It was lunchtime and Hyungwon as well as Kihyun Jooheon and Changkyun decided to eat in the library to get some studying done, since Changkyun had an algebra test coming up and Jooheon tagged along to not be alone.
Hyungwon wasn't doing much studying however, or eating for that matter, he rolled his food on his tray and his book had been open to the same unread page for the past ten minutes.
"Kihyun-hyung, is Hyungwon-hyung okay?" Changkyun whispered to the older male, gaining jooheon's attention too.
"Seriously, he's been sulking all day." Jooheon pointed out. "I thought it was just him being tired as usual this morning, but now I'm not so sure. In class the bell rang and I had to call his name four times before he snapped out of whatever he was in and got up to leave."
Kihyun sighed a bit putting his pencil down. "Hyungwon." He addressed him but got no response. "Hyungwon!" He repeated a little louder. He then got annoyed and balled up a clear wrapper in his hand before throwing it at the taller's head. "Hey dumbass, listen to me when I call you."
Hyungwon snapped out of his daze and sat up before shaking the wrapper out of his hair and letting it fall back onto the table.
"He's still worried about his hair that's a good sign." Jooheon joked a little dramatically, making Changkyun smile a bit.
Hyungwon let out a breath giving them his attention finally. "Sorry, my mind's a little distracted what did you want?"
"Distracted is an understatement..." Kihyun looked at him strangely. "Seriously dude what's wrong?"
"Nothing really." Hyungwon shook his head only to be met with three stares of obvious disbelief. He then sighed again this time in defeat. "Okay so it's about the whole Wonho situation."
Kihyun and Jooheon automatically sparked up in interest, but Changkyun still looked confused.
"Wonho?" He questioned. "You mean that popular senior everyone always talks about?"
"Yeah that's the one..." Hyungwon trailed off, slightly annoyed that even a new freshmen had heard about Wonho's infamous reputation. "But you know I probably shouldn't talk about it..."
"No no no, you've already began you can't back out now." Kihyun insisted.
Hyungwon looked at Changkyun. "You can't tell anyone about this conversation."
"You guys are my only friends, who would I even tell?" The youngest chuckled a bit in response.
"Okay so long story short Wonho and I have been somewhat rivals for like...ever, but he's my brother's best friend so he's still around all the time, and one crazy unexpected night we hooked up. I thought it would end there but then it happened again a couple times after that." Hyungwon filled him in.
"A couple times?" Kihyun asked in shock.
"Yeah I thought it was only that one time at the party?" Jooheon added.
"Okay well sorry I didn't share the entirety of my private sex life with you." Hyungwon muttered sarcastically. "But anyway, a little while ago I started realizing something..." his mood now completely depleted.
Kihyun noticed it and his tone got a little more serious. "What is it?"
"I realized I might actually have real feelings for him..." Hyungwon admitted quietly.
"Okay... so what's wrong with that?" Jooheon asked.
"Yeah I don't understand." Changkyun agreed.
"It's wrong because he almost defiantly doesn't feel the same." Hyungwon stated like it was obvious.
"Oh well, you don't know that." Changkyun smiled trying to make things more positive.
"Are you kidding?" The taller asked. "Even you've heard about him. He's a total player, besides he didn't like me to begin with, so why would sleeping with me change his opinion so drastically?"
"You didn't like him either." Kihyun pointed out. "Unless you're saying you did..."
"I don't know..." Hyungwon trailed off. "Maybe there was a bit of an attraction there that I denied because I was blinded by total hatred, but I seriously doubt he felt that too..." Hyungwon resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
"Well are you sure, there's nothing he's done that you may think means something more?" Jooheon asked trying to revive at least a little hope.
"Mm well he helped me when I got injured, and defended me against Geun, but like that was just him being at least a halfway decent human being, and besides Chiwon would kill him if he ever let anything happen to his little brother..." Hyungwon frowned. "But it doesn't matter anyway I did the one thing you never should do."
"What's that?" Kihyun asked in confusion.
"I caught feelings for someone who I strictly have a beneficial relationship with." He huffed a bit in response. "I mean come on anyone who knows anything about those kinds of relationships knows the first rule is not to fall for the other person."
"Okay well... if you're honestly convinced he feels nothing, maybe you should just end the relationship in general." Kihyun suggested but he himself didn't seem to like the realistic answer. "I mean move on, before you get your heart broken."
