Chapter 44: Meeting the Jackass
I watched Shawn during our car ride.
His eyes never left the road racing towards us in the windshield. His knuckles were white and his right eye would twitch every now and again. Not once did he smile, not even when his favorite song played through the speakers. His breathing was steady and full, his chest rising and falling gently. His teeth were gritting constantly and his eyebrows were continuously moving. His thumbs tapped erratically on the wheel and his left leg was bouncing a different rhythm.
Although he would never admit to it, I could tell Shawn was just as nervous as I.
His hand was shaking slightly as he turned off the ignition and he glanced over at me.
“It’ll be fine.” I said unknowingly, and I’m sure very unconvincingly.
He gave me a nervous nod before we both slowly got out of the car. I could feel myself physically shaking and raced my hands through my hair. I wiped under my eyes and walked over to Shawn. He took my hand in his and we walked into the small cafe, the same one Ryan took me to the day he asked me out, and into the day permanently etched into my memory. Thursday, March 13th.
I looked over the faces of the people sitting and eating dinner, I was no help- unable to correctly identify the man known as my father. “Do you see him?”
Shawn continuously looked at one spot, “Yeah.”
We slowly walked over to a small booth towards the back of the cafe and towards a man with his back to us. His jet black hair was a direct match to his jet black clothing and heart. We got closer and sat across from him in the booth, I looked up and his gray-blue eyes sparkled in the lighting. I cringed to find the smile in his face, I don’t want him to be happy. “Shawn, Lynsey!”
“Hi dad.” Shawn said and I looked over to see him grinning slightly.
“Yeah, whatever. Hi.” I groaned, I don’t care how unwelcoming I sound- he doesn’t deserve this- I’m only here for Shawn.
My father sighed at my greeting, “Lynsey. I thought we raised you better than-”
“We?” I interrupted laughing, “We? Really? No. You do NOT get to say ‘we’ you did not raise me, mom and Shawn did, not you.” I crossed my arms and sat back in the booth.
He turned to Shawn, “How have you been?
“Good.”
“Good. How’s college?”
“Good. Real good.”
“That’s great. Lynsey,” I cringed, “how’s school been?”
“Fine.”
“How about the boy you were with, huh?” he raised his eyebrow and I clenched my teeth.
Shawn turned to me, “How does he know about Ryan?”
“Uh-”
“So you didn’t tell him?” my father pressed. I glared at his smirking face.
“Have you met with dad without me?” Shawn asked, slightly pissed off and slightly confused.
“No.” I turned to him, “He- he… You know what- we aren’t here to talk about me. This is about you explaining.” I turned to the smirking jackass before me.
He cleared his throat, “Alright. What do you want to know? I’m an open book.”
“Why are you insisting on coming back into our lives?” I asked.
“I’m your father.” he shrugged, “Isn’t that reason enough?”
“No.” I instantly responded.
“Okay. Well I am your father and I feel like I should be some part of your lives- no matter how late I come into them.”
“So you just let mom raise us and go through the hard parts alone so you could come in for the parts where we are adults and you have no legal responsibilities over us if something bad were to happen? Yes? Then if something bad does happen you can blame it on the way we were raised?” I gritted.
“No.” he said, “That’s not what I am saying.”
“Sure it isn’t.” I rolled my eyes.
“Alright.” Shawn cleared his throat, “How do you know about Lynsey and Ryan?”
“Who’s Ryan?”
“My boyfriend.” I growled, “Yes. Please tell Shawn about the day you were stalking me.”
“It was protecting.” he snarled, “I already told you that.”
I bit at the inside of my cheek to keep from snapping at him.
“I was sitting here in this dinner when Lynsey walked in with this brown haired boy who in my opinion looked no good. They walked in and sat in one of the booths together all happy and such. It made me nervous. I didn’t want her with the wrong guy.”
“He’s not the wrong guy! Unlike you.”
“What did you just-”
“Um- can I get you something to drink?” I looked over at our waitress, Lillian. Perky red hair and all.
“No- we are fine.” my father glared.
“Wait. I’d like some water, please.” I said and she nodded before quickly walking away.
“Now are you going to apol-”
“How was life in jail?” I interrupted trying to sound innocent, yet planted a smirk on my face.
“What?” Shawn asked breathlessly.
