the grate just as the door open. Two pairs of footsteps entered the room, and a third person was being dragged.
He strained his eyes to see what was happening, but the two people, whom he identified as men, were blocking his view.
One of the men started talking, in Russian, and he strained his ears to hear their whispers.
(Note that I do not speak Russian, and I am using Google Translate)
"Когда этот эксперимент будет завершен?" (When will this experiment be completed?)
"скоро, сэр" (Soon, sir)
"Верховная Гидра теряет терпение. Вы можете или не можете позволить человеку иметь определенные сверхспособности?" (The Supreme Hydra is getting impatient. Can you or can you not enable a human being to have specific superpowers?)
"Дайте мне еще несколько дней с девушкой, сэр. Я считаю, что я близок к прорыву." (Give me a few more days with the girl, sir. I believe I am close to a breakthrough.)
Jason's blood boiled. They were experimenting on children. They probably dragged a girl here and strapped her down on the medical table and were experimenting on her with the various bottles around the room.
He barely heard what they said next as a gun found its way into his hand. He was aiming for one of the men's head, when a very Dick Grayson sounding voice in his head babbled on about not killing.
With a sigh, Jason repositioned his gun to shoot both men straight through the spine at the same time. If they bled out, he didn't actually kill them, right? It was just their inability to get help. (YEEEETTTT)
Within a second, both men were on the floor, paralyzed. Jason swung down the vent, before accidentally dropping both his guns to hit the men on the head, giving them mild concussions.
He gently unstrapped the girl, who was sedated, and swung her on his back. Then, he went up to both men and growled, using what Dick dubbed his 'interrogation voice."
"Есть еще?" (Are there any more?)
Both men shook their head, and Jason believed them. Cass had thought all of them to read body language, and all he could see radiating of their bodies, were fear.
Jason snuck out of the room, gently readjusting the kid on his shoulder. She looked to be about the same age as Damian. He distinctly wondered if he would have assumed the same position with his tiniest brother had they both been less stabby/shooty, and more hugs and cuddles.
Jason gagged, why was he thinking such disgustingly happy thoughts? Besides, Damian was way too much scratch and bite for this. He needed to concentrate on this job, but since he was still boiling with red hot anger, Jason decided to do what he does best
He was going to blow this place up.
***
NEW YORK CITY, AVENGERS TOWER
'The Batfamily's Greatest Quotes' began playing through the speakers.
By now, Dick had decided that these were the 'goodguys', and had discovered that they were in an alternate universe.
How? Simple, New York doesn't exist in their world. And Bruce would have investigated a building as huge as Avengers Tower.
It reminded him of Titans Tower, a giant beacon that literally says 'Catch Me', except Titans Tower had way better security.
He had also researched the leader of the Avengers. Apparently, it was co-lead by Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, who was an 80-year old boy scout and reminded him greatly of Clark, and Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, who reminded him of Ollie, goatee and all, except more of a tech whiz.
He had turned off the intruder alarms a long time ago, but the damage was done. If this 'Tony Stark' has technology even a fraction of Bruce's, then it would have at least sent an alert to his personal computer or something. Although an intruder alarm was usually immediately followed by lockdown.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps and muffled sounds beneath him. Glancing through the grate, he saw a female with long red hair run past him, with all the skill and grace of an assassin. Natasha Romanov, aka Black Widow. She was quickly followed by her archer partner, Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye.
Just then, an alert popped up on his wrist computer. JARVIS informed him that Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, and Tony Stark just entered the building.
Dick smirked. Now that most of them were here, time to troll. (Although he really wanted to see an actual god.)
"JARVIS, where is the intruder?" Tony Stark, who was WAY too dependant on his AI, asked.
"Oh my goodness gracious, I've been bamboozled." (Jason)
"...Seriously, JARVIS, please don't embarrass me in front of the wizards, for lack of a better word."
"Don't patronize me or I'll break your face." (Damian, Batman and Son)
"Yeah, you can't break my face, your a machine."
Dick smirked as an arm of an Iron Man suit suddenly flew up and punched Stark in the face.
"I'm Batman." (Bruce, every single fucking time)
"You're JARVIS," Rogers insisted.
"He's hacked," Tony concluded.
"Tony, you have such power in your hands with this technology, you can't just let people hack it. As Pete always say, with great power comes-," Steve started with his mom voice, only to be cut off by JARVIS.
"A great many weekly tests, yeah, I know." (Damian, somewhere near the last few issues of Batman and Robin)
"Okay, what is happening to JARVIS?" Tony exclaimed.
"Iron Man smellzzz lllike stinky butt cheese." (Damian, Issue 12 of Adventures of the Supersons)
"Our intruder is a kid," Tony sighed, before exclaiming, "Hey kid! Will you grow up? And stop it, we have more important things to do. Like in my case, dating."
"No dating, only Justice." (Bruce, at some point)
"Okay I'm starting to get terrified of the kid in our tower," Banner pointed out.
"Look at me. Do you see terror? Do you see fear?" (Jason, Battle for the Cowl)
"I can't exactly look at you, kid, since I don't know where you are," Rogers muttered.
"You can't get over thinking of me as a kid, as beep, the beep beep. Well, I'm not a boy wonder anymore, beep. I'm a full-grown man, a detective. Sorry, had to censor some stuff, but to clarify, I'm 22." (Dick)
"...Okay?"
Suddenly, an alert popped on on Natasha and Clint's wrist watch, and they quickly read through it.
"There was an explosion in HYDRA. Fury wants us to investigate it," the archer reported.
Natasha wasted no time in taking control. "Stark, take control of JARVIS and find the intruder in YOUR tower, with Banner. Rogers, Barton, as gratified as I am that an explosion happened in HYDRA, it still is suspicious, and needs to be investigated at once, so we will be taking the Quinjet to HYDRA."
Dick wondered who was really in charge. Or was that just his redhead fetish speaking?
And he knew who had exploded this 'HYDRA', as a beacon to the most available of the brothers, and maybe out of spite or something.
Jason.
