Confessions of a Queen Bee

By Blair-Jade

1.8M 72.5K 52.8K

STORY 1 Ivy James loved being top of the school; she could click her fingers and get anyone to fulfill whatev... More

Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
Chapter 31
Ivy's written account
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50: Letters to Lucy
Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

8

36.5K 1.4K 1.2K
By Blair-Jade

The day goes pretty smoothly, my lessons are actually interesting and after each one, I chat with the teachers to ask them what work I missed and how I was going to catch up. 

My maths teacher tells me the chapters we were supposed to be doing when I was away and asks me how I'm doing. Which I'm not sure how to respond to because does that mean my teachers know then?

But luckily he says I don't have to redo the test I missed as I've been doing well in class so he will just make an estimate from my previous assignments. Which is great. 

My English teacher is less forgiving, she has set me a few essays to do over the next coming weeks. Saying that if I demonstrate I understand what the topic is about then she will let it slide that I haven't done the others.

Finally reaching lunchtime, I meet up with Jess and walk out onto the field where we sat yesterday. It is significantly more crowded than it was yesterday, but that's to be expected. Wherever we go, always seems to make others follow.

"So, I was telling Jayden that Ivy hasn't really said much and-" We overhear Nora say to Faye as we approach. I cringe at the thought of them all talking about what they think happened with Layton behind my back. Jess quickly interrupts their conversation, signalling to them that we're here. They're all looking at me to see if I was going to mention what they were talking about before Jess and I got there. I decided to ignore it, I didn't need to hear what was being said.

"What do you know about Jackson Richardson?" I ask all of them. Changing the subject but also the need to find answers about him overtaking and hesitation I had to bring him up.

"Erm, he's part of the group. Why?" Nora answers. "He's chill."

"He never really talked much when we were friends with him, did he?" Faye adds.

"Nah, he's not much of a speaker. Apparently, he's proper fucked up, I think he's adopted as well. He's always in the counsellor's office." Jess tells us, and looks at me strangely "Why are you asking about him?"

"Oh, nothing I was just curious."

"Well, I don't blame you. He is so hot." Nora adds, but I cringe a little. Normally I would agree and obviously, Jackson has a certain jarring beauty to him, but the thought of being attracted to anyone is still pretty sickening.

I shrug and the girls start gossiping about how good looking Jackson is, about how they have never seen him even talk to a girl before let alone get with anyone. Which I silently disagree with, because I remember him getting off with girls at parties. I think. He's just subtle about it. 

Actually, I don't think he attends parties anymore. He wasn't there that Friday anyway. 

Suddenly, it dawned on me that I was supposed to check in with Mrs Granger. I wonder if it's true, the whole adoption thing, I mean I guess that would make sense. She is so young. 

"I have to go and grab a textbook from science." I say.

"Science? We have that after Lunch?" Nora challenges me.

"I meant Maths, I'll catch up with you in science." I say to Nora and smile at the girls.

"Let's all go." She says. "We'll walk-"

"No." I snap. "You don't have to follow me everywhere."

They all look at me surprised. 

I wince. 

"But I'm excited about tonight." I add gently and the girls look more confused, almost shocked and I feel that gross feeling again at the pit of my stomach as I remember how weird me being nice to them seems.

I start heading towards her office, trying to avoid the boys as I know that they are probably on their way from the cafeteria. The halls are pretty crowded but obviously everyone just kind of moves out of the way for me anyway. As I walk to Mrs Granger's office I start to worry about what if there's already someone in there but I can easily just look through the door and see if she is occupied.

Knocking on the door twice I wait for her to motion for me to come in. Her hand raises slightly and she beckons me to enter her office.

"Hi Ivy, how are you doing? I missed you this morning."

"Yeah I know sorry I was running late and I thought I'd just catch up with you now if that's okay."

"Yeah of course, how has today been?"

"Um it's actually been okay, I haven't had any run-ins with people I don't wanna see today so that's probably why."

"I'm glad today is been good then, I was going to ask you when you wanted to schedule our next hour-long session?"

"Oh I thought we just did at the same time every week?"

"We could do, that's why I was wondering is there any other time you prefer to do it?"

"Erm, I think after-school would be better if you work after school? Just because it's quite stressful talking about it and I don't want to have to then go and do a whole day at school."

"That makes perfect sense that's fine Ivy, what day is best?"

"Honestly I don't really have a preference."

"Okay well we can decide next week and see how it goes."

"Okay, thanks." I looked down at the time to see how long we had left of lunch. I didn't want to go back to the girls, they would ask me about where I went and why I didn't get the maths textbook and so I looked at Miss Granger. "Is there any chance I can stay? Sit in here for a bit?"