"But leaving would break my heart..." Hyungwon almost whispered his voice now taking on a genuinely somber tone. "I'm not the type who can easily just move on..." he rubbed his lap with his hands like he was fidgeting to distract himself from his emotions. "You know I don't fall for people very often..."
Jooheon placed a hand on his shoulder blade, rubbing it slightly in comfort. "Well whatever happens, we'll be here for you."
"No matter what." Kihyun added with a small bittersweet smile.
"Yeah, I know I haven't been friends with you guys for very long, but I hope you can open up to me more in the future." Changkyun also assured.
Hyungwon couldn't help but feel a slight smile tug at his lips. "Thanks guys, I'll try my hardest to stay positive. Anyway let's get back to studying Changkyun has an exam soon."
They then went back to working.
-&-
Hyungwon was standing at his locker at the end of the day alone since he had told Kihyun and Jooheon to go ahead and leave without him. He was slowly transferring his things to his locker. He couldn't help but have a sad feeling for the rest of the day.
No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop thinking about Wonho. He hadn't paid attention in any class nor did he talk much, not to mention his stomach churned for food despite him having no appetite to eat at all.
He didn't expect things to be this bad. In all the movies and books when someone gets feelings for someone it was supposed to feel happy and exhilarating, they gush just being able to see their crush from afar. Hyungwon felt the opposite however, and he wasn't the openly gushing type. He just felt like his heart broke at even just the thought of Wonho, but he supposed that's because he wasn't in a book or movie, this was reality.
As if his thoughts didn't torture him enough he closed his locker and saw Wonho approaching him from down the hall. He felt the smallest instinct to walk away, but something stronger kept his feet held where they were.
A student was tripped by one of the bigger jocks dropping his stuff not far from him, causing everyone around to laugh. Wonho stopped, picking the things up before helping the kid up muttering a small, "you okay?" Before the kid nodded and hurried off.
Hyungwon couldn't help but smile. He's so sweet too, despite what anyone thinks of him, I'd never seen that about him before. I guess that's understandable since he always messed with me... but now I can see his kindness. Even though it's through small things, it's so obviously there.The realization made his feelings surge inside his heart bringing a dull pain directly after.
He was interrupted from his inner turmoil when Wonho finally got to him. "Hey Hyungwon, want me to drive you home?"
Hyungwon forced a small smile. "Sure, let's go." He then turned away from him his expression falling as he walked down the hall toward the exit, Wonho following directly after.
-&-
Wonho sat down on Hyungwon's bed after they'd got to his house. "Is your brother seriously working late again all this week?" He asked.
The taller male who had been quiet the entire ride home nodded while putting his bag down on his desk chair. "Yeah... he's trying to get a promotion so I can have a better future and everything. He's pretty determined even though I've never really asked for anything."
"Well no, but I mean it's still his responsibility to take care of you. He probably feels obligated to provide since... well your parents are gone." Wonho stated softly.
"I guess..." Hyungwon shrugged leaning against his desk. "I don't want him to work his life away though. He may be the older sibling but he's still young..."
Wonho smiled at him a bit in comfort. "He's never seemed unhappy with his life. He's got you and he loves you, and that's enough for him. I'm sure he'd never want you to feel like a burden..."
Hyungwon felt a surge go through his heart at Wonho's sweet words. He really is so kind... so unbelievably empathetic. How could I be so stupid before? How did I not see it? Maybe if I did I would have fallen sooner... how much would be different then? He tried to break out of his thoughts. "I don't feel like a burden, I just- I worry sometimes. I have the right to worry about my brother too don't I? He doesn't get all of that privilege."
Wonho chuckled. "Yes I suppose you do."
And that smile... god that cheerful almost childlike smile. It's like it lights up the whole room... Hyungwon unconsciously let his face take on a somber expression as he silently watched the boy in front of him. God what would I do if I never got to see that smile again..?
"Are you okay?" The older male asked genuinely looking concerned.
Hyungwon seemed surprised by the question and snapped out of his daydream. He forced a small smile. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure, you've been acting kinda strange all afternoon." He pointed out.
"I'm okay, just a little stressed and worn out from school is all." The taller made an excuse.
Wonho nodded before patting the spot on the bed next to him. "Come sit."