***
SOKOVIA, HYDRA RESEARCH BASE
He brought the girl to a nearby village where she had pointed towards her home. At first, when she had regained consciousness, she distrusting of him, but after giving her a gun to defend herself, she was definitely more relaxed.
His only request to her was to stay as silent as possible as they both snuck out, before he asked her to point out where she lived.
Now, after dropping her off, Jason took out a grenade, an item that he only brought because Bruce disapproved. He smirked as he took the pin out, and yeeted it at HYDRA.
He watched in satisfaction as the facility exploded. Oh well, at least they would know where I am.
He climbed a nearby tree and plucked an apple from the tree, before sitting on a branch and eating apples while trying to get WiFi so he can research this universe. (It was obvious, because Bruce would've sent the team to research this HYDRA)
He threw the cores at the fire, which didn't actually help keep the fire going, but it was satisfying.
He was still munching on apples by the time the plane arrived, and he caught sight of the the black and blue figure clinging on to the plane, and waved at his brother, only for him to wave back, and in doing so, accidentally let go of the plane.
Honestly, Dick was such an imbecile sometimes.
Dick's little tumble alerted the Avengers (the only thing he could search up because of his poor WiFi) of their stowaway, as they landed, but Dick rolled away and into the cluster of trees, where he seemingly disappeared, only to reappear right next to him.
"Apple?" Jason offered, as he plucked another from the tree, taking a big bite from it before offering it to Dick.
"Thanks," Dick said before biting the fleshy fruit.
Below, the Avengers were still panicking, as the two brothers sat on a tree, eating apples.
Dick must've been insanely bored, because he started throwing the apple cores at the Avengers. Curious, Jason chucked another one towards HYDRA, before quickly eating another apple and threw one near American Flag.
The three Avengers instantly looked up at them, and Dick gave him a look that said seriously? It was fun watching them try and figure out why it's raining apple cores.
Just as the Green Arrow knock-off, and the assassin, who Jason really gotta ask Dick for her name, was about to go tree climbing while the American Flag called back to tell the rest of the team that their 'intruder' had stowed away, HYDRA appeared.
"Should we help them?" He asked Dick, who must've been really hungry, since he had eaten almost as many apples as Jason himself.
"Sure," his older brother shrugged, even if he knew that the three of them could deal with the situation themselves.
Jason started shooting the men of them with tranquilizers, while Dick simply threw an escrima stick that bounced off a lot of soldiers, before flying back to his hand. He repeated the process again, adding a few wing-dings this time.
The fight was over way too soon. The three Avengers took defensive stances against them, as Dick took one last apple, before jumping down. Jason took off his helmet and filled it with apples, before following his brother.
"You helped us, but you attacked us just now. Why?" The red haired assassin, who Jason now knew as Natasha, since Clint was shouting her and Steve's names during the fight, asked.
"First of, I didn't attack you. I was just having fun."
"You hacked JARVIS."
"Let's overlook that. You DID enjoy Batfam's Greatest Quotes right?"
Jason stared at his brother incredulously. Did he really just say that?
While comprehending his brother's utter stupidity, he missed bits of conversation, but Dick had somehow created a truce between them and they were now climbing aboard the plane.
Huh, not entirely a moron then.
***
QUEENS, AN ALLEY
Tim woke up in a typical alley, and instantly knew something was up. He lay there for a minute or five, gathering his thoughts while contemplating his life.
He didn't remember anything that happened before arriving here. For all he knew, he could be in another dimension!
He rubbed his sore head, letting out a quiet groan. He must've hit his head, maybe that was why he didn't remember anything. In addition, he hadn't slept in a week, so he was weak, and definitely not awake. There definitely was not another orphan more in need of a break than him.
A huge ball of light flew at the four of them, sent by a guy in a tawdry magician outfit, and encircled them, sending the world spinning.
It all came rushing back at him as he groaned, because it was so obviously another universe, and he hated multiversal travel. Time was inconstant, and for all he knew, Bruce had already died of old age while he was lying around in an alley.
With a groan, he pulled himself to his feet. To his utter frustration, his wrist computer was broken. It must've broke during his fall.
He quickly assessed his injuries. He had fallen in the middle of some, as painfully embarrassing it was to say, a dumpster. Which wasn't all that bad, since it did cushion his fall. The only injury he had was a bump on his head that barely hurt anymore,
He slipped into a nearby shop, snagging a black shirt with yellow accents, black jeans, a backpack, black sneakers, and a red hoodie. Since he had a no stealing rule, he left some cash that he hid below the sole of his boot on the cashier.
Changing quickly, stuffing his clothes and boots into the backpack, he headed towards the library, and started researching.
SEARCH : GOTHAM CITY
Tim sighed, the WiFi was painfully slow. He waited for it to load, but the results just confirmed his suspicions.
NO RESULTS
There was no Batman in this world. Maybe...
SEARCH : DICK GRAYSON
The results were rather...ummm disturbing. But there were no results regarding his brother.
SEARCH : GOOGLE MAP
He hummed a song that he heard Dick singing a few days ago, and he strongly suspected that it was a Disney song. Oh well, Disney songs were actually nice, NOT that he was admitting it.
RESULTS : QUEENS
SEARCH : VIGILANTES
A long list of results popped out, and Tim realized that this world was definitely NOT lacking heroes. He decided to narrow it down.
SEARCH : QUEENS VIGILANTES
RESULTS : SPIDERMAN, VIGILANTE, IDENTITY UNKNOWN, AN HONORARY AVENGER
POWERS: CREATE WEBS, ABLE TO STICK TO ITEMS, SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH, FAST HEALING, UNKNOWN IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER (I know that Peter doesn't create webs, he has his web-shooters, but the public doesn't necessarily know that)
Okay, Tim definitely had to meet this 'Spiderman', which was a pretty lame name, but who was he to judge since he just added a 'Red' to his former name, but first...