"Of course you can stay, if you don't mind being on your own for a little bit. I just need to pop out and get lunch before the cafeteria closes."

I smile at her and nod gently reaching for my own lunch. "Can I eat in here?" I question.

She nods and excuses herself and I start eating my sandwich. Shortly after, there is a knock at the door. I know it's not her because obviously, she would not knock on her door. I don't answer because hopefully whoever they are will go away but sadly I was wrong and the door starts opening.

Getting ready to glare at whoever walks through the door, I feel my face converts from that of peace to that of anger. But of course, not surprisingly Jackson strides through the door and goes behind her desk to look for something. I don't think he's even noticed I'm here, sat awkwardly at the roundtable.

Hoping fingers crossed that he'll just totally be oblivious to the fact that I'm in here, I don't say a word and just watch him. He goes through her second drawer and brings out a bottle of pills which makes my eyes go wide. He quickly takes one and chucked them back into the drawer. His face is flushed a bit and his eyes look a little more frantic than I've ever seen them. Suddenly he looks up.

"You."

"Me" I say awkwardly. A few seconds go by, I can tell he's annoyed that I just saw him take whatever the fuck he just swallowed.

"What are you doing here?" He asks me. He screws the bottle back shut, then turns it around, reading something on the back. He then looks like he counts something, he unscrews it and takes out another. 

"What are you taking?" I ask. 

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Meds."

"What-"

Okay yeah, I guess that's private. His eyes turn colder. 

"What are you doing here?" He repeats. 

"Um just eating lunch?"

"Does my mum know you're here?" He questions. "I can text her if you need her or something." 

Surprised at his actual genuine offer I shake my head indicating that I don't need him to text her.

"She's just gone to get lunch."

"Oh, right." Jackson says and he looks back out to the crowded hallway. He looks at me. "Can I stay?"

"I mean-Its your mum's office." I shrug.

We sit in awkward silence, I can feel him looking at me, probably wanting to ask me something. Suddenly a flashback to the way he looked at me this morning when he was with Jayden reminded me that his polar change in attitude again.

"Why did you glare at me earlier?" I ask quietly lifting my eyes from the food in front of me.

"When?"

I roll my eyes, "You know when."

"I wasn't 'glaring." He mocks me.

"Yeah you were"

"I didn't even mean to make eye contact."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask. "You looked up, at me, I was just trying to get into the school-"

"Nothing, it's just weird the way you suddenly let people call you all these names. You would have kicked right off a couple of weeks ago."

"And so you glared at me?"

"No. You misread the situation. I wasn't mad at you Ivy"

Just before I could ask who he was mad at then, Mrs Granger walked back into the room. "Sorry Ivy I got stuck to talking to one of your Dance teachers, I explained a bit of-"

Jackson interrupts her, "Mum, hi."

She looks shocked and immediately looks concerned for me.

"Jackson, what have I told you about just letting yourself into my office, Ivy I'm sorry."

I start to shake my head to tell her its fine, I mean it's not like he was the intruder. I was the one hiding in his mum's office, that doesn't mean he can't do the same. 

But Jackson interrupts "I needed medication, I couldn't see she was in here until I was in."

Her eyes widen and her concern for me swiftly changes to concern for him. "Did it help?" Mrs Granger asks her son vaguely.

"Yeah" he shrugs and looks at me. "Stop thinking whatever you're thinking." He says underneath his breath, only for me to hear.

Which to be fair, amuses me a little. How the tables have turned. But honestly, I wasn't even jumping to the conclusions he thinks I'm jumping to. I couldn't care less if he was taking some sort of medication. I'm literally pumped full with anti-depressants anyway, who would I be to judge.

"Ok, good. May I ask why you're still here?" She says this kindly, but if my mum said that to me I would be so offended. Heck If Mrs Granger said this to me I would be offended.

"Gee thanks mum, I was just talking to-" He says in mock surrender then nods to me. "I will leave you two to it I guess"

"Thank you hon, I will see you later-" She says at the same time as I go to stop him from leaving. 

"You can stay, I don't mind. We're not having a chat Jackson I'm literally just hiding from the world it's fine"

He turns around to check ok with his mum and she looks between us slightly surprised but nods anyway. I supposed she's probably surprised that I am not kicking off about the fact that he knows I see her. I made it very clear I didn't want anyone to know yesterday.

Sitting back down he changes seat so he's sitting opposite me instead of next to me. The move is slightly strange but I don't question it.

