Who Am I? » [Stucky]

By professional_dreamer

1.9M 76.8K 84.4K

Set after Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Bucky is lost, without a purpose and brainwashed within an inc... More

Prologue
1. The Smithsonian
2. Aftermath
3. Nightwatchman
4. The Wanderer
5. All of Me
6. On My Mind
7. The Red In Our Ledgers
8. Future Talks
9. Not Looking For Trouble
10. ICU
11. Delirium
12. The Past
13. The Last Supper
14. Y'all Gonna Make Me Unleash The Falcon
15. A gift
16. Morning Sunshine
17. An Unwarranted Guest
18. A Counsellor
19. Old Timer
20. Duty Calls
21. Digging Deeper
22. Everybody Needs Heroes
23. You Should Have Told Me
24. Domestic Bliss
25. Night Visions
26. Apologies and Resentments
27. Shopping Spree
28. PTSD
29. La Douleur Exquise
30. Honesty Is Always The Best Policy
31. Starbucks
32. Sorry
33. Peace In Our Time
34. Birthday Boy
35. Goodbye
36. Deception
37. Recovery
38. Reappearance
39. Deal Breaker
40. Obedient Dog
41. Fall Out
42. The Day After
43. A Grave Visitor
44. Leap Of Faith
45. Three Words
46. The Journey
47. Evening Drama
48. Carpe Diem
49. Moonlight Serenade
50. Tension at The Tower
51. Professing Sins
52. Dream and Reality
53. Conglomeration
54. Coming Clean
55. Lust
56. Twice
57. Facing The Past
58. Team Talk
59. Snow Drift
60. Regression
61. My Miracle
62. Sketchy Memories
63. Without You
64. Double Date
65. Jekyll and Hyde
66. Heroes Have Nightmares Too
67. White Christmas
68. New Years
69. Monophobia
70. Countdown
71. Inquiring Minds
72. Bad News
73. Reality
74. Discussion and Debate
75. Barred
76. London Calling
77. Covert Commination
78. Accidents Happen
79. Communing Confidantes
80. Kiss Away The Pain
81. Mark The Days
82. What's Yours Is Not Mine
83. Unspoken Is Said
84. Tyrannous Destruction
85. Hiding From The Truth
86. Saving Sergeant James
87. Hope and Isolation
88. Hot Pursuit
89. Sleepless Suffering
90. Contemplation and Realisation
91. My Avenger
92. Five Stages of Grief
93. Madness
94. Beat It
95. My Shield
96. On The Run
97. An Overdue Apology
98. Thread By Thread
99. Arming Weapons
100. Code Breaking
101. The Russian
102. Terror Alert
103. The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
104. Winter
105. Partners in Crime
106. Yelena Belova
107. Reclaiming Property
108. Highway Home
109. Suicide Mission
110. Written in Blood
111. Night Flight
112. Crash and Burn
113. Buried Treasure
114. L'appel Du Vide
115. Steve
116. Who Am I?
117. Brave Little Fighter
118. Dark Horse
119. Antihaemorrhagic
120. Home Turf
121. Unsung Heroes
122. The Avengers Initiative
123. Read All About It
124. World News
125. My Dumb-Ass Hero
126. Enter Mercutio
127. Public Image
128. Older, Wiser, Colder
129. Impending Fate
130. Exposition
131. Hats Off
132. Crossbones
133. Operation: Hercules
134. His Mark
135. Felons and Freaks
136. First Impressions
137. A House Divided
138. Home Truths
139. Kiss Me
140. Inappropriate Innuendo
141. Freudian Slip
142. Touch Down
143. Fraudulent Fallacies
144. Fifty-Five
145. Reckless Punk
146. We Are the Champions
147. Poison of Choice
148. Illegal Identities
149. Sputnik
150. Trust Exercise
151. Rash Recruitment
152. Confession
153. Double Agent
154. What would you do?
155. Young Love
156. What next?
157. Dogmatism and Indoctrination
158. Make Love, Not War
159. Conversion Regime
160. Engaging with The Enemy
161. My Everything
163. Protective and Paternal
164. Hate to Love
165. Anything and Everything
166. Respect and Dignity
166. Once More Unto the Breach
167. Room 101
168. Finding the Facts
169. Know Your Enemy
170. History Repeats Itself
171. Danse Macabre
172. Delivery
173. Anthropology and Neurology
174. That's Amore
175. Propaganda
176. A Wrong Turn
177. Precious Time
178. Déjà vu
179. Reality's Dawn
180. Breaking the Battlements
181. Coordination and Choreography
182. Outwards
183. Devil in Disguise
184. Checkmate
185. Termination
186. Final Farewells
187. Pages and Paraphernalia
188. Plans and Pressure
189. Facing the Music
190. Tying the Knot
Epilogue: The Beginning of The End
Acknowledgements