SEARCH : AVENGERS
RESULTS : A TEAM OF SUPERHEROES THAT SAVED THE WORLD TWICE (Tim scoffed, only twice?) CONSISTING OF CAPTAIN AMERICA AKA STEVE ROGERS, IRON MAN AKA TONY STARK, NATASHA ROMANOV AKA BLACK WIDOW, CLINT BARTON AKA HAWKEYE, BRUCE BANNER AKA HULK, THOR, AND HONORARY MEMBERS : BLACK PANTHER AKA KING T'CHALLA OF WAKANDA, PRINCESS SHURI OF WAKANDA, SPIDERMAN AKA UNKNOWN
That seemed like a good lead. He was lucky that Bruce wasn't here cause he would definitely flip his shit about the lack of secret identities here.
Tim decided to find this 'Spiderman' so that he could bring him to the Avengers, who could probably help him find his brothers.
Suddenly, he heard a stampede of footsteps outside, and looked through the glass doors of the library to see a chaotic mess of people running about.
Being a (not very) proud member of the Batfamily, he did the most logical thing.
He went outside to see what's up.
***
QUEENS, ON THE ROOF OF A BUILDING
Damian woke up on the roof. Well to rephrase that, he woke up on a rooftop full of police, who immediately pointed their guns at him. As Grayson would say, not asterous at all.
The first thing he observed was the lack of gargoyles, so definitely not Gotham then. He remembered the fight with Wacky Moley, and wondered whether or not they were sent to a past where Gotham was bright and sunny, and gargoyle-less. He immediately snorted at the prospect of that. Ending up in another dimension was more likely than that.
"HANDS IN THE AIR!" a voice that was supposed to be authoritative commanded. Damian scoffed, it was nothing compared to Father's voice when he issues a command, or worse, Richard's.
He did what any member of the self-proclaimed Batfamily would do, he pulled the disappearing act.
He hid in the shadows as he watched the police panic, screaming orders in the air. Calmly readying his grapple gun, he silently grappled to the next building, towards an alley he saw so that he could hide, do some research, steal some clothes, find Richard, and maybe Drake and Todd, if they weren't dead yet, or worse, with the police.
At least, that was his plan, until he narrowly avoided a teenager clad in red and blue spandex swing from a web. Some type of spider mutant?
Landing on a roof, Damian watched as the teenager followed suit.
"Hey, how did you get here? That big blue portal thingy was so cool though! And you just suddenly came flying out like BAM, and then the police just arrived, and how you evaded them was so awesome! And I couldn't even see where you went, even with my spidey sense. And I know I'm supposed to take you in since you could be a bad guy and that's what Mr. Stark would do, so are we just gonna start fighting now, or what, because I really need to get back to Midto-uhh my school right now and all my friends think I'm having a toilet break and by friends, I mean Ned and MJ, and I'm not supposed to reveal stuff about myself and that was accidental but in my defense, Mr, Stark is my mentor who is Iron Man by the way, who revealed his identity in front of literally everyone and not that criticizing, but that is not a smart move, and which reminds me, I haven't introduced myself, my made up name is Spiderman, and I really shouldn't even be saying this, especially since Auntie Natasha told me to stick to the script, who is Black Widow by the way, and go all what are your intentions in an Uncle Thor voice, and she says that like she thinks I could pull it off, but my first meeting with Uncle Steve was so embarrassing I couldn't look him in the eye for weeks, but we're cool now, and I really have to go soon, or not Mr. Stark is going to scold me for missing school again, and I'm forbidden from meeting Shuri for a month, who is my pretty much sister by the way, and let's just go and start!"
Damian merely blinked at him. This 'Spiderman' talks nearly as fast as West, which was an impossible feat, but as Richard says, there IS a first time for everything.
Spiderman suddenly put a hand up to his ear, and Damian chastised himself for not noticing the comm there. Fortunately, he hadn't said anything.
"Hey...Yeah, I'm fine, just heading back from a toilet break, Mr. Stark. Oh hey, Aunt Nat. You too, Uncle Clint and Uncle Steve, No, I'm not lying, and I really gotta go, or people are gonna look at me weird because I'm having a one-sided conversation. No, we don't have to talk about that later. Fine, but I really gotta go now. Bye Aunt Nat, Uncle Clint, Uncle Steve. Yes, I'm sure I'm fine. And no, it's not him, in fact, nothing is wrong. Please don't come here, the field trip was bad enough. Love you too dad."
While answering the call, Spiderman was distracted enough to not notice Damian slowly slipping away, and Damian snickered quietly when he saw the teenager realize he was gone and curse, only to apologize to every single denizen of the multiverse for cursing. He reminded Damian of Jon.
Slipping into an alley, Damian turned on his wrist computer and was just about to start researching, when...
"Damian."
***
QUEENS, A STREET
Tim rushed out of the library, pushing past crowds of people. He was 99.67% sure that it was one of his brothers.
"Excuse me, what's happening here?" Tim asked a woman.
"A portal opened on top of that building, and a kid fell out of it. The police are up there right now, but I sure hope Spiderman arrives," she pointed towards a building, before the crowd of people pushed her away.
Of course, out of anyone he had to find first, it was Damian. Tim wondered what he did in his previous life to receive such harsh punishment.
He slipped into an alley, waiting for the civilians to pass, watching as Damian swung to a nearby building, and Spiderman following soon after, before his vision was blocked by passing citizens.
Tim cursed himself for being short, but comforted himself on the fact that Damian was shorter. And then realized, that both Bruce and Talia were tall, and Damian has a high chance of being as tall as Jason. Tim cursed himself yet again.
When the path finally cleared, Tim saw Damian slip into an alley, following suit. He saw Damian turn on his wrist computer, and was relieved that one of theirs actually worked and they didn't need to go to the library every time they needed to do research.
"Damian," he sighed, and was proud when Damian jumped a little, before recovering.
"Drake."
"Give me your wrist computer."
"Get your own."
"Mines is broken, just give it here so we can get out of here sooner."
Tim smirked as Damian reluctantly handed him his wrist computer.
"We need to find Spiderman. I did some research in the library, and he may have some connections that can help us find Dick and Jay, and help us return to our Earth."
Tim pulled out his interdimensional travel machine that Bruce had each of them carry because of their many adventures through the multiverse.
"The portal must've fried this machine, but I have the blueprints, and we still need to find out which Earth this is, and program the machine."
"What do you propose, Drake?"