“You said you were an open book, how... was life... in jail?” I pressed further.
“It- it was hell.” he mumbled.
“Good.”
“Lynsey!” Shawn gasped.
“What? He deserved it.” I shrugged.
“What were you in- in jail for?” Shawn asked nervously.
“Oh- um… uh-” he stuttered with the question.
“Assault.” I answered for him, since he was having such an issue.
“I was never convicted.” he mumbled.
“Too bad.” I sighed.
“Lynsey. I have had enough of your smart mouth. You are getting on my last nerve.”
“Alright.” Shawn said, “Let’s move on.”
“Here- here’s your water.” Lillian placed down two square napkins, the glass, and a straw on the table. She tapped her pen on the flat top. I looked up at her and smiled. She looked between me and the water then wiggled her eyebrows slightly and walked away. I turned back to them confused.
“Okay- where have you been?” Shawn asked.
“Well I started-” the jackass began to answer, but I couldn’t pay attention. I just had this feeling, Lillian was trying to tell my something. I looked at my glass and picked it up, the ring of water seeping through the top napkin had a black-ish stain through it. Ink?
I picked up the napkin and flipped it over.
Are you okay? I don’t know- just the man across from you seems a little… I don’t know, sketchy. I’m sorry if it’s nothing. But it’s just… I don’t know. He came in thirty minutes ago and just something about him seems off- if you need help, write it on the other napkin. Sorry if it’s just me being paranoid…
I folded the napkin and put it in my pocket. I took the other napkin and placed it in my lap. Lillian had left her pen here and I grabbed it before writing back sloppily on the napkin, He is sketchy. He’s a total jackass, but sadly he’s my father also. Well not really… just the DNA. I only came for my brother, he wanted an explanation as to why this sketchy jackass left… blahblahblah. Anyways- thanks, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it handled.
I put the napkin face down on the edge of the table along with the pen and then paid attention to the conversation again.
“Okay- I’m tired.” I groaned, “Let’s just get to the main point. Why’d you leave? I could care less, but Shawn wants to know. Just so you know- I’m done already and couldn’t give a single crap about your lame ass excuses.”
“Lynsey.” he sighed.
“No. Just answer the question so I can leave.”
He sighed, “I wish you didn’t hate me.”
“Too bad.”
“I left because... Well there’s more than one reason. I mean- it’s not like one thing happened and I was done. It was layer after layer after layer that sent me over the edge.”
Cue eye roll.
“I left because I felt like I couldn’t provide for you kids-”
Then I whispered, “Bull.” Then I endured a kick from Shawn.
Lillian walked past and took the napkin.
“-and because I didn’t feel loved-”
Whisper “Bull.” Endure kick.
“-then there was that constant arguing that your mother always started with me.-”
Whisper “Bull.” Endure kick.
“And the biggest reason of all was because of your mother.”
I clenched my jaw.
“She was just so- I know she’s your mother, but she was- in all honestly. A terrible person.”
I shot up in my seat, “Bull!”
The cafe went quiet and all eyes were darted to me, but I didn’t care. I would not sit here and listen to him talk shit about my mother.
“Lynsey. Sit down.” Shawn said.
I glared down at him, What the hell is wrong with him!?, “What they hell Shawn!? Are you really going to sit here and let this piece of fucking shit talk crap about our mother? Our mother! The woman who raised us, who holds two crap jobs to feed us, care for us, send us to college. No. That’s so fucking messed up. Can’t you see how fucking messed up that is!? I swear if you stay here and listen to this, then you are not my brother.” I was boiling as I turned to the piece of shit in the other side of the booth, “How dare you try and talk about my mother like that. What gives you the right? Nothing! You have no right jackass. Mr. I’m going to walk out on my wife and kids and never tell them where I’m going. Then I’m going to get high and drunk and assault someone and spend time in jail, but don’t worry because I wasn’t fucking convicted. Then when my two kids are grown up and the hard part is over I’m going to try to come back into their lives by trash talking their mother who raised them to be the amazing people they are. No. No fucking way asshole. I will not stay here and allow you to say things about my mother, never. So guess what, Go.Fuck.Yourself.” I stalked to the door and turned around, “Oh- and never fucking contact me again or I will call the police for harassment, and this time jackass- believe me, you will be convicted.” And then I stormed out of that quiet cafe.
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