Alright so someone requested an angsty christmas one shot so here it is. Bare with me on this one bc I'm gonna try a different writing style.
Two rooms, separated by nothing but a wall.
Two people, both plauged by nightmares that frightened off any thoughts of a good night's sleep.
Each one fearing the same thing. Loss. It was the one thing they couldn't control.
What was ironic was that the person they feared losing the most was only a walls width away, having the same terrible thoughts of losing the other.
Muffled screams and whimpers filled each room as the nightmares filled with blood and darkness.
Blue eyes and green alike remained tightly shut. Waking up was more frightening then the nightmare, because they both worried that one day, they would wake up and find that the dream had been real.
His disfigured body haunted her and the dullness of her eyes terrified him.
It shouldn't have been such a hard night. It was Christmas Eve. They both had a wonderful night filled with drinking, stories, and time with their team.
Until the night had come it really had been a wonderful day.
Steve had gone to sleep dreaming of her smile. His own had been present on his face for the first hour of sleep as well. Until the nightmares set in and her smile faded and she began screaming for help as she fell backwards off of a tall cliff.
Likewise, Natasha had gone to sleep wondering what it would be like to kiss his soft, pink lips that said her name with such care. Her happy thought had turned to terror when she heard three gun shots and felt his lips leave hers as he fell to the ground dead. Leaving her to sob in a puddle of his blood.
His dream didn't end there. After she was dead and her body had disappeared from his grasp, he saw her grave, completely bare of flowers or pictures.
Natalia Alianovna Romanova
The name was carved sloppily into her tombstone. There was no short message saying how old she was or who she was to the people around her, no "in loving memory of", and no sign that anyone cared about the woman lying dead below his feet.
Just a name that she didn't even go by, carved into a cracked stone.
And it made him want to break down in tears because she deserved so much more then that.
Natasha's dream had also not ended with Steve's death. When she had looked up from his bleeding, lifeless corpse, there was a figure in a dark hood, holding the gun that had undoubtedly been used to end his life.
Natasha stood up, her vision blurry with unshed tears. She grabbed her own gun and raised it pointing at the figure and demanding to know who they were.
The figure laughed and responded in a voice that gave Natasha chills all down her spine, "Don't be naive. You know excactly who I am."
Natasha shook her head, "Tell me who you are or I won't hesitate to shoot you."
The figure raised their hand and pulled off the hood, revealing a mirrored image of Natasha, "I'm you Natalia, a stronger version of you."
The gun in Natasha's hand was now shaking as she shook her head furiously, "No. I would never kill him."
"Wouldn't you? What makes him any different from the hundreds of other innocents you've killed?" The other Natasha asked, walking closer to Natasha.
Natasha's breath quickened, "I'm not that person anymore. I loved him."
Her alter ego laughed again and stepped forward, "Don't be ridiculous. Love is for children. You and I know that better then anyone, Natalia."
Natasha shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, "No."
"Yes!" The other yelled, grabbing Natasha's hair roughly and forcing her head down so she was looking at Steve's corpse, "Look where love gets you. Look how it turns out!"
Natasha's eyes filled with tears again and she raised her gun again, "Your wrong."
"Am I?" She asked, laughing until Natasha pulled the trigger, watching as her alter ego fell dead besides Steve.
Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her chest and looked down to find blood seeping through her shirt in the same place where she had shot the other Natasha.
She got dizzy from the loss of blood and fell down to her knees, laying down besides Steve before jerking awake with a cry.
At the same moment, Steve jerked awake as well, calling out Natasha's name and scrambling to get out of the covers.
Simultaneously, they ran out of their bedrooms and stumbled out of their apartments, still groggy with sleep.
They first saw each other in the hallway their rooms shared.
Natasha ran into Steve's outstretched arms, burrying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him like if she let go they would both be lost forever.
He held her as tightly as he could and tried to steady his heart rate.
They didn't need to talk, they knew. It was an unspoken understanding that right now wasn't a time to discuss what happened.
All they knew was that for one reason or another, they needed each other right now.
Natasha's breathing was rapid and she couldn't stop whispering apologies, "I'm so sorry."
Steve held her hand and used his other hand to run through her hair.
