A/N: Thanks so much for the votes, guys (: Hope you enjoy this one as well!!
Chapter 5
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
and of all these things I've done I think I love you better now
~ Lego House - Ed Sheeran
I woke in a sweat, still shivering from the nightmare. I pulled open my curtains and stumbled out of bed. I blindly made my way to the bathroom and nearly had a heart attack when a voice spoke up.
"You were moaning again, Nika," Lily Evans said quietly, before lighting the room with a Lumos spell. Her eyes had always been too wise for her age, I thought as I moved my hands up and down my arms in hopes of getting warm again. "Are you okay?"
This wasn't the first time she'd asked me that after one of my nightmares. I used to feel guilty about waking her up every now and then, but the other girls never seemed bothered by my dreams. I had concluded that Lily Evans was an exceptionally light sleeper and had left it at that. I had never answered any of her intruding questions about what my dreams were about and in our second year she finally stopped asking.
My nightmares didn't occur every night, but they were a regular thing for me ever since I was eleven. "I'm fine," I mumbled, before continuing my way to the bathroom. I did my business and waited a little, assuming that Lily would go to bed again. When her light never dimmed, I gave a faint sigh and rubbed my eyes. Well it wasn't to be avoided, I suppose. I opened the bathroom door and moved back into our dorm.
"Come sit here for a moment, Nika. I'd like to talk, if you don't mind," Lily asked politely.
I hesitated but went to sit on her bed anyway. She drew the curtains closed and gave me a wan smile. "How are you really?"
I shrugged. "I'm the same as always," I assured her, but her smile fell off her face while I spoke.
"You know I worry about you, right?" Lily whispered, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I looked at our hands and smiled faintly.
"I know you do, Lily," I whispered back, squeezing her hand again. "I don't get why you do though. We're not even friends."
She hesitated for a moment and bit her lip as she seemed to mull over her next words. "You really don't, do you?" she said in the end, continuing when she saw my confused look. "You don't get why people would worry or care about you. I, for one, don't think it strange at all that Sirius Black chose you to befriend."
I felt a blush creep on my face. "That's very kind of you to say, Lily, but-"
"No," she interrupted, shaking her head, "no buts. I don't know what happened to make you so timid when that's obviously not your natural state. Don't give me that funny look either, Nika. I've heard you mutter under your breath when you thought nobody could hear your sarcastic remarks."
"Sarcasm does not equal a wild spirit," I pointed out, shifting uncomfortably on her bed.
Lily's smile widened when she saw. "No, it doesn't and that's not what I meant at all. I'm just saying that you've been avoiding people for six years now and I don't know why you keep isolating yourself. Surely you must be lonely?"
I don't know what it was that made me decide to open up a bit. Maybe it was Lily's hopeful smile or maybe it was the desperate look in her eyes that made me want to comfort her. Whatever it was, it made the words tumble out of my mouth before I could stop it. "It does get lonely at times," I agreed.
What was it with people psycho-analyzing me these days anyway?
Lily stared at our hands and didn't look up for a long time. I had no idea what was going through her mind right now, but it was obvious that she had nobody to talk to. She and Snape were still fighting and didn't seem like that would be resolved any time soon. For as far as I knew Lily had no other confidantes, since most girls felt incredibly intimidated by her.
Lily was the kind of girl that didn't even know how beautiful she was. She seemed out spoken and a big know it all, but the only person I had ever seen her act like that with was James Potter. Somehow he seemed to bring out the worst in her every time and that gave Lily quite a reputation as a spoilsport.
I felt sorry for her, I realized. "Are you okay, Lily?" I asked her quietly, wondering how I could help her through this.
A tear ran down her cheek and I froze. Well, shit. This was one of those awkward friend situations that I had no idea how to handle. Did I pat her? Where did I pat her? On her head? Maybe on her shoulder? Did I cry with her? Did I hug her?
In the end I decided to just lamely squeeze her hand again. I seemed to have done well, because Lily squeezed my hand right back.
"I know," she started, but stopped. She took a deep breath and continued staring at our hands. "I know you don't think of me as a friend and that's okay. I mean it's just who you are," she whispered, "but it seems like you're getting over your aversion of other people and I was kind of hoping that it wasn't only Sirius you tolerate. I know that you have this mad and insane crush on the lad that I will probably never understand, I just-" She stopped again and barely contained a sob.
