chapter
↳ ten
moodboard
↳ soft sirius
-
"What're you doing?" Benji asked, throwing his leg over the bench so he could sit beside his sister.
"I'm asking Mom and Dad for a puppy for Christmas," Millie answered, not looking up as she scrawled all over her parchment. "I figure two months is enough time for them to think about it." She finally looked up to see Benji's bright expression. There was still some makeup smudged around his eyes from the Halloween party last night. She rolled her eyes, "Did you use the makeup wipes I gave you?"
"No," Benji admitted. Redness appeared on the tips of his ears, "After Headmaster made us quit the party early, Demetria and I went for a walk around the castle. By the time I got back and relayed every detail to the boys, I was too tired." He ended in a whine, the same elongated syllables he used whenever he wanted Millie's forgiveness.
"If that gets in your eyes, it's going to hurt."
"Oh, tell me about it," Benji marveled, "I rubbed my eyes this morning and thought it was going to burn off. My stumbling around the room woke James up and that was a nightmare."
Millie nodded sympathetically. One thing she definitely noticed after spending time with the Marauders was that James could go overboard at mothering his friends. "Well, just be sure to wipe it off the next break—" her expression grew coy, "—Now what's this about you and Demetria talking?"
Benji shrugged, but the undoubtedly proud smile on his lips said it all. "I don't know... we were talking when the party ended and... I just didn't want it to end. So I took her for a walk around the castle and it was really nice."
More student filed into the Great Hall for breakfast, and Millie waved to Regulus when walked in. He nodded and smiled at her. "Are you going to ask her out?" she rested her chin on her palm and turned her attention back to her brother.
"I d-don't know," Benji said, "I thought about it but... then I thought about her rejecting me and I couldn't bring myself to do it."
He ducked his head shyly, "She looked so beautiful last night, Millie. I wish I had the courage to ask her out. I wish I had the courage to show her how much I love her."
"Love?" Millie blurted, "Just how long have you been in love with her?"
"I can't remember. Maybe fourth year? Third year?" Benji sighed and picked at his thumbnail, "It doesn't matter. All this time I've been trying to get rid of my crush and now that I've finally admitted it, it seems possible. It seems possible that she might like me back."
Millie wanted more than anything to shake her brother by the shoulders and tell him that Demetria returned his feelings tenfold, but she had to respect her best friend's feelings. It was the same reason she hadn't told Demetria about Benji's crush: she wanted to respect their feelings and let them admit them when the timing was right. It wasn't her place to intervene, but she really wished it was. "Well, speak of the devil, there's Demetria now. Why don't you go eat breakfast with her?"
"What if she says no?"
"Why would she say no?"
"I don't know," Benji grumbled. He stood up and tugged nervously on the sleeves of his robe.
Millie went back to her letter, reading it through so fixedly that she didn't notice someone take her brother's place. Lucinda slid in, her hair piled on top of her head and her cheeks flushed. "Hey, you didn't tell your twin about this, did you?"
Millie shook her head and folded the piece of parchment. "Nope. Told him I was asking our parents for a puppy. He might be disappointed Christmas morning, but he didn't question further."
"Okay, great. So do you think the letter's okay? Do you think it'll lessen the blow?"
Millie bit her lip and scanned the letter once more. "Well... it'd definitely be better to tell them in person, but this looks like the best we've got. Let's just home they take it well. Have you talked to Martin, yet?"
"Yeah," Lucinda said. "He said he'd help, and that he wanted us to stay together." She sighed, "But he doesn't want to get married or anything until we're done with school and college. He doesn't want us to rush into anything."
"Do his parents know?" Millie forked a piece of bacon and brought it to her lips.
"Yeah. They're not exactly thrilled, but they aren't mad either." Lucinda fiddled with her fingers, "I'm nervous about my parents."
"It'll be alright," Millie comforted her by placing a hand on the older girl's shoulder.
"I hope so."
-
Millie felt the wind whistle past her ears as she darted for the snitch. Regulus' laugh rang out as he pasted her, his fingers reaching for the snitch as well. The two of them had decided to go through a few quidditch drills in place of a date. Whoever caught the snitch first had to pay for food during the next date at Hogsmeade, which Regulus had promised to take her on to make up for the last trip.
