Chapter 15
Niall's POV
June seemed very far away. Ever since I returned to the UK, things didn't seem the way they once were. I couldn't keep up with the boys anymore. I wasn't sure what my problem was, but I always seemed two steps behind.
"Push-up position!" Paul barked at me, and I obeyed. "Knees tucked in! Jump! Reach for the sky! Fifteen reps!"
"What?" I gasped. "My legs will turn to jelly!"
"Since you're complaining... three sets, fifteen repetitions!"
I groaned in frustration. It was like Paul wanted to kill me. I wasn't as fit as the other boys. Liam could beat me to a pulp if he wanted to. Zayn could throw me across a football field if he wanted to. Louis could beat me in a race if he wanted to. Harry could do all three of those things if he wanted to. I couldn't surpass them in anything.
As soon as Paul's back was turned, I let my arms fall to either side. I lay on my stomach and stared into space for a moment. My thighs were burning. I wasn't going to be able to walk tomorrow.
"Come on, Nialler!" Harry crowed, jogging over to me. He stopped and grinned down at me. "You have to be strong enough to fend off those fangirls somehow!"
"He's just a bag of skin and bones," Louis smirked by the water cooler. He hung out over there a lot.
"You're never going to get a girlfriend without tattoos or muscles," Zayn informed me. "Perrie loves my tattoo of her." He flexed his muscles. "Look at these babies."
"Oh, yeah?" Liam countered from across the room. He abandoned his punching bag and raced over to us. Where did his energy come from? "My biceps are twice the size of yours."
"I beg to differ," Harry countered.
Soon, all of the boys were bickering over who had the biggest biceps. I rolled my eyes, then closed them. Maybe I didn't have what it took to be a "real" man. I hated exercise and tattoos. I'd rather sit inside all day, eat, and mess around on Twitter.
"One, two, three, heave!" someone shouted, and I was suddenly lifted into the air. People were holding onto my hands and feet. I struggled in surprise.
"What the hell!" I shouted.
"Put him down, lads," the same voice--Liam--said, and they dropped me. My head banged onto the concrete ground. I groaned in pain.
"Whoops," another voice said. It was Louis. He didn't sound very sorry.
"Are we done for the day?" I asked desperately. "I'm exhausted."
"You still have to do your three sets of fifteen reps of burpees," Paul told me. He suddenly appeared over my head.
"Burpees?" Harry echoed. Louis giggled like a child.
"Ah! Paul!" I hollered. I scrambled to my feet and sprinted away as fast as I could. I did NOT want to be tortured anymore.
"Look! He's running!" I heard Zayn exclaim behind me.
"It's a Christmas miracle in May!" Harry added.
I ignored them. I raced around the outdoor track at full speed. Unfortunately for me, I quickly ran out of breath. Since I didn't want Paul making me do more burpees, I turned off the track and hid behind a pine tree.
I pressed my back against the trunk of the tree, panting hard. My legs couldn't support my weight, so I slowly slid down to my bum. I sat in the grass. Sweat was probably sparkling on my forehead, and my t-shirt was pasted to my abdomen. I rested my head back and closed my eyes.
What was wrong with me? I was always so distracted. I could never concentrate on one thing for too long. All I wanted was for it to be June, so that the boys and I could be in South Dakota and I could feel free again.
Maybe that was it. When I was in South Dakota, I had felt free. In a small town where nobody would be trying to swamp me, I could just hang out with my friends and be myself.
I swiped my hand across my forehead, my breathing slowing down. But who was I kidding? That could never be me for a long time. Someone would recognize me, and there weren't enough small towns in the world to hide me from everyone.
Wait, did I want to become a hermit? No, I scoffed. I wanted my friends to be there with me, along with my family. I wouldn't be alone then.
But the boys and I had very different views on the world. Louis had the biggest ego in the band; he soaked up the fame. Harry liked the fame because it brought him waves upon waves of girls. He might deny it, but any man would love that. Liam liked to treat the fans like they were his girlfriends.
Zayn was more like me, though. Sometimes he preferred to be alone to work on his art. But I had no artistic talent at all, so I couldn't relate with him there.
I untied my shoes and took off my socks so my feet could breathe. These hot countries were usually awesome because of the beaches, but when someone forced you to exercise it was just pure torture.
I randomly wondered what Desirah was like. Did she like the big cities or the small towns? She lived in a small town, but she didn't seem to like it very much. I'd be very surprised if she was a city girl. Someone as gentle and kind as her would really stand out in a city. In a good way, I mean.
Why was I even thinking about this? I was being stupid. I was getting distracted again. I had to concentrate on the present. At least I knew what was causing all of these weird thoughts: Freedom in a small town. Right?
"Niall!" a familiar voice yelled. I had never been so happy to hear one of the boys' voices in my entire life. I had to leave this pine tree before I went nuts.
"What?" I shouted back, army-crawling past the pine tree. My legs dragged behind me uselessly.
"There you are!" a voice exclaimed, and Louis bent down to see me better. Of course it was him. He was the best runner. This track was his third home. "We were looking all over for you," he informed me. "We thought you ran back to the hotel."
"Well, that clearly didn't happen," I said.
"Fair point. Anyway, we were about to get some lunch. Care to join?"
I grinned and jumped to my feet. I was famished. "I'll race you!" I challenged him giddily.
Louis raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Okay. But I think we all know who's going to win."
"First one to the table wins," I said. "Ready, set, go!"
