Most times when people get/have a mental illness or they have any problem with their person they immediately get labeled as a freak or a weirdo. Some parents with children with mental or physical disabilities try to protect their precious child from the name calling and prejudice against them. Disabled persons may never even know some say awful things behind their back. Some never know what the outside world is like. That's why I love therapy. I love it because I can act on the fact that I'm weird. I can act like myself without being judged.
That sounds strange but I'll assure you it's completely normal. I, fortunately, was never sheltered from the name calling and other disadvantages to my situation. When Mom took me in she was sure to teach me sign and take me to therapy. My therapist , Mrs. Tina, put me through a few rounds of social tests to make sure I could handle society's views the disabled and taught me how to combat the harassment I would later receive.
I went to public school throughout all of schooling carrier thus far and I hope to go to a public college too. Therapy helped me cope with the name calling and embarrassment of being called on by a teacher and scrambling for a paper or sitting there waiting for them to move on. Lots of my teachers have sent me to the office for insubordination. (Aka, not doing what you are told to do.) The principle was aware of my situation and he would just send me back to class. There was no point in writing a referral and discipline me for something I can't help.
With my journal firmly clutched in my hand I collected my jacket and purse. TJ sat at the kitchen table coloring when I came down the stairs. Mom was in the living room in one of the many rockers that adorned the living room. She looked up as I passed by, "Do you want me to drive you?"
I shook my head no. My keys were hung on the cork board by the door. I slipped them off the thumbtack holding them up, turning back to the kitchen to say goodbye to TJ. I gave him the 'I love you' sign and tilting his head back to kiss him on the forehead. He wiped his hand across his forehead making a disgusted face. His smile enticed one from me. He had smudges of what looked like, and most likely was, Nutella smeared on his left cheek. I licked my thumb and went to scrub it off but he scooted off the bench and ran.
A safe distance from me he turned and flashed me an adorable grin. His eyes sparkled, shining with joy. I waved him off and he giggled. Turning on my heals I exited the house. My beat-up Jeep sat in the driveway just like it was when I left it a few minutes before. Unlocking it, I slip in the seat and started it up. The engine purred to life and I sighed.
I would never be able to imagine my life without the sense of hearing. There would be so much you'd miss, so much you'd never get to experience. I love listening to music, hearing the sounds of birds chirping, and just hearing people talk. My therapist says that the I love listening to things so much because I can't personally make sounds. Vocally that is.
The drive to the clinic is short. Soft music plays through the speakers while I drive wishing I could sing along. The cheery front of the building almost made me smile. The gorgeous spring flowers that were just beginning to bloom swayed gently in the breeze. Springy garden ornaments waved at me.
Mrs. Tina was sitting at her desk when I pushed the door open. "Ahh, Kail! How have you been? I've missed you!" Her energy darted through the room.
'I fine' I signed. She smiled and motioned for me to sit down. I think slightly disappointed in my short answer.
Fortunately I'm not the first mute Mrs. Tina has helped. She insists it was always her calling. When she was growing up she had a friend who also had an accident that caused her to loose her voice. Mrs. Tina, only being like eight, did all she could to communicate with the girl. Together they both learned ASL to be able to get points across clearly. Now, here she is.
"Anyway, what have you been up to? It's seems like so long since I've seen you," she gestured around her. The walls had been painted a new color. The once light pink had been changed to a light teal blue. It had only been like two weeks.
'Classes fine. Most challenge. Teachers good.' She smiled weakly. She wishes is would 'talk' more but it's just not something I really enjoy.
"How about we move on to your journal?" I handed it to her. The once smooth leather had been roughed up in a few places and it was obvious the book had been loved for many years. Mrs. Tina flipped through the pages reading as she went. Some of the entries were dark, some happy, some outright weird. She was used to it by now.
I occupied myself by picking at my already worn short nails. I really did try not to chew them but it's a worry habit. The door knob rattled. I glanced up.
"Ahh, Elliot! You're early. Let me finish up with Kail then we'll leave," Mrs. Tina bubbled.
A boy, a very handsome boy, stood in the doorway. He wore a grey v-neck t-shirt under a red and black plaid flannel. Dark washed jeans were slung low on his hips and him hands were placed lazily in the pockets.
He pushed a hand through the long dark mop of hair. "M'kay, Aunt Tina." He looked down at me, smirking. My face grew red. "Cute," he whispered, still smirking.
I covered my face with the long sleeves of my jacket. Great now the cute boy thinks I have a disability.
Well, he's not wrong.
Mrs. Tina cleared her throat, "Um, sorry about that. My nephew and I are going to dinner, would you like to join us?"
My heart began it race. Should I? No, that's intruding!
'No' I signed.
"Why not, Kail? This would give you the opportunity to meet someone. You need to be social."
'He know ASL?' She laughed at my shocked expression.