Hyungwon hesitated before slowly pushing himself away from the desk, walking over, and sitting in his bed directly next to him. He folded his hands in his lap, hanging his head down to look at the floor, feeling oddly nervous to be so close to him.
Wonho turned toward him, sitting cross legged on the bed, watching him for a moment before placing a hand on the male's cheek and turning his head up to face him.
Hyungwon watched his eyes for a moment not sure what he was looking for but desperately searching nonetheless. He noticed the older male leaning in and closed his eyes, parting his lips slightly before feeling the other's press into them softly. He unfolded his hands, placing one on the back of Wonho's neck, pulling himself slightly closer to him.
Wonho deepened the kiss before grabbing the younger male's hips and turning him toward him, pulling him into his lap and wrapping his arms around his thin figure slowly.
Hyungwon pulled away to meet his partner's gaze for only a moment, gently placing his hands on either side of his face and slowly rubbing his thumbs against the smooth skin of his cheeks, before closing his eyes and connecting their lips once again. He kissed him deeply, he kissed him desperately, almost as if his life depended on it.
Wonho was slightly surprised by the other's sudden passion, but gave back none the less, letting his hands wander up the younger's spine, almost teasingly. He then ran his tongue across Hyungwon's bottom lip, requesting entrance. He was given what he asked for and explored the new warm cavern before slowly twirling their tongues together in unison, feeling Hyungwon's hands slide back into his hair somewhat tightly.
Hyungwon eventually pulled away breathlessly, a thin string of saliva breaking between their lips. He took deep breaths hearing his fast paced heartbeat in his ears. He almost felt like he was on fire to the point where he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He then suddenly couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. He was getting so much out of simply only kissing Wonho, and not just in any kind of physically pleasurable way, but he was satisfying his new found feelings. Real feelings that Wonho did not reciprocate... wasn't that wrong? If he knew, how much would Wonho hate him? What the hell am I doing? I can't lose him, but what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't tell him, but can I handle simply having just the current relationship we do have? He wanted more, so much more. To a point where it was dangerous, and he knew it was, yet his heart betrayed him and gave in the second Wonho even looked at him, let alone touched him. He wanted to be his, heart mind body and soul.
Wonho watched him catch his breath before letting him go and pulling his own shirt off over his head and throwing it to the side before grabbing him again and pulling him close, eventually connecting their lips together once again.
Hyungwon kissed back letting his hands glide along Wonho's newly exposed skin. The kiss soon became more heated, and his mind was still racing. He was entirely overwhelmed with emotions that quickly took on a bitter feeling. What the hell am I doing? He could actually feel himself shaking, every voice in his head screaming so loud he didn't even know what he was thinking anymore. Pressure in his tear ducts was building behind his eyelids but he squeezed it back. He was desperately trying to get a grip on himself, but felt himself losing the battle. I can't... He broke the kiss suddenly, taking a quick shaky inhale.
"Hyungwon..?" Wonho stated curiously, worry laced in his voice. "What's wrong?"
The younger slowly opened his eyes realizing some tears had began to roll down his cheeks. He suddenly hugged Wonho closer, putting his chin over his shoulder to hide them, even though he knew he probably saw already. "Nothing..." his voice came out small and somewhat broken. "Can you just... hold me?" He tightened his grip sniffling as quietly as he could. "Just for tonight?"
Wonho was still largely concerned, but wrapped his arms around the older male anyway. "Of course..." he whispered.
Hyungwon buried his face into the crick of his neck more, letting the older's warmth surround him and inhaling his familiar sent, letting the voices in his head fade slowly as a few more tears slipped out.
Wonho gently rubbed soothing circles on the taller's back, using his other hand to gently stroke the strands of hair on the back of his head comfortingly. "It's okay Hyungwon... I don't know what's wrong, but it'll be okay eventually."
His voice was kind and gentle Hyungwon felt a bit of a shaky smile stretch at his lips. He'd grown conflicted at the sound of it.
Because it simultaneously brought him so much comfort and broke his heart at the same time...
Hey guys, sorry it's been such a long while. I've been struggling a bit to find motivation and have been trying to work through some things, but i do always love writing so won't worry I am not giving up on that. Anyway this was s bit of an emotional chapter after the events thus far... things are finally starting to develop a bit more. Ugh poor Hyungwon is suffering though. :( anyway tell me how you're liking the story so far, vote and comment, bye!
~Hannah😋