061:
Melia stared at her in earnest trying to figure out what was going on. She also felt the smothering humiliation of someone else, a person she didn't know seeing her in this hellish condition. She wasn't herself! I'm not myself! I don't act like this! I know better than to take a two-week old baby camping! I'm a good Mom!
Robert's eyes lit up. "Hey, Jenny. This is Melia, Melia, meet my niece Jenny. I asked her to come along this trip so that when you'd had enough, we could get you out for a few minutes." He checked Abby, who had nodded off to sleep again, and he took her in to deposit her on Melia's unmade bed. When he came back out, he explained to Jenny where Hannah's diapers were, and where her tippy cups were, and whose number to call to reach them. "Turn around." He commanded Melia and swiveled her in the chair as he used a large spiky brush to put her hair in a ponytail.
Then he took her hand. "We won't be a half an hour." He said sweetly, kissing Jenny on the cheek and then he pulled Melia out into the shadows of the rocks. Now when she stepped out, the sun had left a bit of shade, and the breeze had come up. A lot of people were barbecuing or dirt bike riding in the distance, no one paid them the slightest attention. "Come on." He said, and pulled her along for a moment before dropping her hand, and showing her the steep trail he wanted her to climb ahead of him.
Too tired and too annoyed and too surprised to object, Melia scrambled up the incline ahead of him, wondering if he thought her butt was too big. Her hands clawed at the rocks on the side of the pathway, that seemed more like a giant rut in the crevice of rocks. It was very steep and very slippery with dust and gravel. At first, she'd thought to berate Robert some more about this whole idea of camping and divest him of the notion that he had a plan to manipulate her in some way, but then she had to concentrate on climbing this friggin' mountain. Each step became an effort. She slipped, his hand against her backside made her step quicker, not wanting to seem out of shape, she hadn't exercised in the two weeks since she'd had Abby. And before that had been only light workouts. How do you work out when you're nine months prego? She was going to turn and mention that when she crested the short hill and stood up straight. The sight that met her shaded eyes was breathtaking.
Long shadows from amazing rock formations layered the valley floor with weird and crisp darkness's and lights. The colors were breathtaking, red and purple, yellow and green, and gold.
"Oh..." She breathed, totally captivated.
She didn't at first even feel Robert's palm resting on her waist, but when she did, she left it there. It felt good, kind of balancing, and close in a day where she hadn't felt close to anyone. She was pretty sure she hadn't even spoken to anyone. She missed her own family. She really missed Megan and Maille.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Robert said behind her. He was lower on the path, there didn't seem to be room on the tiny shelf they were on for both of them.
"Yes." She said, and as she watched, the cares of her day started to slip away. Into the night went her failure to find friends; into the shadows went her failure to keep Ryan. Away in the gold and the green went the heat and the acid comments. Her eyes welled up, and she stared straight ahead without seeing anything but blurry colors. She couldn't let him see her cry. Not again.
"Go ahead, Melia, let it out." His voice was gentle, and understanding.
She shook her head; one hand came up to still the trembling in her lips. "Th-this isn't me." She whispered angrily.
"I know." He agreed, and rubbed his palm against her lower back.
She stood there, trying to compose herself.
It was probably better, she thought, if he didn't touch her or show her sympathy. Ryan had once known this.... Jared knew it right from the start. She didn't like to feel weak, or think he had observed her being weak. She waited, waited for the current to ground out, waited for her emotions to get under control. Robert's hand dropped from her back, and she sighed in relief.
"Why don't you sit down? The show is about to start." He said and found a ledge where he could sit facing the warmer wind.
Melia swallowed her emotional moment and found a place to sit, dangling her legs over the side of a rock. It was high, but not that high, not uncomfortably high. If she jumped she'd only have about five feet to go.
"What show?"
Robert nodded toward the setting sun. So Melia turned her eyes back to the sunset and sighed as indeed it did begin to change right before her. There were clouds over the horizon, pink and orange rays punching through them, and streaks of lavender and darker purple below. The dark hills and rocks were rugged and scarred. Once before she had felt this same feeling, she remembered with a twinge of pain. But then the pain itself dissipated, and the two experiences melded in her mind, coalescing into a special heartfelt moment of peace amid insecurity. Once before nature had rescued her from the clutches of self-pity. Once before she had sat on a windy ledge and watched a sea lion save itself from possible death. She could relate then, and again, as this sunset and the wind came up and blew her sweaty hair off her neck, she felt she could relate. She related to streaks and colors and chaos. She related to darkness and shadow. Right now she could relate to the peace after the torrent.
A few moments drifted by. The sun lowered and lowered more, until all that was left were the streaks of fading color. The wind became sharper, cooler.
"What are you going to do tonight?" Melia asked, without looking.
Robert shrugged, watching her carefully. "Don't know." He replied easily. "No plans."
"Are you with someone?"
"No. Not yet. I brought Jenny and her brother, Kyle."
"Why would you bring them here? It's hardly a place for children."
"Kyle rides bikes. I promised him months ago I'd bring him. It's been planned."
"Oh, was that the plan you were talking about?"
He chuckled. "No." He said, and patted her leg. "Let's go."
Melia avoided his outstretched hand and got up by herself. "I feel better, thank you." She said, and managed to catch his eye. He nodded, holding her look honestly.
"My pleasure."
Melia nodded once and then started back down the trail. Robert held out his hand to steady her as she passed him. "I'll be at your place at six."
She stopped, confused. "What?" She seriously hadn't heard him right.
"I'll be over to your place in the morning to walk back up for the sunrise. Okay?"
"I can't leave the babies." She shook her head, actually the thought of watching the sunrise from up here was very appealing. Even if the entire day went exactly like this one, it would have started differently.
"I'll bring Jenny." He said easily. "That's why she came."
She turned. "Why? To babysit? That's silly."
He laughed outright. "Silly? Why? Because I anticipated that you'd be stuck out here with nowhere to go, and nothing to do but sit in your motorhome alone with your babies? Because I figured out a way to get you out a little bit? Because I care enough to do something about it?"
Melia's eyes turned down in a frown. "Well, I didn't anticipate completely sitting out here alone...."
Robert took her hand, and turned her to look into his eyes. His hands were warm, heavy.... Calloused. "You deserve better." He said seriously and then dropped her hand. "I'll see you in the morning."
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