Although they were out to James, Sirius and Remus still insisted on keeping it from the others which gave me the perfect opportunity to reach back out to Marlene. I wanted to talk to someone about two of my best friends moving out with her and I hadn't seen her since Dorcas's funeral. Glenn may not have been controlling our friendship from behind the scenes, but it felt like there was a wall between us, both of us blaming ourselves for the death of Dorcas but neither wanting to talk about it. I wanted to change that.
Within a few letters, I discovered a few things had changed, mainly her address which she gave me via patronus to avoid another Glenn interception situation. Due to a late night Order shift, James was still asleep by lunch, passed out on the sofa whilst the rest of us tiptoed around him Before leaving, I kissed him on the forehead goodbye, glad that we now had at least one less secret between us.
Marlene's new building was incredibly nice, the second floor of an old Victorian House in Camden. Her family were reasonably well off from what I could tell, which explained the new scenic house. I felt strangely normal as I buzzed in, just like every other muggle who had come here before me and it felt odd to hear Marlene's voice on the other end of the receiver, crackly and hard to hear, unlike the clarity of a patronus message.
She already had the door slightly open, peeking around the side as I dashed up.
"Marlene - " I began as she suddenly stuck her wand out of the door.
"What food were we eating when we first spoke?"
"What?"
"Don't what me, answer the question, Lily," She continued, her dark eyes narrowed.
"Um.. trifle?"
Slowly, she pushed the door back, stuffing her wand back into the pocket of her cloak. Marlene was wearing an odd, yet stylish amalgamation of wizarding and muggle culture: a dark blue dress with a large black mid-section, with a shimmering, iridescent blue cloak over the top.
"Sorry, I just... thought it was better to be safe," She said softly. I reached out to hug her again, but she jumped back a little, "Inside, then we can hug."
"Oh... okay," I replied, feeling a little shaken by the bizarre arrival. Walking into her flat, it didn't feel like it was inhabited by wizards at all. Everything looked like it had been ripped out of a magazine, from the bare wood bookshelves to the yellow and brown sofa. Although she'd always been one to embrace muggle fashions, she'd always kept an element of magic to her which she retained in her clothes but from her house it was gone.
Finally she stepped forward and put her arms around me, pulling me into a hug.
"I've missed you, Lily."
"I've missed you too, Marlene," I replied, squeezing her so tight that it felt like I would never let go.
"Marlene, was it her?" I looked up abruptly, furrowing my brow as I heard a male voice from one of the rooms.
"Yep, don't worry, Love!" She explained quickly, "Mark."
"You two live together?"
She nodded, "Since ... we just didn't want to be alone."
"I thought he was playing Quidditch in America," I replied, "And he apparated in, did he just give it up?"
"Yeah, kind of," She replied, "He got an offer from Chudley Cannons, he apparates there now and it's a lot less effort. You know, one time, he drove there, in a muggle car, it was his Mum's."
"Impressive," I replied.
"Shall we go to the living room? You came at an odd time, we're having lunch in a little while but you're welcome to stay," She asked, holding out her hand towards the room where Mark was. I nodded and followed her into an equally stylish, living room/dining room/kitchen, very open plan and modern. Mark was behind the counter, chopping up some vegetables by hand, giving me a small smile as we walked in.
"Um, hi Mark," I said with a small wave.
"Nice to see you, Lily," He replied, sounding much calmer and mature than I remembered, squeezed into a yellow turtle neck unlike the baggy collared shirts he used to sport, "How have you and James been?"
"We've been good, thank you," I replied, sitting down opposite Marlene.
"Do you want lunch, Lily?" Marlene asked, sounding oddly formal.
"No, I'm alright thanks."
"Okay," She sat up a little, "Only make lunch for two?"
"What?"
"I said only make lunch for two!" She repeated, before sitting down again, "Open plan, and he still can't hear me. I reckon it's from being hit in the head with a Bludger so much."
"Okay, I heard that!" He called over and she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, NOW you can suddenly hear!" She shook her head again, "It is lovely to see you, Lily."
"You two," I replied, "I have exciting news, me and James might finally be living alone. Sirius and Remus are moving out."
"Oh, are they still..." She glanced over at Mark before hushing her voice, "A couple?"
"Yep."
"Good for them," She replied, "And I mean it, I'm not bitter anymore about it especially now that he apologised for accusing me of being a spy. I genuinely hope they're happy together, he was a good boyfriend until the last part."
I raised an eyebrow at her and she gave a soft laugh, "Okay, he was never a great boyfriend except for the first part. But I don't wish harm on him. I'm curious, why is that what you lead with?"
"They want to remain in the closet and you're one of the few people who knows. I mean Dorcas did - "
"Okay, I see why you told me," She cut in stiffly.
