When we got to Sarah's room there was another little girl on the other bed, Sarah wasn't alone anymore, so we assume Sarah was really doing better because she was allowed to have company. The other girl was around Sarah's age, but her head was totally bald, and I knew her illness was even worse than my daughter's. James clutched against my hand when his gaze fell on her and he looked rather shocked, but he recomposed himself in seconds and her mother was sat at her bed and she looked at us.
"Good afternoon." We said at the same time and she greeted us with a nod and sad swollen eyes.
"Dad!" Sarah yelled and James shot her a huge smile.
"Hey princess." He said holding her close and picking her up. He hugged her for some time, and I knew he was thanking God she didn't have the same illness as her roommate. I kissed her after, and she also hugged me tight.
"This is Trish, she came here today." She told us excited to have a company her age.
"Hi Trish." James spoke to her and the girl blushed and didn't say a thing. James looked back at Sarah who shrugged.
"I told her who you are." Sarah exclaimed.
"She is very shy." The mother explained.
"There's nothing to be shy of." James still spoke to her and she smiled at him.
"How old is she?" I asked.
"She's also 10." Said the mother.
"It's gonna be alright." I tried to comfort her, and the mother nodded.
"Yeah...she's gonna be fine." She said caressing the girl's head, but I felt so much insecurity in her words.
"Are you feeling better dad?" Sarah asked James.
"I am doing fine sweetie; I am sorry I couldn't come here yesterday. I promise I won't fail again."
"It's ok daddy, you're here now." Sarah said clutching against his neck, surrounding him with her tiny arms. James held her back and kissed the top of her head. "I made a new drawing this morning." She said excited. "Look at this." Sarah searched for her new drawing in the middle of a pile of papers she had on her nightstand and then showed it to James and James turned it to me. She draw the stage and in big letters above it, it was written Metallica.
"Wow...these are awesome!" He commented with me. "Great creativity from her."
"So?" She asked expectantly.
"Wonderful sweetie." I said ruffling her hair. James did the same and she giggled. Slowly our daughter was coming back. We spent as much time as we could there, better say as we were allowed, then we left back home, and we walked together with Trish's mom back to the car.
"So, what's the matter with your daughter?" She asked us.
"It's aplastic anemia, she needs a bone marrow transplant. Yours?"
"Leukemia." She said. I had imagined the little girl had something like that, because she didn't have any hair and she had a catheter where she probably received chemotherapy. "She's waiting for a donor." She said.
"You don't have any more kids?" James asked her and she shook her head. "The doctor suggested that we have another kid because there is a chance that the baby is compatible." He continued.
"Yes, he said the same to me and my husband, but I can't have any more kids." She said and my gaze searched for James's in seconds. What if we had that problem? At least, we still have our chance. I could imagine the despair of that mother...supposedly having less time than we did and not having the chance to provide it faster.
"She's gonna find one." I said rubbing her arm in support. "Have you made the test?"
"Yes we did, but parents are rarely matches."
"Yeah...we did it too and none of us were compatible."
"So weird...we give them life and then such a simple thing and the possibility of them being compatible with us is almost zero. How can that be?" The woman let out stopping near her car. I held James hand.
"I also don't understand that. I read a lot about the subject, but everything still seems so unreal. I still can't believe this is happening." I said.
"Everything is going to work out." The woman smiled. "See you tomorrow." We said our goodbyes and James and I walked to our car in silence. In fact, we were so shocked that it took us a while to break the silence.
"Can you believe that? She's 10 and she's dying..." James blurted. "Chemotherapy on a 10-year-old...so cruel. Where's the justice in this world."
"I don't know...everything is just so unbelievably unreal, cruel...hideous even." I looked out at the street as tears prompted in my eyes, thinking about my own daughter and the things we see in that hospital. James noticed and patted my leg.
"Come on Andrea...let that go sweetie." He talked tenderly. I turned my head to look at him and cleaned my tears.
