I should've known.
Of course he would volunteer to co-direct the play. Him and his heart of gold I stupidly fell in love with.
I gripped the white granite sink, glaring back at my reflection. I splashed some freezing cold water on my face, in attempt to try and wake up from this awful, horrendous dream my mind somehow wanted to torture me with.
But I knew this was no dream. It was life hitting me over the head with a frying pan and forcing me to face what I've been running from for years.
After Josh showed up, I scurried away (luckily unnoticed by him) and into the girls' bathroom where I stood for twenty minutes. Nick had tried to come and talk to me, but I shooed him off and told him I needed some time alone.
I didn't think seeing Josh again would take this much of a toll on me. Sure, I fell in love with the man, but the last time I saw him was four and a half years ago. The last time I spoke to him was four and a half years ago—when he took my heart and stabbed it about thousand times. Yet, I still couldn't get him off my mind.
I angrily gripped the granite harder, starting to grow frustrated with myself. I ran some fingers through my blonde hair and tried to picture life if I hadn't left.
Josh was clear and honest when he told me he never loved me, which I admired. But saying it the way he did (breaking my heart in the process) was very uncalled for. If he just been upfront with his feelings from the start, then he would've saved some heartbreak.
I groaned and faced away from the mirror, trying to get the image of the helpless seventeen year old girl out of my head. I wasn't that girl anymore. New York changed me. Good or bad, i wasn't sure yet. But I knew I wasn't the same.
I closed my eyes and turned so I was looking at the mirror. I opened them, and found a stronger, more confident version of that scared little girl. This girl looked like she had few years on the younger one (four and a half, to be precise).
I bit my lip and nodded. "You can do this, Chlo."
•
When I exited the bathroom, my stomach still in tight knots, I found Nick, a soft smile on his face. "Ready?"
I nodded before I could hesitate. "Yup."
We walked down the long, narrow, hallway, neither of us finding the right words to say.
I was little irritated at Nick for not informing me that Josh was going to be present, given a look back at our history. But I knew he had his reasons, and I had no idea if he even knew that Josh was gonna be my coworker.
"Does he know I'm here?" I asked timidly, as I stared down at the fading tile.
Nick sighed. "No. He asked who ran off, and Gloria nearly outed you, but luckily for you, I saved your ass."
I laughed lightly and found my heart pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath and stopped. "I can't do this."
Nick stopped at a halt and turned to face me. "Why not?"
"God, Nick," I sighed, growing slightly irritated. "You know why not! I can't just go back in there and pretend like nothing ever happened between me and him! I can't pretend like he didn't just break my heart into a million fucking pieces!"
"Chloe," Nick suddenly snapped, turning to face me with an angered face. "That's the thing. He didn't just break your heart. He broke it four and a fucking half years ago. You need to stop playing victim, and acting like the whole world is against you. Guess what Chloe, the whole world isn't against you! You have me, Cole, Zack-"
"Nick," I said in a calmer tone, starting to choke up. "You wouldn't understand. You've never had your heart broken-"
"Now there's a joke," Nick scoffed in an eerie way. "I've never had my heart broken. Bull-fucking-shit, Chloe. Do you not remember that letter I gave you? The one where I poured ever ounce of my heart into? You know, the one where I admitted I was in love with your boyfriend? Do you not remember I had to pretend it didn't kill me every time you two kissed or held hands or were all lovey-dovey and shit? I fucking hurt!"
"It's different and you know it," I angrily snapped, salty tears brimming in my eyes. "You're not facing the ex that told you they were in love with you, but then back stabbed and tells you that they were only stringing you along."
Nick kept his gaze on me, his poker expression never leaving his face.
"Chlo," he sighed, walking over to me. "I know it's hard, but you have to woman up. You have to show him that you're better off without him."
"But that's the thing," I cried. "I'm not!"
•
Nick gave me one more day to get my mind together before I would step foot in that auditorium.
I came bounding into the house, wailing as I did so. Who knew just seeing my ex could make me this emotional.
