(Aaaah I decided to move shit around editing is so haaaaard. Also, Jace's pupper Mochi is above^)
(Jace p.o.v.)
When Sam held onto me and let his emotional walls go down for a few minutes, I almost didn't know how to react.
I mean, to see the person who'd hurt me so badly in such a vulnerable state threw me off. All I could do was let him cling to me and try to comfort him as best as I could. Strangely, I wasn't frightened or even the slightest bit nervous having him so close to me- I just rubbed his back with my unbroken hand.
About five minutes later, Sam had dried his tears and was still holding me close- we were sitting on the floor at that point. "S-Sam... are you alright?" I whispered, keeping my voice soft.
He put his hands on my shoulders and hung his head. "No. I'm not alright, Jace. I hurt you for so fucking long, I put you in the hopital, I caused you to self-harm, and I haven't even apologized properly... but here I am, crying about my shit when you've obviously had it so much worse than me. I'm incredibly selfish. I hate that about myself. You're amazing..." He lifted his head to stare me directly in the eyes. "How do you not want to push me away? Not hate me? Listen to me complain? I'm so fucking selfish, Jace... I despise it." Tears were welling up in his beautiful green eyes- I could see deep self-loathing and grief in them.
"Oh..." I breathed. Sam was about to back away from me, but I quickly cupped his face in my hands. "Oh, Sam. I can't hate you. I can't hate your friends... even if you guys did hurt me. Eckhart Tolle said, "Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath." You're no different. I don't quite know what caused yours, but what I do know is that you're not a bad person. I've accidentally lashed out at others in the past... you just didn't know what to do and went about things the wrong way. I can't hate you for that." I smiled softly up at him.
"But how can you just stand there and listen to me bitch about my life? When you have bigger issues than I could ever even fathom?" He gently grabbed my left wrist and unwrapped the bandages that were there, revealing the evidence of my self-harm. "I caused that, and you let me cling to you like a goddamn koala. How could you stand it?"
"Because everyone is entitled to their emotions. Society is fucked up by saying things like 'you shouldn't feel bad because so many people have it worse than you' or whatever, but in reality... that's ridiculous. I was so quiet and angry at the world when I was eleven, twelve, thirteen years old because I was never allowed to express my feelings." I curled my fingers around Sam's, squeezing them softly. "I hated everyone. I was ice-cold and bitter, constantly wanting to die, thanks to my hellish home life. But when I was fourteen, I met Leo. He was a transfer student who would not leave me alone- he was happy and energetic and had some strange interest in me. I despised him at first... he was bloody annoying. The day finally came when I snapped, and I let everything out. I yelled at him for at least an hour, but when I was finally done, he just hugged me and let me cry. He was the first person to allow me to vent, and tell me that it was perfectly fine to feel the way I did. After that, we were inseparable." I took a shakey breath. "Leo was my first and only boyfriend... but our relationship never progressed past holding hands and the occasional hug, and it didn't get to last long. About a month after we first started dating, my parents found out... the day after, they began preparations to ship me off to the U.S., and I never saw him again. I didn't even get to say goodbye or explain what was happening- he probably just thinks my parents either killed me or sent me far, far away." Hot tears were welling up in my eyes and my whole body was trembling. I suddenly felt Sam's strong arms around me, and his fingers faintly stroking my hair. I nestled my head into his chest, listening to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat.
"My god, Jace..." His voice was quiet. "It's okay, let it out."
I didn't need to be told twice.
My soft sobs filled the otherwise silent room. I cried for a good five, six minutes. When I was done, Sam let go momentarily.
"Tissue?" I nodded, taking it and blowing my nose.
I sighed. "I just miss Leo so much. He was more like my best friend than a boyfriend... I always felt like we had more of a support realtionship rather than being together. He's the only person I've trusted with hearing my past, at least until now. You, Kizu, and the doctor are the only others who know what's happened to me."
"And it's opened my eyes to your reality and that just because I don't see anything that says you're hurting..." Sam gingerly touched one of the many bruises on my face. "Doesn't mean that there isn't pain."
"Only took eleven months..." He looked away, guilt evident on his face. "Come on, Sam. I'm just messing with you. I've already forgiven you, have I not?"
"I don't know, have you?" He was smirking. I flicked him on the forehead, and he just laughed.
"Wanker."
"You're so rude."
"Only when I need to be," I said. "Hey, do you... do you wanna come over to my house for a bit? I need to check on some things..."
"Sure. Do you need help carrying your stuff?"
"Nah, I've got it." I smiled, trying to be reassuring.
"Alright. Put a jacket on, it's October."
I just rolled my eyes. "Okay, mum." He lightly smacked my arm, resulting in a giggle from me, and handed me a jumper. It was a soft gray thing, with the track team's insignia emblazoned on the front and Sam's last name, Larson, on the back.
"Here. Should keep you warm- you can have it if you want... I'm sorry for ruining your outfit yesterday." I cracked a grin.
"Thank you... and don't worry about ruining my clothes. They were old anyway, and the only reason I wore them to school was because I have a pottery class which is fairly messy," I rambled. I definitely didn't have a 'way with words', as they say. Sam just nodded and ruffled my hair.
"Still." His eyes flickered down to the floor and back to me. "It was wrong of me. Everything I did to you was wrong."
