Chapter 14 – Am I Dreaming?
Emily Sanders...
The groggy feeling of waking up – seemed to have also reached my brain this morning – why is there a dead weight of an arm wrapped over my waist, a solid frame pressed against me. Why is there someone lying next to me? Beginning to freak out – I began to wriggle my way out of the hold until I heard a chuckle.
"Forgot I was here huh?"
"What....? no, of course not," I surprised myself in how calm my voice sounded considering my heart was galloping away from me, like a horse being let free from its reigns.
"Mmhmmm," the amusement evident in his voice, "if not that, why were you trying to squirm your way, to get, away from me?"
"I-uh-I-was.... uhm.... I was going to brush away the skunk smell in my mouth before you woke up!" Why the fuck did I say that? Could I have mortified myself anymore?
"Well, that's quite the picture you just painted!"
I couldn't fight my smile but I quickly pinched myself to make sure that I wasn't still asleep.... nope; wide awake – which of course; sent my heart galloping off again. Last night had actually happened – Jeffrey had shown up here, he confessed that he couldn't fight what he was feeling anymore, he confessed that he liked me; like, liked me – the way that I have liked him for so long. I still can't quite believe. It had been everything and more than I could have ever conjured in my mind, or in a dream.
"Well, I aim to please..." turning to look at him; I really wish that I hadn't because I am struck dumb by just how completely attracted to him that I am.
The playful sparkle lit his eyes in a way that had slithered a wave of heat down my spine. The full intent in them was obvious as he lowered his gaze very slowly; taking in every inch of my body – there was no doubt in my mind, that he was undressing me with those perfectly shaded eyes; which left me with a very warm and excitable feeling bubbling at my very core. The amused smile on his features; told me that he had, had the desired effect on me.
Damn it! He's far too handsome for his own good.
"Mmhmm," he groaned as his tongue slowly brushed over his very soft and talented lips. Good God; have mercy on me.... please! "I bet you do!" tilting his head to the side; those eyes raking goose-bumps over every single inch of my body; excitement had never quite felt this insanely strong and returned.
Turning around; I forced my feet to move me to the bathroom – but with every step, they fought hard to turn back; and crawl back into his arms. No, I would continue on to my destination – there is no way that I am kissing him with morning, yack breath. Not when it had taken so long to get to this point.
Waking up this morning; curled up with Jeff – my stomach did a flip. If I had remembered that it was indeed him – I would have basked a little longer in bed. My stomach is still grumbling and my heart, I swear is beating so fucking hard, its trying to break through my chest.
"What do you want to do today, darlin'?" the velvet tone of his voice did very, very little to dampen my hormones.
"I want to fuck your brains out!" no, I can't say that, well not yet anyway, "I don't know, what do you want to do?"
"Well they are still telling people to remain indoors,"
That really wasn't a surprise; as the wind roared like a demon in the fires of the deepest pit of hell. It hadn't calmed down; I can hear things skidding across the asphalt and the heavy drum of the rain hitting the shutters that were over the windows. I just can't even imagine the true extent of damage that people would be facing when this storm finally dies down.
"So, we are stuck here alone?"
"We definitely are!" my God that voice is smooth enough to have my panties slide off my body by themselves.
A full day of just me and him alone in this house. To be honest; I am so glad to have him here. Being here alone; definitely would have had me hiding in the panic room. The window shutters were rattling wildly but so far, they were holding their own – the authorities had advised the public to remain away from windows due to possible flying debris.
"I did have a thought, if you want to hear it?" he asked me as I squeezed toothpaste on to my toothbrush.
"Of course, I do!" I replied before putting my toothbrush in my mouth.
My mind is still trying to believe that this is happening – for so long; I had imagined how it would feel to have this happening. No man had ever made me feel – the way Jeffrey made me feel with just one look. I am already so far into what is happening between us; that I just know I am going to get so lost in him; I don't know that I would ever be the same, if this didn't work out after all.
