"I sing glory from my lowest " - Train Under Water
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I weaved through the crowded hallway as quickly as I could, keeping my head down. I couldn't let my gaze fall upon her. I didn't even want her to have to breathe the same air as me. I got to my locker in record time, and hurriedly took out everything I needed for my next class. I used my sleeve to softly close my locker, just in case she happened to touch it. Before I could turn to leave for English class, I heard an all too familiar laugh that made my heart sink.
"Look babe, your cheat sheet fairy for Spanish has arrived," Chris said in an amused voice, making me cringe.
Chris is the most pathetic and disgusting person to ever walk this planet and I'm not just saying that because I'm madly in love with his girlfriend. Well, it plays a small part in my judgment, but he truly is a terrible boyfriend. I'm not even sure that he knows her actual name. All I've ever heard him call her is "babe."
I heard her sigh in relief and a huge smile instantly made its way onto my face. I loved doing little things to make her happy, even though what I'm doing is wrong. Honestly though, she would've failed Spanish without me and my cheat sheets. As long as no one finds out about what is going on, everybody is winning in this situation.
I lived out my five second high, then rushed to make my way to English so that I could get there before her. I sat in the back of the room, knowing that she will take her seat in the front. The further away from her I am, the less likely I am to infect her.
I pulled up the sleeves of my hoodie, running my hand over the gashes I had given myself. Every time I looked at her, guilt and self-loathing wormed its way into my chest which almost always translated into another scar on my wrist. I know deep, deep down inside that my worries are completely unreasonable and insane, but I couldn't help but think that my presence infects Sophia with my disease.
People started to fill the room, so I pulled down my sleeve.
I stared at the ground and waiting for her shoes to come into view. In any other case this would be extremely weird, but I spend my entire day staring at the ground to avoid making eye contact, so of course I'm going to know people's shoes better than I know their faces. A pair of light blue flats appeared, and a small blush bloomed across my cheeks. I am so whipped. I mean, really, I just blushed at a pair of shoes.
Eventually Mrs. Dean walked to the front of the class, clapping her hands loudly. "Class, may I have your attention please?!" She called out, making most of the class turn to face her, but I kept my head down. Not out of disrespect. Just to make sure my eyes didn't accidentally fall upon her.
"Thank you. Now that I have your attention, I can tell you that you have a project due next Friday." Most of the class let out a loud groan, but I stayed quiet. As long as it isn't a partner or group project, I will be perfectly fine. "It will be a partner project and no, you will not be choosing your partner."
You know Fate, that really wasn't necessary, I thought to myself as I let out an irritated sigh.
I'm not liked very much at all, by anyone. Everyone probably has their own reasons, but it's mainly because I am openly lesbian in a very homophobic school. When I came out in my freshman year I knew that it'd be pretty hard in the beginning, but back then I believed that eventually it was going to get better. However I'm still bullied to say the least. You'd think that I would've gotten used to it after three years, but that wasn't the case.
As Mrs.Dean started to call out the pairs, I did my best to keep myself from having a full anxiety class in the middle of class. As long as I don't get her, then I can make it out of this project alive. When she finally got to my name, which was last, I began to think about who she hadn't called yet.
My face paled when I finally figure out who was left.
"Shit," I whispered.
Mrs. Dean called out the last names with a huge smile, "Avery Leon and Sophia Helms."
My breath was knocked out of my lungs and I almost fainted on the spot. I'm hoping and praying that she made a mistake, but the chance that being true is slim to none. I put my head down on my desk as I felt the glare of every single one of Chris's friends in the room land on me.
Δ
As soon as the bell rang I sprinted out of the classroom as fast as humanly possible. I decided during the last 10 minutes of class that I'd do the whole project myself. Then I'll find a way to give it to Sophia without ever talking to her because that is just out of the question. There are so many reasons against the mere thought of that. Here's three, just to give you an idea:
1. I'll infect her with my disease.
2. I literally can't talk to her. She makes me speechless. Takes my breath away. The whole shebang.
3. I don't want to get beat up by her boyfriend and his friends. Why? Because it hurts. A lot.
Just as I got my backpack out of my locker, someone stepped in front of me.
"Um. Hey Avery," Sophia approached nervously. The sound of her voice nearly made my knees give out.
Luckily, my handy dandy locker was there to lean on. Sophia saying my name made my heart beat violently against my chest. Her scent was intoxicating and close. Closer than it's been in a very long time. I don't even want to look up at her. If I do I know I'll probably end up doing something really stupid, and really stupid things are what get you beat up.
