"Happy birthday Sam!" Someone shouts in my ear. I realise it's Alex. I roll onto my stomach and try to block his voice out. No such luck it seems. My twelve-year-old brother is ecstatic when it comes to birthdays.
"Let me sleep Alex," I mumble into my pillow.
"Nuh uh, you gotta get up right now." I can feel light hit my cheeks and it's coming from the window.
"Did you open the curtains?"
"Nuh uh, they were opened by a suicidal vampire."
"Why are twelve-year-olds so annoying?"
"Why do seventeen-year-olds take so long coming out of bed?"
"Relax, I'm getting up." I roll out of bed and land in a crouch. Before I can stretch, Alex grabs my arm, leads me to the bathroom, pushes me in and shuts the door. "Go trip over a log, Alex!"
"In your dreams, sis! You can thank me later!" I hear his receding footsteps, then a pause while he shouts "Love ya sis!" before he walks downstairs.
I look at the girl facing me in the bathroom mirror. She has big emerald eyes that look serene but tired. Her red hair is straight but slightly tangled and reaches half way down her back, a few inches above her waist. Her high cheekbones are sharper, making her face look more angular. Her pale complexion is paler than usual. She looks worn out, slightly... sick.
Well I certainly feel sick, I realise now that the last stands of sleep have been torn away. I brush my teeth, rinse my mouth and splash freezing cold water on my face before drying off and running to my room and dressing in whatever random jumper and jeans I can find in my wardrobe. I pull my hair back into a loose knot and calmly walk down the stairs to the kitchen.
I hear the sizzling and crackling of something frying. Then I see Alex flipping something over with a fork. Then I smell it: French toast. Suddenly the sickness vanishes and is replaced with hunger.
"Sit down sis. I left something on the table for you." Alex brings two plates to the table, each containing two slices of toast and sits down. I sit next to him and see an envelope next to my plate. On it are two words scribbled in Alex's handwriting: To Sam. I look at him and he nods. I open it and find a sheet of sketchbook paper folded in half.
"What's this?"
Alex smiles and says, "Open it."
I do as he says. "Oh my god. Alex, it's beautiful."
I'm staring at a sketch of me and Alex. We're both smiling and my arm is around Alex's shoulders. It looks so real. So perfect. On the other side of the paper it says, 'I love you sis. Don't you ever forget that.'
I put it back in the envelope and look at Alex. My cheeks are wet and I realise I'm crying. He looks concerned. "Sis, what happened? Don't you like it after all? I'll burn it, you won't have to see it again."
If only he knew. If only I could tell him. But how can I? I'm the only family he's got and the sketch...
Oh, it must have taken him ages. He put so much effort and time into making it. He's got so much brotherly love for me when he should hate me. He should hate me as far as the depths of hell. He should spit in my face every time he sees me. He should...
"No, I don't hate it Alex. And I love you too. I just, I guess I never realised how much you love me, that's all."
"Oh good. I got worried that I ruined your special day before it'd started."
He takes a bite of his toast. Then another. He chews and swallows. Then looks back at me. "You should eat up sis. You've got a big day ahead of you."
****
Just like every year, my German aunt (Adali) insists that she didn't forget my birthday. I know she did though- why else would I have had to call her first?
"Es ist okay. Wie geht's ?" I say.
"Ich bin gut. Kann ich mit deinem Vater sprechen?" Damn, she wants to talk to Dad. I have to tell her the truth about him now.
"Tante Adali, tut mir leid, er wohnt nicht mier hier."
"Was? Wieso?" She sounds confused, slightly upset.
"Es ist kompliziert. Er hat eine Freundin."
She doesn't say anything for a while. I hate to be the one breaking the news to her. She is, after all, my father's older sister and she loves me and Alex even though our father hates us. When she speaks, she speaks in English and so quietly I have to strain to hear her.
"Sammy, I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry. It was a long time ago and Alex and I are fine."
"No, it's not fine. When I get my hands on him, he's going to be sorry he ever messed with you."
I chuckle. I can't help it. The idea of my aunt- kind, caring, loving, not at all violent- doing something to my father- rude, evil, cruel, abusive- is too funny. Especially when I know he won't dare lay a finger on her.
"Sammy, when did this happen?"
"Two years ago. A week before my fifteenth birthday."
She takes a while replying. "Is this why Kaitlyn went missing?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I've got to go now Sammy, but I'll call again later. Tschϋss!"
"Ja. Auf Wiederhören!" I hang up.
Alex, who was without a doubt listening to everything, asks, "Who did you call?"
"Aunt Adali. You know she always forgets our birthdays."
"I thought she didn't know English."
"Of course she does. She and Dad are half- Australian remember?"
"Oh yeah."
****
"Get it out! Get it out!" Catherine screams and hides behind the sofa, shielding her face with her arms.
"Come on, Cathy, it's just a pigeon," Jacob laughs.