"Well I was thinking," he appeared behind me; looping his arms around my waist; pulling me back against his powerful frame, his lips laying claim to that sweet spot between the neck and shoulders, I felt myself begin to tremble, what the hell is he trying to do to me? I am glad to be caught between the sink and him; if I wasn't, I would fall to the ground, "that we could do a little baking.... you know, to pass the time?"
"Uhm, babe.... I don't know how to cook, much less bake!"
As stupid, and as entitled as this sounded; I had never had to learn to cook – daddy, had always ensured that the house staff included a chef; and I remember that for as long as I could remember.
"Are you serious?" he asked, lifting his head to look at me in the mirror, I nodded my head in reply, "alright, scrap the baking – I can't teach you with the limited generator here at the house, especially when we don't know how long this storm is going to last,"
Of course, he was right; trying to learn to cook, when we don't know how long this storm was going to last, would be reckless and stupid. Although, the thought of him teaching me to cook; had an erotic feeling attached to it. God damn it, I am so turned on by him, but we had agreed to wait – he wanted to do it properly, take me on a date, and get to know one another on this sexual level before we give into the lust that, I have to admit is controlling me right now.
Spitting the toothpaste into the sink, Jeffrey was there holding me the towel to clear my mouth; the minute that I was done; he placed his hands on either side of my head – gazing into my eyes with his own soulful ones.
"So now, that you have brushed – is it ok to kiss you?" he asked; his lips so intimately close to my own; each word, causing his lips to brush against mine very lightly. I honestly didn't trust my mouth to make any sense, so I just nodded my head in reply.
I could feel the smile on his handsome face, I am lost in those eyes – every time they meet mine, I feel trapped, willingly trapped, but trapped none the less. My body aches for him, I need more than just kissing – I want to tell him to forget the waiting, and just take me to bed and screw my brains out. The very first brush of flesh and I was trembling; bringing one hand down to wrap around my waist; to hold me close to him and stop me from slithering down to the floor, his other hand remained on that spot just under the jawline. I couldn't look away, even if I wanted too; I am happy to be held captive by those eyes and now as he pulls me into a much deeper kiss that renders me entirely limp in his hold.
Help me! I am completely devoted to him already. This is going to either end badly, or end happily, there will be no in between.
A Couple of Hours Later,
Jeffrey Dean Morgan...
My mind is still struggling with the decision I had made; but in all honesty, this was the only decision that I could have made. If I had continued to deny what I am really feeling, not only would I regret it, but I would only drive myself crazy with the going back and forth. My only hope now; is that my girls would be happy for me, given enough time.
"Can I ask you something, darlin'?"
"Of course, you can,"
"If you don't cook – what have you been eating?"
"Take away," her response plain and simple, "it's not a big deal,"
"But it is a big deal sweetheart," I responded, "you can't be getting the proper nourishment!"
I already knew that I had to help her learn to cook; living on takeaway is no way to live your life. Now that I had confessed my feelings to her; I want her to be around for a very long time; and living on fast food is not the best way to do that.
Lying on her bed – she looked so beautiful; from the way her hair sat on top of her head in a messy bun, to her gorgeous face devoid of make up; apart from the nude coloured lip balm, her father's YALE shirt looked like a tent on her tiny little frame; yet she still managed to make it look flawless on her; well from her knees down; her legs were beautiful, smooth and lightly sun-kissed. I wish that I had been strong enough to just own up to these feelings much quicker; because then I would have been this deliriously happy, so much sooner.
"You sound like my dad," she giggled as she patted the spot next to her on the bed.
I had honestly, feared that this would feel awkward, or I would feel ashamed for what I was feeling; but in this moment, it really wasn't as bad as I had convinced myself it would be. I just hope that Ben would have really been ok with it, given enough time. Like my girls; I was worried about Ben – would he be spinning in his grave? Would he be tormented for his entire after-life?
Sliding on to the bed; she snuggled into my side – her head resting on my chest and her arm draped over my torso. There was a contentment here – like I had been in search of this, of her, without even knowing that was what I was in search of. In this moment, I feel completely at ease; relaxed and happier than I have been in the longest time. Wrapping my arm down her back; my hand resting at the base of her spine; she made a contented sigh sound – could life get better than this moment?
