It was time to get Lauren Jauregui.
Yeah, well, that's what I said a few days ago. Point of the matter is, that's easier said than done. Especially if the girl you want to talk to has been avoiding you like the plague ever since.
When I left Camila, I immediately went up to Lauren's room and knocked. She didn't answer. I knocked a few more times but still the door remained shut. Okay, so maybe she was exhausted from her day with Camila, that was understandable. So I decided to just go back to my room and wait for another chance the next morning.
Then next morning came and Lauren and I left our rooms at the same time. I immediately called out to her and what does she do? She fucking went back inside her room and shut the door. If it wasn't for my Uncle calling for me, I would've camped on the hallway until she went outside. And when she finally joined us in the bus, she's either talking to someone inside or on the phone. It's like she's making sure she's always busy. She even went out of her way not to get close to me. I don't get it.
What did I do to make her act like this?
I sighed and slouched on my seat. It was dark outside and we were on our way to the next venue but I couldn't sleep. I could only see streaks of light outside the small window of the bus. Everyone else was sleeping but here I was in the back, wasting precious hours of the night. A part of me wanted to rip open the curtains of Lauren's bunk and confess my feelings right now but I knew that was a bad idea. I mean, she could punch me in the face for all I knew. I leaned my head back and sighed. How can I get Lauren alone?
"Can't sleep?"
I raised my head up and saw Ally looking at me with a sleepy expression.
"Hey, Ally. What are you doing up?" I asked.
She yawned before dropping herself to the seat beside me. "Just wanted water. What about you?"
"Thinking."
"Bout what?"
"A lot of things."
She just nodded her head at me. She looked like a sleepy little girl looking for her mommy. I don't even know if she's fully conscious right now or sleep walking.
"Hey, Ally."
"Hmm?"
"Have you talked to Lauren?" I asked.
"Bout what?" said Ally in a sleepy voice.
"My choice."
Ally rubbed her eyes at my words. As she looked at me, I could see that her eyes were a bit more focused than before. She shook her head before saying anything. "No. But I've talked to Camila. She's okay now."
I nodded at her words. "It's just that, Lauren's been avoiding me. I don't know if you've noticed."
"She has?" Ally straightened up on her seat looking more alert now.
"Yeah. She's been avoiding everything that has to do with me. I don't get it. I can't even tell her my feelings now. Why can't things just go my way for a change?"
"Do you want me to talk to her, Y/N?"
I shook my head and sighed. "No, this is my problem. Let me fix it. I'm pretty sure it was indirectly my fault anyway."
Silence filled the space between us after my words. I wasn't looking at her but I can feel Ally's gaze on me. It was like she was looking for something, an emotion or a movement from me.
"Hey, Y/N." I looked at her and saw she had a serious expression on her face. "Do you regret picking Lauren because she's avoiding you?"
"No!" I exclaimed quickly.
Ally just stared at me for some time then smiled. It was such a sweet and innocent smile that strangely made me feel good inside. "Good. Because if you did, I would've smacked you upside the head. Good night, Y/N," she said as she left for her bunk.
And here I was again—alone—with my thoughts as my only company. Well, I guess that's good too since I have to figure out why the fuck the love of my life was running away from me. I could only sigh at my predicament.
This was going to be a long night.
-//-//-//-//-//-
Okay, today is the day I'll finally tell Lauren how I feel.
I got it all planned out—in my head. The moment we get back to the hotel, everyone would go straight to their rooms. Lauren and Normani were sharing one room. But I talked to Normani and she agreed to hang out in Ally's room so I could talk to Lauren.
See? Fool proof.
The SUV finally stopped in front of the hotel and I got out of the car to open the door for the girls. Once they got out, we all filed in the lobby and Stephen led the girls to the elevators. I started to follow them but a large hand dropped on my shoulder, stopping my momentum.
"Y/N, come on, we have to talk to the security guards."
I turned towards the elevators and saw the girls already walking inside. I looked at my Uncle and pried his hand from my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Uncle Rob but I have to go!"
I sprinted towards the elevator with all the strength my legs could muster—but came up short.
"Damn it!"
