requested by @thehannahporterlove
Jackson wanted to take me out to a restaurant tonight for a dinner date. When he called me to inform me about the date, I realized I had two hours to get ready.
I just finished doing my hair and makeup. I look in the mirror one last time and hope Jackson will like my appearance. Grabbing my phone, I head downstairs to wait for Jackson.
knock knock
I unlock the door to see my wonderful boyfriend Jackson.
"Woah, Hannah, you look stunning."
"Thanks babe," I kiss his cheek.
We walk to his car and he opens the door for me.
"What a gentleman," I laugh.
"Only for you," he winks.
The drive is filled with laughs and good time. Sometimes it's those little simple things that I enjoy the most in our relationship.
We finally arrive at the restaurant and head inside. He checks into our reservation and the lady leads us to a table for two while giving us menus.
After taking a seat, I notice a group of girls looking our way from another table. Maybe they recognize Jackson?
"Do you know what you want to get yet?" Jackson asks me.
"Yeah, I think I'll get the steak."
"Okay cutie."
I hear the girls laugh behind us.
"What a fatty," one whispers.
I turn to Jackson, "Actually I want a salad."
He looks confused, "You sure babe?"
"I'm sure."
"Whatever you want."
He orders for me and we patiently wait for the food. Well, he waits patiently, I just want to get away from those girls.
Our food arrives and he devours it right away. I begin to eat the salad I never wanted.
The girls whisper again, "I still can't believe he went for someone as ugly as her."
All of a sudden I lose my appetite and begin to pick at my salad.
"Hannah? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, why do you ask?"
"You just seem a little out of it."
"I'm tired, that's all."
After he pays the bill and we finally get back to our shared apartment, I run upstairs.
I just need to get my mind off things.
I go on my phone and open up twitter. I need to read Connor Franta's twitter feed to cheer me up.
I quickly check my twitter notifications to see that I'm mentioned in some comments similar to what the girls at the restaurant were saying.
Fat
Ugly
Nobody
I feel a tear slide down my face. Why do Jackson's supporters hate me so much? What did I ever do?
My wrists start to feel a little weird, almost eager or anxious. I've been clean for a few months now, but I feel the need to cut again.
I go into the bathroom with my phone and grab the blade that I've stayed away from for so long.
Every time I saw a hate comment I cut my wrist. One slice per comment.
Blood dripped from my wrist onto the cold tiled floor.
The doorknob begins to jiggle a bit. It opens and Jackson walks in. He sees me curled into the corner and laughs a little.
"What are you doing Hannah?" He notices my tears and stops smiling immediately.
Then he sees the blade and my wrist, "Hannah... You didn't... Did you?"
"Jackson... Are you mad?"
"Mad?" Jackson kneels in front of me and holds my shaking hands in his still ones, "I could never be mad at you. I'm mad at myself for not being there for you and letting this happen."
He helps me up and takes me to the sink. He rinses my wrist and I wince at the pain. After drying my cuts, he kisses each one.
"Never again," he tells me while throwing the blade away.
"Never again," I agree.
He carries me to bed and gently lays me down. He gets in beside me and hold me tight against him.
As he whispers sweet things into my ear, I fall asleep knowing that no matter what the haters say, Jackson still loves me.
» Dakota