“It takes an ocean not to break.”
****
“But you must go, Annabeth,” I pursued, trying to let her change her mind about not going to Zayn’s wedding.
“Why can’t you get it, Harry?” She bellowed and I crossed my arms over my chest, cocking a brow at her.
“Get what? What’s the very convincing reason you’ve got not to go to your best friend’s wedding, Annabeth?” I whispered, but since we were in her silent bedroom, she heard me, and very well might I add.
“It fucking breaks me, Harry,” A tear slipped her beautiful eye, “It breaks me seeing them lovingly smile at each other… It breaks me watching them all happily together, and knowing that I’ll never get happiness like that. Yes, it is very selfish and non-considerate of me, but I, too, have feelings, you know? I, too, have a heart, which is broken, shattered may I add.”
Then she buried her face between her hands and started sobbing, loudly. It pained me knowing how much true and correct she was, she lost her chance in this happiness. But I am here, to try and regain it for her. I’m here to break all her boundaries and let myself in, to make her better. I’m here to fix it all up, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do for the last six days.
“Crying won’t ever benefit you; you must have known that by now.” I said, sitting beside her and brushing her hair delicately in a comforting way.
“I know,” She whispered, still in the same position.
“Then why are you still grieving yourself, Annabeth?” I asked, “Why are you torturing yourself in that hideous way while you can try and make yourself happy?”
“Because I lost him, I lost my chance in happiness. You don’t know how it is like to lose someone you love. And you won’t.”
“I don’t know?” I asked loudly, standing up and facing her, not literally as her face was still hidden by her hands. “I know because I lost my mum, I lost her and you witnessed how I coped to her loss, and how I’m still coping.
And most importantly, I lost you. And with each day passing, I’m losing you even more if that’s possible. Don’t you say that I don’t know that feeling because I’m like an expert in losing people I love, and you know it!”
I don’t know if it was my loud voice or what I said that caused her to stop crying and brought her head up, but I don’t care. If it was my shouting, she deserved it because I don’t know how she had the guts to accuse me of not knowing how her state felt. She above everyone knows how it feels like to lose a mother and she knows that I’ve lost her and that I was torturing.
And if it was what I had just said, then I don’t care because she heard it before; she knows that I love her so much, more than anyone and more than my life. She knows that I’ve loved and still does for the past five and a half years and I don’t give two fucks if she wasn’t comfortable when I said that I loved her, it’s the hurting truth after all.
“I can’t stop thinking about him, Harry,” She whispered and I sighed. She ignored what I said, again. “Every time I try to forget him, he makes his way back to my mind again. It’s like he’s a permanent memory which I can’t erase and as much as I’d like to forget him, he’s stuck in my head. Even when I sleep, I dream about him all the time. I can’t get him out of my mind, out of my world that is.”
I dropped to my knees in front of her and took her crying face in between my hands, she didn’t flinch back. I looked straight into her blue eyes and she looked back at mine, and for the first time since forever, I finally had eye contact with Annabeth Chase.
It felt like a hundred years passed since we had our last eye contact, not five. And I’m more than glad that I’m looking at her beautiful eyes once more. I stared at her eye and felt like the life has returned to me again, I wish she felt the same way too, but I doubt it. Do you know how it is like to be able to fly? Well, the feeling I have right now is way better.
“Then let me help you forget him, let me help you smile. Let me be the one who makes you move on, who helps you live again, breathe again. You’re broken, but I can fix you back together, if you let me, if you let me love you, if you let me in. Let me in, Annabeth, please.” I blurted, not caring if she slapped me hard right now.
Everything I wanted to say is finally said and I have no regrets. She isn’t going to accept, I know it, but I wanted her to hear me out, to know that there’s someone willing to help her, willing to pull her out of her misery and make her smile once again.
I don’t really care if she says no, I’ll keep trying, and nothing can stop me from sticking to my promise and making it come true. I will help Annabeth move on over Josh and I will help her forget, maybe even love me back, who knows?
“Okay,” She whispered and for a second, I thought I was hearing voices, But when I looked at her, I found her serious and what really confirmed my thoughts, is that she spoke again. “I- I’ll try with you.”
Annabeth’s P.O.V.
“Then let me help you forget him, let me help you smile. Let me be the one who makes you move on, who helps you live again, breathe again. You’re broken, but I can fix you back together, if you let me, if you let me love you, if you let me in. Let me in, Annabeth, please.” He blurted, taking me by surprise.
My eyes widened and I thought for a moment that I was dreaming. But come to think of it, this really did happen. Harry just said this, he just offered to help me forget and I wanted nothing but to ease the pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to forget Josh completely; I just want to move on, to be able to breathe again, to be able to sleep without those nightmares and to be able to smile, maybe laugh again without that aching pain in my heart haunting me.