The elevator doors closed in front of me. Alright, maybe my plan wasn't as fool proof as I thought. I debated whether to take the stairs but then I remembered which floor we were staying at and I uttered a mental 'ugh'. I waited another two minutes before the other elevator opened. I quickly pressed the floor number and waited until it reached my floor. I was feeling more and more anxious for every floor I get closer. Finally, the elevator doors opened and I ran out to the hallway. I saw Lauren opening the door to her room.
"Lauren!" I shouted.
She quickly turned to me and I saw her eyes widen. Maybe I shouldn't have shouted? Shit. I quickly ran towards her but she moved quicker and shut the door in my face.
"Lauren!" I said as I pound on her door. "Let me in!"
I continued pounding on the door but it remained locked. Confessing my feelings shouldn't be this hard. I look around and saw a security camera on the end of the hallway. Okay, maybe I should stop pounding on her door now. I backed away and looked at the door beside me. I needed help.
I moved to the door beside Lauren's and knocked. I heard a shuffling on the other side then a loud thud. Someone uttered an 'ouch' before finally opening the door. She was rubbing her head but once she saw me, she just stood there staring at me.
Well, this was a little awkward.
"Hey... Camila," I said with a smile.
This was the first time we talked since the night at the garden. It's not that we purposely went out of our way to avoid each other. It just felt—right—not to talk so soon. And right now I felt like an ass because I was about to ask her to help me get to Lauren.
"Y/N? What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?"
"Uh, yeah."
She moved to the side so I can enter her room. She was rooming with Dinah but she wasn't here right now. I turned to Camila once I heard her close the door. "Where's Dinah?"
"She's at Ally's room," she said while still looking at me.
"Why aren't you with them?"
"Oh, I was watching a movie," she said, motioning to the laptop on the bed. "So do you need anything?"
"No—I mean, yes. It's just—" What was I doing? Was I just really going to ask her to help me with Lauren?
"Is this about Lauren?" she asked with a curious look on her face. Why did this girl always know what I was thinking?
"Do you know what's up with her?" I asked. "She's—been avoiding me."
Camila furrowed her eyebrows and began thinking. She bit her lip and looked at me. After a while she sighed. "No, I can't think of anything. She hasn't been distant to me so I don't know why she's distant with you."
I sighed and looked around the room. "Yeah, she locked me—" That's it. I turned around to a confused Camila. "You have a balcony."
"Yeah."
"Lauren has a balcony."
"I don't see wha—oh no," she said as she realizes what I meant. I just smiled at her. "That's dangerous!"
I ignored Camila's words and opened the balcony doors. The cold night breeze assaulted my skin beneath my thin shirt. But I couldn't care less right now. I faced the balcony on the other side of the rail. I heard Camila run out and stop behind me.
"Y/N! That's dangerous! Do you know how far that is?" she shouted.
"It's fine. I can do this!"
"Just do it tomorrow!"
"No, it has to be now. I need to tell her now, Camila."
Camila looked at me like I'm crazy. But after a few minutes, her features softened and she sighed. "Fine. I can see you're really determined. But this is suicide, you know that, right?"
I offered her a smile before climbing the railing. "It's not suicide. It's love."
And with that—I jumped.
-//-//-//-//-//-
This looked fucking easier in the movies.
Alright, maybe I underestimated the distance between the two balconies. Maybe I should've measured the distance, wind speed, direction of the earth's rotation, or maybe my horoscope, I don't know. But the fact is, I didn't do any of those.
And that's why I'm dangling on a balcony several floors from the ground.
I could hear Camila's screams behind me but the pain shooting up and down my arm was kind of distracting me from hearing exactly what she was screaming about. I closed my eyes and grit my teeth. I slowly pulled myself up from the railing. The pain hurt like hell but I knew falling on the ground would hurt a heck of a lot more. So I bit back the pain and slowly pulled myself up and over the railing of Lauren's balcony.
I fell on the balcony floor and stopped to catch my breath. Confessing my feelings really shouldn't be this hard. I slowly stood up as the pain in my arm slowly subsided. I dusted myself off and gave Camila, who still had her hands covering her mouth, a thumbs up. I turned toward the balcony door and softly knocked. But instead of waiting for Lauren to answer, I pressed my back to the wall so she wouldn't see me. After a few more knocks, she finally opened the balcony doors. She looked confused as she looked around. As soon as she turned around and walked back to the room, I quickly followed behind her and entered before she can stop me.
Her wide eyes turned to me in shock. I used the opportunity to talk to her.