I stared at her, feeling my stomach plummet. Did I do that? "Lily," I started softly, "I have no aversion to you or to anyone else. I'm just a little bit of a loner... If I would ever have to name a friend, it would be you." I had always thought of Lily as an acquaintance, that's true. But when I really thought about it, she was the only person I spoke to on a regular basis. She was the only person who seemed to really care that I was doing okay and, well, I genuinely liked the girl. She had it tough, but always managed to come out on top in the end.
"Really?" she asked slowly, before blinking. "Oh. Well, I had prepared this whole speech why I want you to be my friend, but if that's not necessary I'll spare myself the embarrassment." She gave a shaky laugh and let go of my hand to wipe away her tears.
"Lily," I said, unsure of myself and this whole situation. She too wanted to be my friend? I wasn't just going to be another replacement, was I? "I had no idea this made you so sad?" I doubted it was only my so called "aversion" to friendship that had made her cry, but I thought I'd better ask. Just to be safe.
"I'm - it's not why I'm so sad," she admitted, giving me a wan smile despite her words.
She looked away to her nightstand, where until the summer before a picture of her and Severus Snape had stood. "This is about Snape?" I guessed.
Lily shrugged. "He was my best friend for so long, you know. It's like I'm in an everlasting free fall now that I don't have him anymore."
I decided now was probably the appropriate time to give her a hug. I went to sit right next to her and awkwardly pulled her closer to me. She laid her head on my shoulder and sniffled a little. "I'm sorry that you don't have your best friend."
Lily gave a harsh laugh that ended in a half sob. "I haven't had my best friend for over a year," she finally admitted. "He's... I don't know what happened to him, where my Severus has gone. He's into some really bad things and I worry about him. He never called anyone a- a you-know-what before and then he slapped me in the face with that word." Mudblood, I thought in distaste. If James hadn't hexed the hell out of him for that, I think I might have. "He started idolizing the older Slytherins and he just changed."
"He started behaving more like a Slytherin," I murmured, rubbing her arm comfortingly.
She sat up suddenly, looking at me with a fire in her eyes that surprised me. "It's not just that!" she exclaimed. "It's like the Dark Arts started interesting him more than people. He doesn't care about anyone's feelings and he became so, so selfish," she spat.
It still sounded an awful lot like typical Slytherin behaviour, I thought a bit sadly.
"Maybe," I mildly said, "he has always been this way, but your eyes only recently opened?"
She mulled that over for a second. "Maybe," she murmured. She shook her head and gave me another look. "I heard you were called to McGonagall's office this morning."
Ah, change of subject. "Dragged is more like it," I muttered, still a bit upset over the whole thing.
"Why was that?" Lily asked me slowly, assessing me as if she feared the worst and that I too had joined the dark side.
I hesitated for a second, before shrugging. I doubted that Lily would tattle on us, but even if she did... I had already received my punishment so it's not like it could get any worse, right? I told her what we had done and Lily surprised me the second time that night by giggling a little. "You hung your picture above her fireplace?" she asked with a small smile. "What did she do when she found out?"
"Sirius and I have detention for about a month now."
Lily grinned at that. "Some alone time with him then?" she said, waggling her eyebrows. It seemed like her mood had completely changed and I couldn't help but smile at her.
"I thought you didn't approve?"
She waved my words away. "I still don't, but every girl needs some romance in her life."
"I'd hardly call this a romance," I reminded her. "I'm just here till he makes up with James and then he'll probably forget all about me."
Lily frowned at me. "Why don't you even sound sad?"
I shrugged. "Might be better that way," I said quietly. I didn't really want to get into this now. Secretly I longed for my bed and wondered if it would be rude if I cut the conversation short.
"One day you and I are going to have a long chat about all of your issues," Lily muttered a bit darkly.
I huffed at that. Yes, as if. I decided to just wing it. "I'm going back to bed," I announced, opening the curtains and moving back to my own bed.
"Nika?" Lily asked when I was warmly tucked in again.
"Hm?" I whispered back, wondering how the others had just slept through all of that. My whole world seemed to have changed in one conversation, but they hadn't even noticed.
"Thanks for listening."
"Any time, Lily. Good night."
"Good night."
Apparently I wasn't as friendless as I thought. I fell asleep quickly after that.