Harry said he’d help me move on, that he’d help me breathe and that’s what I exactly needed and desperately wished for. I want to reduce the pain, I want to live again. I’ve seen plenty of people lose their love and move on, but I still haven’t and I wish to do so. As much as I love Josh, I want to live my life like any other girl at my age.
“Okay,” I agreed and he looked perplexed by my answer. “I’ll try with you.”
He looked at my eyes once again and nodded, as if finally believing that it was me who spoke those words. Matter of fact, I seem to be not knowing myself in that moment, there’s some voice in my head blaming me, telling me that what I’m doing was wrong.
You mustn’t forget the man you love!
How dare you forget Josh? How dare you forget all the memories?
If I were you, I’d be ashamed of myself for taking such decision.
And it kept rambling on, but I knew that I was doing the right thing. If Josh was here, he’d encourage me on moving on, he’d tell me that what I was doing was the right thing and that it’s not a disgraceful thing.
Josh was the one who encouraged me on moving over Harry, he told me that grieving over a person who isn’t here with you is a waste of time. I will use this advice, I will follow all his instructions he once directed me with in order to live happily again. I will move on, whether that someone talking inside of my head likes it or not.
“So are you coming?” Harry snapped me out of my thoughts, and I sighed before making up my mind.
“Yes,” I breathed. “I’m coming.”
****
Damn me for deciding to come, damn me. I thought it was the right thing to do, but apparently, it’s fucking not.
Once I saw Sarah and Zayn at the altar, the pain in my chest returned and I felt like collapsing any moment. It grew even stronger and more unbearable with every glance I took to look at the couple and watch them laugh; kiss or even do simple gestures like hold hands while they’re dancing.
Hell, it even grows stronger when I look at any other couple in this fucking wedding. The thing that keeps me holding on is that I know that Sarah and Zayn are my best friends, and that I am actually indeed happy for the both of them.
Once on the altar, they both forgot saying some lines of their vows because they were too distracted looking at each other’s eyes which caused Louis to shout “Get a room” in front of the guests. It was nice watching another lucky couple who has got a happy ending, unlike me, but it also ripped me apart with each moment passing.
The wedding was beautiful, I must add and they made a great decision in having it in a park facing a huge river. It was refreshing getting out of my dull and lifeless so called home for once and I guess if I had the choice, I’d never go back to it.
“Are you enjoying your time?” Sarah asked me and I nodded then hugged her.
“I’m so sorry that I’m not cheering you up in the best day of your life, and I’m sorry that I’m most probably ruining it.” I spoke then pulled back and wiped some tears brimming at the corners of my eyes.
“Don’t say that!” She said her face dropping. Her arms extended and they soon engulfed me in a tight hug once more.
“I know it’s very hard to accept the fact that Josh’s dead, but once you try, you’ll move on, Beth. And I really hope you move on because it’s what’s best for you.” I sniffled then nodded, a smile forming on my face.
“I’ve already promised Harry that I’ll try to do so,” I reassured once we pulled back and she smiled.
“Harry?” Taking a sip of my wine, I nodded. “Hm,” She continued and I looked at her, clearly confused as to why she just said that.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her and she smiled, patting my shoulder.
“Nothing, I’ll go and see what Zayn is doing. We don’t want a cheating husband on his wedding, do we?” She joked and I suppressed a smile. That’s all I can muster, a smile.
“I’ll see you later,” I waved at her.
“Sure you will, babe.” There she walked away; leaving me alone by myself and that glass of wine that has been refilled four times by now.
I watched as she hurried to Zayn and he didn’t waste anytime in pulling her closer to him and snaking his arms around her waist, crashing his lips to hers. Once done with the session, they both pulled back and rested their forehead’s on each other’s, talking about something I can’t quite hear.
“What are you doing all by yourself here?” I heard a familiar deep voice from behind and turned on my heels to meet Harry.
“I’m not very comfortable sitting around everyone over there,” I pointed to the group of our friends with my hand that was carrying the glass of wine. “They are talking about everything in this world and it seriously causes me a headache.”
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed and started kicking some pebbles on the ground.
“How so?”
“I was just like you,” He looked up at me and looked straight into my eyes, causing me to look away.
“Was?”
“And still am,” I took another sip and felt his gaze on me.
“How many drink have you had?” I heard him question and I looked at him to find a stern expression on his face.
“Uh, maybe four or five by now.” There were no side effects, though. I wasn’t slurring my words out nor feeling dizzy and laughing on everything happening around me.
“You should stop,” He reached out to snatch the slender glass from my hands, but I pulled it away from him and he shot me dagger eyes.