Cole came home early that day, and bombarded me with questions about what happened. But I merely let out a strangled sob and cried my way up to my room.
I slammed the door behind me and collapsed onto my bed. The tears came and wouldn't stop.
Just seeing him again made me emotional, so I could only imagine a confrontation with him. I'd have a full blown breakdown.
Taking a deep breath, I turned and laid down so I faced the ceiling. I groaned, feeling like that stupid seventeen year old stuck in love. I cringed at how I couldn't see the signs that were pointing straight towards him.
Just thinking about this caused a sob to escape from my mouth. Soon enough, I was crying once again. Crying seemed to be the only thing I was good at.
•
I spent the rest of the night locked up in my room, once again feeling like an antisocial teenager.
I paced around the chestnut hardwood of my floor, trying to figure the right way to go about the situation. My black rimmed glasses rested on the bridge of my nose, but kept slipping, causing me to push them back up every few seconds.
My fingers carelessly scribbled across the lined paper of my black notebook. During therapy, my shrink suggested that I write down my feelings in a notebook or something to cope with my depression.
I picked up the habit and I never stopped. I did find it was helpful enough, and it made me forget all the sorrow and regret of my senior year.
But being back here made me write in my little black journal even more than I could imagine. My emotions were running high, so I grabbed that journal when I returned home, and messily wrote my feelings as well as possible.
I tucked a strand of blonde hair that had fallen out of my lazily done bun, and licked my upper lip in concentration.
Just then, I heard a knock at my door. It startled me so much, I nearly dropped the blue pen from my clutch.
"Come in." I called, rushing to tuck my journal under my covers.
The door opened, revealing Cole, a gentle grin on his face. I narrowed my eyes, pursing my lips. "What?"
"You have a visitor." He spoke, moving to reveal an awfully familiar figure.
I let a gasp escape my mouth, moving as quickly as possible. "Zack!"
I ran into his arms, wrapping my slim arms around his neck. He looked not too different from when I last saw him. Same floppy brown hair, same brown eyes that Kendall somehow fell in love with.
It was still mind boggling to me that we were twins. It was still bewildering to think I had a twin I knew nothing of growing up.
"Chloe." He laughed into my neck.
I pulled away, an evident grin still on my lips. "I missed you!"
"Well that's what happens when you leave for four and a half years."
"Not you too!" I groaned, glaring up at him with a sour face.
"What?"
"Everyone here keeps giving me grief for leaving," I sighed, turning towards my bed. "I get it, okay? I left for four years, and I rarely ever visited. My fault. I take full responsibility, but you all need to stop lecturing me about it."
With a frustrated huff, I plopped down onto my bed, my tired eyes sagging in defeat.
What I said was plain and clear. I despised the fact that people in this town couldn't let me forget what happened. That was only part of the reason for leaving for so long.
I flopped on my back so I was staring at the ceiling, tears threatening my eyes. I groaned and wiped them away, growing more and more frustrated with myself.
Zack sighed and laid down so he was in the same position was me. By this time, Cole had been long gone, giving us twins some privacy.
"I'm sorry," Zack sighed, turning his head ever so slightly to face me. "I know everyone's being a coward and giving you grief for not coming back. I guess I was just a little hurt that I wasn't called or visited much."
I looked over. "Yeah. I mean, ignoring Kendall and Nick and Josh was one thing, but I think ignoring you was the worst decision I made in New York."
Zack chuckled, continuing to gaze up at the ceiling.
"You know Kendall uninvited me from the wedding?" I blurted, sighing the process.
"Yeah, she told me," Zack replied. "But don't consider yourself undivided. You were never invited. I think that the pregnancy was getting to her. The poor thing's emotions can run a little high sometimes."
A grin tugged at the corners of my lips. I turned and wrapped my pale arms around his tan ones. "I know."
Zack smiled down at me. "Consider yourself re-invited to the wedding."
hey friends!
i love this chapter because it gives you a little more detail on how the breakup affected chloe.
and some twin cuteness too.
predictions?
comment, vote!
love you!