Chapter Twenty-Eight
The silence of the morning was deafening. I wasn't used to lonely mornings like this. It didn't feel right. Or maybe it was just because I was worried sick that Dom was to be on MC for a month. Just yesterday Thursday morning we were kissing and whispering 'I love yous', and then it all came crumbling down in the afternoon. Speaking to him yesterday using Shaun's phone, it nearly broke my heart, hearing him so upset and afraid and regretful. It hurt more knowing I couldn't do anything. How could I tell him I knew how he felt when I didn't? I had no idea what it was like to jump off the top step, break my heel bone, miss concert and my performances and my other partner? Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it's more or less true.
I groaned, nearly pulling out my hair. The operation was on Monday. I couldn't be there for him, couldn't go to see him and visit, tell him everything's alright and that he'll be fine. And his darling Stephanie will see him through this.
Tears nearly ran the way they did yesterday at that thought. Me, his actual girlfriend, not there for him while someone else could. I'm doing all I can, Dom...I thought helplessly. I'm doing all I can.
Friends found me balled up in a corner near the minicourt, and gently pried me away. My mornings and breaks I spent with Shaun, Danny, Sara, Summer, Alyssa (who I've made up to), Daniella, Ally and Zee. The latter four didn't really know exactly what I was going through, and I spent my time with them more for the sake of laughs from people who wouldn't be able to mention what I was enduring.
Mornings were lonely, breaks felt empty, school didn't feel right without him there. Especially when all I could do was call him in the mornings, and that was with Shaun's phone. Even when he made it through his operation, the feelings remained, knowing I was drifting away and he was egging Stephanie on. Smiles and laughs felt miles away. I felt useless and pathetic, even with constant attempts to bring me back to life.
Imagine my situation. Wouldn't you feel the same?
Concert passed by without a hiccup. Well, except one.
Lee was a close friend in Dom's year, who was constantly being accused of crushing on me by the idiot stage manager to made the suicidal jump. When he heard about the accident he was there for me instantly. He was nice, sweet, dependable, reliable...I could trust him. His performance at concert was pure mindblowing and epic, so good that the sound/light-tech pros we hired to help make the concert more exciting asked for his number and promised to call for future performances.
The first time I saw it was on concert day one, at the last practice. I was in the choir and set to go on immediately after him, but since we were lax and relaxing I stayed put to watch him perform. And damn, was it worth it.
On his way out I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a hug - which was not easy when you're my height and he's that tall - and practically shrieked into his ear, "THAT WAS AMAZING!"
That was when he did the unexpected. Initially thrown off by my sudden reaction, he responded by wrapping his arms around my petite body and lifting me off my feet into a bone-crushing hug. "Thanks, Adrianne, I'll meet you in the car!" he answered gleefully, and left me standing unbalanced and confused.
When Dom found out all hell broke loose. He went on a rampage that I unsuccessfully tried to calm, especially when he was supposed to be resting and recuperating, making me feel guilty with his silence and short, sarcastic remarks. "We agreed to tell each other everything, didn't we?" was my argument. "Well, I'm telling you now and being perfectly honest with you. I've already told you that it was unexpected and due to the adrenaline rush, so what's the big fuss about?"
It seemed to knock some sense into him, but I made the mistake of bitterly bringing up something I shouldn't have. "And what about you and Stephanie? At least there's nothing going on between me and Lee."
Oh, we fought for days. It would begin as a steady argument and I would appear to be winning, until he turned the tables and rendering me unable to fight back. Jerk. It would end with me in tears and he supposedly feeling guilty, when it just constantly felt like he relished what he was putting me through, like payback.
The weekend that we put it to rest was the weekend other unresolved, conflicting emotions rose. As I walked back down the corridor where my Sunday classroom was feeling only slightly better than I had since the incident, the smallest smile touched my lips when I saw Xavier waving at me. Goddamn it, he just knew how to make everything right, didn't he? All he needed to do now was keep up this blissful ignorance of the feelings I was fighting and make me laugh, and the rest of my weekend would be okay.
Hmm...right.
Xavier had always been protective when it came to me. Protective, careful, caring, observant. So when he approached me and saw my small, forced smile, his expression changed immediately. "Hey. You okay?" he asked, concerned, putting an arm around my shoulders and walking me to class.
I laughed. God, it was so easy to be carefree around him. Everything had always melted away when he came to talk to me and...I've always been happy, I realized suddenly, my legs nearly crumbling beneath me. It wasn't like any other friendship and/or relationship where the spark lasted for a few months then fizzled out and died. No, with Xavier, the spark had always been there. For the past six years, barely contained since...since he confessed.
I ran headfirst into a wrecking ball that smashed me back into a concrete wall, before falling face-flat into a still surface of water that was a lot shallower than it looked. That was how it felt like. Before I could even come to terms with it, I was forced to push it down. "Adrianne?" Xavier asked, snapping me back into reality.
