Chapter 8:
Taylor's POV
There wasn't much that happened ever since my kiss with Harry. I avoided him for most of the break and I was relieved that I didn't have to see him for Thanksgiving. I started to drive separately from him once school started up again and tried to keep the conversation to the bare minimum. I feel like I moved too quick and allowed myself to become vulnerable when I knew that I wasn't ready. I know I should probably be less guarded because of everything he had done for me but I still didn't feel ready. It was hard to let go of all those things with Jake and it made me paranoid about being open with Harry. The past would continue to haunt me and all I could do was try my best to fight. My mom tried to convince me to go to counseling again but I didn't think I could handle it, especially after that kiss.
At least today was the last day of the semester. It had been a month and half since Harry moved in and since we got assigned that stupid project. We were suppose to present it today. I felt that I could do well on my part, even though I received a C on my last essay. All I wanted to do was pass.
"Harry and Taylor decided to put together a nice little end of the semester presentation!" Mrs. Grant announces to the class.
"We're ready," Harry confirms and I roll my eyes.
"Great!" Mrs. Grant beams. I think she knows that Harry would do a better job.
"Alright we'd like to start by explaining the sectional tensions of the civil war.." Harry begins as we stand at the front of the room with our presentation. I think our hard work paid off and the poster came out great.
The both of us go back and forth to explain all the elements on our poster as well as some embellished facts that Harry included. But in the end I was just relieved that it was all over.
After the bell rang, everyone cheered, (Not because of us, but because it was winter break). Thank god there would be two weeks with out this place. As soon as I thought that I was in the clear, Ms. Grant decided to hold Harry and I back.
"That was amazing! Great job you two, you make a wonderful team! I can see Taylor understands the material more since you two have started studying," she exclaims.
"Yeah I think if it weren't for Harry I might be failing," I say. Whoops, there I go thinking out loud.
"That's great! You and Harry could do great things for my historian club. Please consider joining us!" she offers.
"I'll for sure join," Harry humors her and I smile.
"I'll think about it...it might help me study," I respond.
"Great I hope to see you two in here a lot next semester!" She gushes.
I walk out as fast as I can to avoid conversation with Harry but I run into another problem, Joe.
"Hi," he greets with a cheeky smile and I stop in front of him. This was the only way I was going to avoid Harry. Even if it mean dealing with the other problem I was trying to hide from.
"What can I do for you?" I ask and he leans against the wall.
"I just wanted to know if you were going to come to my family's annual Christmas banquet." He mentions.
"I'll ask my mom if she wants to and maybe we'll bring our new roommates," I suggest.
"Okay. There's going to be a lot of people, so we can get lost in the crowd," he replies with a smirk.
"What's going on with us Joe? I thought you were done seeing me," I get to the point.
"I miss you," He informs me.
"I can't do this...I can't do the on again off again thing. I need stability and someone who actually appreciates my company," I express and he just gives me a puzzled look.
"Look Taylor, we're still in high school. You can worry about being serious later. I think that college boy gave you the wrong expectation," He argues.
"Joe, I can only do this if you want to be serious. I told you that I can't let myself get taken advantage of again. You're either in or not," I say. I could tell I was letting the frustration get to me.
"I don't know. Come on the 21st and we'll see. We can discuss it further," He responds and starts walking away; he had left me to stand alone in the corridor.
As soon as I get home I notice that Harry and Anne's cars were gone. My mom's was in it's normal spot. I decided to go in and have a chat with her. We haven't had enough alone time with her since Anne and Harry had moved in.
"Mom," I call.
"In the kitchen Taylor," She announces and I make my way into the room.
"How's it going mom?" I ask.
"Everything is alright. I wanted to ask you about the party at the Jonas's. Joe's mother stopped by this afternoon and asked us to attend," My mom gushes.
"Yeah he invited me at school," I inform her as I sit on the stool by the counter.
"We should go. I want everyone to meet Anne and Harry. It's hard to make friends in a new place sometimes," Mom suggests and I just shrug.
"Sure... I wanted to ask you something," I respond.
"Anything," My mom tells me as she takes a sip from her mug.
"How do you feel about Joe? He wants to get back together" I question and she looks up at me.
"Taylor...I think you should be with someone who deserves you. Someone that would rather help you than hurt you. With the way things ended with Jake, I feel like you need to be careful. I don't think Joe has the best intentions," she explains and I nod.
"I don't know, I just want to meet a boy at the grocery store. Just like normal couples. I want to be reaching for something on the top shelf and he comes to my rescue," I sigh and let a small smirk play on lips.
"Oh so that's more romantic than what I said," she answers sarcastically.
"It's always good to be spontaneous! spontaneous yet normal. He also has to have the same taste in music as I do, I take that very seriously. We need to have our own song," I chirp and she rolls her eyes.
"Sorry Tay, perfect boys don't exist. I should know. I've been through two divorces. You just have to find someone who is going to treat you right," She reminds me. I forgot she was married shortly before my father came into the picture.
"But that's part of the fun. He doesn't need to be perfect. But when we fight I want the make ups to be worth it," I describe.
"You've been reading too many of those romance novels," My mom chuckles.
"The really old ones with the yellow pages that have been slightly torn are my favorites. Grandma had good taste in novels," I reply.
"That she did," My mom giggles and then we get silent.
I start to make cocoa as I think about all the things I had just told my mother. None of them were fulfilled with Jake and because this is reality and not some romance novel. They probably would never be fulfilled. I was destined to be married to someone who loved me, but that was just I doubt there would be fireworks and movie scene endings. I would settle down as a housewife with two children and a man whose love was limited. Reality was a wake up call and mine was destined to be safe. I know I shouldn't feel this way at sixteen but some people scar earlier than others, leaving them wanting one feeling. That feeling was safety.
"I think I am finally ready to talk about it,"I tell my mother and she raises her eyebrows in surprise.
"Are you sure you're ready for real this time?" My mom asks. I know it was out of caution.
"Yeah, but on one condition," I choke out.
"Anything," She perks up.
"I need Harry's help. I want Harry to be the one I talk to," I admit.
"Why Harry?" She asks.
"He helped me with my worst nightmare. He knows how bad it can get," I say with a crack in my voice.
"I thought the both of you weren't speaking," She restates the obvious.
"I know... Five months has been long enough and I need to begin moving on. Mom it's been five months and I'm sick of feeling this way. Besides I have never had a nightmare this intense and you know what it's like to calm me with the regular ones," I reason.
"Anything to help get your old self back. I miss the old Taylor," she retorts.
"This is why I can't talk to you about it! You make it seem like I'll just go back to the way I was. I can't and I won't. I can be a better...a newer me! We don't need the old Taylor" I snap and my mom looks down.
"I didn't mean it like that!" she calls as I start to walk out of the room and up the stairs.
"You can send Harry to fix me anytime when he returns. I don't care anymore. I still won't be the old me," I shout as I run up the stairs.
I slam my bedroom door and I slide down the back of it. After a few minutes of sobbing, I take my iPod of the charger and jam the headphones into my ears and blast the music. Maybe telling Harry would be a the worst mistake I would ever make, but I felt like it was something that I had to do. Maybe talking about that night with Jake might make things worse, but it also might take me onto the path to recovery.
I hope you guys liked the chapter. But once again votes and comments are very appreciated and I've gotten better at replies during the last chapter.