“How do I look?” Chris heard Jonny ask behind him. He turned around and the sight that greeted him left him open-mouthed. Jonny was breathtakingly beautiful, he had never seen him dressed so formally before and that particular shade of grey of his suit highlighted the green of his eyes perfectly.
“No one has ever looked more handsome, babe,” he truthfully answered, staring at his boyfriend in awe.
“Come on! Really!” Jonny said, making sure his waistcoat was properly buttoned up.
“I’m not joking, you look absolutely stunning!”
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” he reassured.
“Thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself, to be honest,” Jonny told him, a sly expression on his face and he softly grabbed Chris’ clean shaved face between his hands and pressed a suggestive kiss on his waiting mouth.
“Handsome, handsome Jonny Boy,” the singer said, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek and leaning in again teasingly, barely touching the other man’s lips with his own. Jonny would have none of it though, and he gently bit Chris’ lower lip with a groan.
The older man chuckled, “Not now, Jay,” he told him with a quick peck. “We have groomsmen duties to attend to.”
“Oh,” he complained, “Tonight?” he hopefully asked running his hand along Chris’ back.
“Tonight,” he promised.
“Are you ready, fellas?” They heard Guy asking from the hallway.
“Yes, we’re coming!” Chris cried out before leading Jonny out of the room.
They were in a luxurious country house near Southampton, about to witness one of their dearest friends take a step forward in his life. Will and his fiancée were about to tie the knot! Chris could not believe it. A part of him still thought they were all those 19-year-old college students they had been when they first formed the band, but they were men now and one of them had already settled down. God, how time had passed!
Will looked tremendously striking but he was shaking with nerves when they went to see him after they had all changed. As his groomsmen, they made sure he had everything he needed and tried to give him a sort of pep-talk to encourage him and calm him down before it was time for them to go downstairs, where the ceremony would take place.
“I can’t believe Will’s getting married!” Jonny said as they descended the stairs.
“Me neither! It’s so surreal!”
“We’re getting old!” Jonny chuckled.
“Not old, just a bit more…mature!” Chris told him with a laugh as they entered the main room. Family and friends were already filling the place. The venue was gorgeous, Chris noticed as he made his way in. It was nicely decorated, very delicate and modest. It was simple but absolutely beautiful. He was admittedly a bit emotional about these kinds of ceremonies, especially since it was someone so dear to him. He was a hopeless romantic at heart and he could not help tearing up a bit when he saw the stunned and tender expression on Will’s face when his bride walked down the aisle towards him. It was absolutely lovely.
Realisation hit him and he suddenly was painfully aware that he would probably never be part of something like this. Not that he had dreamed about his perfect wedding since his childhood, but he had grown up with the idea that he would one day get married and have a family. It was a blurry image, a ceremony that would happen one day in the future. He could no longer have that, he thought with a pang in his chest while he watched Will take the hand of his soon-to-be wife with an adoring look in his eyes before facing the priest.
Not even for a moment did he regret getting together with Jonny. He knew no one could ever make him as happy as his quiet amazing boyfriend could, but there was still a feeling of sadness, of loss that he could not shake.
During the reception, he tried to conceal his distress as much as he could. It would have been terribly selfish of him to ruin one of his best friend’s most important days with his mood. Jonny, always attuned to his emotions, had tried to gauge what was going on in that head of his, first, with one of his soul-searching looks and then he had straightforwardly asked him if there was something wrong, but he had not had the heart to tell him. Not yet at least. He would not worry Jonny and ruin the day for him as well, so he had told him it was nothing and not to worry about it. He was sure his boyfriend had not bought it, but Jonny respected his wish and gave him space to deal with it, not pressing him any further. He was the kindest of people, Chris thought.
He had already mingled with the rest of the guests, he had eaten, he had danced, albeit awfully, and he had delighted everyone with a funny and heartfelt speech; however the effort that required him to carry through all these activities while keeping this gloomy feeling at bay had started to take a toll on him and he took a moment to sit down at their table and just watch.
He observed the party with a sense of aloofness, as if he was not there. He saw mostly friends, people who worked with them and they saw almost every day, he saw Jonny, merrily chatting with a group of their friends from Uni they had still kept in touch with, he saw people he did not know, probably Marianne’s friends. He saw her parents conversing with Will’s dad and he suddenly thought how lucky he was to still have both his parents alive. Will must have felt his mother’s absence in a special day like this. Not that his own parents could attend his wedding, because there would be no wedding because he could not have one, he resentfully thought. His eyes went back to his boyfriend; he seemed unperturbed by the problems that plagued him. Jonny had never talked about marriage, not since being with him and not ever. Not even when he had had girlfriends. He was quite a conventional man, but maybe he had not been serious enough or dated them for long enough to consider it. Maybe it had never appealed to him, or maybe he had already ruled it out once they started dating. Whatever it was, he certainly was quite content at the moment and not thinking of what he could not have, unlike him.