"Do you think that the storm will go on much longer?" she asked me.
"I don't know," I replied, "either way; I am enjoying this moment, alone with you at my side,"
"Am I dreaming?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have dreamt of this moment for so long, I wanted this moment for so long, but I had convinced myself that nothing would ever happen and I am not stupid enough to think that if dad was still here, you would be here with me, like this, right now,"
It still shocked me to know that she had, had a crush on me for as long as she could remember, I never would have guessed, at all. When Ben was here; she and I didn't always hang out – if I was hanging with Ben and she was here, we'd engage with one another, but other than that, we didn't have much interaction with one another. We were around one another on holidays – but my girls were always with us too, so she would be with them and doing things with them, so until we lost Ben, we hadn't really known one another all that well.
"Do you really think that?"
"Well think about it – with dad still here; we'd never have had the chance to hang out just the two of us, so there would have been no opportunity for us to hang out alone, leaning on one another, helping one another – which is technically how we ended up almost kissing before,"
Of course, she was right – and I hated the way that felt. It was like – almost as if Ben had been stood in the way, not intentionally, but he was stood in the way of me being this happy.
It had been so long since I had felt this way about a woman; you know the flutter in the stomach and escalated heart-beat feeling? That is how I feel and I now, of course, need to hand in my man card, for thinking like a woman. I could hear Ben saying that and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Something funny?" she asked lifting her head and looking up at me – the look in her eyes, it was so innocent, so inviting and so warm that I was momentarily distracted.
"No, darlin', I was just thinking about your dad,"
"It feels like he is never far from my thoughts..."
"Of course, he isn't, you are still in the stages of grief; its only natural that you are thinking about him,"
"Do you think that will ever go away?"
"I wish I could tell you that it will, but I honestly don't know!" I admitted.
More than anything I want to be able to take away her hurt, Ben was a huge presence in any room, let alone in someone's life; he walked in to a room and he just sucked up all the attention, it is what made him such an effective lawyer.
"I hope that it doesn't..." she admitted, "it's weird, but I am already forgetting the sound of his voice.... isn't that too soon?" There was a glint in her eye; tears forming and threatening to spill on to her smooth cheekbones.
"Come here sweetheart," gently hooking my arm under her arm, and carefully pulled her up to my face, tenderly wiping my thumb over the space where the tears had begun to fall and wiped them away, "it's not too soon – it is what it is and it comes when it comes, there is no too soon, grief is relative because everyone feels differently, you should never question your grief honey, you take it as it comes and don't try to rush it,"
Those eyes watched me closely and I wished to hell that I could take away her hurt, if I could take it on myself, I would in a heart-beat. It always seemed to hit me hard when women cried in front of me; I was the same with my girls; no matter what they are hurting over, I would take it on so they didn't have to feel it.
"Thank you, babe," she smiled softly, "its one of those things that you feel that you should just stop talking, because people are fed up hearing about it, you know?"
"Well, Ben was my best friend, so if you want to talk about him, anytime – I am always here to listen,"
"You are far too good to be true," she smiled.
Reaching up; she tenderly, a move only women possess; brushed her soft, smooth lips over mine. Slowly her hands moved up my chest as she tried to position herself better, not thinking twice about it, I gently tugged her until she was lying on top of me – our bodies connected by the mouth, in a kiss so erotic that I could feel myself rise to the occasion, so to speak.
"Mmmmm," rotating her hips over me in appreciation.
Gripping her hips; I stopped her – I wanted to do this right. I mean Emily, is the daughter of my best friend, and even though my best friend is dead – I still want to do it right. I want to take our time, I want to do it respectfully. And that meant dating – going out to eat, going to the movies, going dancing and taking walks – I don't want to jump straight into sex, I want it to be full of anticipation; after months of foreplay.
Flipping her; until she was on her back, I settled between her legs, and when she wrapped them around me, I fought every single desire I had to rip her clothes off and make love to her right here and now.