"Marlene, how are you dealing with Dorcas's death? Because I miss her tremendously, I cry at night still and it's been months but I look better in the day," I said, the words suddenly flooding out of me. Sirius, Remus and James had known her but they'd never been great friends with her, she'd been mine and Marlene's best friend so none of them felt the way I did. Marlene loved her as much as me, we'd been through so much the three of us and it felt good to tell her everything.
"- and I can kind of imagine her answers to things, you know? Like the other day, I can't remember what it was but she would have said something funny and it was just funny. I still keep thinking she'll jump out of a cupboard or walk through the door because it doesn't even feel real - "
"I know," She cut in curtly, looking down at the table, "It's incredibly painful."
"And it just hurts too because I feel like there were signs, signs that Glenn was corrupting her and using her and I just missed them - "
"I know," She repeated, "We really messed up as friends, didn't we."
Her bluntness caught me a little off guard and the words disappeared from me, "Yeah... I guess so. We can't blame ourselves too harshly though - "
"We can," She replied, straightening her collar with her hand, "Even if we didn't know she was a..." She trailed off, coughing awkwardly, "... we could have noticed the signs of how he was using and controlling her."
"But we can't blame ourselves," I replied quickly, "We tried - "
"Not hard enough."
"But it was Glenn - "
"We all missed the signs," She snapped, suddenly standing up and drifting over to the kitchen counters, "It's hard but we need to distance ourselves from it. We can blame ourselves but we have to accept that and not let it drag us down."
"But we didn't do it, we didn't kill our friend," I replied slowly, confused as to what she was saying.
"I'm not saying we did," She replied, "Technically He-who-must-not-be-named killed her, magic killed her but we must take a share of the blame. And once we have accepted that share, we need to detach from it, accept it's there and move on. Now if you don't mind, I would rather talk about something else. How's lunch coming on, Mark?"
"Almost done," He replied, giving her a smile before shooting a sympathetic look at me.
"We're having salad," Marlene said, turning to me, "It's very nutritious, especially if you add seeds and croutons. Mark's coach told him in America, his diet had gotten so bad he was in majorly bad health despite exercising so regular, it's a two part thing you see. But now we eat right, it helps for the Order too, my reflexes have been sharper."
The way she was speaking was very bizarre, as if she were an advertisement. There was a strange coldness to her which seemed to be masking something, as if the real Marlene had hidden behind a curtain, replaced by this cold, trend-conscious imposter. I looked up again, to see Mark hastily looking away, continuing chopping his salad. As Marlene spoke, I kept noticing Mark's eyes moving in the same repeated pattern: from Marlene to me before always hastily looking down again.
"Lily, do you want to stay over lunch?" Marlene asked eventually as Mark distributed the leafy green salad onto plates. Although I knew it would be incredibly awkward to sit not eating whilst they had their lunch, I wanted to stay with her and Mark for a bit longer; it felt like there was something I wasn't being told. As if luck would have it, just as Marlene sat down, she sprung back up again.
"Excuse me for a second, I just need to nip to the loo," She replied curtly, giving us both a smile before walking.
For a moment there was an awkward silence before both me and Mark spoke, which led to even more silence.
"You go first," I said eventually and he leant forward a little.
"Don't take it personally."
"What?"
"The coldness, the aloofness, it's not her fault."
I narrowed my eyes at him, "Mark, I swear if you have her under the Imperius curse - "
"No, I would never do that," He replied sternly, "Fuck you for even suggesting that... sorry. It's hit her emotionally and she doesn't want to talk about it or even acknowledge it sometimes. She blames herself, and you and magic, which is why she's being distant from all of it."
"Like the house," I murmured, "It's so - "
"Muggle," He finished as I trailed off, "She likes it and so do I but - "
"I'm back!" The two of us spun around to see her returning, holding her cloak gracefully aloft as she sat down, "So what are we talking about? How amazing this salad looks?" She asked, giving Mark a quick kiss on the cheek, "I bet you wish you'd had some now, Lily."
"Yeah," I replied, shaking my head to snap myself back to reality, "Although I'm a bit full so not really."
"Lies," She said, laughing for the first time that day.
Looking around, it all kind of made sense, it didn't feel like Marlene's house and maybe that's what she wanted. This Marlene wasn't best friends with Dorcas, this Marlene was new and stylish, as if she'd tried to erase her past self with some new clothes and furniture. Still, I wasn't one to judge coping mechanisms considering I was the girl with a revenge plan up my sleeve...
•••
So I've decided with the series, I might try and do three/four at a time at first (this is all a little off but still, best to plan ahead). I've decided James's will be a prequel, from years one to five and Remus's will be a sequel (kind of), covering some of the fallout from his death.
The main ones I'm planning are Blackinnon/Wolfstar (From Sirius's POV), Marlene and Dorcas as they feature heavily and then will do Peter, Fralice (Alice's POV) and Mary after as they feature less. I still don't know what the hell to call it, if anybody has some suggestions I am open- E x