“What is it with you?” Guy’s voice startled him.
“Oh, no, nothing,” he replied.
The Scottish man eyed him curiously, pulled out a chair and sat down next to him, a glass of champagne in his hand.
“Are you already feeling Will’s departure from the single team?” he joked his accent getting a bit heavier due to his tipsy state.
“No, no. I’m really happy for Will,” he said.
“So? What’s the problem? Were you secretly in love with him or what?” he laughed and took a sip of his drink.
“No,” he chuckled, but then turned serious, “Guy, have you ever thought about getting married? I mean seriously thought?”
The bassist looked around, searching for his girlfriend, making sure she was well away from ear-shot. “Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” he admitted.
“Really?”
“We have not decided anything, but, well I was thinking it’s time for us to settle down you know,” he said. “I was actually thinking it would be really great if we could get married before we release our next album,” he finished.
So Guy was also thinking about marriage and settling down. A part of him felt glad for his friend, but another hurt in grief at what he had lost.
“I haven’t proposed to her, mind you. So don’t you dare open your mouth!”
“Don’t worry, mate.”
“So is this what it is about? Marriage? You want to marry Jonny? You’ve only been dating for what seven, eight months?”
“It’s not that. I don’t want to marry Jonny, the thing is I can’t get married,” he explained.
Guy looked at him not fully comprehending. “Why not?”
“Because I’m going out with Jonny.”
“So you don’t want to marry Jonny? I don’t get it,” he said.
“Jonny and I can’t get married, even if we wanted to, which I do, I’d love to do it someday, but I can’t. And because I’m in love with him, I’ll never get married and I always thought I would get married someday, you know,” he clarified.
“Meh, marriage is overrated anyways!” the bassist told him.
Chris stared at him in disbelief, “If marriage is overrated, then why do people get married, then? Why are you thinking of marrying your girlfriend, of taking the next big step, then?” he asked almost indignantly.
“You have a point, sorry. Was just trying to make you feel better.”
Chris scoffed. He hated being all sulky like this. He should be celebrating Will’s big day, enjoying the lovely reception, not feeling sorry for himself.
“Hey listen,” Guy said, “Marriage is not really that important, the people in it are. Lots of people get married for the wrong reasons, an accidental pregnancy, for money, because it’s the only alternative before breaking up, because they were drunk in Las Vegas, you know, there are all sort of things. What’s important, though. What’s really important is not a wedding, or a ceremony or you know all this,” he said moving his hand around the air, “ this is all fine and great when you celebrate the union with the person you love, but if you have not found that person it’s all a façade,” he explained.
Chris put his head on his hand and listened attentively to his friend.
“You have found that person and that’s what is important,” he said looking in Jonny’s direction. Chris followed Guy’s eyes and settled his on Jon, who was involved in another conversation, a lovely smile illuminating his face. “You have found someone who loves you and who respects you. You have countless things in common and have known each other for ages. He knows all your insufferable habits and he tolerates you, I still wonder how!” Guy chuckled making him laugh as well. “Anyways, so what if you can’t get married! You have a wonderful person as your partner, fuck the rest!” he finished.
Chris tilted his head and smiled widely, Guy was right, absolutely right. “You know Guy? You give the best pieces of advice when you are drunk,” he said with a laugh.
“You’re welcome! Here,” he said lifting his glass “Let’s have a toast.”
“Wait a minute!” Chris said grabbing the bottle and pouring some champagne in his own glass.
“Hey, Jonny! Jon! Come here man!” Guy called out.
“Shhhh! You surely are drunk to be shouting like that!”
“Nobody noticed!”
“What’s up?” Jonny said approaching the pair, a curious expression on his face.
“We’re making a toast!” Guy said.
“Here Jay,” Chris told him handing him a glass.
“To what?” he laughed.
“To love and fuck the rest!” the Scottish man said.
Jonny looked at him but Chris just smiled at him and shook his head. “Ok,” he started, “to love,” he said raising his glass.
“And fuck the rest!” Guy stated
“And fuck the rest!” they repeated before bursting out laughing.