Chapter Thirty-Five
Grad Day sucks.
This time last year I was happy with a perfect boyfriend - or at least, I thought was perfect - reminiscing about how we got together and our future after he graduates. This year, my head was packed with running the Christmas Bazaar, into which I lost sweat, blood and tears, and dealing with a goodbye I didn't want to go through.
No doubt, the video was still in my mind. His apologies and proposal. I hadn't even answered him yet. Earlier I had so much confidence that we would end up spending the rest of our life together, but now I realize it was really just girlish naivette.
The graduation ceremony...okay, it wasn't really a ceremony. They weren't in robes holding rolled up parchment, or tossing their hats in the air. It was just a few performances, the standard video of collected memories, and a couple of speeches. It passed in a blur. I was barely paying attention to anything except controlling myself from looking at Dom. He was head of backstage, meaning he went to help out with the sound system and the mic arrangements and so on.
Being event organiser of the Christmas Bazaar meant I had to leave early and call all the other members of the Catholic Students Society involved. Quickly changing into the red polo shirt and my black skinny jeans, I was so relieved to be away from all that pressure. That is, until I had to go call a few people who were just sitting on their stubborn asses.
The back door of the auditorium was where he was stationed, and I casually - almost, at least - moved past him, careful not to touch him in the slightest. As the girls came down and I was forced to turn back to go back down, I thought just a glance would be okay. But naturally, it wasn't. Time stopped between us, like my heart. I never thought seeing him like this would be this hard.
Remembering what he said a few weeks back about never being happy to see him, I managed a tiny, regretful smile. It turned out more of a grimace, but my heart lifted slightly when I saw him return it. Sighing regretfully and wishing I could've stayed longer, just the two of us, I did my best to put all - or at least most - of my focus on the bazaar.
Easier said than done. I still saw him every where, and when Shaun gave me Dom's teddy bear in a plastic bag, along with that precious orange book, I ran for cover to my almost empty classroom, nearly ripping out the pages to read what he had to say.
As usual, it was like his diary to me, of almost every date. I skimmed through it carefully, reading how much he missed me, how much he needed me, and I was almost unconscious of my tears, until I reached the last few pages of the book.
29.10.12: Hey angel. This is probably the last I can write until I leave. I'll be in school until the last day for you because of the damn exam, but I don't know if we can see each other anymore.
I'm so sorry. For everything. I never wanted to leave. In fact I wanted this year to be the best, without mistakes, better than last year. I promised myself I'd never hurt you or do anything to make you cry, but I failed, miserably. I'm sorry for being an ass and a jerk throughout the whole year, please forgive me for everything.
I love you, baby. I do. With all my heart. You mean the world to me, you have no idea what it'd be like if I lose you. I don't deserve you, not in the least. But I swear to you, I'll be back for you. Even if I have to search the world to find you. I only hope you'll wait for me. But if you want to find someone else and end up moving on, I won't stop you if that's what makes you happy.
Despite what you say, I know I was never the best. I couldn't do the best because we were in school. In three years, after you graduate, I'll come back for you. I'll talk to your parents, take you out on our first date, kiss you in the rain, everything you want and deserve. I'll get you a ring, propose and marry you, have kid, spend the rest of my life with you. If you'll still have me. Please wait for me, angel, please. I love you, now and forever, forever and always.
PS: Happy one year and five months :(
One year and five months? I repeated in my head, then realized the date. Oh! Signed carefully and perfectly at the end of the heartwarming message was our initials intertwined - his own creation and signature.
Closing the book carefully, I slipped it back into the plastic bag that held his teddy bear that smelled like him. I hope I can preserve that for as long as possible. I don't know when I'd be able to inhale and relish that again. The tears on my cheeks were wiped away furiously and with a vengeance as I stepped out into the sun. The warm air made me feel better and I rested my hands on the railing, putting my chin on them and staring idly below me at the people running about.
Summer's voice put me out of my reverie. "Adrianne...Dom...staircase..."
I blinked. Honestly, my head only picked up three keywords. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked, confused and bleary.
She sighed exasperatedly and grinned. "I know you heard me. Come on!" Before I could object, she had my wrist in an iron grip I didn't know she had and was dragging me away from delicious warmth. Despite my weak protests, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking with the prospect of seeing him again, and at the back staircase.