I took off immediately, arms and legs pumping. Louis didn't even move from where he was standing.
"Haha, loser!" I threw over my shoulder.
Louis was suddenly right next to me. He passed right in front of me, nearly tripping me up.
"You were saying?" he hollered as he sprinted ahead. There was no way I was going to catch up to him. Hey, at least I tried.
*~*~*~*
"So that's why global warming doesn't exist," Desirah finished her rant about what she had learned in her science class. Or rather, what she refused to learn.
"I don't know," I said thoughtfully. "It was really hot today, more than usual. It could be real...."
"Don't even go there with me, Niall," she warned me. "I will take you down with my knowledgable words."
I laughed. "I was only kidding. I don't think global warming exists. In all honesty, I don't really care either."
I couldn't see her face. We weren't Skype-ing. Instead, we were calling each other. The boys were going to kill me because of the phone bill, but I didn't really care.
Desirah said she didn't care about her parents' reactions either. She rarely talked about her parents. It wasn't a subject that came up often.
"Well, at least you learned something," Desirah said.
"Doubtful," I countered. "I said I didn't care about global warming. Why would I want to learn about it?"
"I don't know. Extended knowledge?"
"Nah. I travel the world. I think I've learned enough."
I could hear Desirah's smirk on the other end as she said, "Oh, great. I'm talking to a pinhead."
I pouted. "Offensive! What bad have I ever done to you?"
"Nothing! It's just playful banter. Ever heard of it?"
"Of course I have!" I shot back. "The boys and I do it to each other all the time. It's how we communicate."
Desirah giggled. "What about bromances?"
"There are such things as love-hate relationships, you know."
"I know that. But lovey-doveys are fine too."
I opened my mouth to say, "Speak for yourself", but I hesitated. I'd never experienced a lovey-dovey relationship before. All my life I'd been surrounded by love-hate relationships. You know, when the couple never get along but can't seem to resist each other at the same time. I always thought that was the relationship I wanted, but what if I was wrong? What if I took the banter too personally?
Nah, I thought. I wouldn't take it too seriously. The boys and I did it to each other everyday; what was the difference with a girl?
"I don't know," I said slowly. "Wouldn't it get too mushy?"
"It could at some points," Desirah agreed. "But you would hardly notice because you're so in love with the person. The lovey-dovey relationship is when the couple are always together, always thinking of each other, always giving each other gifts...."
I bit my lip. Was I more fit for a lovey-dovey relationship? Desirah was describing exactly what I would do or act like for my girlfriend. Maybe I could mix it up with both lovey-dovey and a little bit of love-hate....
Desirah suddenly started laughing, making me jump. "How did we get from talking about global warming to heartfelt relationships?" she asked wondrously.
I smiled. "We're just weird that way," I said. But I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said.
*~*~*~*
This was dumb. It really, really was. All my career I hadn't cared at all about getting a girlfriend, but now I couldn't stop thinking about it.
It was V-Day's fault. If it hadn't been invented, I wouldn't be thinking about this. The other boys wouldn't have gone out with their girlfriends (or random girl) and made me feel inferior to them.
It was also different-types-of-relationships' fault. I thought I knew where I stood, but now I had no clue. Was I a mushy goody-goody when it came to girlfriends, or was I a loving teaser?
Ugh! Why was I even thinking about this? I groaned loudly and planted a pillow over my head. It was like I had a song stuck in my head: I couldn't stop thinking about it and it was annoying the hell out of me.
Why would I start thinking about this now? Why couldn't I do it during the day? Why should I think about it at all?
I threw my covers off of me and stared up at the ceiling. I was not going to go to sleep anytime soon. Not with these thoughts racing through my head.
"You're a freaking dumbass, Niall," I whispered. I felt pretty foolish talking to myself, but I pushed the feeling away. "No one is pressuring you, just yourself. Why are you so stressed out?"
I frowned, puckering my lips a little bit. "I'm not sure," I responded to myself. "I just can't stop thinking about this stuff. I have no idea why."
"Well, just let it go."
"What do you mean?"
"If you don't care, and/or want to stop thinking about it, just let it go."
"How?"
"I don't know. Think of something. You're starting to sound like a freak."
"Hey, I always give myself pep talks before concerts," I said defensively. "How is this any different?"
"You're doing it out loud."
I clapped a hand over my mouth so I would stop talking. Even though I was a stupid weirdo, I had a point. I should just let it go and stop thinking about it. The only problem was, how?
"I've got it!" I exclaimed, then covered my mouth again with both hands. Hopefully I hadn't woken up anybody, or alerted Louis if he was awake. I prayed he was asleep.
I left my room and crept to the kitchen. If I wanted to stop thinking about relationships and just let it go, I had to do what I did best.
I opened the freezer and took out a tub of cookie dough ice cream. I found a large spoon. I took off the lid and stabbed the ice cream block repeatedly with my large spoon until it was soft.
"For Narnia, and for Aslan!" I whispered loudly. I'm sorry, I had to.
I helped myself to some delicious cookie dough ice cream. Just as I suspected, my troubled thoughts dissipated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's Note:
I really hate this chapter. It makes Niall sound like a deranged teenage girl, but it's kind of important. It reveals that Niall is giving in to peer pressure, and it's stressing him out. He wants to think for himself, but he doesn't want to hurt himself or anyone else in the process.
Now I gotta go. My ex-crush and neighborly twins are hanging out on my driveway with their shoes off, which is unusual behavior, even for them.
Stay Beautiful,
-Sammi <3