"No, but you can write and he can talk," Mrs. Tina continued, gathering up her bag. I pouted. Then I had a plan. Sneak out!
I grabbed my journal off of the table doing my best to be quiet. I tucked to worn leather book onto my jacket, reaching for the door. The smooth silver knob turned with my hand, so close to freedom. I almost did a happy dance. Tip toeing closer to the door, I pulled it open. The door creaked a little. I winced.
"Kail Eleanor Edison! Where do you think you're going!?" I slumped my shoulders. Mrs. Tina grabbed my arm, "Let's go."
The boy, whom I had still not been formally introduced, sat in one of the waiting room chairs. He looked board yet rather excited. He stood up when we entered.
"Elliot, this is my client, Kail." Mrs. Tina pushed me forward. I stumbled. Elliot chuckled.
"It's nice to meet you." He waved awkwardly. His hand then brushed back through his hair. It looked so soft. Does it feel like that?
I bowed a little. I turned to leave once again. A tug on the hood of my jacket made me halt. "Don't even try it, Kail." I crossed my arms over my chest. I just wanted to not make a fool of myself and leave. I would never see the boy again so why worry about it.
Mrs. Tina kept a hold on my hood as she pushed me out to my car. The wind had picked up and the poor stalks of the flowers bent with the force. I wish I was a flower.
I reached into my pocket and produced my keys. Unlocking the door I slid in. Time for another attempted escape. I started the car.
Mrs. Tina still held the door. "Don't even try to drive away, you're going to be leading us to PizzaHut."
I mentally growled. She smiled at me evils and shut the door. She trotted across the parking lot to her own car and slipped into the drivers seat. I backed out of the spot and oriented the car in the direction of the awful restaurant. Elliot and Mr. Tina followed behind. I reached to the console and flicked through the iPod until I heard a song I liked. Fancy.
I know, I know nobody likes the original. But this version is cool. Fancy (Acoustic) by Madilyn Bailey.
I'm so fancy
You already know
I'm in the fast lane
From L. A. to Tokyo
I'm so fancy
Can't you taste this gold?
Remember my name
'Bout to blow
First thing, first, I'm the realest
Drop this and let the whole world feel it
And I'm still in the Murda Business
I can hold you down, like I'm giving lessons in physics
You should want a bad chick like this
Drop it low and pick it up just like this
Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris
High heels, something worth a half ticket on my wrist
Taking all the liquor straight, never chase that
Rooftop like we bringing '88 back
Bring the hook in, where the bass at?
Champagne spilling , you should taste that
I'm so fancy
You already know
I'm in the fast lane
From L. A. to Tokyo
I'm so fancy
Can't you taste this gold?
Remember my name
'Bout to blow
I said, "Baby, I do this, I thought that you knew this"
I can't stand no haters and honest, the truth is
And my flow hypnotic, they spoke it, depart it
Swagger on super, I can't shop at no department
Better get my money on time
If they not money, decline
And swear I meant that there so much
That they give that line a rewind
So get my money on time
If they not money, decline
I just can't worry 'bout no haters
Gotta stay on my grind
Now tell me, who that, who that?
That do that, do that
Put that paper over all
I thought you knew that, knew that
I be the M-A-D-D-Y, put my name in bold
I been working , I'm up in here
With some change to throw
I'm so fancy
You already know
I'm in the fast lane
From L. A. to Tokyo
I'm so fancy
Can't you taste this gold?
Remember my name
'Bout to blow
Crashed the hotel
We party on to the breaking dawn
Make the phone call
Feels so good getting what I want
Yeah, keep on turning it up
Chandelier's swinging, we don't give a what
Film star, yeah, I'm deluxe
Classic, expensive, you don't get to touch
I'm so fancy
You already know
I'm in the fast lane
From L. A. to Tokyo!
I'm so fancy
Can't you taste this gold?
Remember my name
'Bout to blow
I sang along in my head as I made the dreaded journey. When I was finally pulling into PizzaHut I turned and looked behind me. Sure enough, Elliot and Mrs. Tina were pulling into the vacant spot beside me. I sighed.
Grabbing the keys and journal, I pushed the car door open. The breeze was still whooshing by. Elliot suddenly was standing by the door, holding it open. I thanked him in sign and he looked confused. I cute little wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. I ignored it, focusing of getting out of the car.
Mrs. Tina already had a table for us when we got inside, I slipped into the empty side of the booth and Elliot sat next to his aunt. The waitress came and took our drink orders. Mrs. Tina got me a tea because she noticed I didn't even have my book out. Yet again the wrinkle of confusion crossed Elliot's forehead.
I signed to Mrs. Tina. 'He know about me?' I didn't even try to hide the face I was pointing at Elliot. She shook her head.
I sat back and crossed my arms. Mrs. Tina gave me a look I couldn't quite place while Elliot watched in amusement. The anger began to rise for some reason. I knew it was totally useless getting worked up over some idiot, but whatever.
