Please Don't Leave Me
Scars. Twisted, scabbed, and rough-edged scars. Crawling up delicate skin in ragged lines and morbid shapes.
The needle pricks your neck, and the tears prick your eyes once more. Those once glittering eyes of yours now colorless and lifeless as you droop to the ground, your hair falling over your cold, red-colored cheeks.
You saw Him again. Death was forever looming around the corner... waiting, watching over you for the umpteenth time this week. You felt so vulnerable in this state; your limp, cold body couldn't do anything to attempt to reach the starry corona. All you wanted was a taste. A sip. A sip of that bliss that lie before you. You could only wonder what was beyond that galaxy from your position on the ground. Wondering...
--
Your eyes snapped open and your muscles immediately tensed as you woke. You hadn't even realized that your teeth were clenched and that you were holding in a breath until the hand wrapped around your left forearm reached up and tenderly grazed your jawline. You flinched, not expecting such a gesture.
You turned your head over your left shoulder, your watery eyes meeting sparkling sienna ones across the ballroom floor. They danced together softly, slowly swaying to their own rhythm. You immediately turned away due to your faces being too close for your comfort.
"Did you sleep well?" Connor asked, his arm slouching back down and regaining its grip on your forearm.
You simply nodded, being too shy to say anything. He was so close despite not caring for you in that type of way. The thought made you bite the inside of your lip, your eyes cast down at the tangled pairs of arms that lie across your stomach. This... this was so wrong, but you so badly wanted it to feel right. He can't possibly understand what he's feeling or what he's doing. He can't possibly know... not yet, at least.
You felt like you were going absolutely crazy; crazy to the point where if you two continued to stay like this, you would eventually end up kissing him. Your feelings were going haywire. Yes, he was deviant, but he surely didn't understand what he was doing to you. You knew that his breath on the back of your neck, the holding of your forearms around your stomach, and the soft fabric of his shirt rustling up against your back wasn't anything intentional. He was just living as he does-- not a care for personal space nor your thoughts. Everything he was doing wasn't on purpose, yet it drove you insane.
You had to pry his arms off of you in order to sit up for yourself, no longer wanting your bodies to connect. The racing heartbeat, the slight sweat under your armpits and on your back, and the nervous lip-biting and finger twiddling... all signs of love. God, you just couldn't help it. You're not even sure how it happened. It just did. Hank, you, and him in the precinct as partners just drove you to love that android. Even your own head still couldn't wrap itself around why you loved him so dearly-- why you held a special spot in your heart just for him. Utterly unfathomable: the mere thought of you and him.
"(Y/n)?" You heard his jacket rustle against the denim of his jeans, causing you to bite your lip harder than usual. Maybe the pain would distract you?
You felt a hand on your shoulder. You bit harder.
You felt that hand slide down to the middle of your upper arm, past your elbow, across your forearm, and place itself on top of your own hand. You bit your lip so hard that it started to bleed.
You ripped his hand away from you and stood up promptly, turning so that you now faced the confused android. Even just the look of slight disappointment in his eyes made your heart ache. I'm sorry, Connor.
"Connor, I... can't," You started. The taste of metal filled your gums, causing your mouth to water. The taste was sour.
"I don't understa-"
"I know you don't. I know you don't understand why I'm acting like this. I would tell you, but you still wouldn't understand. It's a process, Connor,"
You started to walk away, towards North, but a hand caught your arm like a fly in a trap. His grip was inescapable, and all you could do was stand there and accept the fate that had come to you.
"You didn't let me finish what I was saying," He started, his voice sounding less confused and more confident. Oh, how the tables have drastically turned.
All of the muscles in your system suddenly tensed up as you turned towards Connor. You felt a strong pit growing in the bowels of your stomach, your face suddenly feeling warm as you gazed into his eyes once more.
"What I was going to say was that, I don't understand these feelings I'm getting," You felt his grip on your arm loosen, his other hand softly drifting up towards your other arm. "I keep getting this feeling... and I can't describe why it happens. It almost feels like it's eating at my processors, and because of that, I can't think straight."
"What's this feeling?..." You ask, shock slowly taking over in place of your tense expression.
"I... don't know? It makes me want to hold you and comfort you. And it's only you. Not Hank, not North, not Sumo. I don't get it,"
"Connor," You started, the breath of a smile gracing your lips as you reached up to hold his arms just as he was. "That's called 'love,'"
He mouthed the word to himself, silently enunciating all of the letters with his tongue. He mouthed it again, but this time it was quicker. "Love?" He whispered.
His LED was red as his mouth hung open for a slight second. "Didn't you say you loved me? A few days ago?"
You started to sweat, your eyes meeting anywhere but his, "Yes, but... I kinda gave up? Since you didn't love me back and I never thought you would understand?" You had no idea why you made your lie sound like a stupid question. Nonetheless, Connor saw right through it, per usual.
"My detectors tell me that you're lying," He frowned, gripping your arms only slightly tighter. You bit the inside of your lip again.
"It's harder to tell you straight to your face."
"You've done it before."
"I was frustrated."
"You still were able to tell me then."
"Connor!"
You looked him dead in the eye, your cheeks feeling hotter than usual. First you were cold, and now you felt the need to remove layers. You felt your anxiety pulse through your body, your bodily heat constantly racing up your back. It suddenly became so much harder to look at him. You heard him let out a small breath before releasing you from his grip.
"You're not going to approve of me saying this, but I have another mission to complete," He announced to you quietly. He looked towards the flame-lit barrel, the yellow-orange light flickering against his irises.
"What mission? I thought you went deviant."
He sighed again before speaking, his gaze returning to you, "This time it's one that I want to do. I need to infiltrate the CyberLife Tower in order to shift the balance of power. If I don't do this, all androids will eventually fall into the power of the humans. The military, more specifically."
Your eyes widened after hearing him say this. He wanted to sacrifice himself in order to bring justice to this cause? What he suggested was so... human: to become a martyr to save his kind from dying out. You wanted to pretend that you were upset with him for wanting to risk his life in such a way (you were, of course, but that's a story for a different time), but you were actually really proud of him for wanting to accomplish such a feat. You really did worry for his safety, though.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Connor? That sounds... dangerous..." You furrowed your brows in concern, touching the side of his arm just slightly.
"I need to. If the humans succeed, it's likely that Detroit will fall." He looked past you, his jaw clenched in thought. A few moments later, his eyes widened just slightly. They fell back onto your face.
"I didn't mean you, though. I'm aware that you're not part of their cause," He smiled slightly as he caught his slip-up. You chuckled at his behavior, dropping your hand from his arm. You wrapped your arms around him instead, feeling as he tensed from your embrace.
"I knew that, Connor."
Your lids fluttered shut as you breathed in the scent of his shirt. He smelled primarily of smoke, but you caught a faint smell of cologne-- one that you recognized from walking past Hank numerous times. Your chest seized in silent laughter against his chest, your fingers wrapping around the brown faux leather of his jacket and gripping it tightly.
"Just be careful, okay? I don't want you leaving so soon."
"I can't ever 'leave.' I'll always be ba-"
"No, Connor, you won't. That won't be you. The model I'm currently speaking to is the real you. If you came back as another Connor, it wouldn't be the same."
You looked up at him. His eyes were so damn pretty.
"Promise me?"
His eyes showed conflict. They searched your for a solution, even though there was none to be found.
"I promise."