I sighed. "I've told you it's not a problem to me... can we just be friends? Put the past behind us?" I watched as a smile slowly crept onto his face.
"If that's alright with you, because I'd love to." I giggled, and he hugged me quickly before letting go. "If we wanna get to your house before A- I mean, Kizu, gets back." I frowned.
"What were you gonna say before you corrected yourself?"
"It's... not important." I felt a little curious, but I suppressed it. Sam must've noticed my expression, because he murmured, "I'll tell you later."
"Mkay. You ready to go?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Yep." He chuckled and opened the door, held it for me, then shut it behind him as he walked out. "Kizu should be home soon... eh, I'll lock it anyways. He'll be pissed if I don't," he mumbled under his breath, talking to himself, which I found adorable.
Jace, no... he's most likely straight. This is bad, you can't develop feelings for him!
It was too late; I'd already had feelings for him for over a year, and, unfortunately for me, the didn't seem to be dying down.
All I could do was try to keep my emotions in check and hopefully never let him find out.
"Are you okay?" I jumped, startled. Sam was looking concerned, and I nodded.
"Yeah, sorry. I just spaced out for a second there." The emerald-eyed boy laughed.
"I should've guessed. You're the quiet type, aren't you?"
I smirked. "Not unless you really get to know me. Then I'm a bit of a different person."
Sam smiled wistfully. "I hope I'll get to see that side of you eventually." He ruffled my hair again, and I just giggled softly and began heading for my house.
It quickly turned into a race, even though my house was literally right next door to his. We were both sprinting as fast as we could, and I managed to pull ahead and reached my front door just before he did. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into a back hug, laughing along with me. It took a minute for it to click with both of us how he was holding me, and as soon as he realized, his cheeks went red and he backed up.
"S-sorry." I just chuckled.
"It's all good... I still beat you," I said with a smirk.
"Yeah." He paused, observing my facial expression, then sighed. "I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I..." He spoke as if he already knew the answer.
"Yep." I grinned, pulled out my house key and unlocked the door. Before opening it, I turned and asked, "Are you, by any chance, allergic to dogs?"
Slightly puzzled, he shook his head.
"Okay, that's good." I swung the door open and yelled, "Mochi! Daddy's home!"
The sound of toenails scrabbling on a wooden floor was heard immediately upon my words, and my small corgi was quick to greet me happily. She wiggled around, jumping and licking my face as I crouched down to scrub on her. I made sure to keep my broken wrist out of harm's way- it still hurt even without touching it. "Hey, pretty girl. Sorry I didn't show up sooner," I said with a smile.
When my dog finally noticed Sam, she instantly ditched me and started barking at him. He looked kind of unsure, and I laughed and said, "It's okay, you can pet her. She doesn't bite."
He smiled and sqatted down beside me, sticking out his hand for my dog to sniff. Mochi must've decided that she liked him, becuase she stood up with her front legs on his knee and licked his nose. Surprised, my friend laughed and petted her head, scratching her behind the ears. My dog froze momentarily, sneezed, then sprinted away from us. Sam looked confused, but I just smiled.
"That's normal. She decides that she's done with us and sneezes, then runs away for no reason whatsoever. It's one of her weirder actions," I said, standing up and awkwardly wiping off my jeans (just because I'm ambidextrous doesn't mean my left hand is on par with my right- I use my right more often than left). Sam did the same, brushing the dog hair off his jeans with his hands.
"Okay, I was just hoping I hadn't scared her off," he chuckled, grinning. I shook my head. "Now, what'd you need to get done?"
"Oh yeah. I just needed to make sure that Mochi was okay and get her some food and water. I should probably make sure she hasn't destroyed anything as well."
"Yeah, that sounds smart." Chuckling softly to myself, I nodded, then went to go check on my home.
Thankfully, everything was still intact. I fed my dog, gave her some water, and watched her run around in the backyard as Sam sat beside me on the back porch.
"You want anything to drink..? I've got Dr. Pepper and probably some Pepsi in the fridge."
"Sure, Dr. Pepper sounds good." I nodded and went inside to grab a couple of them, the returned and handed Sam his drink. "Thanks." I smiled.
"No problem." I sat back down and cracked open the can, taking a sip of the sweet, fizzy soda. Mochi was still chasing after the same moth that she'd been following for like five minutes- and she'd made no progress in catching it.
"Hey Jace?"
I faced the blonde boy sitting next to me. "Yeah..?"
Sam grinned. "Thank you again for giving me a second chance. If I were you, I sure as hell wouldn't have offered me something to drink, much less be my friend. It means a lot."
"It's no problem to me... I must say, I do like you better though when you're not forcing me to hide in that horrible bathroom. That place is where you can find pretty much any fungus that's ever lived- it's rank." I shivered.
"That bathroom is terrible... now I feel worse for trapping you in there for god knows how long." I punched his shoulder jokingly.
"Don't worry about it. At least it taught me the standards at which I want my bathroom's cleanliness." Sam barked a laugh.
"At least."
Then Sam's phone rang... and a very annoyed, very stressed Kizu was on the other end.
(Oof, I'm so stressed and I suck ass at filler chapters. Here though, hope y'all enjoy.)