"This is just so...so..." I said choking and decided to say no more and James went silent too. We decided to change the subject as the wonderful sunny day turned into night and a rainy one. James commented on how the weather was going crazy and then about going on studio next week. It took us some time to get back home but eventually we did it and when my gate opened, and he finally parked the car I couldn't be happier. I opened the front door and kicked my shoes off, then I went to the living room and crashed on the couch.
"Home sweet home." I told him.
"And home alone." He smiled. James sat by my side and kissed my lips.
"We should profit of that detail." I said smiling and kissing him again and then again.
"What do you have in mind?" He asked pulling me closer.
"Well you could lit up the fire to begin with and then we'll see..." I said. He nodded and got up. James went to the garage to pick up some wood and then came back. I took the chance to put a furry cover on the floor, two brown pillows of the couch and another blanket to cover ourselves. James looked back and me and shot me a grin, already imagining what was going to happen on the floor. I began to get rid of my clothes and covered myself, just leaving my arms out.
"So... are you coming?" I defied him. He crawled until we were face to face and kissed me in a more suggestive way. "Coming here dressed is cheating." I said pulling his shirt up. James raised his arms and I pulled it off his head throwing it away from us.
"Romantic evening?" He asked me while he was unbuttoning his jeans.
"Yeah...You, me, the fireplace...a movie maybe..." He slid under the covers and pulled me on top of him.
"Love, then a movie...then love again..." He whispered raising his head a bit and capturing my lips, that surrendered me to him in one second. James leaned back on his pillow and grabbed me by the back of my neck pulling me down with him. Our lips parted and our tongues united in fire. The kiss deepened and his hands traveled to my breasts but when he gently squeezed them I pulled away. James looked at me puzzled.
"Don't touch them..." I asked him as they were hurting miserably for the last two days. "They're hurting a lot..." I explained.
"Oh...because of the pregnancy?" He asked.
"Yeah...I am sorry babe." James looked at them and smiled, his eyes shining, and his face was one of a kid in a store.
"God...they look like rocks and they're bigger!" He said and his remark made me laugh loud. "It's a shame that I can't touch it." He raised a hand and touched my left breast with the tip of his fingers. "Oh babe..." He whimpered as if I was yanking a candy from him. He sat and took his lips to my left breast and kissed it very softly. His hands clutched onto my back and he kissed my breasts gently. Then he circled the nipples with his tongue, and I gasped and shivered at the contrast of temperature.
"Am I hurting you?" He asked and I shook my head. He returned to them and then he lay back down taking me with him. Our lips united again, his erection rubbing against my thigh, turning me on more. I raised my hips a bit and he guided himself in with his hand, then I began to rock him. His hands closed around my waist and our eyes met, then he took one of his hands to my back and pulled me to him, kissing my lips and taking charge. He thrust gently and slow from underneath me, imposing the same rhythm to our kiss. The sound of the wood cracking as the fire burned it, the rain tapping on the large window and our heavy breathing were the only noises heard in the living room, our bodies clasping...the light of a lightning bolt invaded the dark living room, only illuminated by the yellow flame coming out of the fireplace.
"Oooh..." James whispered when our lips separated. Then he rolled me over on my back and placed himself on top of me. He pulled a pillow and put it under my head and then kissed my lips, retaking his teasing moves. Taking my conscience away, blurring my vision with such softness, he rocked me like no one else. No one else had touched me the way he did. His fingers pressed every right button, his hands knew my body by heart, his lips brought me on fire in seconds, every detail in him was meant to please me. I tangled my hands in his hair and pulled him down for another kiss, I could barely breathe, holding the fire building up inside of me. A massive storm forming outside...the wind was whistling, and the gusts were strong, lightning bolt after lightning bolt...we were the same...getting higher at the same pace, sending bolts of energy to each other that made us quiver and tremble.
"Oh God baby..." I said arching my back and begging for more. I wanted it all. "Faster James..." I whimpered and he obeyed. He got up on his knees and grabbed me by my hips pulling me against him almost violently. He shook the covers away.
"Fucking hot..." He muttered with his jaw clenched and began to rock his hips again making me fly up to the clouds.
"Ooooohh...yeah..." I cried a bit louder and raising my hips more so he could go deeper. He increased the speed and his grip became tighter.