Tim gaped at him. "Did you actually say that? Like out loud, say it? 'What do you propose, Drake?' Those were the words that were in your mind and exited your mouth? Seriously?" (Quote from an issue of Batman (30 something, if I'm not wrong) with minor changes)
"Shut up, Drake!"
"Fine, fine, I'll shut up. Anyways, I propose that we should find 'Spiderman', but we don't have a single clue on where to start except to lure him out."
Damian sighed, "I was just talking to him a few minutes ago, on the roof. He talks more than West, Allen, and other Allen combined. (Wally, Barry and Bart)"
Tim was stunned. "...That's impossible."
""Exactly."
"Okay, right, anyways, his powers are sticking to objects, superhuman strength, accelerated healing, and shooting webs. Maybe more."
Damian frowned, "He doesn't shoot webs, he has these devices attached to his wrists that shoots a chemical that resembles webs."
"I'm surprised that we're not arguing and talking like the civilized people Alfred wants us to be."
"I just want to return back, alright Drake?"
"And..." Tim prompted Damian to continue.
"And I may or may not have a trip with Maya and Suren coming up soon, and I may or may not have been planning to bring Jon along. Can we just continue?!"
Tim smiled, genuinely smiled for what was possibly the first time around Damian. He could now see what Dick saw in Damian, although he only saw it in his little brother's few moments of vulnerability. He was actually acting like a kid, kudos to Dick.
"Alright, let's try and figure out Spiderman's identity. Did he tell you anything about himself?"
"A lot, actually. He's an utter imbecile, who is a neophyte at keeping his identity secret." Aaandd there's the Damian Tim knew, with the big words and all.
"It is astounding that he managed to keep his identity quiet, quite possibly because he does not interact with the police often. He goes to a school, and the school's name starts with M-I-D-T-O, Midtown perhaps, and is around sixteen. His best friends are called Ned and MJ, and MJ is most likely to be initials. He mentioned a 'Stark', aka Iron Man, and a 'Natasha', and he obviously has close connections to them. I do not know if he has any other powers, since I didn't actually fight him."
"Got it!" Tim exclaimed. "Peter Parker, 16, goes to Midtown High, best friends are Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones, or MJ, science whiz, explains the web formula, lives in 20 Ingram Street, Forest Hills, works in Stark Industries as an intern. Oh, and to answer your question, Iron Man, and Natasha Romanov aka Black Widow are part of a group that is this world's Justice League. Makes sense that he's Spiderman. Let's pay him a visit tonight, shall we, Dami?"
"Don't call me that, Drake." Damian commanded, lips pulled into an adorable pout.
"Are you sure, I quite like it though."
Damian pounced on Tim. Well, their unofficial truce lasted longer than Tim expected.
***
THE QUINJET
"So you're saying your from another Earth?" Natasha asked them.
"Yep," Jason confirmed while munching on an apple, helmet that barely held anymore apples tucked under his arm.
"I'm not buying it," Tony said from his position on the screen. "Unless you can provide some evidence to back that up."
Dick sighed, "Think about this. How else did I break into your impenetrable tower if I didn't appear there? And my technology is far more advanced, that's how I managed to hack JARVIS." He could hear Jason roll his eyes under his mask, because the technology was EXACTLY the same, and all Dick was doing was feeding Tony Stark's ego.
The man scratched his goatee thoughtfully, an action that reminded the brothers of Oliver Queen.
"That makes sense. Obviously nobody can break into my tower," Tony bragged, as even Steve rolled his eyes. "I'll create a device to get you back."
"Actually," Dick started, "We already have an interdimensional travel device, Dad always make us carry it, except it got fried when he travelled through the portal, and only one person carries the blueprints to make a new one."
Tony nodded, "I see. I want to see those blueprints. Where is this someone?"
"Somewhere in this universe."
"Alright. Let's find this someone so that I can look at these blueprints," Tony exclaimed gleefully.
Everyone glared at him.
"Oh, and so you guys can return back."
Tony suddenly looked a the screen beside him. "Hey Nat, Steve, Clint, look who's heart rate is spiking. Our very own Peter Parker, and during school hours too. Oh, and his Iron Spider suit is on too, wanna go chew him out?"
Tony started calling his son, then put the phone on speaker.
A teenager's voice filled the room, "Hey."
"You doing good, kid? Where are you?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, just heading back from a toilet break, Mr. Stark."
Natasha cleared her throat, causing Clint to laugh because she just demanded attention from her pseudo nephew. Clint's boisterous laughter causes Steve to politely cough.
"Oh hey, Aunt Nat. You too, Uncle Clint and Uncle Steve"
"Okay, I know your not heading back from a toilet break. Your not even in school, kid. Don't lie," Tony's voice became something Dick heard a lot coming from Bruce that he dubbed the 'dad voice' : exasperated, but with hints of fondness.
"No, I'm not lying, and I really gotta go, or people are gonna look at me weird because I'm having a one-sided conversation."
"Fine, your lucky we have to do something right now, but we'll talk about this later."
"No, we don't have to talk about that later."
"Yes, we will," Natasha commanded in a voice that left no room for argument.
"Fine, but I really gotta go now. Bye Aunt Nat, Uncle Clint, Uncle Steve."
"You sure you're okay, kid? Cause I can literally fly there right now. Is it Eugene Thompson again?"
"Yes, I'm sure I'm fine. And no, it's not him, in fact, nothing is wrong. Please don't come here, the field trip was bad enough."
"Alright, kid. Love you."
"Love you too dad."
There was a click signalling the call ended. Tony stood there, eyes wide, not knowing what to do.
"He called me dad," he muttered to Nat, Clint, and Steve, and they promptly rolled their eyes because it was so obvious that Tony was more than just a mentor to Peter.
"Alright, back to the interdimensional travellers. As I was saying, we'll help you."
Jason smirked, "Okay, but what was that? Who was that?"
"A friend of ours," Tony answered at the same time Natasha, Clint and Steve replied, "His son."
Dick blinked, "That's cute. Can I meet him? He's Spiderman, right? I assumed after you said 'Iron Spider' suit."