Smiling tiredly, I shrugged his arm off my shoulder. I had to contain this. This, this had as little chance of working out than Dom and me, and I still had him to think about, whether or not Stephanie was just a miniature bump in the road that we could get past soon, how we would be when he came back from MC, his graduation at the end of the schooling year, my parents... Xavier and me, at least now, was just a faraway dream.
"I'm fine, Xavier," I replied, reassuring him slightly and backing away as I opened the door to my class. As usual, us girls were there first, sitting cross-legged on plastic chairs either reading or gossiping with earplugs plugged in.
Someone had pulled up a chair next to me - obviously it was Natalie, because she was staring at me wide-eyed with red cheeks - and as I sank into it and tried to find a comfortable position, she blurted out, "I have a boyfriend."
I paused what I was doing to stare at her. Her only response was to press her lips together tightly and play with her hair while looking like the sunset. My eyebrows rose slightly, and I adjusted my bag on my lap before finally turning to her. I could tell that my disinterest was killing her. "Oh?" I prodded. "And who would he be?"
"He's in church," she answered immediately in a quiet voice.
Now my eyebrows really shot up. Who in church would be dating her? Taking a few seconds to glance around the room, I put all my money on the fact that it was not a ninth-grader. When she saw my eyes run around the room, she said quickly, "Tenth grade."
Wow, I had no idea my eyebrows could go that high. Well, we learn everyday, I thought dryly as I started listing down every tenth-grader idiot there was in church. Every time she said no my heart sank lower and lower until I was forced to say his name. "Xavier," I said finally, heart meeting the ground and rolling into the sharp stones. It wasn't even a question, she didn't even need to give me an answer.
Turning redder, she nodded shyly.
Several things happened here. Firstly, my reaction. My face screwed tight into one expression of definite fake joy that poor, naive Natalie obviously missed, and I pretty much squealed, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?!" And it went on to teasing her and poking her for information and threatening to go to him if she didn't spill. Which I was going to do anyway but she didn't have to know that.
What I wanted my reaction to be: "OH MY GOD, YOU BITCH, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" I swear, I don't know why it was hurting so badly. I buried those feelings down two minutes ago with several reason why I just couldn't feel that way and now it was back up again? The memory of his confession rose yet again, and I realized I felt possessive of him. Now that he was dating someone else, it just...it hurt.
The next thing was that one of the teachers walked in and announced our combining of classes with, wait for it, drum roll please...the tenth-graders. Nat blushed harder, but I felt like hitting her, crying, and running for my life all in one go. Fuck no, I couldn't deal with this now!
That was my only thought until we reached their class. I forced my expression to be neutral as I walked in. As usual, the boys started up their wolf whistles and calls when I walked in, prodding Xavier to react to me, which he never did. And now he probably never will, I couldn't help thinking bitterly.
My heart burned with anger and pain and regret at the sight of him grinning at me, and every joke and tease I got pulled into to toss at Nat just stabbed at me harder each time.
Oh, thank God she's not teaching today, I thought just as I felt the pain might prove to be too much. The tenth-grade teacher fixed up the laptop and began playing one of the Nick Vujivic videos. What's this meant to be? I wondered dryly. Inspirational shit? Wrong day, bitch, wrong day.
Xavier was glancing back at me, and I forced myself to give him a sickly sweet smile and a promise that I'll talk to him later. Ignorance really is bliss, I thought sadly when all my actions did was make him grin and laugh silently.
As the video continued, my mood darkened and my thoughts drifted to just over a month ago, at Xavier's sister's wedding. It had been so, so beautiful. The church was decked out with an autumn theme, giving it a grand look. The bride had no rival, and the groom was just beaming. Xavier had actually managed to find a suit with bling on it, god knows how. And I could never stop thinking about how hot he looked, even though my conscience prodded me over and over again that it was wrong.
Before that, at the practice, his eyes constantly shone and caught mine, smiling when I looked. We talked after, and he was just so goddamn friendly. Everything he'd done, since I admitted being with Dom, lead me to believe he had feelings for me. And I so wanted it to be true. Oh, Xavier, I thought, heart breaking. Was that all a lie? Did you just mean to lead me on?
Glancing at Nat, I wondered how they would turn out. She was quiet and near emotionless, naive about her feelings and not even halfway to outgoing, while he was wild and funny and sarcastic and was practically almost always in the spotlight.
That's why you're better off with me, Xavier...
I got a mental slap in the face with that, but I fought back with equal harshness and ferocity.
Dom has Stephanie now, I thought bitterly. His promises are sprouting wings, growing limbs, climbing and flying and running out the window. So if he wants to talk about Lee or Xavier, he can, because he doesn't just free himself and snag a girl here or there by breaking our mutual promises.
He sets me free too.
Another chapter because I updated so late the last time :P
Link of the right is Lee's performance. His real name is (Shaun) Liew Xiaowen, and he did the first half of the performance with his group, Trontrix. The next half is of a different group but got put together because they had the same idea. Only different is that 'Lee' made the suits himself. Yup. You heard me ;) seriously though, even though the quality kinda sucks, watch it, IT'S SO GOOD :)
Jacob Artist as Mark --->