<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; text-align: start;"> <span style="color: #000000; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify;">-1-</span></pre>
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"So how long have you been seeing these things?"
I raised my head from my hands and slowly looked up at the woman behind the desk. Her face was expressionless as she held onto my gaze with calculation as she positioned her hands to scribble any looney thing I had to say.
I breathed in and out slowly feeling agitated all of a second.
"That's the first question you're gonna ask me?"I questioned raising a brow. I also felt that my hands were beginning to clench and unclench with the pressure that was building in them.
She straightened up and her expression changed in an instant to one of total discontentment and horror.
"I do not like that tone, if you'd just co-operate things would be a lot easier. Your parents obviously put a lot of income into finding you these therapists and the least you can do is have some respect." she "scolded" taking a moment to shake her head.
I laughed, leaning back into the arm rest of the chair I was currently occupying, stretching my feet against the chair of the other. "They're filthy rich, a thousand dollars wouldn't mean much." I tilted my head back laughing. "You're not gonna last a day with me honey," I passed a wink her way.
"Besides, I know about your secret." I turned to face her just to make sure I was right about what I was going to expose. I took in her appearance. She was of average weight, maybe bordering it a little. She looked to be about forty five due to the age lines on her forehead. Her skin was not as youthful also and her entire way of dressing clued me to that allegation.
Her eyebrow raised due to my recent words.
"I know you were the lady that my dad screwed when him and my mom were going through problems and I also know that he paid you more than what you deserve to be my therapist." I made sure I drew out each word slowly and clear as possible and with each word, I saw obvious signs of guilt clouding her body language.
I would normally be the one to care at least about what my parents did, but that was the old me. What's the sense of caring for two people who don't even care for themselves? My parents knew they were never compatible and I think it all originated from the fact that their marriage was more of a business thing. My dad owned a insurance company and my mom at the time needed to be known for her job so to increase her chances, she teamed up with my dad. It actually disgusts me that they never went out of their way to tell me this, and the fact that I had to hear from people at my school was disturbing.
There was never love between them and when I came along, I also heard from people that they even considered abortion but my mom's side of the family was appalled and stood against it.
Most times I acted clueless as if I wasn't aware of any of this but damn did it feel good to unleash that from my mind and tell my therapist of the day even though she was like the fiftieth one I'd passed through.
Since the school had all this on me, and knew more about my life than I did, that often left me to be more of the loner. Not that it bugged me about being alone 24/7, being almost eighteen and not having a serious relationship, or the rare fact that my teachers seemed to share no care for me,I wasn't the type to draw pity on myself.
On top of that, they all had this impression that I was as they say "stuck up" because I had a chauffeur to take me to and from school or the fact that despite everything, I was on top the honors list every year.
Just because I was the loner didn't mean I had to be fucking stupid.
I was snapped out of my stupor when she finally spoke up. Maybe I wasn't thinking for long, I often was told by many I thought about things quickly so let's just say all that you've read about me in those last few paragraphs managed to ripple through my mind in about a minute max.
"I have no relations despite professional with your father," She protested, giving me what she felt was the don't-you-dare-think-that stare.It looked like the I'm-secretly-constipated stare.
I shook my fringe away from my eye and took a moment, bringing myself to stand.
"Whatever,"I refuted, turning to the door.
"No wonder why your parents go mad,"I was pretty sure I was imagining things but it sounded too real.
I held on to the knob feeling my grip tighten, and my temper boil. I clenched my jaw looking at a scrape on the wood of the door trying to stay focused and not make my thoughts drown me.
"You're making their lives a living hell."She continued boldly even adding a subtle chuckle at the end.
I took a deep exhale turning around. "What did you say?" The emotions within me were on a high and all I felt like doing was punching something.
"I can't deal with your attitude right now, please leave my office."She ordered, taking and paying no particular attention to my inquiry.
"And I can't deal with your fuckin ugly face."I retorted glaring.
"Leave!"She shouted.
Something told me I hit a soft spot.
"And come back when you adopt a better attitude," She added, nodding to herself and looking over at me sternly.
I rolled my eyes. "But I doubt if I do come back your face would look at least ten percent more presentable."
I pushed the door open once I spun the knob, making sure it slammed.
The chilly weather really took its toll on the exposed parts of my body as I made my way down the stairs of the building. I tossed on the hood of my sweater immediately stuffing my hands in my pockets after to rid myself from the frosty feeling that climbed up my hand.
I contemplated taking the train home but decided to delay that plan for the time being. Instead,I deviated from my usual walk to the station to go to the total opposite.
When the familiar hang out came into view,I started to get relieved. I don't know why people loved the winter, it was a season of torture for me. My converse smacked against the slightly icy sidewalk as I neared the familiar building.
Black ivory and some other weeds swirled around the long forgotten three story building I had grown to love. Some of the windows were cracked and missing at some parts and the building was on the verge of dilapidation but I didn't mind. I had met some of the best people in there, and for that I was increasingly thankful. They were more or less similar to me in some kind of way so their understanding for me was superb.
I entered the security code like it was the alphabet, watching as the door slipped open. I took in the scent of cigarettes and alcohol and quickly I climbed the steps to the second floor. On the way up, I received a tackle from behind. Combat boots paired with netted black stockings clung around my waist and that was all it took for me to piece together who it was.
"Becca!" I stopped walking giving her a chance to let herself down. As soon as her feet met the carpeted floor, she pulled me into a quick hug,kissing my cheek all at the same time.
"Hey babe," She replied smiling.
Her bleached blond hair was hoisted in a high ponytail and as usual, she was wearing dark red overalls. That girl hated any color that was relatively bright and opted most of the times to wear dark hues of any color possible. Not that I blamed her, I did the same. Her dark brown eyes popped with the eyeliner she utilized and normally she'd over do it with the makeup but today she seemed to tone it down.