Tony shrugged. "Maybe if you decide to stay for a longer while, and yes, he's Spiderman." It was obvious that that boy was like the Robin to the Avengers, the Iight to all the Avengers's dark. Dick knew that all of them had somewhat dark pasts that motivated them to become heroes.
"What are your names again?" Clint questioned, and Natasha cursed herself for forgetting to ask them.
Jason smirked, "I'm Jason, and this here is Dick."
A muffled "language" could be heard from the pilot's seat where Steve sat.
Jason laughed as Dick glared at him. "Actually, my name IS Dick, it's short for Richard."
Tony started to laugh loudly, trying to draw in air as he struggled to breathe, accidentally flipping his chair over in the process.
"How do you get 'Dick' from 'Richard'?" Clint asked curiously.
Jason's lips twitched into an absolutely evil smirk, "You ask."
Tony, who had finally succeeded in getting up, doubled over again and laid on the ground, laughing. Dick rolled his eyes as if that were an old joke, which it probably was.
Steve cleared his throat to interrupt after he realized where the conversation was going. "Approaching the tower now, see you then," He informed them as Tony waved at them, still laughing, before cutting contact.
***
QUEENS, PETER PARKER'S ROOM
(WARNING : THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS FROM FAR FROM HOME. THIS IS JUST PETER AGREEING TO HELP TIM AND DAMIAN, FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT WISH TO READ THIS PART.
Tim pulled the windowsill shut as he climbed in after Damian. He was about to turn around when a cocoon of web suddenly flew over Damian's head and nailed him in the chest.
"Okay, I didn't know Raffic had a friend."
The two brothers stared at him blankly as Tim slowly slid a batarang out of his utility belt, and started slicing through the webbing.
"What? I thought your name was Traffic Light, but you have an 'R' symbol, so I assumed that it starts with an 'R', and Raffic Light is kind of a mouthful, so 'Raffic' it is. And nice shirt, Raffic, really like the bird symbol."
Damian, who was wearing a Nightwing shirt that he always kept in his utility belt, blinked again, not understanding the teen's quick words, as he didn't have a speedster best friend like him and Dick does. Finished slicing the webbing, Tim turned to face Peter.
"How'd you know we were coming?" Tim asked, genuinely curious as him and Damian had been pretty quiet the way here, except when Damian tried his bite his arm off for calling him short and patting his head, which was pretty far away. Maybe it was another one of his powers.
"It's a thing my aunt calls the 'Peter tingle', which basically warns me about things a few seconds before it happens. And I know your from an alternate dimension, because EDITH tells me that, and EDITH is basically these really cool glasses that Mr. Stark gave me that basically identifies everyone, and your not listed when I scanned you after I asked KAREN to pull up my mask camera, so next, EDITH found out that there was a molecular change a few hours ago, four molecular changes actually, one in Avengers Tower, one in HYDRA, one on top of the building, and one in an alley. So there are four of you here right now, and I'm pretty sure that the other two people have met each other and are in Avengers Tower right now, since Mr. Stark called me and told me that they were going to investigate an explosion that went off in HYDRA (this feels so much like Cadmus) and what I'm trying to say is, how can I help you?"
Tim and Damian glanced at each other and started communicating in bat-speak, reaching a conclusion in their discussion quickly.
"We need to go to Avengers Tower."
***
NEW YORK CITY, AVENGERS TOWER
Dick and Jason alighted from the Quinjet to meet another member of the Avengers, Bruce Banner. He was a quiet man, quiet but contemplative. He was almost as smart as Tony, and definitely less egotistical.
Natasha informed them that Thor would be coming over soon, and he would be their best hope in getting back should the machine not work.
Dick decided to let Tony and Banner examine the fried device while him and Jason tried to find Tim and Damian. After a few hours of experimenting, Tony and Banner decided to take a break and get away for a while (after Natasha and Clint threatened to call Pepper to scream at the two Science Bros) after scanning the machine yielded no results.
SEARCH : RECENT CATASTROPHES
Jason snorted. "I don't actually think the brat would be idiotic enough to start a catastrophe."
"You're right, Jay. Maybe we should just wait for them. I know both Tim and Damian would come here after they did their research."
"Mr. Stark, Peter Parker and two authorized guests just entered this building."
***
NEW YORK CITY, AVENGERS TOWER
Avengers Tower was a beautiful place, in Tim's opinion. It was quiet, with only the occasional footsteps. It was effective in making the public feel safe, but in doing so, made themselves a target.
"Should I inform Mr. Stark of your arrival, Peter?" a voice suddenly asked. Both Tim and Damian hid their surprise well, that only few people would be able to see it. (few people being Cass, Dick and Alfred)
"Sure, JARVIS. And tell him that I'm bring two guests with me."
Seeing Tim's confused face (that Tim only put on to receive more information), Peter whispered conspiratorially, "That's Mr. Stark's personal AI, JARVIS. His other AI is FRIDAY, who is connected to his Iron Man suit. I have an AI too, and I named her KAREN."
"Cool," Tim muttered, because it really was cool, and he would be able to create an AI had he wanted to, but they didn't need to, they have an Alfred. Maybe Alfred did have an AI though.
Along the way to the elevator, they passed through the Avengers Hall, which is basically old prototypes and suits belong to the Avengers.
"Look, this was my suit before Mr. Stark gave me my Iron Spider suit." Peter pointed at a onesie in a glass box, with a framed picture of Peter wearing it.
"Oh, and this was Aunt Nat's first Widow Bite, and Mr. Stark's first suit. And that's Uncle Steve's prototype shield, and Uncle Clint's practice bow. Oh, and that's Mr. Loki's helmet, and Uncle Thor's old eyepatch. And..."
Tim and Damian groaned.
When they finally entered the elevator, Peter waved at the cameras before pressing the button to reach the Avengers Penthouse.
Once they arrived on that level, Tim and Damian barely made it three steps before a bundle of black and blue knocked them down.
"Timmy! Dami! Glad you're finally here, I was so woooorrriieeeddd!" Dick said, stressing the last word out. Jason appeared beside him, munching on some apples he had found (stolen) in the pantry while pulling on a red hoodie. He had changed into a shirt with a disgustingly patriotic sentence, and the owner of the shirt was obvious.