"Ivy, what have you got after lunch?" Mrs Granger asks me gesturing at the fact that there was little under ten minutes left until I had to leave.

"Um science and then whatever Nora has," Jackson snorts at the fact I still don't know my timetable and I shrug nonchalantly at him. Never really needed to know it before.

"You'll like the science lesson, I talked to Mrs King earlier and found out what she's teaching."

I look curiously at her but nod anyway. I guess I'll find out what she means later.

"I'll just find out what you have sixth period for you." She tells me and begins to type on her computer. Jackson who has been nonchalantly typing on his phone looks up.

"She has art."

We both look at him a little shocked, both probably wondering how on earth he knew what my next lesson was.

"Don't look so freaked, I have art too."

"Ohh, you're in the same class. That's perfect" Mrs Granger smiles at her son.

But I frown. "You're in my art? I don't think I've ever seen you in there?"

His eyes widen at me and he narrows his eyes.  "Ivy I am always in that lesson." He looks at his mum now. "I never skip it ever." Which amuses me and makes his mum laugh.

"Jackson, go to art today please" His mum instructs him. He rolls his eyes but nevertheless agrees.

"Anyway, I'm going to make my way to Science." I tell them.

I see Jackson eyeing my pretty untouched food and I push it towards him. I mean the boys gotta eat I suppose.

Mrs Granger watches but doesn't comment, which I'm grateful for. Eating at the moment has been very difficult. And it's not like I'm not eating, it's just a lot easier to do when I'm at home, I don't know why.

Quickly texting Nora, I ask her whether we can get a take out tonight.

Nora: Whatever you want! Xxx

I sigh deeply at her reply, I wish she would unwrap herself from around my little finger. I want her to be my friend, I do. Which is a new revelation. But I don't want to control her.

I wave Mrs Granger and Jackson say goodbye, trying to ignore how weird that lunchtime was. It was nice to be fair, just very strange. Walking towards science I start to worry about what the lesson may be about today. She said that I would like it but what on earth does that mean.

The classroom is pretty empty, but I see Jess waiting for me outside. Somehow, I have at least one of my friends in every single lesson. Which is pretty lucky when I actually think about it.

"Hey! Did you get the science book?" Jess asks me.

"It was a maths book but yeah I got it thanks."

"Oh sorry, I have such a shit memory. Are they going to make you retake that maths exam you missed?"

Jess always talks so quickly it's hard to stay caught up, especially when you can't stop worrying over what this science lesson will be about and also can't stop thinking about a certain green-eyed boy and what on earth he was hiding. And why he was so curious about what I was hiding.

"No-" I start.

"That's so unfair, I mean woo for you but that exam was horrific, honestly it hurt my soul."

I laugh at her dramatic exaggeration but let her carry-on wittering about the exam. I like it now when someone's talking and I can just listen. Or pretend to listen at least. She continues her rant as we enter the classroom I look around to see if I could see the boys. 

Jayden and Luca are in this class but thankfully they haven't turned up yet. I feel a lot more prepared to see Luca today, I'm definitely not going to freak out when he comes in. I just have to keep reminding myself it's fine. I can easily tell the difference between Luca and his identical twin Layton but it was just harsh seeing him yesterday.

As Mrs King gets everyone to settle down, she starts introducing the topic of cells and the human body. My eyebrows furrow still confused as to why Mrs Granger thought I would enjoy something like this. Jess starts writing down the notes on the board that I hadn't noticed. I feel like today I'm just going to have to rely on Jess to prompt me every time there's something important to write down.

I sit and watch the classroom. We sit at the back as always. Jayden and Layton- not Layton Jesus, Luca sit on the opposite side of the room. They're chatting absentmindedly about something I cannot hear. 

They both totally blanked us when they came in earlier, which was relieving. Drama is not what I live for anymore. In the next few rows are the people I consider pretty just standard. They love hearing about our gossip and are constantly looking for our approval but they have their own lives and seem to enjoy doing whatever it is they do. In the front rows are people that are either, really excited about science, or just really don't get on with everyone else. I doubt they are as weird as everyone makes them out to be, but I wouldn't necessarily chat to them.

Jess nudges me, indicating I have to make notes on whatever the teachers speaking about. Jess clearly caught on quick that I was only writing when she was.

"Ok so the important part to note is that our bodies are constantly changing, according to researchers, the body replaces itself with a largely new set of cells every seven years to 10 years."

Oh, that's what Mrs Grayson meant then. That after 7 years, Layton will not have touched any part of me. That's pretty smart of her to think about me though. But I don't even know if that helps. 