162. Cracking Under Pressure

4.4K 208 127
By professional_dreamer

Bucky and Steve were taking a wander to the mess room when they were severely distracted by two equally familiar voices bickering – the sound projecting through the clouded glass door to Coulson’s office. Curiosity piqued, they stood by, listening to the monumental raised voice like two aggravated wild cats.

"There is nothing wrong with me!" A woman's shrill and vitriol-empowered voice shrieked. 

"We don't know that!" Coulson's voice bellowed back, tone thick with officious authority. "All I'm asking is that you let us investigate your health!" 

"That's 'all'? That's 'all'?! That's a pretty big all Coulson! You mean you want to get your team of shrinks to strip me down to the bones and break me! You mean you want neurologists running CTs and operations on me! All because you're scared! You're quaking in your boots because you think I'm Hydra! God forgive you your audacity... My great aunt co-founded this organisation and you have the temerity to accuse me of working for Hydra?!" She was livid, and each word was like the crack of a whip: articulate and slicing as it crashed down. "Me, of all people?! I have sold my life... To SHEILD..." She was rasping breathlessly, her body catching up with her inhibited state of mind. "I've given years, the most important years of my life to SHEILD, in the name of the country and my ancestors. Coulson, if there's one thing I can assure you; it's that my allegiance is with SHEILD." 

There was the squeak of wood scraping across the floor as she unceremoniously dropped back into the chair and the legs scuffed on the concrete. 

"Sharon...” Bucky and Steve exchanged a baffled look. “I am, by no means, accusing you of conscious disloyalty, or being a mole. I'm accusing you of something far beyond your control or comprehension..." Coulson spoke in a patient and paced voice as if trying to approach a violent and volatile beast - like perhaps one of the tigers at the zoo. 

"With all due respect, director, I have a good mind to leave this organisation on the basis of your accusation and disrespect alone - but I suppose that won't do anything to better the situation. So I'm telling you no to the medical examinations, and you're going to get me escorted from the base back to New York City," she demanded with a sense of finality. 

"Sharon, I don't think you realise just how valuable you are right now-"

"Valuable?! What am I? Some kind of object?! Just a resource? Am I of no human value to you? Am I just another number typed into that computer of yours? I don't want you digging around in my head!" She spluttered in outrage. "Did Barnes consent to you scanning his brain? Because you know for a fact that he's been tampered with! Yet I'm the one being interrogated!" She chorused with vexation, her heckles rising the longer the interview went on. 

Coulson mulled over the words to select; weighing up the benefits and tribulations of lying against the truth. "Well, no..! But-"

"Exactly!" There was the slap of flesh on wood as Sharon flailed her palms onto the desk. "It's invasive. I don't want to be invaded."

"Have you anything to hide?" Coulson’s voice was seeded with suspicion and lilted in a condescending way that committed Sharon to another outburst.