"Nice shirt, Jay," Tim snorted, causing Jason to scoff. "The brat's shirt is just on borderline obsessive. He really brought a Nightwing shirt all the way here?"
Tim smirked, "He said it was for back-up."
Jason rolled his eyes, "Sureee." Turning to Dick, who was still coddling his youngest brother (Tim had escaped his clutches) and was cooing over Damia's shirt, Jason shouted, "Change up, Grayson! You smell like Tim's refrigerator."
Dick had the nerve to be offended. Jason nearly made one of Damian' signature tt sounds.
"I don't smell that bad, right Dames?"
Damian looked torn between agreeing with his brother and telling the truth. Fortunately, he was forced from having to betray his favourite brother when the door flung open.
A furious Nick Fury barged in furiously, furiously slamming the door behind him before exclaiming in fury. "I GAVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS TO TAKE THEM IN HOURS AGO AND HERE YOU ARE MINDLESSLY MINGLING WITH THEN!"
The Avengers blinked at him.
"What's up, folks, here comes the meme queen," a voice yelled from the elevator located beside the door, causing Peter to squeak in delight, before bowing in a very exaggerated manner, it was ridiculous.
"Why am I bowing again? Aren't I the vine king?" Peter asked in confusion.
"Shhhh, just watch this drama unfold," Shuri whispered conspiratorially, catching sight of the furious Fury.
"PS, his name is Richard." Peter informed his pseudo sister, as she exclaimed, "What the fuck, Richard?!"
Dick looked offended, before realizing what they were doing. "What did I d-oh, that's a meme right?" Their laughter was a confirmation.
Fury was about to start screaming furiously again when suddenly, there was a burst of light above him.
"The Bifrost is not very reliable anymore, isn't it, Brother?" Thor's voice boomed out as the light cleared, causing Loki to roll his eyes.
The two brothers looked down on where they landed, or rather, who they landed on.
"I think we knocked him unconscious. Mjölnir is rather heavy, brother."
"We're heavy too, adopted brother."
***
Steve, Natasha, Clint and Bruce went off to do the arrangements they had today. Clint was spending time with his family, bringing their Auntie Nat with him.
Steve had left to take Thor and Loki out on a trip on his favourite plane that zooms through the sky (LITTLE EINSTEINS), while Bruce just wanted to sleep after being dragged through weeks of all nighters with the man who was supposedly his best friend.
This left Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Tony, Peter, and Shuri to take care of Fury.
Peter and Shuri had been left in charge of Fury while the rest of them went to the lab. The two teens were planning the worst way to make Fury regret entering the tower.
"Parker, let me out of here."
Peter faked a confused expression, "You want me to yeet you out a window, Mr. Fury?"
Fury glared at them. Peter knew that he was trying to untie his binds behind his back, but he knew that nobody could untie those ties. (except for Dick, (Peter still snickered everytime they said his name) Jason, Tim, and Damian.)
Fury seemed to have came to the same conclusion too. "Let me out, Parker, or I swear I'll..."
"Hey, I came out to have a good time, but I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now." Shuri snickered.
"You won't be attacked if you let me go." The two teens stared at each other with wide eyes. Here, in front of them, was an uncultured swine.
"Oh my gods, he doesn't know, that's so sad. Peter, play despacito." Shuri held a hand above her heart as she dramatically fainted.
"If you two kids don't give me that pair of scissors on the table, I'm going to..." Fury threatened, narrowing his eye in the end to make them know he was not bluffing.
Peter grabbed the scissors off the table, and turned to Fury. "To Nick Fury, I give you the most valuable item of all..."
He held the scissors just out of reach. "My final two brain cells." Tossing the scissors on the floor, ten inches away from the Fury, The two teens watched as Fury tried to wiggle around on the floor to get to the scissors.
"You getting this JARVIS?" Peter asked, receiving an affirmative.
In his glee, he didn't notice Fury grab the scissors, but his Spider sense reacted, and he kicked it out of Fury's hands. With his thigh. On the sharp part.
"Aw fuck, I can't believe you've done this." he said as he nursed the tiny cut that was already healing.
"Shut up, Parker! I just need to get the intruders out of the tower so they won't attack New York."
"Well, that is a cause for minor concern." Shuri commented.
"It is a MAJOR problem, it is-" he was confused when the two of them started laughing.
"Oh gods, he needs lessons too," Shuri laughed.
"You know how I took down Captain America, Mr. Fury?"
Fury glared at him.
"He shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he's an idiot," Shuri answered, the meme queen she is.
The two of them collapsed into hysterics, before Shuri tazed Fury cause she can only stand to be in the presence of an uncultured swine for so long.
***
"Alright, Dick what Earth is this?" Tim asked while listing off the list of equipment needed to build the interdimensional traveller.
Dick pulled out the device Wally gave him. It looks like a tiny laptop, but when you turn it on, the screen just showed a search bar. Its purpose was to help heroes find the Earth they were in by listing the differences between all 1000 Earths. The speedsters were working hard to duplicate it to give to all heroes, but for now, only close friends have it. (Tim would have gotten one soon since he is besties with Bart, but Wally is older, so it's given to his friends first)
"Alright, tagging "No Justice League," leaving behind Earths 24, 37, 50, 79, 257, and 616. Earth 24 is an earth full of demigods, 37 and 616 matches with this Earth, 50 and 79 doesn't have heroes, and 257 is a wasteland." (It basically works like finding a fanfiction, tag something, and it eliminates the things that doesn't match)
"What's the difference between Earth 37 and 616?" Tim questioned, starting to assemble the machine. "Hey Tony, pass me that green thing over there, I forgot what it's name is but I don't give a fuck. (I literally don't have wifi right now, so I don't know what super sciency item I should put, since I don't know any)
Dick glared at Tim, "First of all, mind your fucking language," Jason snickered.
"Second, according to Wally's notes, the only difference is the king of the giant country (and by giant, he means populated with giants) on the tree with the creepy squirrel. It's either a shape-shifter twerp or a huge weirdo that spews ice. Wally's words, not mines." Dick shrugged.
