The track behind Grimas was deserted, allowing me time alone with my thoughts. After a half hour of running, sweat dripped down my spine. My feet pounded against pavement to echo in my ear almost as loud as the rasping as I sucked air in and heaved it back out. I pushed myself harder, faster, and tried to ignore the single silhouette watching me from the bleachers ever since I rounded my second lap. By the fifth round of the track, I still hadn't found the peace I had come in search of—the spectator ruined my ability to ignore the world and its problems.
I ran another lap full-out and tried to force my mind to escape reality, but it didn't work. My pace slowed and I walked around the track a seventh and final time, stopping just after the start line twenty paces from the bleachers. I hunched over with my hands on my knees, gasping as I caught my breath.
"Nora."
Calin's voice, soft and husky, sent shivers of awareness through my body. The few thoughts I'd managed to dismiss crashed back in. I kept my gaze to the ground and tried to count the imperfections in the tar.
"What happened after the dance, Nora?" His feet shuffled sideways, stepping so that he stood in front of me, blocking my view. "I was worried when I couldn't find you."
"I... texted," I gulped, finishing with a breathy, "you."
"That's not my point. You texted me after you left, and not even right after. Maible and I looked for you for over an hour. I was worried."
"Sorry."
"Are you sorry about this morning, too? You were already gone when I came to pick you up."
"I wanted coffee."
Mostly, I just wanted to talk with Luna, but I couldn't say that. This morning I woke early and rushed to get ready, bypassing breakfast with Mrs. Renaldi in the kitchen so I could go to Celestial Java and let myself in the back door with the key Luna had given me before I lost my memory. Meeting in the back room and settling on the pillows, we talked for an hour, going over ways to keep my recovery hidden.
Staying away from Calin was a huge strategy in order to be successful. With our connection, spending time together would make it impossible for me to hide what I didn't want anyone to know. Aside from Luna, of course, but I didn't even tell her. Zach had nudged her in the right direction and her empathy did the rest of the work.
"I came out here to be alone, Calin," I said, keeping my eyes to the ground and my voice fell flat. Finally catching my breath gave me the choice to run away, but I'd rather he go first so that I wouldn't be tempted to run into his arms instead of the door.
"I've been calling you."
"I turned my phone off."
"A prank was pulled at the dance, Nora!" He sucked in a calming breath. "I know the argument with Duvessa upset you, and fighting makes you want to retreat, but a prank was pulled. That's why I was calling, though I'd love a better explanation for this morning."
"What?" I straightened, the sun too blinding to remain low and look up.
"I said—"
"No. Not what you said." I waved my hand dismissively. "What. Happened?"
Calin stuck his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and looked down, and the stray strands of his shaggy brown hair that were streaked by the sun fell into his gray-blue eyes. "Tires got slashed and those who weren't had nails placed behind them so they went flat anyway."
I let the breath I was holding out slowly, and whistled. "But..." I shifted my weight. "I've been here all morning, Calin. Why haven't I heard about this yet?"
He sighed, sounding resigned. "You avoid people, Nora. Why would they try telling you?"
Ouch. I stepped back. "Duvessa?"
Calin shrugged. "She never left the dance and her tires were one of the cars who got slashed."
"So because I left...? No." I leaned forward and narrowed my eyes. "People are blaming me?"
"Well, it doesn't help that my car was the only one unaffected."
My breath felt stuck in my throat. For a moment, all I heard was the hum of silence. Then everything came crashing in all at once—horns in traffic beyond the parking lot at the front of the school, wind rustling trees, my heart, and the sound of Calin breathing. It was like the world was inside of a seashell and held up to my ears.
Luna would have to help me make a new plan. Other than avoiding Calin, the fact that the pranks had stopped was a big part of keeping my recovery under wraps. It gave me time. But if the stunts were beginning again, I would have to be focused on that instead of reaching Zach. He was the only one with the answers I needed to find out about my mother. What was her secret? How did she really die?
"I have to go," I said, and started walking away.
Calin grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. Thunder rumbled above, though the sky remained blue. He looked up and around, and then back down, holding my gaze. I glanced down to where he held my arm and back, and he let go so I could step away.
"If you leave, you look like you did it."
Another crash sounded from above and dark clouds began rolling in too quick to be considered natural. Calin's eyebrows shot together and he glanced down to me, but I couldn't meet it this time. If I spoke, the sky would open up. Balling my fist, I clenched my teeth and studied the ground while picturing the sky blue and cloudless once more.
Calin reached out, placing his hand back on my arm, but didn't grab it. Calm filled me. I flexed my fingers and the tension began to ease enough so I unclenched my jaw. Opening my eyes, I looked back up and sighed to see the clear blue sky.
I took a deep breath and stepped away, and the tension began to build almost instantly. "I'm fine," I said, looking down. When had Calin become necessary to avoiding disaster as my glasses were for sight?
"Don't leave, Nora."
"Fine." I nodded. "But I'm not staying outside." I turned and started to speed-walk away as Calin stayed still, watching.
What happened to my control? I was more than competent since getting my memory back. Just two nights ago, I held a fireball in my hand. Without burning my skin.
Once I proved Duvessa as the prankster, she'd wish I allowed her to be so lucky.
I love the song above as it always sounds like Halsey is holding back as she sings about not being able to help this 'awful energy'. It's how I imagined Nora feeling as she can't seem to keep control of her feelings. Does anyone else have a song like that?
Do you think Nora is losing control because she has her memories back, along with the animosity she had felt towards the Craft?