"Oh fuck..." He growled. "Oh Andrea...." He pumped even harder rushing for his own pleasure, but he was only making mine arrive faster and taking me higher. My back arched again as the pleasure built up inside of me, I could not control it and I moaned loud. My legs began to tremble and numb at the same time, my belly tickling. A heat wave invading my body, my palms were sweating and so were my temples. My fingers gripped onto the blanket and my body exploded.
"James..." I cried while I felt the peak of my pleasure. He let me ride my orgasm slowly and lets me calm down then he rushed again for his own. I knew he wouldn't take long. His face flushed and his veins swelled, he convulsed and yelled my name loud, then he came back to the floor and lay beside me, panting, gasping for hair. I turned on my side and pulled his hair back, blowing over his face to cool him down.
"What a major storm." He finally said able to talk.
"The day was so nice." I said still caressing his hair. James also turned on his side and so we were face to face. The smile on his lips vanished and he took my hand away, but he kissed it and didn't let go.
"I don't want to lose you." He said. A wave of sadness and concern invaded his eyes and his gaze had lost that gleam that I loved.
"Why that now?" I asked him. James's cell ringing inside the pocket of his jeans interrupted our conversation.
"It's Lars..." He said looking at me. "Give me just a second." "Hi fucker." James said taking the call. First I stayed there just looking at him while he talked but then I got bored and my mind clicked on a different direction. I slid under the cover and teased James from there. "What the..?" He said and peaking under the cover opening his eyes at me as I stroke him slow. I shot him a grin and he shook his head at me while listening to Lars. I couldn't care less...I took him in my mouth and instantly he grew an inch. "Oh..." He blurted. "I am fine man, hurry up!" He said all of a sudden and that made me giggle, then I returned to him. I sucked the tip and play with it. "Humm..." I heard him whimper really low, then I took my pace and sucked him off. I pulled the cover away so I could look up at him. Lars was still talking, and James had his eyes closed, I could tell he was fighting the urge to moan loud and I was loving my torture. "Yeah..." He said on the phone when it was his time to say something, then he took the phone away from his mouth. "Oh fuck...yes..." He moaned so low but so deliciously good. "You have to stop." He mouthed me but I wasn't there to stop, not until I was done with it, so I continued. "Ooh..." He let out and I heard Lars asking him what he was doing. "I got go man...." He said and he just let his cell fell off his hand. "OH Andrea..." He said resting his hands on my head and pulling my hair a bit. "Oh yeah...baby..." He rocked his hips and then he just unloaded one more time. I grinned and he began to laugh hard and loud. "You're crazy!" He said.
"Tell me you didn't like it?" I asked him. "What did he want?"
"Ask us to go out, or something...I'm not sure." He confessed and we laughed again.
"Now about what you were saying..." I said.
"I just don't want to lose you." He said serious again and running a hand over my hair.
"You're not gonna lose me, what are you talking about. James, what is your fear?"
"My fear..." He whispered looking at the ceiling. "My fear is ending up alone..." Then he turned to me again. "I can't be without you or without our daughter and even the baby that barely exists yet...I am afraid I lose all that." I could feel the despair in his words.
"Why that despair? We're fine, we talked..." I said.
"I don't wanna go on tour." He finally confessed. "I don't wanna go..."
"James, I understand that your head is heating too much thinking about this but going on tour now is the same as you adapting to your new life. Even if we're not there, we're gonna be in your thoughts, so that will make things different. It has to make things different..." I said all of a sudden more as a statement.
"I just...there's so many things..." He chocked. I felt him in pain and struggling so much that I wondered for a few seconds how long it would take for him to crash. Maybe he was more fragile than I thought he was and maybe he had more problems than I thought he did. I kissed his lips in support.
"I want you to know that I love you and that I am here to stay." I said. "I am here to kick your ass if I have to."
"I want to be a better person. You make me wanna be a better person Andrea, I just don't know if I can be one." His eyes filled with tears and made mine cry too.
"You're scaring me." I confessed and he pulled me close to a tight hug.