"It seems like forever since you've showed up,"She took my hand in hers pulling me along.
I raised an eyebrow holding back a laugh. "I was here Friday remember?" I nudged her side just for the fun of it.
"That was two days ago. I was about to go mad with Andy and the others up my ass especially Jerome." She scrunched up her face while saying this looking overly cute.
"You're growing too attached to me Becca."I teased playfully winking at her.
She huffed letting go of my hand only to shove me in the chest. "You don't say those types of hurtful things to your soulmate mister," Despite the serious look on her face, a laugh was on the verge of emerging from her words.
She pushed the door open and immediately chatter clouded my ears. The others were situated all around the room doing all sorts of things from playing video games to Jerome doing some funny dance, a high look on his face.
More or less, these rascals were my best friends. They had accepted me into their little hangout area, and most of the times, I was over here in this building with them. They made me almost forget about my darkest moments.
We all went to different schools so our only face to face interaction were these times.In all there were six of us. Myself, Becca, Jerome, Andy, Christopher and the only other girl in the group; Elisabeth.
"Trace!" Jerome called out drawing the attention of the others.
I nodded my head in acknowledgment amused with his drunken antics. Soon the rest were all calling my name.
I slumped into the empty chair next to Chris and predictably, Becca fell onto my lap. I slapped hands with the guys then gave Beth a quick hug rather awkwardly because of Becca.
"Man, we missed you for those two days." Chris spoke up, taking a sip of his beer.
Chris was probably a year or two older than me with ashy blond hair and deep blue eyes. He was pretty serious most of the time but the others expressed the only reason he wasn't around me, was because he favored me enough to show me the non serious side of himself.
I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling loudly. "I was forced to try out therapists."
Beth looked from her phone for a minute. Like me, she had dark (almost pitch black) hair but instead of light blue eyes like me, she had light green eyes which cast an overall misty aura to her.
"Poor therapists, they'll need the therapy after they go through your shit."She stated seriously,her eyes wide.
I full out laughed, throwing my head back.
"They'll need more than therapy,"Chris added after a while only having us laughing even more to the point where every time we felt like stopping the laughter, we seemed to remember the entire joke again.
Jerome who was busying himself doing the hoedown throw-down seemed to recognize his absence to the joke so he wobbled over falling straight into a chair which in return knocked over a stack of video games piled near.
Andy sprung from his chair and screamed in what I recognized to be agony as he fell onto his knees stumbling to pick up his video games. "You nimrod!" he bellowed at Jerome, his index pointed accusingly at the intoxicated brunette.
I snorted tipping the chair over a bit to get the pack of cigarettes stacked on the wall near the window. Becca squeaked burying her head in my chest afraid that she'd fall. When I had retrieved the single cigar, I tipped it forward so the chair went to its normal footing, whispering in her ear.
"You won't fall hun,"
She rolled her eyes up at me. I snatched the lighter from the coffee table taking a look around the bare room as I lighted the cigarette. I drew in a long breath then puffed it out in a ring.
"You know," Beth began suddenly, her voice overpowering the television's loud booms coming from the long forgotten video game Chris had abandoned."if I didn't know better I'd mistake you and Becca for a couple. You guys are always flirting."
I nearly choked and that was a really bad thing because of my current actions. Becca began laughing.
"Well he's my soul mate,"She looked up at me, the tip of her index playfully tapping my nose.
"A match made in heaven Beth,"I looked off to her side and winked.
Beth chuckled shrugging. "It's just that when either of you are ready for getting a boyfriend or girlfriend there's gonna be a heap load of trust issues."
It was true. Becca and I messed around a lot, but nothing meant anything. She was like my weird twin. We were similar in a lot of aspects, and in direct contrast, very different in other aspects. She was the first of the five I really warmed up to and we were definitely close. It was weird to explain really but she definitely meant a lot to me, but not what you're thinking.
We all hung out for the duration of the afternoon until maybe about nine so I took the train back home.
I honestly knew I was going to be questioned by both my parents but the caring aspect of wanting to be perfect for them blew away eons ago. I knocked a few times and leant against the side of the wall feeling as cold as the country Antartica.
The door flew open and just as soon as she had seen my face, she practically pulled me in. I closed the door behind me bracing myself for the torture that was to come.
"Trace where have you been? I am not in the mood for another one of your stupid-" She cut herself off and slowly crept up to me.
She braced her hands on my shoulders and eased forward. "Trace you smell like...Have you been smoking?" She pulled away, her eyes wide.
"Is this the new thing now? Defying our orders and going off getting high?" Her voice rose practically an octave higher.
"I am so sick of it!" She yelled stepping away from me.
She was about to scream again but thankfully I beat her to it. "I went to that stupid therapist if that's what you wanna hear!"
She stopped for a while and slowly tears brimmed in her eyes and her hand started shaking. "And you're honestly the same person; bad temper and all. I don't know what else I have to do to make you get better. Your father and I really try Trace."
I looked ahead away from her for a while my breathing becoming heavy. "One day won't help and honestly I am sick and tired of the same thing happening," I said calmly.
"That's because you don't want to move on, I'm sure she would have wanted you to." She admitted bringing the very problem into this. Well one out of the many problems I had.
I ignored her because deep down I knew she was right. But I didn't want to think about that now. "Whatever, don't waste your money anymore on me. I'm done with this shit."
I started walking up to my room.
"Trace!" She screamed, her tears getting the better of her as her voice cracked.
After a while her pleas became distant.
__________________________________________
New thingy that came to me today. Like it?
Trace obviously has a dark past and if any of you can guess what it's about or at least come close to it, the next chapter will be dedicated to you.
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #000000; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify;">Stay amazing <3</span> </pre>