"Lauren, listen. I need to talk to you."
"How the hell did you get in my balcony?! Did you fucking fly or something?"
"No, I jumped from Camila's balcony," I said matter of factly.
"You jumped—" She shook her head then glared at me. "You need to get out right now."
"Hey, wait! Why are you so angry at me? What did I do? I am seriously so confused here," I told her.
"I'm not angry at you. I just—" She looked away for a second then back at me. "I just need some space."
"From me? Why? Help me understand, Lauren," I begged her.
"Why? You fucking know why! Now get out or I promise I'll scream."
She breathed in and I was sure she really was going to scream. So I did the only thing I could think of. I moved towards her and kissed her.
I knew it was forced. I knew I shouldn't be doing it right now. But I needed to make her see how much she meant to me. She tried to pull away but I held her tighter. She pounded on my chest but I just took it all and continued kissing her. After a while, her fists turned soft and she was reciprocating my kiss. This was what we both needed. But not right now.
Right now—was the time for words.
I slowly pulled away from her lips and looked into her eyes. There was a clear desire in them but I could also see confusion and I didn't know why.
"Why would you do that?" she asked in a whisper.
I kissed her forehead and pulled her close to me. "Because I love you."
I felt her body tense. She pushed me away this time and I let her. "No. No you don't. You love Camila."
Now it was my turn to get confused. "What? Who said that?"
"You!"
"I never said I loved Camila. What are you talking about?"
"You told her you loved her the other night! You chose her, Y/N." She must have noticed the confusion on my face so she continued. "I was there at the garden that night. I was looking for Camila and I found you two—kissing. And I knew you chose her. And it fucking hurt but I knew I had to move on. So I avoided you because I knew that simply looking into your eyes would make me fall for you again. But then you come in here and claim you love me? What do you want from me, Y/N? Just let me move on!"
I couldn't stop the smile that appeared on my face. She was such an idiot.
"Why the hell are you smiling? This is not funny, Y/N!"
"I'm smiling because you're an idiot." The words left her surprised and speechless so I took my chance to finally tell her how I feel. "I did kiss Camila that night. But it was a goodbye kiss. Because I was choosing you, Lauren. Because I love you."
There was no going back now. It was finally time to make things right. "I fell in love with you the moment I looked into your green eyes. I couldn't admit it then but I'm admitting it now. You bring out the best in people. You brought out the best in me. You made me want to be the best man I could be. Your smile became one of the things I wanted to protect, not because I was your bodyguard, but because seeing you happy, made me happy. I didn't want to fall in love. But with you, it seemed like I didn't have a choice. Because you're not just a job to me, Lauren. You've become much more than that. You've become my life—the only thing I looked forward to every day. I love you, Lauren Jauregui. Forever and always."
And at that moment, I felt like all the planets finally aligned and everything was finally right. Because when I looked into her emerald eyes, I saw the same love reciprocated. I slowly moved closer to her. There was no doubt in my mind.
She was the only girl for me.
I tilted her chin up so I could meet her eyes. "I love you, only you. Nothing's going to change that."
I saw a slow smile appear on her lips. "I love you too, Y/N. But next time, don't go kissing other girls, alright?"
I laughed before finally meeting her lips with mine again. The kiss seemed—sweeter—this time around. She snaked her arms around my neck as I wrapped mine around her waist. It seemed so long since I've dreamt of kissing her like this—where she finally knew how I felt about her. She pulled me closer to her and I licked her lips to gain entrance. She opened up and my tongue assaulted hers. I could feel her hands running through my hair and her fingernails scratching my scalp but I couldn't care less about the pain. I didn't notice how close we were to the bed until we tumbled down on it. Lauren pulled away from me as she let out a laugh. I positioned myself on top of her and looked down at the girl who has my whole heart. Her lips were red and swollen from our earlier make out session but she was still the most beautiful girl in the world for me. She could break me and I would still love her. She became the most important person to me without me even realizing it. But I knew deep inside of me that there's no other person I'd rather be with right now than with her.
She grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me down to her lips. I could feel my body heating up as I lifted up her shirt lightly and touched the skin underneath. She let out a small moan at the contact and deepened our kiss even further. I could feel the need and desire in her movements. Right here, with her, this was where I belonged. She was my home now. And this night was just the start of us.
This was the night when we finally became one.