Brendon invited me over. He didn't tell me why he wanted me to come over, he just texted me and said come over. Of course, this sent my anxiety racing. I panicked about whether he wanted Josh to come or when I should go or what I should bring.
In the end I didn't even bring my bag, I just picked up my phone and my keys and got in my car to go to see him.
When I arrived, he didn't say anything when he opened the door. He pulled me through his house and towards his piano where he had tried to teach me to play many times.
"Sage. I wrote a song about you." He said. My anxiety went through the roof. Last time he wrote a song about someone other than Sarah it was about drugs and how they needed to spend some time apart.
"Okay. Is it nice?" I asked, he didn't say anything which indicated it wasn't.
"It's not about you now. It's about you a couple of years ago." He explained but it wasn't making me any less nervous.
"Okay." I stood awkwardly, fearing what my brother actually thought about me.
"Take a seat." He gave me an assuring smile but I didn't believe it. I dragged a chair from his dining table and sat on it patiently while he stared at the piano.
The moment you arrived
They built you up
The sun was in your eyes
You couldn't believe it
Riches all around
You're walking
Stars are on the ground
You start to believe it
Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you
You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do
But nobody knows you now
When you're dying in LA
And nobody owes you now
When you're dying in LA
When you're dying in LA
When you're dying in LA
The power, the power, the power
Oh the power, the power, the power
Of LA
Nights at the chateau
Trapped in your sunset bungalow
You couldn't escape it
Yeah
Drink of paradise
They told you put your blood on ice
You're not gonna make it
Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you
You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do
But nobody knows you now
When you're dying in LA
And nobody owes you now
When you're dying in LA
When you're dying in LA
When you're dying in LA
The power, the power, the power
Oh the power, the power, the power
Of LA
He stopped playing and stared at me; waiting for any response. I thought at first, that it couldn't be about me since it was clearly about someone trying to be famous in LA. Then it hit me, the people putting me down and saying no were all my old friends and I had with Jacob and the fame I wanted was to be happy again.
"It's beautiful." My eyes were wet. I wiped away a few tears while Brendon was clearly terrified of what I thought.
"I wrote it a while ago. But I want to put it on the album, I've perfected it in the studio and added strings and everything." He explained. I took a deep breath and nodded.
"Yeah, people will love it" I stumbled on my words slightly.
"Do you love it?" He asked. I didn't really know how I felt about it. It was about me drowning in LA and being ultimately depressed. But it would be selfish to say no.
"Yes. It's a great song Bren" I smiled. He didn't look that convinced but nodded all together.
"It reminds me of how far you've come and how proud I am of where you are. You've been through harder than that since and now you're thriving in LA" he smiled warmly. I stood up so he stood up as well. I gave him a huge hug and soaked up his warmth.
"You have to put this on the album. I think a lot of people will relate to it in so many different ways" I said as I pulled out the hug.
"Okay. I just wanted you to love it before I give it to lots of other people to love" he smiled down at me.
"I probably wouldn't of even noticed it was about me if you hadn't of told me" I laughed which made him smile.
"well yeah most of my songs are just one giant metaphor so I mean sometimes I don't even know what I'm on about." He laughed. I gave him another hug just because I couldn't help it.
Sarah walked through the door just as we stopped hugging and then of course I had to hug her too.
"Did he show you the song?" She asked, I nodded.
"It's beautiful" I repeated what I had said to Brendon before and she grinned at me.
"This albums gonna be a good one." She smiled. My phone vibrated just as they walked into the kitchen so Sarah could unpack what she had bought.
I'm outside - Josh
"Guys I gotta go. Josh's outside." Josh was taking me to the doctors to see if everything was ok. It was going to be weird but I needed to know whether we could have children.
I said goodbye to them both and then walked out of their house. I don't know what it was about Brendon's song but it made me adamant to not become that person I was. No matter what happened at the doctors, I needed to keep my cool.
"Hey baby" Josh wound down his window so I could give him a kiss. I gave him a few through the window and then ran round the car to get in.
"Ready?" I asked, he took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows.
"As I'll ever be" he started the engine but I put my hand on his. He looked at me, he looked nervous.
"It's getting way too real. We're actually adults going to an adult appointment" I said as if it just hit me. He passed me a smile and kissed my hand.
"That's what happens when you turn thirty" I gasped at his words and then started to laugh.
"I am twenty eight, you are the middle aged one here" I jabbed at him, he nodded with a grin on his face and then pulled out onto the road.
When we arrived at the doctors, Josh wouldn't let go of my hand. Neither of us had ever been to an appointment like this before let alone expected to. We told our names to the receptionist and then took a seat. There were pregnant women everywhere. I couldn't stop looking at Josh's leg which was shaking. I put my hand on it and he stopped shaking. He kissed my cheek and then allowed me to put my head on his shoulder.
"Brendon wrote a song about me" I said when we had been waiting a long time.
"Really?" Josh smiled but then stopped when he saw I wasn't smiling.
"It's called 'Dying In LA'" I raised my eyebrows. Josh had a small smile on his face. "It's good" I changed my adjective for once.
"I wish he'd write one about me" he pouted, I laughed and shook my head.
"Oh come on, you know LA Devotee is about you." I joked. He pretended to be offended and we giggled until the nurse came up to us.
"Mr and Mrs Dun?" The nurse smiled, holding a clipboard. We both stood up, Josh still gripping my hand as we followed her into the room. She lead us into the doctors office and then shut the door behind us.
"Take a seat" the doctor said. She didn't look happy but I assumed she was just fed up with telling people they can't have babies. "How have you been?" The doctor directed the question at no one in particular.
"Good." I didn't really know what else to say, she didn't really care anyway.
"Good. Okay, you both did the tests last time. Are you trying to get pregnant?" She got straight to the point. I didn't think i was ready for a baby yet and Josh knew that.
"No but since the miscarriage, i've just been wondering whether its me." I confessed. Josh squeezed my hand, i think he was more nervous than i was.
"Okay, well let's take a look" She pulled out the results and layed them down in front of us. We both scooted over to try and take a look.
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haha, you'll just have to wait.