I took a deep breath and readied myself to say my scripted plan as fast as possible.
"Don't worry, I'll do the whole project. I'll even do it on Hamlet, your favorite. Not that I stalk you, I just remember from 7th grade. But I'll bring it tomorrow. Okay. Bye." I quickly got out before running down the hallway. I don't think I've ever spoken that fast in my entire life. I don't think anyone has. She probably didn't understand half of what I had said, but it'd make sense tomorrow when I gave her the project.
I took a couple deep breaths as soon as I finally stopped running. But when I had finally caught my breath, I was suddenly slammed against the lockers so hard I made me see white dots across my eyes.
"So I see you're partnered with my girlfriend, dyke." Someone hissed. I eventually recognized it as Chris once my head cleared a little. I whimpered quietly when a pair of guys yanked me from Chris's hold and held me up against the lockers by my wrists. The vulnerability in the arrangement itself was terrifying enough, but I knew Chris wouldn't be satisfied with just that.
"This is just an example of what will happen to you if you even dare to look at her the wrong way." He whispered, and then delivered a swift punch to my stomach.
I screamed internally, but tried not to let a sound escape my lips because there were probably people just around the corner. If anyone saw this, especially Sophia, it would only make matters ten times worse.
Tears streamed down my face after another blow met the side of my face. I could already feel the bruises beginning to form and the slow throbbing from my ribs.
They suddenly let go of my wrists, causing me to fall onto my knees painfully. My fear spiked when thoughts of them touching me flooded my brain.
Those thoughts were quickly extinguished when there was a hard kick to my side.
I collapsed onto my side, coughing up small amounts of blood. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for them to hurry and get bored so that they could end the assault.
The blood must have scared them though, because I heard their footsteps finally start to retreat.
"Stay away from my girlfriend dyke." I heard him yell. And then there was the sound of slamming school doors.
I groaned in pain, pulling myself up to a sitting position. I cautiously opened my eyes, knowing that the lights were going to kill my already pounding head. I didn't need to look at my stomach; the damage there was making itself very loud and clear.
The cherry on top of all this was that I got to walk home. Plus my brother always freaks out when I get home late, which is exactly what is going to happen today.
After leaning against the lockers for 30 minutes to catch my breath, I finally made an attempt to stand. My legs were slightly wobbly, but they were getting the job done.
I wiped the blood from my mouth on my sleeve and began to walk outside.
Δ
I got home an hour after school had let out and my walk home is usually only ten minutes. So basically I am screwed.
Luckily my parents aren't home because they are on vacation. My brother on the other hand had decided to stay behind.
"Ave! Is that you!?" Zach yelled, running into the living room.
"No. Just a burglar with keys to the house," I joked forcefully. My ribs were killing me and my head's pounding had only gotten worse. Initially, I didn't think that today's attack was so bad but that assumption flew right out on the walk home.
Carrying my backpack home had probably made the whole thing worst. On the way here, I had debated whether or not to just drop it and crawl the rest of the way home. I probably would've if I had to go through another 5 minutes of that torture.
Zach came into view, his blue eyes scanning my body. His eyes took pauses at the bruises on my face and the way I was hunched over.
"Avery what happened!?" He yelled, before coming over and picking me up bridal style.
Zach knows that I'm lesbian and is completely okay with it. But he doesn't know about the bullying and the abuse. He thought that it had all stopped sophomore year and even then he never knew the extent of it all. I've done a good job of hiding my injuries since he last saw anything. Until now of course.
So now it's time to bring out the big book of excuses.
"I fell?" I tried out, but he immediately shot me an unconvinced look as he laid me on the couch. I sighed and sat up, pulling my legs up against my chest with a wince.
"I'm fine Zach, but could you ever so kindly bring me the laptop?" I asked. Although I was exhausted from my walk over here, my pain was my encouragement to start and finish this project as soon as possible. The less interaction I have with Sophia the less punches I get.
Zach stared at me and gave me a look to communicate just how little he believed me, but I just stared back with one of faux innocence. We stared at each other for a while, but then he finally gave in, mumbling to himself as he went to get the computer.
I gave his back an apologetic smile, and attempted to get comfortable. I know it hurts him to ignore what's wrong, but I have no choice. I'll mend my bruises and body later, after I finish the project. For now I have to focus on what is important.
"You'll talk to me soon?" Zach asked quietly, as he reluctantly handed me the laptop.
I gave him a small, guilty smile. I wouldn't, but he didn't want to hear that.
"Sure Zach."