“Of course I have nothing to hide!” She yelled at him. “I would just appreciate some acumen! If you truly think Hydra have been muddling my brain up – which is a pretty terrifying thing to be told, if you hadn’t noticed – then I would appreciate some sensitivity. Right now, I get the impression you would be inclined to nab me in the night, strap me to a chair and do all of your tests without my permission if I don’t comply,” Sharon raved.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Coulson snapped, his tolerance having run out. “You think I don’t understand what you’re feeling?! We’re all feeling the fear right now! And I know exactly what it’s like to be where you are right now!” There was the sound of shattering as all the empty mugs, stained dark by coffee were swept off his desk and onto the floor.

They could see Sharon’s obscured figure convulse backwards with fright as he gave the violent reaction.

“Dismissed!” He yelled.

Once the power balance had been re-established she gave a tiny curtsy, a bow of the head and clopped out in her high heels. Sharon exhaled deeply as she escaped the office and collapsed against the wall outside, assuming she was finally free.

“Sharon?” Bucky inquired.

With a flail of her blonde curls, she swung her head around and met Bucky’s eyes than Steve. “Hi...” She managed, hesitating and staring like a rabbit in the headlights before retreating.

“D’you think I should talk to her?” Bucky suggested to Steve, lips quirking nervously.

“I think Coulson made it clear that you’ll understand if she needs someone to talk to about it. I think she’ll come knocking if she needs it – but right now I think she needs air. C’mon pal, stop fretting... Let’s go get breakfast...” Steve clapped him on the shoulder and let his fingers trail down Bucky’s metal arm before holding hands.

~

Sydney, Australia

“Oi Steve, d’you think they’re gonna stick us on the barbe’ if we get caught?” Bucky wheezed in an Australian accent, eyes tearing up with the smoke attacking them.

They were caught in the burning building with agents still roaming through the bog-like black fog. The exhaust from the pilant inferno of building – collapsing and melting as they spoke – twirled in tornados of billowing coal coloured smog.

“Jesus, Bucky!” Steve choked, masking his face with his sleeve, but still managing to pound Bucky in his flesh and bone bicep. He rasped out a strangled laugh and ducked behind a flaming falling beam to avoid an array of bullets being sprayed.

Bucky kicked an approaching Hydra agent through a swirling fiery hole in the floor and he plummeted into the crater of flames, screaming as he went. He snagged Steve by the hand and grappled him to his feet and the pair ran down the corridor hand in hand.

Rogers-Barnes, are your sorry arses still inside that flaming building – no pun intended?” Sam’s fizzling voice radioed into their earpieces.

“Workin’ on it!” Bucky choked and hacked, the smoke inhibiting his sight and his breathing.

The structure looks minutes away from collapsing and there’s no chance anyone else will risk running back in after you, that’d be suicide!” Sam shouted urgently.

Exactly two minutes and fifteen seconds...”  Tony reported, his suit taking in readings on the weaknesses of the towering inferno.

“We’re used to it!” Steve spluttered with a fist balled against his mouth as they staggered through the flames.

Their footfalls were loud claps in the empty hallways, drowned out by the crackling of the flames and the creaking of the wood and metal crumbling all around them. The walls were being licked by the climbing fire and the floor was blazing behind them. From outside they could hear the sirens and their flickering blue lights flashed across the walls through broken windows.

They reached the end of the corridor and the roof collapsed down and blocked the stairs that marked the exit. Bucky and Steve swerved away, halting their running abruptly, feet slipping about and arms shielding them as specks of dust and debris followed the plummeting cluster of building.

“We’re gonna need another way out!” Steve shouted over the roar of flames, squinting through the dense smoke.

“No shit, cap...” Bucky agreed, twirling on the spot to try and pick out another exit but everything was blacked out by the sight-smearing smoke.

One and a half-minutes...”

“Back down!” Steve ordered and they about turned and sprinted in the opposite direction. There was crunching as they stomped through puddles of broken glass and leapt across cracks and punctured sections of flooring.

