The next week went by quicker than I thought. It was now the last day before Ruby & Scrim had to go back home to prepare for the tour. The tour would start in a few days, and it weighed on my mind like a sack of bricks. It was stupid, but I worried about what Ruby would be doing. Like, would he be thinking about me at all? Would he just forget I exist and move on? I was anxious in general, which made no sense. He wasn't my boyfriend, just a friend who was affectionate towards me and fucked me from time to time.
"That was the first time we really performed, I'll never forget that," Ruby said, breaking me out of my thoughts for a second. I looked over at him and nodded, adding in a half-hearted 'wow'. He went on talking.
We were sitting on the beach, taking in the sunset which made the water glow with shades other than blue. The sky was a brilliant blend of oranges and pinks, and for a moment I'd forget everything if I focused on the colors. I wouldn't pay attention to the thoughts of anxiety that plagued my mind, nor the worries or doubts that accompanied them. Just sitting there, watching the clouds change color and listening to Ruby talk, would have me at peace.
"And then we came back from Europe and decided to take a fuckin' break. I didn't want to, but our managers made us, so," I looked back over at him. I suddenly felt the weight settle in my chest again. "I heard Eric's goin' on tour soon, too."
I nodded. "Yeah, kinda sucks. Imma be all alone in that big apartment." Ruby laughed and began talking again.
It was getting cooler out as the sun kept going down, and the black fabric of one of my old hoodies clung to my arms from the humidity. I hated the beach. I quickly looked away from Ruby. I wanted to seem like I was listening, but I couldn't face him. Why the fuck was his departure making me so sad? My own irrationality pissed me off. I looked back at the sky, which now had hues of a deeper purple. The sky would morph as the pinks faded into purples which would fade into blue.
Ruby was still talking. A nod or chuckle from me would propel him into another paragraph, and I was glad that I didn't have to say much. "Let's get outta here, I want ice cream. You want ice cream?" he asked. I looked up at him as he was getting up from his spot on the towel.
"Sure," I smiled at him and held my hand out for him to help me up. Not like I needed it, but it was an excuse to hold his hand. Very mature, I know, however he never let go of it as we walked to the nearby ice cream shop.
We arrived once the sky became a complete dark blue that got darker the farther you looked. The fluorescent lights inside made me squint in discomfort. Ruby ordered something complicated and looked over to me. "Whaddya want, baby?"
I tried to look up at the menu sign above. Was I hungry? No. Was I full? Hardly. But for some reason I didn't wanna just say "nothing" and let that be that. Fuck, it was bright in there. My heart was racing from the pressure put on me. I never liked being in social situations, even if it only meant ordering food for myself.
"I'll order for you, just point to what you want. Okay?" Ruby said in a soft voice. I took a deep breath and raised my arm. It felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and filled with pins and needles as soon as it went up from my side. My stomach turned and it felt like I had a giant bubble in between my abdomen and my lungs. Before I could point at anything, everything disappeared around me into darkness. The last thing I heard was Ruby shout, "Holy shit, Charlie!" and I felt myself crumble to the ground.
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I felt movement when my eyes opened. It was blurry as I looked around and soon I realized I was in an ambulance. Ruby was sitting in there with me on my left side, and an EMT was on my right side. I cleared my throat to get his attention. His eyes went from the floor directly to me and I could practically see some of the tension disappear from him.
"Charlie, what the fuck, you scared the shit outta me," he said. He wasn't mean about it, though. He seemed more concerned than anything.
"Yeah, sorry. What- um, do you know what happened?" Ruby gave me a look that told me I probably should've known what happened.
"You're extremely dehydrated and your body's gone into starvation mode as it seems like you haven't been eating for a while," the EMT said. Shit.
"Fuck. So what now?" I asked. I really hated the fact that Ruby knew what was going on. Ever since that text, I lost any appetite I thought I had. Whenever I'd eat with Ruby, it never stayed down. It hurt to eat, almost as if I was trying to force myself to eat more after being already filled to the brim.
"Now, we're gonna take you to the hospital to do some bloodwork and run some tests. You'll probably be able to go home tonight," he explained. I looked back over to Ruby.
"I'm really sorry. I thought it would've been gone by now. This didn't happen last time," I explained.
"What do you mean 'last time'? This has happened before?" Ruby asked. I nodded.
"I was, like, 17. It lasted a day and a half. This time it lasted over a week, so I guess I should've done something about it. But really, I thought it'd go away any day now."
"Alright, promise me you'll try to get help while I'm gone if it comes back?" Ruby's eyes were wide and filled with concern. I put my hand out towards him with my pinky finger raised. I was dead serious. He linked his pinky with mine and I brought his hand up to my mouth. I kissed his knuckles and pushed my hand back towards him so he could do the same to me. "You're ridiculous." he laughed, and kissed my knuckles.
The hospital took a long time to do everything, but eventually they released me. Of course not without a million warnings and a million more mental health brochures. Ruby was by my side as much as he could be. I probably apologized to him 70 more times before we got to the Uber.
We sat in the back of the car in silence for the first minute or so of the drive. "I'm so sorry about this," I said, breaking the silence. Ruby looked at me and put a hand on my knee.
"I told you, it's okay. It just scared the shit outta me. Do you know why this happened at all?" I broke eye contact from him. It came back to me after suppressing it for the last week.