"Yeah, Catherine. I thought you were a tomboy." Alex laughs too.
"If you're so brave why don't you get rid of it?" She asks sourly.
None of the boys say anything.
"Yeah that's what I thought."
I, on the other hand, am trying to lead the bird out of the house. It's not working. Maybe it's scared? Or is it hungry? Maybe it wants seeds or breadcrumbs.
"Alex, get a handful of poppy seeds from the kitchen."
He does as I say and comes back with a packet of seeds. I take them from him and pour some into my hand. I walk up to the pigeon slowly and show it the seeds.
"Are you hungry? Come on, I'll show you back to the garden."
I let it eat some and walk towards the front door. It follows me. Once I'm in the garden, I let it eat the seeds in my hand and then it flies away.
"You're good with birds," someone says.
I know that voice and I hate it. John is standing a few feet ahead of me. "Go away!"
He comes closer instead.
I repeat myself.
Again he comes closer.
I stand and repeat myself a third time.
This time he stops.
"What do you want?" I ask, fuming with hatred.
"To wish my little Schwester happy birthday."
"I'm not your little sister."
"Yes you are."
"I didn't even know you until four years ago. How can I be your sister?"
"It's a small world, Sam. Anything's possible."
"Oh shut up, you douchebutt."
Before he can reply, I go inside and shut the door in his face. I go to the kitchen and see Aunt Kathleen putting away the groceries. I sit on a stool and shut my eyes, trying to make the memory that's resurfacing go away.
****
Someone slammed into my back and I sprawled onto the ground. I slowly turned to a sitting position and looked up to see who had knocked me over. I saw the tall figure of a boy. He had gold blonde hair that fell over his forehead, nearly obscuring his ocean blue eyes. He was giving me a strange look.
Goddammit! Someone please zap me out of here. Please, I'm begging you.
I got up and walked away from him. It was only a matter of seconds before he grabbed my wrist and spun me round to face him.
"Is there any problem?" I asked, trying to sound cool.
"Nope, no problem."
I looked down to my wrist, which he was still holding.
"Then quit following me." I put venom behind the words.
"Nope, can't do that."
"Why not?"
He didn't reply just stared at me longer.
"Don't have a reason? Well then, I'm off."
I turned my back to him and tried to get away but his grip tightened. I was annoyed now but kept myself composed.
"John, please let me go. I don't know what you want but whatever it is I can't give it to you. Let me go."
"I'll let you go when I get what I want."
There was no way out of this was there? One thing I hated about him: he always got his way. I faced him again. There was a challenging look in his eyes, as if he wanted me to fight. Too bad, I thought a little smugly, I'm not in a fighting mood today.
"Fine," I made myself sound resigned. "What is it you want exactly?"
I saw the disappointment in his eyes before he quickly replaced it with an unreadable expression.
"I want answers," he said.
"Answers? Answers for what?"
I looked around for an escape route. I didn't want to give him answers, not when I had no idea what he was planning. I hoped a teacher would come past, or a random student or even the caretaker. Anyone.
"Show me your scars."
My mind and stomach did a backflip. Only three people knew about my scars. Well two since Mum was dead. John was not one of them.
"What?"
"Show me your scars."
God please send a diversion. Please.
"Sam, please. Show me your scars." His voice was sincere but I couldn't show him. I just didn't trust him; I never had. How did he know anyway?
"Who told you?" I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go.
"Sam, you can trust me. Tell me."
With my free hand I tried to pry his fingers off my wrist but he stopped me so now both my hands were in his grip.
"Please, or I'll call you little Schwester again."
I clenched my teeth and gave him a defiant look. I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out of my eyes.
"I'll tell everyone your middle name is Adella."
I hated my middle name and the annoying nickname he gave me but I was not showing him my scars. It wasn't even a question I could answer. It was a command but one I couldn't and never would oblige to.
"I thought you wanted answers," I said.
"I do."
"So how will me showing you my scars answer anything?" I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
"It will answer many questions, Sam."
"No, ask me anything but not to see my scars."
"Fine." His tone was flat, a little defeated.
But instead of asking a different question, he pulled me into a hidden dark closet and stabbed a needle into my neck. My legs felt wobbly and my vision blurred.
"Sorry it had to come down to this," he whispered, "but you should have listened the first time."
I felt him catch me as I fell. Then I blacked out.
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Author's Note
How was the German? I'm not fluent but I studied it in high school so I hope it makes sense, anyway here's some translations for you:
Es ist okay - it's okay
Wie geht's ? - how are you?
Ich bin gut - I'm good
Kann ich mit deinem Vater sprechen? - can i talk to your father?
Tante Adali, tut mir leid, er wohnt nicht mier hier - Aunt Adali, I'm sorry, he no longer lives here
Was? Wieso? - what? why?
Es ist kompliziert - it's complicated
Er hat eine Freundin - he has a girlfriend
Tschϋss - bye
Ja- yeah
Auf Wiederhören - speak to you soon