Something creaked overhead and Bucky pounced on Steve, tackling him to the floor. The pair could only look behind them as a clump of building imploded and showered down, taking the former corridor down with it in a landslide of incinerated materials and sediment. A gaping hole remained in the building.

“That’ll be us if we don’t keep moving...” Steve reminded Bucky, wiggling free from beneath him and then dragging a startled looking Bucky to his feet as he started off again.

The stairwell up ahead was visibly crumpled into a blazing heap.

“Tony, our only two exits are no longer exits. We need another way out...” Bucky informed Tony solemnly, a frustrated half-sob in his voice. His eyes darted about and when they locked with a nearby window, he formulated an idea. “Tony, yes or no, is the Parramatta River on the east side of the building?” He checked, his lungs crying out for air.

Uh...” There was a moment’s hesitation. “Yes. Why, Barnes?”

Bucky’s face lit up with a glowing grinning smirk. “We’re about to jump...” He breathed groggily, glancing up at Steve whose demeanour visibly hardened in mental preparation.

Steve’s eyes flicked between Bucky and the window. “Now or never...” Steve agreed.

They charged at the wall collectively, Steve’s shield serving as a barricade and a ram for both of them as he cradled it before himself and his fiancé. The vibranium collided with the weak plaster wall, ramming it down and they sprung through the newly formed gap in the building.

Television cameras from the ground zoomed in on the shadowy figures dropping from the ten stories. Bucky and Steve straightened like pencils and separated in mid air. With a colossal crash, an explosion of water and a gigantic ripple in the river, they plopped in. Being dragged down by their absorbent and heavy armoured clothing, they clawed above their heads and resurfaced with fierce gasps and splutters. Bucky’s hair was drenched and stuck to his face, Steve just looked lightly dishevelled – but both were blackened by soot and looked singed to a crisp. They broke out in laughter and breast stroked until they were treading water together in a cluster.

“How many windows are we going to jump out of?” Steve chuckled breathlessly, his hair dripping dirty river water down his face.

“Who says they’re any less useful than doors?” Bucky giggled, fighting to stay afloat with his metal arm and heavy leather boots.

“True...” Steve agreed and planted a kiss on the end of Bucky’s pinkened shiny nose.

Above them the engines of the Quinjet blasted and approached for extraction.

~

Johannesburg, South Africa

“I know it said in the briefing that gang warfare was a great possibility in this region, but I wasn’t expecting to get chased by a bunch of punks in their teens that somehow got hold’a guns!” Bucky complained, sprinting down a dank alley with Steve at his side, in the dark with the path only illuminated by the failing streetlights. “And we haven’t even got to the fucking Hydra base yet!” Bucky complained, thumping his metal fist against a wall and watching it splinter and crack under the pounding of his reinforced knuckles.

Another round of bullets ricocheted off a nearby building and the bullets plinked to the floor in a shower of flattened and battered metal.

“We’ve done worse!” Steve reminded him in a hushed voice, seething through his bared teeth and peering around a corner in the darkness. “Like battlefields in North Italy...” He reminded Bucky with a wince, marginally missing another fleet of bullets shot at him.

“Don’t remind me!” Bucky growled, the very notion winding him up. He inched his arm around the corner, peeked and blindly fired off the pistols. He heard satisfying agonised groans as some of the marksmen were hit.

“Seems you fight better when you’re angry...” Steve remarked with an interested eyebrow.

“You know that’s not the only thing I do better when I’m angry...” Bucky breathed, a grin creeping back onto his face, long brunet hairs strewn across his face, a few dangling in his mouth.

An orchestra of disgusted noises arose over the comms system and Bucky achieved a rewarding high-five from Steve.

“Save it for later,” Steve gasped for breath and pecked Bucky on the lips.

A/N - Sorry for the latest lack of updates, I've been moving house and a lot of things have been preventing me from having time to sit down. 

Dedication goes to Salsagurl123! x

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