"Anyway," Mrs. Tina spoke up, "this is Kail." She directed Elliot's eyes to me. "And this," she directed me eyes to Elliot, "is Elliot."
I nodded. Elliot didn't look convinced. "Why doesn't she talk? Is she deaf?" The wrinkle stayed firmly in place.
I rolled my eyes. I took out my book, unclipping the pen from the front. I wrote, 'I'm mute, idiot'
He blushed brightly. I smirked once again crossing my arms.
The waitress returned. I wrote in my book what I wanted then got up to go to the salad bar. Much to my disappointment, after Elliot ordered, he got up too. He followed behind me for a minute.
"I'm really sorry for, you know, the whole deaf/mute thing." I nodded to show I'd heard him. He smiled. I continued to top my salad with toppings while Elliot stood directly behind me the entire time. "I never knew my aunt worked with so many people before I came to live with her."
My jaw dropped. He's living with Mrs. Tina? What?! I turned to face him. He chuckled at my shocked expression. My face flushed red again.
"Yeah, I moved in with my aunt after my mom kicked me out." I nodded. "I'm going to Jefferson High starting Monday," He sounded quite excited. I studied his face. Until his words kicked in. Jefferson High? Wait, I go there!
Panic quickly tore at my stomach. I needed to ask Mrs. Tina about this! I turned on my heels, rushing away. Unfortunately I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going.
A loud clatter registered in my ears. I felt sticky all over. Laughter also rang out. Stupid, idiotic, narcissistic Elliot.
I looked down. I was covered in salad and pasta. My once red shirt had ranch dressing and Alfredo sauce covering it. The young waiter, who was probable sixteen had flushed cheeks and he was doing all he could to help me. I took his hand when he offered it and he helped me up. I gave him the 'thank-you' sign. He looked confused but her got the gist.
Furious and embarrassed I stormed to the bathroom. Locking the door I closely investigated the damage. My black jacket was fairly clean but my shirt was ruined. I stripped my shirt and jacket off throwing the shirt in the trash. I had a tank top on under the shirt so I just placed the jacket over that. Zipping up the jacket half way it didn't look half bad.
My jeans were another story. Lonely noodle bits still clung to the fabric. Taking a paper towel from the dispenser, I brushed off what I could. Then, wetting the paper towel, I managed to get some of the sauces out. My shoes were fine except for remaining pieces of lettuce and noodle. I brushed then off also. It wasn't the best thing to do but I really didn't have any other option. I pulled my loose hanging hair into a messy bun and managed to calm my rage before throwing open the door and marching back to the dining room.
Mrs. Tina and Elliot sat at the table. Elliot wore a firm scowl, probably put there after a scolding from Mrs. Tina. Our food was at the table ready to be eaten. My stomach rumbled thinking about the delicious greasy pizza.
'Hey' I waved at them, crawling into my side of the booth. Mrs. Tina immediately attempted to get Elliot to strike up a conversation. She elbowed him in the ribs, he winced but began to talk.
"I'm sorry for laughing at your fall," Elliot mumbled out. I wanted to laugh at him. His face flushed once again. He awkwardly glanced at the floor, ignoring his food. I took a bite of my pizza.
"So, Kail. On Monday Elliot will be starting school at Jefferson High and I was wondering, would you mind showing him around?" Mrs. Tina's eyes shifted between Elliot and I, uncertain.
My mind froze. I began to choke. A coughing fit then chose to claim me. Hacking I managed to catch my breath. 'No, no, no please!' I frantically signed. I wiped my mouth with a napkin trying to compose myself. Elliot laughed. I shot mental daggers at him.
Mrs. Tina gave me another disappointed look. I glanced at the pouting Elliot, he would be a friend. It couldn't be that bad, could it?
'Fine.'
A smile erupted on Mrs. Tina's face. My heart swelled. It wasn't often that I actually made her proud of me. I tended to be hermit. I almost never left the house other than school and therapy. My little brother, who really isn't even my brother, is my best friend. I live with my mom and dad, who aren't even really my mom and dad, and the majority of my time is spent on the Internet or reading and writing.
Elliot must have caught a drift of what was happening because he then began to freak out. "What? She's going to be showing me around? Why?" I couldn't help but notice the small pang in my belly.
I gave an 'I told you so' look to Mrs. Tina. She rolled her eyes and went to trying to convince Elliot that this was a good idea. He was probably throwing a bigger fit than I could. And I have been known to give a killer silent treatment. Joke.
I have to say, I was with him. This could not possibly get worse.
But of course I have to be wrong about everything.
***
Hello lovelies!
This took forever and I'm sorry. I promise during Christmas break (starting this Friday) I will focus on DTB and at least update twice =^.^= I've been busy with ASL Deaf socials and studying for finals.
Word count: 3,049
Love you,
-M