As the chase quickly came to an end, with Regulus' hand wrapped around the snitch, Millie slowed down. As her feet touched the grass, Regulus held the snitch out cockily, "There's a reason I'm Slytherin's best seeker."
"Shut up," Millie threw back at him, her eyes mirthful. She grabbed her bottle of water and sat on the ground to take a sip.
Regulus laughed. He snapped the snitch back into it's wooden box and walked over to Millie. Then he nicked the bottle from her hands and poured it over his head.
"Ew! Regulus!" Millie squealed as water droplets hit her face. "Don't be gross!"
Regulus chuckled and finally sat beside her. His leaned his head against hers and sighed. "It's so nice to hang out with you for a change."
"As oppose to Mulciber, Avery, and Snape?" Millie asked.
"Yes," groaned Regulus, "They don't smell good at all. Also, they really want me to break up with you. It's annoying."
"Wait, what?" Millie turned her entire body so that she could look her boyfriend in the eyes, "Why do they care if we're dating?"
Regulus shrugged, "Well, you know, you aren't exactly on our side. Plus you hang out with my brother and his friends more than you hang out with me and mine."
"That's because I don't like your friends," Millie retorted. "And I'm not hanging out with Sirius or his friends, I'm hanging out with Benji and Demetria. The others are just tagging along."
"I've seen you talk to the others when Benji and Demetria weren't there."
"What are you getting at, Regulus?" Millie sounded angry.
"I'm just saying maybe you should leave your friends and come hang out with us. Become one of us."
"One of you? Do you honestly think I want to be under You-Know-Who?"
"But you'll be with me. I'm sure it won't even be that bad," Regulus said. "Plus, when the war is over, you'll be on the winning side."
"War?" Millie scoffed, shoving his arm away. "Why is there going to be a war?"
"Why do you think we're all leaving our seventh year?" He referred to himself and his friends who were all claiming to follow You-Know-Who. "We're going to become Death Eaters and join the ranks."
"Reg..." Millie closed her eyes, but the hot sting of tears threatening to open them up again. "Please don't tell me this is true. Please tell me you're going to make the right decision and stay in school. Stay with me, with Dumbledore."
"Don't you see?" Regulus' voice cracked, and for a moment Millie felt bad for him. "I can't! My family, my pride, my friends... I'd be giving it all up. And for what? For you? Do you really think I'm going to be on the losing side just so I can stay with you? We've been dating for two months, Mildred."
"Millie," she corrected. "And it would've been three, had you not cared so much about what the people around you thought. We're done."
"Good," Regulus muttered. "Fine. You go run off to your brother and his friends, but when they all die, don't say I didn't warn you!"
"Oh, bite me," Millie snapped. Then she grabbed her bag and stalked off of the field as angrily as she could. Only when she was out of Regulus' sight did she begin running. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew anywhere would be better than here. Anywhere.
As long as she was alone.
Only she wasn't alone, and she couldn't be alone, because this entire bloody castle was surrounded by students and teachers and mandated animals. Millie thought of running back to the common room and falling asleep with Pinky curled into her side.
It wasn't even the break up really, it couldn't be. Like Regulus said, they'd only been dating for a few months. It was a fast-paced, chaotic, rollercoaster that Millie got a thrill out of every time she got on it. But now the attraction was shut down forever — quite literally — and Millie was left feeling emptier than before. Just a bit bitter, just a bit hollow. She could hear Demetria's voice in her head saying I told you so, I told you so but none of it made any difference. It didn't then and it wouldn't now. Millie knew as soon as she told Demetria they would go up to their secret room and Demetria would rub Millie's back until she felt like talking about it.
Usually, when it came to boys, "talking about it" meant throwing insults and hexes at the wall until they couldn't breathe from the laughter. Until they realized that a boy was just a boy, and he really wouldn't matter in a few weeks.
Regulus wouldn't matter in a few weeks.
Christmas break was soon anyway, Millie would probably find a muggle boy back home to kiss under the mistletoe. Just for fun, like most kisses were. Then they'd forget about each other, like always. That was the system Millie knew: harmless flirting and emotionless kisses. Maybe she wasn't all that cut out for a boyfriend anyway.