"I think my ex texted me like a week ago. Super fuckin' creepy and from an unknown number. I have no clue if he got a new phone or what, but I blocked the number immediately," I explained.
"Shit, I'm sorry, baby. You should've told someone, then maybe you wouldn'ta been so stressed out,"
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you didn't do anythin' wrong. I'm only saying this cuz I care."
Him saying that made all the pressure that was left inside me evaporate. Him caring about me, anyone actually caring about me that wasn't related to me, was a new concept. We rode back to Kevin's house in silence. The hand that held onto my knee now gripped my hand.
When we walked into the house, we heard the TV playing. Kevin and Scrim sat on the couch and barely noticed us come in. That is until Ruby blocked the TV.
"Yo! Get ya fat ass outta the fuckin' way." Scrim yelled. Ruby laughed and sat on the couch next to Kevin. He pulled me onto his lap despite my silent protests.
"How was your day, guys?" Kevin asked. I flashed my hospital bracelet and immediately, Scrim and Kevin's faces dropped.
"Holy shit, what happened to you?" Scrim asked.
I shrugged and said, "Malnutrition. Couldn't even get any ice cream cuz I passed out before being able to order."
"It's a lot more serious than she's makin' it out to be. If this went on another week, she coulda been in serious danger," Ruby said. I rolled my eyes.
"Are you okay?" Kev asked. I nodded.
"Look, I'm alive now. See?" I waved at the guys. "It's gonna be fine. I was just stressed about some shit. I'm alright now."
"As long as you're okay. We don't want nothin' happenin' to you," Scrim said.
"I'm gonna be fine. What're yous watching?" I shifted the subject, not wanting to talk about the whole situation anymore. For the next half hour, we were all watching one of Guy Fieri's many Food Network shows.
Ruby tapped me on the shoulder and motioned for me to lean closer. "Let's go fuck," he whispered. I pulled my head back and looked at him. I debated whether or not it was a good idea, seeing as I was in the hospital not too long ago. "Please."
I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Alright, fine," I said in a lowered voice. Ruby smiled and we both got up from the couch.
"We're goin' to bed, it's been a long day," Ruby said, putting an arm around my waist as we walked to the stairs.
"Night, guys," Kevin said.
"Goodnight y'all," Scrim said.
We walked up the stairs and into Ruby's room. He locked the door behind us. I put my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. He held my waist in his hands and kissed me back forcefully.
"I know ya had a rough day, so I'll be gentle," Ruby said, pulling away. I nodded and we made our way over to his bed.
We'd fully undressed each other and Ruby laid me on my back. He kissed my jaw and worked his way down to my breasts. He began sucking on the skin on my chest and I couldn't help but subtly gasp every time he bit me. I put my hands on his back as he started to slowly enter me. He kissed me on the lips again and immediately pushed his tongue onto mine, then after a while he moved back down to my neck. My left hand moved to grip the back of his head, my fingers getting caught in his short curls. He started thrusting harder into me and soon my walls tensed up around his shaft as I came.
"I'm almost there, babygirl," he breathed. A few seconds later, I felt him pull out and release on my stomach. He got up and went to the bathroom to get something to clean me up with. I laid there, having not moved an inch, and couldn't let myself think about anything but what was happening in that very moment.
He came back and wiped the cum off me, then disappeared again to throw it away. I sat up and grabbed my phone from the floor. He quietly walked over to the bed and motioned for me to move over.
"Sorry again for today," I said as we both got under the covers. Ruby put a hand to my face, cupping my cheek.
"I had a good time today 'til the hospital. I was just worried. I told ya already, stop sayin' sorry," he said.
"I know, but I hate feeling like a burden. You didn't need to come with me to the hospital. I feel like a jerkoff for making you worry about me like that," I couldn't look him in the eyes. I felt him slowly stroke my cheek with his thumb.
"You ain't a burden, baby. I know I ain't known you for too long but I think of you as one of my good friends. And obviously a lil' more than jus that," he said, then gently pulled my face towards his and kissed me.
"Cool. So when are you leaving tomorrow?" I asked.
Ruby moved his hand from my face to reach for his phone. "Lemme see... I know it's sometime in the evenin'," he said, scrolling through his phone. "Umm, here. We leave tomorrow at 6."
"You excited?"
"Hell yeah, I'mma miss you tho."
"You're lying." I laughed as if I was joking, when in reality I truly did not believe him.
"I'm tellin' the truth. After I drop you off tomorrow mornin' I'll miss you," he said. He sounded sincere.
"Alright, I believe you. I'll miss you too," I said. He kissed me and turned to lay on his back.
"Remember," he said, reaching to turn the lamp off that was on the bedside table. "You're comin' to the Florida show. I'mma give you the ticket and backstage pass before you go home tomorrow."
"Okay," I said. The light went out and the room went dark, save for the small amount of moonlight from the window.
Ruby motioned for me to come closer and I moved to lay half on his chest. I stayed there listening to his breathing for what seemed like forever. I could still hear Scrim and Kevin watching tv downstairs. I had no idea why I felt so drawn to this man, but I knew it had to mean something.
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okay, i promise shit's gonna intensify after this chapter.
like.. i got a whole plan that i came up with w/ my writing buddy (shoutout 2 her)
anyways sorry this chapter's so short :( hope u like it in spite of this
xoxo rowan