"Nat it's okay. Everything's okay. I'm right here." Steve whispered, holding her tighter as she began to tremble.
Steve lifted her up and carried her back to his room, his heart aching as she clung onto him and shook with fear in his grasp.
Opening the door and sitting down on his couch with her still in his arms, he moved back a little to look her in the eyes, "Natasha? Do you wanna talk about it?"
Natasha squeezed her eyes shut, "It was a nightmare."
Steve nodded, "I had one too."
Natasha's breathing steadied a bit and she finally stopped shaking, "You got shot in front of me and bled out while I tried to save you. When I looked to see who killed you, it was me. I tried to convince myself that I would never do that but it didn't work Steve. She was right about everything."
Steve put his hand on Natasha's cheek daintily and shook his head, "Natasha you aren't a killer. Not anymore. I would trust you with my life, and if you did kill me, I would forgive you because I know everything you do is for a reason."
"No Steve you don't understand," Natasha said, shaking her head with teary eyes, "I killed you, you died because you trusted me."
Steve gave her a weak smile, "It would've been worth it. And you wouldn't kill me Nat. Not intentionally. And if you ever do, I probably would have deserved it."
Natasha let out a sad laugh, "I hate you."
Steve laughed too and held Natasha tightly to his chest again as she rested her head on his shoulder, "What about you? You had a nightmare too right?"
Steve's smile fell and his eyes dulled, "You died. We were standing by a cliff and you slipped and I wasn't fast enough to catch you. Then I was at your gravestone and-" he paused, looking at Natasha sadly.
Natasha frowned and grabbed Steve's hand, encouraging him to continue.
"There was nothing there. No pictures, flowers, nothing. And the stone just said your birth name. It was so impersonal. Like everyone had forgotten about you. And it was the worst nightmare I've ever had because I know that you're afraid of it to. It was like I caused your greatest fear to come true and I don't think I could live with myself if that happened," Steve admitted, his eyes glossy and his voice cracking.
Natasha shook her head, "Steve, just by being afraid of that happening you're proving that it won't. Even if everyone else forgets me, you won't. And that's enough for me."
"I still couldn't save you though. Natasha I'm terrified of losing you."
Natasha took Steve's face in her hands and gave him a weak smile, "I'm terrified of losing you too Steve. And you know, I'm starting to wonder if there's a reason we both get these dreams about each other."
Steve leaned his forehead on Natasha's, "There definitely is...and I think we both know what it is."
Natasha bit her lip, terrified of having to say it out loud, so instead she just nodded.
"I love you Nat." Steve said, seeing that she was afraid to say it first.
"I love you too." Natasha whispered before kissing Steve softly and pouring all her love for him into the kiss.
Steve kissed her back, holding her face delicately in his hands and relishing in the moment.
When they pulled apart, Natasha glanced over at the clock and smiled, "Merry Christmas Steve."
Steve looked over at the clock as well and smiled seeing that it was just past midnight, "Merry Christmas Nat."
Natasha kissed Steve again and probably wouldn't have pulled away for quite some time had he not done it, "Hang on just a second, I've got something for you."
Natasha nodded and Steve ran off before coming back with a wrapped gift, "This is for you. Now that it's officially Christmas, you can open it here so we don't have to do it in front of prying eyes."
Natasha smiled and began unwrapping the gift.
Steve smiled as she did so and watched her eyes widen when she opened the box to reveal a pair of pointe shoes and two tickets to the Nutcracker for Christmas night.
"Steve..." Natasha whispered, examining the beautiful shoes, "How did you know?"
"Clint got drunk one night and started talking about how great of a dancer you are. I figured you might like to pick up the hobby again. If not then they can just be decorative. And I figured we could go to the show together but if you'd rather take someone else that's fine too."
Natasha cut Steve off with a kiss, "We'll go together. I love this Steve. Thank you. This is the nicest gift I've ever gotten."
"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."
Natasha smiled, "I love it."
Steve kissed Natasha again, "I love you."
Natasha sighed in happiness and rested her head on Steve's chest, "I love you too Steve. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas Nat."
Hey guys. The beginning of this was a little different then what I normally write so let me know what you thought of it.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I loved writing it. Please comment and vote it you did!
More chapters on the way!