"What huge tree?" Jason asked.
"Tt, isn't it obvious?" Damian scoffed. When he was met with four pairs of confused eyes, he rolled his eyes. "Did none of you really study mythology?"
When he received four negatives, he sighed, "I assumed that you would, Stark, considering your teammate is a god. Since Norse mythology is real here, it's obviously the World Tree, Yggdrasil, and the squirrel is Ratatosk. The giant world, is Jotunheim. And that 'shape-shifter twerp' would be Utgard-Loki, while the giant spewing ice, would be an Thrym. And unless we find a portal, the only way to travel there would be with a god, or if we were in Asgard, the Bifrost."
"We have a god right here, or two," Tony started, to be included in the conversation.
"I vote on taking Loki with us," Jason raised his right arm.
***
THE WORLD TREE, JOTUNHEIM
They took Thor with them, much to Jason's disappointment. Loki was busy taking classes (meme and vine classes is of the utmost importance, in his words).
Fury had been left with Tony, and since nobody but one Spider-Man trusted him to keep the director of SHIELD from escaping, they knocked Fury out again, ( he had just awoken, and Thor did it this time) and Dick programmed JARVIS to tell the Avengers when their furious director would wake.
The four brothers decided that this was a re-con only mission. Unlike with the team, bat missions usually do stay re-con.
They arrived in a barren land, covered in snow. Shivering from the cold, Thor misinterpreted their chilliness for fear.
"Do not worry, Midgardians, you need not fear Jotunheim for you have the most powerful god beside you."
Jason rolled his eyes, and Thor thought that he muttered something about Loki being better. But it must've just been his imagination, his brother definitely wasn't stronger than him. Right?
They started their trek up a snow covered mountain. They barely walked a few steps when they saw a building as huge as Wayne Manor.
Thor must've transported them to a place that was deserted, but near enough to the heart of the world.
"Maybe you should wait here, Thor. This is a stealth mission, and you're not exactly quiet." Dick argued for the thousandth time since he got here. "You could wait for us out here in case we need to make a hasty escape amd need cover."
"But how will I know if you need help?"
Tim sighed, "We're wasting time here. You can come with us Thor, as long as you stay quiet."
Dick landed on the roof of the building, careful to not alert the giant guards on duty, or trigger the motion sensors that shoots the cannons. (Thor told him about them,and how it could kill an average human but only cause immense pain to an Asgardian)
Landing so quietly that he could make Bruce jealous, Dick made quick work of the guards. He tried to disable the cannons, but they were magic, so he signalled to his brothers to come over without triggering the sensors.
Damian came first, easily landing lightly on his feet before moving aside so Tim could land, Jason following suit. As Thor was flying over, he accidentally triggered a sensor, and a cannon shot at him, and Dick could hear alarms blaring below.
Thor veered out of the way of the cannon, but instead of hitting the mountains, it curved and went after him again. He flew low, cape brushing against the snow as he called Mjölnir to him. Dick noticed that when the cannon touched the snow, it slowed a second.
"THOR! USE YOUR HAMMER TO SLAM IT INTO THE SNOW!" Dick exclaimed, cupping his fingers over his mouth to project his voice.
The god stared at him for five seconds, before nodding. Gods, this god is really dense, Dick thought as he saw Thor fly a bit over the ground, watching as the ball curved upwards after him. Thor slammed his hammer onto the cannon, sending it flying downwards, before slamming hard in the snow.
It flew upwards again, but this time it was moving a millimeter a second. Dick's arm was suddenly violently pulled as Damian yanked him into a crouching position to avoid an ice gun.
"Get your head in this, Grayson," his little brother instructed as he ducked, just as another ray of ice hit the spot where his head was.
He was about to command Thor to deal with the newly arrived guards, but he saw another five canons fly towards the god, and knew that he had his hands full.
"Jay, Tim, take care of them," he ordered as he climbed down the hatch with Damian, leaving his other two brothers behind to fend for themselves as another wave of giants arrived through another hatch.
***
Dick and Damian raced towards the throne room where they knew Thrym/Utgard-Loki was. Knowing that their cover was blown, they didn't bother with stealth.
Following the curve along the icy path, they slid to a halt in front of the doors.
Without warning, the door suddenly opened, and there stood Thrynga, sister to Thrym. She was hideous, to describe her in one word.
Well, they got the answer they needed. Before they could run away, Thrynga grabbed the both of them and threw them in the room.
The gold throne, stained red with blood was empty. It was predictably, made out of ice. There was a seat to its right, most likely for Thrynga.
"So you're the one who brought Thor here huh?" Thrynga asked in an unusually high pitched sound. "Thrym hates him. Ever since he was tricked into marrying Thor." (I'm not reading my norse mythology right now, but I think I read that somewhere in Magnus Chase)
Damian retaliated by drawing his katana, which made Dick grab his escrimas. They both saw Thrym enter the room.
He looked exactly like his sister : the same crooked nose and moss green eyes, a sickeningly pale shade of blue for skin, misshapen eyes, and a chipped ear.
Without warning, a shard of ice was suddenly hurtling towards them. The two of them ducked. They couldn't tell which of the two siblings threw that.
Dick clutched his hands together, pushing Damian up into the air and flying towards Thrynga, before he darted left and threw an escrima towards Thrym.
The giants reacted fast. A thick wall of ice suddenly went up in front of them.
"They will get resurrected, right?" Damian asked, braced for another attack. Dick simply nodded, knowing what his little brother was talking.
Damian embedded explosive batarangs on the ice wall. The room was starting to get chilly, and Dick thanked every denizen of the universe that he wasn't wearing his very revealing discowing suit, or worse, his old Robin suit.
"Okay, we don't want to fight, and, I had this amazing pun, but I guess it slipped my mind." Dick raised both arms, although hid escrima sticks were still clutched tightly.
The two giants just growled, before sending multiple shards of ice towards them. They dodged them with ease, Dick doing a quintuple flip to avoid the shards.
"Geez, you're so grouchy. Maybe it's because you're so ice-olated."
Dick watched as Damian threw several more explosive batarangs towards the siblings, only for it to be blocked by walls of ice.