“Don’t look at me that way,” I pointed my index finger at him and he stared at it before staring back at me.
He stared at my eyes for a moment and I surprisingly didn’t look away, in fact, I was starting to like the way his eyes bored into mine. Blame the fucking alcohol.
Without wasting another moment, I felt his lips crash onto mine in a forcefully way and my eyes widened instantly. I stayed there paralyzed as he moved his lips on mine, urging me to kiss back, but I wasn’t. Even if the alcohol’s effect was kicking in, causing me to not push him away and slap him square on his face, I still didn’t kiss back. His minty taste was lingering on my lips and I was starting to like it.
What the fuck is happening? How the fuck did that happen? Realization of what was happening suddenly kicked in and I soon found myself pushing Harry away by his chest. He stumbled back then looked at me before averting his gaze to the ground underneath us shamefully.
“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t mean to.” I tried exhaling and inhaling for couple of times, which helped in calming my nerves down, though I was still perplexed as to what had happened.
“Uh, n- never mind.” I decided on saying after probably two minutes of awkward silence.
I never planned on this to happen; I never said I wanted another relationship. But I guess a kiss wouldn’t start a serious thing, especially when I never kissed back, am I correct? I don’t want to give him hope, knowing that he does love me; I don’t want anything to do with Harry more than him being my friend. But then again, a kiss isn’t such a biggie.
I decided to shrug it off of my mind then told Harry that I wanted to go home so that he could drive me, since he was the one who brought me here. I don’t care if he wants to spend more time with his friends, he brought me here, and he takes me the fuck back.
But surprisingly, he said that he wanted to return too and we soon excused ourselves and said goodbye to everyone, me having to face a pouting Sarah and an unsatisfied Melina and Stephanie. But I was so tired and my thoughts were jumbled together. I also guess that the effect of the alcohol was starting to kick in, causing my head to feel heavier and dizziness to overwhelm me.
****
The ride to my home was unbearably awkward; me looking out the window and Harry annoyingly tapping his fingers on the steering-wheel. I seriously wanted to throw him out of the car for his unbearable silence, but I would’ve caused my end with that action.
I surprisingly invited Harry to come up with me and he accepted. I don’t really know why I did that, or why he did accept, knowing I was probably drunk when I offered that option. But then again, blame the fucking alcohol. I’m probably swearing a lot by now, I need to stop.
I tucked the key in the key-hole, but didn’t have the energy in me to turn it and felt myself stumbling back on my heels. Harry fortunately held be me by the waist and his touch sent electricity through all my veins. Wow.
“Uh, thanks.” My words came out slurred once we got in the apartment after Harry opened the door. Great, I’m fucking drunk by now.
Note to self; I swear a lot when I’m drunk.
Harry mumbled a reply which I didn’t catch, and decided to ignore. After placing my purse on the couch, I bent down to unclasp my heels’ straps. But when I was about to do so, everything around me started spinning and I lost my balance. But luckily, I felt two hands around my waist, regaining my balance. He brought me up and I looked at his green eyes.
It has been so long since I stared at his eyes, and I’m suddenly reminded of how beautiful they are. We were still in our same position, and I just noticed how the proximity between our faces was so close. I felt his minty breath fan over my face and looked at his perfectly shaped lips before staring back at his eyes, only to get lost in them.
“You have such beautiful eyes.” I breathed, still looking at them and noticed the corners of his lips to twitch up to a slight smile.
The alcohol in my system was causing me to do such actions, and I promised myself to never get drunk again.
It felt like all the thoughts, all the warnings and all the memories of Josh were erased off of my mind, vanished completely, causing me to lean closer to him.
He wasted no time and leaned closer too, closing the small gap between us. His lips were delicately placed on mine and I felt jolts of electricity and shivers run down my spine. I surprisingly closed my eyes and kissed back, allowing myself to taste more of him.
As much as it felt wrong, it felt right. Everything in this moment felt better, as if there were no problems in my life, as if I was delivered to another world. He brought his hands up and ran his fingers through my now tangled hair and I placed my hands above his chest, not pushing him away, though, only in an affectionate action.
There was the same previous voice in my head shouting, screaming for me to push him away, to pull back. But I pushed it out of my mind and kissed him even harder, wanting more of him.
The thoughts of what Josh would’ve said about what’s happening now have made their way to my head. I don’t know if that’s the right thing, but that was how it felt the moment it started. I could care-less about anything at this exact moment, so I placed my hands on his back and pushed myself closer to him, deepening the kiss.
It seemed like it was never going to end, like we were never going to stop and honestly, I didn’t want to. I never wanted to move away from Harry.