Upon reaching, I could only look wistfully and reminisce on old memories, old but not forgotten. Each step I took carefully, slowly, as Summer and Sara watched for the approaching passerby. Being just the start of the Bazaar, everybody was still preoccupied with the food and trinket stalls downstairs. The back staircase was, as always, empty, until I saw Dom's head of jet black hair.
My breath caught in my throat as I stood at the top of the last flight of stairs watching him near me. His eyes were fixed on mine, a mixture of raw desire, love, sadness and regret. I could hear Summer's supressed squeals of excitement, and Sara trying not to groan, but I ignored the both of them, all my attention focused on the single boy in front of me.
He mirrored each step from mine earlier, until he reached the second from top so that we were at eye level. He would joke about this before, about me being too short but just as nice to kiss, but I couldn't manage a poorly thought through, weak sarcastic remark before his lips were on mine.
The world around me disappeared into black. Summer and Sara faded into the splashing water and exploding firewords. I lost my control on reality, all focus on the boy in front of me. His kisses were so needy and desperate and fierce and passionate and desireful that it wasn't funny anymore. The familiar hands that would curl into mine whenever we were sitting down side by side wound around my waist and pulled me flush against his lean body.
I tried to take it slow, keep everything in control, but everything was so carnal and wild that I gave up within the first five seconds of trying. Winding my fingers into his hair, I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. His tongue flicked out against my lower lip and I gladly granted entrance. Suddenly, the warmth of the sun and the metal railing felt icy in comparison to the heat now.
The click of the camera was out of place but I didn't have time or strength to look at Summer with an exasperated, irritated, bewildered expression. "Stop moving, damn it!" she cursed quietly in a mutter, but I ignored her.
I could feel tears behind my closed eyes, but I willed them to stay in. Christ, I miss this. We continued on, disregarding the time and place and people, everything. Our longest kiss was twenty minutes, but even though this was shorter, it made up for it in intensity.
Too soon he pulled away, leaving the both of us panting heavily, staring at each other and wanting more. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my back and waist and hugged me tightly. I buried my face in his shoulder, and partially gave in to the tears. "I love you," he said, but his voice was a pained, ragged whisper that only I could hear.
"I love you too," I replied in a choke, hugging him tighter.
He released me, and cupped my face to kiss me gently. "We should go," I managed weakly, and he gave me a sad smile that tore at my heart.
I forced myself to let go, even though that wasn't even on the list of things I didn't want to do, and he watched me go down. Summer and Sara followed, and I didn't look behind at him because I knew if I did, I wouldn't have the strength to leave again.
However, it was only an hour before I was back up there, pacing the floor. He was leaving soon, and I...I couldn't take it. Every doubt I had was suddenly disregarded just because of how much I needed him, how much we'd been through together and how much he means to me. Xavier, Stephanie, everyone fled my mind this one day, overrun by the fear of losing the one boy who I couldn't think of living without. I had to see him just one last time, tell him I love him and that I'll wait for him...
Summer and Sara's chokes of laughter made me stare at them, shocked. I followed their gaze to see an amused Dom with his fine features painted as a vampire. My eyebrows rose. "If you think I'm going to kiss you like that, you're sorely mistaken," I stated bluntly, but he ignored it just as I hoped he would.
The paint didn't seem to go on my own lips, leaving a bitter taste. Dom still tasted like Dom, and that was the way I liked it. The kiss didn't feel as intense and hot and passionate as just now, but I relished whatever I could, living in the moment because God knows when it'd would happen again. My heart was lifting, and I was feeling better, all because of him.
"You know I'll come back for you, right?" he asked hopefully, after he broke the kiss. "Wait for me. Please."
I nodded slowly, resting my forehead and hands on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. "Now and forever..."
"...forever and always," he murmured in reply, finishing the promise. "I love you, Adrianne."
"I love you too, Dom."
When he left I all but broke down. Despite his promises, I knew he wouldn't keep them. All I could do was hope and pray that what he had always said and sworn would remain. I say what I mean and I mean what I say, I chanted in my head, his favourite saying. I could only hope it was true, because saying goodbye and watching him leave school was never this hard.
Sorry late update! I was in Frasers with my cousins and family, it was nice and cold but I missed Wattpad :P
LA and Z - so, how was prom? :D
Dedicated to ellasmilez (Mitzi / Mozzo Monsta) because it's her birthday! :) Happy bday bro. So sorry, I know this chapter had absolutely nothing to do with you but it's your birthday and I couldn't think of a more permanent way to wish you cuz you're in Bangkok and I don't know if you'll get my text. Love you, bitch ;)