I can still feel the way his skin felt on mine, so actually, the thought that his skin will have not touched any of mine after 10 years is quite comforting. 

Ten years is a long time to feel like this though. Will I still feel disgusted by the feel of my skin up until that new cells mark? Do I even understand what she's saying? I haven't been listening much. But it's nice to know that one day I'll have a body that he hasn't touched. 

I feel myself starting to feel sick because although in ten years, my body will be all mine, I can't get over the feel of the fact it's not really mine at the moment. He took it as his, and I can't seem to get over it.

The feel of a hand on my shoulder brings me out of my self-loathing trance and I jump physically away from Jess.

"Are you ok?" Jess whispers at me.

I nod, lifting a shaky hand to straighten my hair. "Yeah sorry, you surprised me I was daydreaming."

She frowns. "You're shaking Ives."

"It's cold." I shrug and try and smoothly grab my jumper from my bag.

"It is actually." She agrees and gets back to her work.

My hands shake beneath the table and I know I'm not gonna gain back control any time soon so I just watch them shake. Never before did any part of my body do something without my conscious permission. It's strange. Obviously, I feel betrayed by him, but I also feel betrayed by my body. I remember how Jess described Jackson earlier, she called him fucked-up. Is that what people would say about me now too? If they knew?

I didn't write down anything else during that lesson just circled that point about cells a few times. As we walk to art I wonder about what Jayden was going to say to me this morning. Was he going to shout at me some more?

Walking into Art we decided to pick a table near the back. As Jess needed to go to the girl's toilets before we went to Art so most of the back tables were taken. I didn't really bother me though. What did bother me however was the fact that Jackson, who never turned up to art, was sat directly behind me.

"I didn't even realise Jackson was in this class." Jess whispered to me.

"Me neither." I whispered back. Trying to engage with what she was saying. I felt bad. I'd been in my head the whole way here.

"Art is a pretty hot subject for a guy to take." She tries to whisper but I hear his hushed chuckle behind me. Rolling my eyes I tell her to shut up, she always forgets her version of a whisper is practically a quiet persons shout.

We both descend into silence, she has her earphones in and I continue on with my project that we are all working on. It's not that exciting, the topic is youth and I'm painting a picture of a bulb, like a flower thing? It's supposed to symbolise growth and new beginnings. But as I try to start paining the details of the petal I realise there is no way I'm going to be able to do that. My hands are still shaking from earlier, and holding a paintbrush steady is particularly difficult.

Jess goes to mix some more paint over by the sink and I hear Jackson's chair squeak as he gets up.

"Why are your hands shaking?" His voice is much closer than it ever has been before, I can feel his presence engulfing me and I watch almost in slow motion as his arm comes round to steady my shaking paintbrush.

His hand, his has engulfed mine moves it up to the painting and makes a stroke.

"Are you ok?" He whispers again.

This time I snap out of any trance I was in and my eyes scan the room rapidly to see if anyone else has witnessed his proximity.

"Hands. Off." I all but spit at him. My angry voice must have surprised him as he quickly steps away from me. I don't get it, why do guys just think it's ok to evade a girl's space. Why do they think it is perfectly normal to touch a girl wherever they want to? It fucks me right off.

He looks even more concerned and I roll my eyes, I fucking hate that the only emotions I get from him are anger or condescending concern.

"I don't want your hands on me Richardson; why don't you get that?" I hiss quietly at him. I don't want anyone else to hear but I also need to make my point very fucking clear. "Don't touch me."

"Ivy I'm sorry, why were you shaking?" He says genuinely but I don't want to talk to him. I've had enough bloody social interaction today. Literally, since 6 am this kid has been in my head and I just want him to leave me alone.

"Ivy?" Jess asks as she returns. "Hi Jack", she greets almost flirtily.

"Jackson was just leaving."

"Why is he here?" I can hear the curiosity dripping from her tongue. Jackson doesn't even hardly talk to his boys let alone us.

"Just attacking me over what I did to Jayden don't worry."

"I wasn't-" he tried to defend himself.

"Jackson leave Ivy alone, I don't get why you guys are all so bothered. Stop talking to us" She looks him up and down and I smirk triumphantly at him. To which he scowls back at me. 

 I loved how Jess was looking at him as if he wasn't one of the best-looking people at this school. She had the capability to make anyone feel like a little speck of dust.

It was nice. 

I don't know if i could do that anymore. 

I liked that she could. 

He backs away, our eyes still connected. "Just trying to see if you are okay."

She looks at me then, confused. 

"Fuck off Jackson."

He goes back to his table. 

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