She was a Slytherin, after all. Millie walked along the edge of the Black Lake, thinking of her mother's chipper voice paired with dark words. It was back in fourth year, and Hogwarts had a small Valentine's Day party. Millie wanted so badly to ask a boy to the party, especially the handsome Ravenclaw who sat with Demetria in potions. He had curly brown hair and freckles so abundant they almost made his skin an entirely new shade. His eyes were darker than both hair and freckles, melted like chocolate from Willy Wonka's factory.
But she was a Slytherin. Her mother mother made that clear in her return letter: "Seriously, Mildred, imagine getting asked out by a Slytherin. By someone you know will break your heart and stab you in the back as soon as you turn around. I reckon you'd leave the boy shellshocked and terrified if you asked him out. I'd just stay home."
So she did. Demetria went with the handsome boy, whose name neither of them could remember now. He wasn't that important anyway. He was just the first domino, the one to knock down all the confidence in Millie's life.
She kicked a rock into the lake, and watched as the giant squid caught it and threw it back, rather harshly. It was always boys, wasn't it? Why was it so easy for her to let her guard down and trust them, even when she knew it wouldn't last. When she knew she'd be the one to be stabbed in the back. She'd be the one holding onto the knife handle, begging him to stay, to not let go and leave her in this lonely and cruel world.
Life sucked, as far as Millie was concerned.
She grabbed another rock, a larger one, and wheeled her arm back to toss it. Before she could, a rough hand caught her wrist and wriggled the stone out of her grip. "Now, now, Millie, what did the lake ever do to you?"
Millie glared at Sirius and began walking. She really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Especially the brother of her ex-boyfriend.
Merlin, that sounded so bitter on her tongue. Ex-boyfriend.
Sirius had to jog to keep up with her. "Babe, if you don't wipe that frown off your lips, people might think you don't like hanging out with me."
"Don't call me that," Millie grumbled, arms folded over her chest defensively. "And if I had wanted to talk to you, I wouldn't have walked the other way. Can't you take a hint?"
Sirius stopped, and for a moment she thought she was finally alone. Just for a moment. However, he latched onto the sleeve of her jacket, tugging her to a standstill.
Millie looked up at him, ready to chew him out for disrespecting her wishes, for being a complete git all the time; for appearing whenever she was most vulnerable, just to crack jokes and then leave. But the words felt heavy on her tongue.
Sirius' eyebrows were turned up in worry. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth and his breathed out slightly through his nose before speaking, "Are you okay? Seriously? Because usually you banter back now. It's kind of our thing."
The thought of having any "thing" with Sirius made her upset. The thought of him caring about her, being friendly towards her, when all she could do was curse him out in her head, made her feel rotten. Like a treacle tart that had been left out for too long: sticky with resentment and absolutely dripping with the smell of disappointment. Towards herself, that is.
"Don't worry about it," she struggled to send him a smile. It wasn't very convincing.
"I am worried," Sirius said honestly. Millie always wondered how he managed to say everything he felt so effortlessly, like it wasn't a struggle. Like that was how life was supposed to be: unabashed and fearless.
He was too close. His fingers kept grazing hers and his smell reminded her of honey and pine, maybe a bit of smoke. It was inviting. It was like his arms were wide open and he had a sign around his neck stating "free hugs! get your comfort here!"
Millie didn't like it. "Don't be," she said, pulling her sleeve from Sirius' grip. "I'm fine."
-
a/n
i'm back!
do you guys think this pace is too fast? too slow? lemme know. i've given each relationship a certain pace based on the plot line, but i hope it isn't confusing.
also the ravenclaw boy mentioned from millie's fourth year is based on this boy i saw at wizarding world of harry potter when i went a few years ago. he was so handsome lol. it's the brown eyes. i always remember boys who have brown eyes :>
anyways please comment if you want! i love reading comments and seeing how people react to different scenes. it makes me excited to write more! also let me know what you think of this chapter!! what's gonna happen next, etc...
actually the next chapter is going to be somewhat angsty on millie's side BUT if you guys want me to include some benji and demetria moments then let me know :D