Dick had a crazy idea then. Picking a match from his utility belt, he lit up an escrima stick, before throwing it towards Thrynga. He watched as she blocked it with some ice, only for it to be melted.
The stick slammed into her, lighting her on fire. Dick watched as several ice walls crumbled.
He watched as Thrym crouched down, gasping in pain as he put out every single fire.
He pulled out his matchboxes again, only for it to be blown out of his hands by the icy wind. He grabbed an extra escrima from his utility belt, throwing every single one of his explosive batarangs in every corner of the room, only for ice to encase it and defuse it.
"They draw power from ice, Robin. We gotta burn this palace down."
Dick watched as Damian took out several explosive batarangs. Thrym seemed to see the same thing, as if to be ready to defuse the explosives.
He knew he had to get the giant's attention of Damian. Spinning his sticks, Dick launched himself on the giant, landing heavily on his head as he bonked his brains with his escrimas. The giant shook his head wildly, trying to shake Dick off while effectively making himself dizzy.
Dick watched Damian throw batarangs around the room, while Thrym was too dizzy to notice. He jumped off the giant and towards the edge of the room, closest to the door, where Damian was.
The room exploded into flames. The explosion threw his younger brother off his feet, and it nearly swept him off his too. Running towards him, Dick lifted a block of ice that had landed on his feet, helping his brother on his feet.
Dick watched as Thrym slowly rose to his feet.
"Well that was nice, but your ice palace is breaking, and you know what I do when my ice house falls apart?" Dick asked. "Igloo it back together."
Thrym lunged for them, and they easily jumped out of the mad giant's way.
"We need to go now," Dick pulled his brother on him, letting him ride piggyback so that he won't get knocked over again. The ice started to melt, and Dick spun his escrima stick over his head, like the guy in the french show Cass was obsessed in. She said it was miraculous, and he agreed with her.
It surprisingly worked. Dick leapt out of the way of a massive shard of ice, and heard it shatter over the giant's head.
He found the door, thankfully still intact. Sprinting out, he slid on the ice, and thanked Bruce's paranoia for making him take ice skating lessons.
He heard Damian unsheathe his katana, and jump off him, landing on a handstand before flipping over. Dick was just about to demand he get back on him, when he saw the crowd surrounding them.
Dick could feel the boy relax beside him, reminded of their days as Batman and Robin when they used to stand in this position.
They didn't need words. Of course, rule two of the Batfamily is that you have to know how to communicate without speaking, (Rule one was obviously don't disobey Alfred) but with the two of them, they didn't even need to communicate to know what the other was about to do.
Damian threw a smoke bomb, Dick gently grabbing his legs soon after. He spun his brother around the room, knocking down (or slicing down) guards that was unlucky enough to cross their way.
It was one of his favourite moves, simply because it usually could elicit a laugh out of Damian. He was just waiting for-there, a laugh. Damian was clearly enjoying this far more than the giants are.
When the smoke finally dissipated, the two of them stand among a pile of bodies, with not a single one of them left.
Damian stood with one of his more childish grins, and Dick had to fight the urge to ruffle his hair, because his hand was covered in dirt. (from Damian's boots)
"You got it?"
***
Tim threw a batarang at an ice gun, effectively destroying it. Jason was killing the giants that he disarmed. He really couldn't bring himself to care that Jason was killing, after all, Thor said that they would be resurrected in a few months. (Just making that up)
Realizing that his supplies of batarangs, wing-dings, discs, and birdarangs were dwindling, Tim swung his bo staff, blocking rays of ice that froze parts of his staff.
Sweeping his bo staff in front of him, Tim knocked down the entire front row of giants. For such huge creatures, they were surprisingly really light.
Realizing that they were drawing Tim and Jason into a tight circle, Tim's eyes met with where he knew Jason's eyes were from beneath his mask. The problem with the giants was, they always shot at their heads.
He felt his brothers back against him as he smirked, waiting a second, before ducking just as the guns went off. A majority of the army had parts frozen.
Realizing that the god was finished fighting his own foes, Tim called out to him. "Thor! Electrocute them!"
The god summoned up a huge bolt of lightning, as Tim and Jason jumped down the hatch to not get caught in the crossfire. They were met with his their other two brothers fighting a wave of giants there. Jason simply handed him a cup of coffee, before leaning against a wall and watching them fight while slurping on his own slurpee, and munching on, guess what? Apples.
.
When they were finally done, Jason casually asked, "You got it?"
"It's Thrym, Earth 616," Damian breathed.
"Let's go home," Dick smiled.
***
NEW YORK CITY, AVENGERS TOWER
"Six-One-Six," Tim read out as he entered the numbers into the device.
"Can I press the button?" Jason asked with an expression that said that he was not taking 'no' for an answer.
"I wanted to press the button," Dick argued.
Tim facepalmed, "Oh for Batman's sake, have I mentioned that time could run differently here? While we're arguing here, Bruce could be dead or dying of old age!"
Damian nodded with a serious expression. "You're right, Drake. Father could be dying and these cretins are arguing like the useless imbeciles they are."
Dick squeaked in outrage. "Hey, I'm not a useless imbecile, not am I a cretin. And did you just agree with Tim?"
"Oh for fuck's sake," Tim exclaimed before slapping the button. "Problem solved, let's go!" He jumped into the swirling black portal that opened when he saw Dick and Jason turn angry eyes at him.
"See you never," Jason waved, jumping after Tim.
"He just jinxed us," Damian muttered, before following suit.
"One last thing," Dick reached for his wrist computer, typed something, before saluting the Avengers and jumping into the portal. "再见!" (Goodbye in Chinese)
Tony slumped on his chair when the portal closed. "Well that was fun."
"If dislike is the opposite of like, is disaster the opposite of aster? See, instead of things going wrong, they go right. (Dick Grayson, Young Justice Season 1 Episode 5)
"DAMMIT GRAYSON, STOP HACKING JARVIS!!!"
"The fuck happened?" Fury furiously asked as he finally came to.
(Then Fury throws a hissy fit while the Avengers, even Tony, are facepalming)